When Darkness Turns to Light
by Janna Banana
Summary: 4 years after Edward left Bella in the forest; Bella is finally moving forward, but it is someone from her past that helps her truly heal and obtain the future she was always meant to have. Bella and Jasper Fanfic.
1. Chapter 1

I lay in bed and listened to the alarm go off. _I'll just hit the snooze button one more time._ Who was I kidding? I'd hit it a half a dozen more times and then be desperately late for the first day of class so I convinced myself to get my butt in gear as things never go well for me when I have to rush. I slowly straightened my body out into the longest stretch possible. One of those stretches that actually causes your body to shudder and it felt so good.

It had been another long night of restless sleep. A long hot shower would do the body good. I made my way over to the washroom, which didn't take long as I was currently renting a bachelor apartment just off campus. I was very excited with my new digs. All 500 square feet of it and it was mine, all mine. No roomies, no sharing bathrooms, no picking up after anyone else, no worrying about roommates bringing home their nightly conquests.

Today had been a long time in the making and I couldn't believe it had actually arrived. It was my first day at Dartmouth College. So much time had passed since Edward left me in the woods, devastated. Edward was the love of my life. My soul mate..._can you have a soul mate with the undead?_...so I had thought. He told me he didn't love me anymore and was tired of pretending to be something he wasn't. After Edward left, I was in no shape for school. I was catatonic. Existing in a world where there were no emotions, no colours, just absolute emptiness and darkness. I would respond only if asked a direct question, nod when a conversation needed it, acknowledge someone when the situation required it. Nothing mattered anymore. Charlie decided to have me home schooled so I would be able to avoid places and people that would remind me of _him_.

I have heard nothing from Edward since that fateful day in the woods. Nothing. Not that I expected to see him strolling down main street or casually bump into him in the grocery store... _okay, so he would never be in a grocery store since vampires don't eat..._but still, I did think that sooner or later one of them would check up on me. Especially Alice. _Where the hell was Alice?_ How had she not seen everything else that happened to me once they left? Was she pretending to be my friend as well?

I really think, after all this time, I am finally over it. It doesn't hurt to think about the past anymore, at least not as much as it used to. I can't help but wonder though. Wonder about Alice.

Alice with her visions of the future.

Did she not see Charlie get shot while on duty? In Newton's store, of all places. Charlie responded to a late night security alarm problem and apparently interrupted a burglary. He was shot in the chest and bled out while waiting for help to arrive. Did she not see Renee and Phil get hit by that drunk driver? Why had she not warned me? Well, why would she? It wasn't like someone made the decision to kill them, it was all spur of the moment. Perhaps Edward had warned her not to look for me. Plus, were her visions really reliable? She always said she saw me in the future as a vampire. Obviously, that wasn't going to happen now that Edward and I were over.

So, in the span of 8 months, I lost the love of my life and his family, my father was killed at work and my mother and stepfather were killed in a car accident. Needless to say, I was one step away from comatose.

My best friend, Jacob Black saved me. My father had been best friends with Jacob's father, Billy. We knew each other in passing as children and became reacquainted when I moved back to Forks, but it wasn't until after Edward had left me that Jacob and I became really close. We became best of friends, although at the time, Jacob definitely wanted more. After Edward left, Jacob made it his mission to make me smile; he spent every waking moment trying to make me happy and to help me move on.

One day, while I was trying to find the meadow, the special place Edward had shared with me, I happened to come across Laurent. Laurent was a friend of James, the vampire that tried, and almost succeeded, in killing me. He was on a mission on behalf of Victoria to find me and, in keeping with my danger magnet status, he had no problem in doing so. Just as he was about to attack me, a pack of gigantic wolves came out of the forest and chased him off. I found out later they had caught him and killed him. It was that day that I learned that Jacob was a werewolf. Jacob had saved me yet again.

After the death of my parents, Jacob moved me into his house and took care of me. He fed me, made sure I was coherent and clean. He became my lifeline, my only hold on reality. After a while, he coaxed me into dealing with life. He convinced me to attend the high school on the reservation to finish my senior year. So much stuff had to be done with respect to life insurances, selling houses, estates, law suits, etc. It was Jacob who convinced me to use the money that I received from the insurance and estate proceeds from both of my parents to go to a better university than the one that I had originally chosen. Unbeknownst to me, Edward had applied on my behalf to several Ivy League schools to which, surprisingly, I was accepted. It took me a long time to finally make a decision to attend Dartmouth, which I could now afford. I was bitter that Edward had done this for me. It just raised all the dormant feelings that I had buried deep inside and rekindled a tiny spark of hope. _Why would he do something like this for me if he didn't care for me? What was it to him where I went to school?_ It was Jacob who convinced me that any ivy league school would be lucky to have me and that I would be a fool to pass up this opportunity. Therefore, I spent two years taking courses via correspondence and online. Finally, with Jacob's constant encouraging and pep talks..._I swear he just wanted to get rid of me at times!..._, I made the move to actually attend Dartmouth in person. I easily could have obtained my degree without physically being at Dartmouth since almost every course was available online, but Jake insisted that this was a life experience and I was missing out on it.

My love for Jacob is unrivalled by any connection that I have with any other living person. Jacob has been my saviour, my lifeline, my best friend and confidant, my brother and now, my only family. Jacob is the only person that I can talk to about this crazy world where vampires and werewolves exist. Jacob knows me like no one else and loves me no matter what. He is my unconditional friend and someone that I know will be there for me for the rest of my life.

I tried to convince Jacob to come with me to Dartmouth and get a job in one of the auto shops around here, but he imprinted on a beautiful girl while he was in Seattle scouting for a shop of his own and there was no way I was ever going to get him to move with me. He is so blissfully happy with Raven and I can't help but be completely thrilled for him. She is his perfect match. Tall, waist long black hair, dark brown eyes, buttery soft skin, thick full lips..._wait, did I imprint on her as well, holy hell_. She's absolutely beautiful, inside and out.

I stepped into the shower and let the hot water massage the knots in my neck and back. Since the departure of Edward and the death of my parents, I have never been able to sleep well. Although I rarely have nightmares, I seem to be unable to fall into a blissful REM state which leaves me feeling rested and refreshed in the morning. I grabbed my favourite strawberry shampoo..._yes, I have used it for over a decade, I'm not changing so get over it..._and washed my hair. I quickly shaved, why, I'm not sure since these legs won't be rubbing up against anyone anytime soon and hopped out. I dried my long brown hair and contemplated a trip to the stylist. I'd had the same hairdo forever although, it was much longer now, to the middle of my back, but it was so easy that every time I thought about cutting it, I chickened out. I'm not a fussy girl and I like the versatility of hair down, throw it up, let it down, ball cap, etc., etc. I quickly threw some make up on. I threw on my skinny jeans and a snug dark blue t shirt. I now spent a significant amount of time at the gym, so I was more comfortable with the snugger clothing. I had even managed to work through my clumsiness..._well, some of it..._and am now able to wear boots with a low heel. I grabbed my books, threw them in my bag and headed out the door.

A benefit of my wonderful little apartment is that it's across the street from a Starbucks. Yes, that's right, a Starbucks. My own little heaven right there within my reach. I really wasn't a coffee drinker until I discovered the glory that is Starbucks, (which I now call Crack-bucks as I am hopelessly addicted). I used to laugh at those pansy ass people that would go up to the counter for their low fat non-caffeinated whatever's. _Didn't people just drink coffee anymore?_ Well, that all changed when I discovered the heaven that is the grande decaf iced caramel macchiato with 1 percent milk. I am converted and have joined the ranks of all those people who think they are drinking coffee, but it is nothing more than flavoured milk with a shot of caffeine thrown into it. However, to balance it all out, I am also having half a grapefruit and a bran muffin.

I walked across campus to my first class, entered the auditorium and made my way to the middle of a row, but near the back so I could make a quick exit. I put my drink down on the floor, but made sure it was out of harm's way in case someone decided to walk in front of me. Why don't school auditoriums have drink holders? We've got the little tables, just throw a hole in there, specifically designed for a Starbucks grande cup no less, and be done with it.

I watched with a slight twinge of envy as the other students piled in. Everyone seemed to know someone else. There was comfortable laughter and lots of talking while we waited for class to start. Other than Jake, I had no close friends. Sure, I knew lots of people on the reservation and, of course, there was Angela and Ben but they were in their own little world, clear across the country at another university. I am still so wary to let anyone in. Hazards of loosing everyone you ever loved, I guess. Pushing me out of the house and getting me to come to Dartmouth in person was Jake's attempt to get me to start living and meet other people. I promised him I would do my best. However, as I sat by myself waiting for class to start, I purposely avoided all eye contact with the other students, slumped down in my chair, pulled out my laptop and began to prepare for the lecture ahead.

The professor sauntered to the front of the stage and took his place at the podium. He pulled out his materials and got right to the matter at hand. He didn't even introduce himself.

_What is that all about? I see a name on the chalkboard, Dr. Verkhnyatsky. Is that him? Maybe he can't pronounce it either because I sure know that until he says it, I haven't got a chance in hell of getting that one right._

Perhaps he has a TA around that will be able to sort through this mystery. I started to look around to see if I could find anyone that remotely looked like a TA, not that TA's look so different from other students, but it was probably good to know whether he had one or not. That's when I heard the door to the auditorium open and then slam with a tremendous bang. The professor looked up and made a scathing remark to the late student along the lines of "so nice of you to join us, young man". I rolled my eyes, I mean, really, do teachers get money every time they say that? It is so unoriginal. The entire class turned around to look at the poor soul. Having been on the receiving end of so many stares in the past, I kept my head forward and acted like nothing had happened.

I heard a bit of rustling of books and papers as the late student finally settled somewhere behind me. I guess he was too embarrassed to try to make his way any further into the class, which would just draw more attention.

As the class continued, I felt the hair on the back of my neck begin to stand at attention. I had the distinct feeling that I was being watched.

_Why would anyone be staring at me, in the dark? It's not like you can see much way up here in the back._

Suddenly, I felt this overwhelming sense of curiosity. I was completely confused, why was _I_ so curious? I had nothing to be curious about. Was it interest in the lecture? It was so strong that I started to shift in my seat and feel a little apprehensive. I almost felt like I was on the verge of some sort of panic attack. I quickly took a look around and started making plans for a hasty exit out of the class. When I shifted slightly to my right, I felt a strong burst of shock and surprise.

_What the hell was going on with me?_

I needed to get out of class and get out now. I quickly gathered up my laptop, my books and, of course, my Starbucks, and made my way down the row. I turned toward the door at the back of the room and then noticed the late student staring directly at me. In the dark, I could make out a pair of piercing gold eyes.

Eyes that I knew no human would have.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The day was off to a bad start. I was going to be late and I hate being late. It's not like I sleep, so I can't use that as an excuse and there is nothing but time on my hands, so that is not an excuse either. I am normally totally prepared and on time, but I find myself easily distracted lately.

The last few years have been some of the most tumultuous of my entire life. My long, long life. I would have never thought I would be where I am today. Alone, no family, no friends. My family and I had mutually decided to part ways. It was a tough and extremely painful decision, but one that was a long time in the making. I would always love my family as, I am sure, there would always be a place in their lives for me, but it was time for me to break out on my own. I no longer felt like I was on the path that I was supposed to be on. Life, as it was, had just become too difficult. I felt like I was trapped in a fishbowl, constantly going in circles and getting nowhere. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make a change.

Today is a big leap for me. I have decided to go back to school. Not that I need another degree or, am I particularly interested in obtaining another one, but I am tired of the traveling. The endless passing of days, the loneliness, the lack of companionship. I never thought I would say it, but I missed being around humans. I also missed learning. The decision to go back to school was one that I thought about long and hard. Still, I was not sure I was ready to attend classes alone and be out in the public extensively. Perhaps baby steps were needed, but I decided to jump head first into the deep end and attend school. I could always pull back if necessary.

I drove like a madman toward Dartmouth. I acquired a nice place of my own in Woodstock, Vermont. It was secluded and allowed me to go out in the daytime whether it was sunny or not. It is a bit of a drive to school, but I love to drive, and the faster the better so, I don't mind being so far away. Plus, there is a large National Park close by which makes for great hunting.

I parked the car and walked across campus as quickly as I could without drawing any attention to myself. As I approached the door to the auditorium, I paused momentarily to take a deep breath to calm myself, not that I needed to breathe, but the action itself calmed me nonetheless. I quietly opened the door and let it close on it's own behind me. Just my luck, the door slammed with an ear shattering bang, which caused 90 percent of the students to turn and look my way and earned me a smart remark from the professor. _Not off to a great start thus far. _

I quickly grabbed a seat in the back of the room in order to keep from drawing any more unwanted attention to myself. Pulling out my laptop and text book, I got down to business when a very familiar scent hit my nose. _Freesias._ My head snapped up and I quickly began scanning the bodies in front of me.

I knew that scent. I would never forget it. It was the scent that changed the course of my life. The scent that put me on the path that I was currently travelling. My senses were on high alert as I continued to look for the only person to whom that scent would belong. I had never in my life ever encountered two people with the same scent. I knew it had to be her.

As I scoured the students in front of me, the scent continued to tickle my senses. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply in order to separate it from all the others that had mingled in the air. It had been years since I had smelled anything so tantalizing.

My eyes landed on the back of a female with long brown hair that sat a few rows in front of me. It had to be her, just had to be. I watched her intently as she began to fidget. The female turned slightly in my direction and I got a clear shot of her profile. _Bella Swan_. I couldn't believe it, it was such a shock. I never thought I would ever see her again. I watched as she quickly gathered her stuff together, shoved it into her bag and started to make her way to the end of her row. As she turned in my direction, our eyes met and I was blasted by her instant recognition, I could hear her quick intake of breath and then felt as her emotions turned into all out anger.

She lowered her head and rushed past me out the door. Even in the darkness, I could see the familiar rosy hue from her blush start to creep into her cheeks as she stormed by me, refusing to give me a second look. Immediately, I grabbed all of my items, hastily threw them back into my bag and followed her out the door.

"Bella, please wait," I yelled after her. She started to walk faster. "Bella, stop, I am not going to hurt you. Please, I just want to talk!"

She slightly shook her head, more in a response to something in her own head, I'm sure, than to my shouting after her. She actually started to jog a bit in an effort to get away from me. People were now starting to stop and stare at us as I continued to follow her, trying with all my might not to break into full speed, grab her by the arm and spin her around to face me. Great, this must be quite the picture, here I am chasing after a girl yelling that I wasn't going to hurt her. _Way to not draw attention to yourself._ I decided to stop following her. Bella was well aware of my speed and I am sure she knew that I could catch her if I wanted to. However, if I had any hope of salvaging any type of relationship with her, I knew it best to let her go. I'd have another chance to see her, especially now that I knew she was here.

I thought back to the last time I saw her. I remember vividly the hurt that I had caused to both her and to my family. Would she ever forgive me? Could she ever accept the new me, Jasper Whitlock, as a friend?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

I sat down under a large tree in The Green, a large open field on the Dartmouth campus where students gathered to eat or study, and thought back to the last time I had seen Bella Swan. I could see it in my mind as if it were just yesterday.

_Alice had been driving me crazy for the past few days with her excitement and anticipation for Bella's surprise 18__th__ birthday party. The planning of the party was the actual surprise, Edward was going to let Bella know about the party beforehand. We were all well aware that Bella hated surprises. _

"_Alice, damn, calm down, you are going to drive me crazy!!" I called to her from our room for the fifth time. The whole family was so excited, it was like a herd of five year-old girls who just found out they were all getting ponies for their birthday. _

"_Jasper, this is the first birthday we have celebrated since Emmett's in 1935, you can't blame me for being excited. PLUS, it's Bella, my soon to be new sister. I have SO much to do!" Alice responded as she bounced from room to room in the house._

_I had to admit, Bella had really grown on me. I was completely against Edward getting involved with a human. I was also totally against one being in the house all the time. However, I saw how much Edward had changed. I could feel the difference Bella made in his life. He became a man that I never knew even existed. He was almost light hearted. It was such a refreshing break from his moodiness. _

_Being an empath could get tiresome when one was constantly bombarded with feelings from others. At times, it became very hard to block out. Alice had me so worked up emotionally, I didn't know whether I should bake a cake or paint my nails. Neither activity appealed to me in the least, but I was letting Alice run with it as it made me happy to see her so happy (obviously, but I would feel that way even if I wasn't an empath)._

_Bella was actually a joy to be around. I found her sarcasm and wit a refreshing change from Alice's exuberance, Rosalie's selfishness, Edward's moodiness and Emmett's, well, Emmett was just Emmett. He was pretty much a constant man. He said what he thought and felt. Always happy and always horny. _

_We waited for Edward and Bella to show up at the house. When they walked in, we all yelled "Happy birthday, Bella!" As usual, she turned the deepest shade of red. Even from where I was standing, I could hear the blood rush to her face, her heart speed up, the warmth from her embarrassment causing her scent to become even stronger. My mouth actually started to water. I closed my eyes and forced myself to get control. That was the part I hated. I would have loved to given Bella, my future sister, a great big birthday hug, but I knew it was best to stay away and keep limited contact. I had watched everyone else in my family, with the exception of Rosalie, grow closer to Bella every day. They touched her, hugged her, comforted her. Those were things that I never allowed myself to do. No, it was best if I kept my distance. It was not like Edward was planning to change her any time soon, he was against the very idea of the matter, so what was the point in putting myself through that torture? What if he never changed her?_

_I still had difficulties keeping my blood thirst at bay. I was doing the best I could with drinking only from animals, but it was still so hard for me. Much harder than it was for the rest of the family. None of them had gone for years living on human blood, they did not know the strength, the power, the satisfaction of having fed from humans for a long period of time. With the exception of Alice and I, they had began their vampire life as vegetarians (our inside joke to our way of life). Sure, a few of them strayed, but never for long periods of time. They always came back and had little problem with the diet. I hoped that someday I would learn that type of control._

_Bella was opening her gifts and I watched as the family laughed and moved closer to where she was sitting. She jerked her finger along the side of the gift she was opening and a single drop of blood appeared as the wrapping sliced into her. _

_I didn't have a clear memory of what happened in those next few seconds, I just saw red. Edward must have heard my thoughts before they even registered in my own mind as he threw himself at Bella as I lunged toward her. A terrifying growl was emanating from deep within my throat. A noise so horrific that I couldn't believe it was actually coming from me. I lost it, the bloodlust completely took over and I began snapping to get at her. She smelled like nothing I had ever encountered. Even through the need to taste her, I understood why Edward was so enchanted. Her blood did sing. I needed it, I had to have it. The control I had worked so hard to maintain around her was completely shattered. My mouth watered uncontrollably as the thought of my teeth piercing her jugular, the rush of her warm blood filling my mouth as I pulled deeply on her vein raced through my mind. _

_Emmett and Rose grabbed me from behind and dragged me outside. As soon as I was able to get some fresh air and my mind cleared, I realized what I had done. Esme and Alice had come out of the house and had started toward me. I bowed my head, looking away from the faces of my beloved family._

_What had I done? I couldn't face them. I was so deeply ashamed. I slowly started backing up, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" I kept mumbling over and over. Emmett started toward me telling me that everything was going to be all right. I knew that Emmett and Rose were not going to judge me, but I could still feel the disappointment, it was crippling. I looked at Esme, my adopted mother who loved me no matter what, but I knew at that very moment, if she could cry, tears would have accompanied the feelings of pity and sorrow that were pouring out of her. _

_Alice came toward me slowly, "Jazz, please, Bella is not mad at you, please, it is going to be okay." I could see in her eyes, feel it in every cell of my body, she was ashamed. She was ashamed by my weakness, disappointed in me for the hurt I had caused, mortified at the pain I continued to put my family through._

"_I have to go, I can't stay here, I'm so sorry." I turned and ran, ran as fast as I could._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: **

Just when I thought I was finally over it, when I was finally ready to stand on my own two feet and move on with my life, I run into one of _them_. Jasper Hale, or Cullen, or Whitlock, or whoever the hell he was pretending to be this time around. I couldn't believe it. _What the hell was he doing here? Were the rest of them here as well?_ _Oh God!_ _What was I going to do if the rest of family was here?_ I was stunned to think of the ramifications of possibly seeing Edward again. My heart was in my throat and I wasn't sure I could handle that wound being ripped opened. I actually felt physically ill from the nerves that had taken over my body since seeing Jasper. It was only recently that I felt that I was somewhat healed from Edward leaving me and I knew I would never recover if I were hurt like that again.

_Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. I don't even know if he is here._

I headed straight back to my apartment, running as fast as I could, avoiding all eye contact with those I passed. I didn't want to have to deal with anyone at the moment, needing time to process what had just happened. I didn't bother glancing behind me… if Jasper wanted to follow me, whether he moved in plain sight or in stealth, there wasn't much I could do about it. Reaching the entrance to my apartment building, I barreled up the stairs all the while thinking not that much happened really. I ran away from Jasper like a damned coward. Trying to catch my breath, I managed to unlock my front door and slipped inside, slamming it behind me. Throwing my bag across the room, it landed on the couch and then slid to the floor with a thud. _Nice. Hope I didn't damage my laptop_. I paced back and forth for several minutes before I finally picked up the phone and frantically dialed the only person I could talk to about this situation and the only person who would understand the ramifications of Jasper's presence.

"Jake, it's me." I sighed as I heard his familiar voice grunt into the phone.

"Hey Bells! It's early, I thought you were in class?" He questioned. I could hear the familiar sound of his bed squeaking in the background, which meant he had still been asleep. _Oh crap!_ _Stupid time difference!_

"I'm so sorry I woke you up, Jake, I just … I needed to talk to you."

"No problem, what's up?"

"Um, I ran into someone today and I am pretty freaked out and..." I lost it and started sobbing. I didn't know how to get a handle on my feelings. I wasn't sure what it meant to have Jasper here and I probably should have stayed behind and faced him so I had more information. It was obvious Jasper wanted to speak with me.

"Bells, what is going on? You are starting to freak me out." I could hear the tremor in Jake's voice.

I took a deep breath and summoned the courage to tell Jake what happened. I knew he was going to freak, but I needed to talk about it with him. "Jasper is here. I saw him in my class this morning. He saw me and wanted to talk but I ran from him. He followed me for a bit, but I think he stopped when I wouldn't turn around and speak with him." I was now breathing in loud gasps with those annoying hiccups.

"What?" He growled out low and mean. "One of the bloodsuckers is there and he actually tried to talk to you? Where does he get off? Especially him! Are the rest of them there?" Jake's temper was starting to come out full force and I was beginning to think it probably wasn't such great idea to call him since I didn't really have any answers for him.

"Jake, I don't know if anyone else is here. I didn't stick around to get the details. I just freaked and ran." As I said the words, I was now starting to feel like a complete idiot, an idiot that had totally overreacted.

"Do you want the pack to come and get you?" Jake growled again into the phone.

_Okay, now I'm not the only one overreacting. _

"Jake, no, please don't do that. I don't need a bunch of werewolves showing up on campus and whisking me away in the night. Please, stay home. I was just shocked to see him and didn't know what to do. I don't need any protection. I am sure that he, or any of the other Cullens, are not here to harm me. I don't think they came here looking for me. He was just as shocked to see me, as I was to see him, so there is no way that he knew I was here beforehand." _It is just a coincidence, a sick and twisted coincidence_. "Jake, please swear to me that you won't come here." I pleaded.

There was a long period of silence before I heard him sigh. "Sure, sure, Bells. I swear. But, you had better call me the moment any one of them makes contact with you. And, I mean the moment! Have your cell on you at all times. I am not kidding around here Bella. I want you to check in with me nightly and let me know what is going on. I don't like the idea that he is there and I especially don't like the idea that the rest might be there as well." He didn't have to say it, but I knew when he said 'rest', he really meant Edward. Jacob would never forgive Edward for leaving me and I knew that if Edward were here, there would be nothing I could say or do that would stop Jacob, he would be on his way out here in a flash.

"Okay Jake, thanks. I promise to call the moment anything else happens and I will check in nightly. Sorry to have called so early and got you worked up when I don't have any answers for you. I just wanted to hear your voice and to let you know what happened. Say hi to Raven and Billy for me. I love you."

"I love you too Bells, be safe and call me, anytime, I mean it."

I hung up the phone and looked around my apartment. This was ridiculous. What happened between Edward and I was another lifetime ago. I have moved on and I am sure he has as well. I am not the same clumsy, insecure teenager that was left alone in the woods, so why was I acting like it? I'm a confident woman who was no longer going to be defined by a teenage love that was apparently one sided and long over. There is no way I should be cowering in my apartment like a timid little mouse; I'm not scared of them. Why should I be? What happened was so long ago and it's not like it was intentional. If Jasper wanted to speak with me, then speak with me he will.

I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. I quickly bounced down the stairs with my head held high and wondered whether I would see Jasper or any of the other Cullen siblings in my other classes. My stomach did a hollow little flip at that thought, but I tamped it down. I was not about to let my emotions ruin my chances of an excellent education. I could do this.

Once I got to the bottom of the stairs, I stopped dead in my tracks. Jasper was there… across the street… waiting for me. _Shit_. I hesitated for a second and then turned around and sprinted back up the stairs. Tomorrow, tomorrow would be the day that I will be that confident woman.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

This was probably one of the worst ideas that I had ever had, but I decided to go after Bella, seeing no reason to put off this conversation any longer. We had at least one class together and would be seeing one another during that. It took me a long time to get to the point where I felt I was ready to integrate myself into society and I wasn't about to let this one incident stop me from moving forward. I had to straighten this out with Bella and now was as good a time as any. She is the only human who knows what I am and how I live and I wasn't about to spend the rest of my life running away from her. Plus, she had clearly seen me, and regardless of whether or not she wanted to speak with me at the moment, I was willing to bet anything that she had several questions and was very likely wondering if the rest of my family was also here. If she would just allow me to speak to her, I'd apologize, give her the option to send me away and then, I would never bother her again if that was her wish. At least that way, I'd be able to express my regret and close that chapter of my life. The campus was certainly big enough for the two of us. I could easily change my class so that she would never have to see me again should that be her decision.

I should have made my apologies many years ago and for that, I was ashamed. I hid from her like a coward, never seeing her again after I tried to bite her. However, would apologizing earlier have made a difference in the outcome of my life or even Bella's? Most likely not, Edward was set on protecting her from our kind, but it was one of those moments in my history that I frequently revisited, wishing I could do over. I needed to make amends and there was no time like the present. Hopefully, she would give me the chance to show her she could trust me again.

I picked up Bella's scent easily, followed it across campus and the few blocks to her apartment building. Perhaps, I should wait to see if she came out for an afternoon class or, if I gathered my nerve, maybe I could actually go right to her apartment, knock on the door and go from there. My mind worked feverishly at many different scenarios and I almost laughed at myself. I am a vampire, a lethal and feared creature and here I was, trying to work up the courage to speak to Bella Swan, a fragile human. The prolonged absence of companionship had certainly done damage to my self-confidence and self-esteem.

Her fragrant scent ended at a building that was definitely lower end. The neighborhood looked nice enough, but this particular apartment complex seemed out of place, dated and well used. The front door previously had a security system that was no longer functioning. I was surprised that Chief Swan would allow his daughter to live in such a place. The people entering and exiting the building seemed to be on the rougher side of humanity, and surprisingly, given the close proximity of the apartment to the campus, there did not seem to be many students in the mix. This certainly was not a building in which I would have pictured Bella living. However, if Bella was the same, she was probably being prudent with her funds and was just as stubborn about her independence.

With no plans for the rest of the afternoon, I waited across the street from her apartment, which provided me with a clear view through the front doors of her building. I thought about what my next actions should be if she were to walk out of the doors. If she would stand still long enough to hear me out, I could offer to buy her a drink and perhaps a chance to talk or, at the very least, a chance to apologize. I'd explain everything to her. Hopefully, she would understand how sorry I am for what happened on her birthday and how I had regretted it every moment of my existence since it happened. I would try to convince her that I was no longer a threat to her. Then, I would give her the option that, if she wanted, I would leave and she would never have to see me again.

From where I stood, I could hear her footsteps as she came down the stairs and then suddenly stop. Her large brown eyes stared at me through the window at the top of the front door. I could feel her courage quickly slip into hesitation as she contemplated what she was going to do. It tore at my soul to think that she might be frightened of me. Not that I hadn't given her every reason to be. The last time I saw her, I tried to bite her. I would have killed her. My mind was so far gone and my thirst so denied that I knew if my teeth had had the opportunity to pierce her soft, supple skin and her intoxicating blood had entered my mouth, I would have drained her until there was nothing left. That day had replayed in my perfect memory over and over and every time the outcome would have been the same. Bella Swan would be dead. Bella continued to stand on the steps as she fought her conflicting emotions. I watched as she turned and raced back up the stairs toward her apartment.

_Dammit, this is not going to be easy. _

I had to help Bella understand that there was no reason to be afraid. What had happened was a terrible mistake and one that would never, ever happen again. That very moment when Bella had cut her finger was the first time in decades that I truly felt like a monster. My past was one where I had done so many terrible things, more so than any of the family. I had lived on human blood for decades, but I thought I had managed to push that monster down, defeat him and lock him away for good. I was so wrong, so very, very wrong. While I was always working on my control, I never thought the monster would rear its head so strongly or so quickly. I became complacent, comfortable with Bella's presence in the house and allowed myself to go for days without hunting. Bella had seen me at my absolute worse, a side that hadn't come out of me in so long. I was mortified to think of how badly I had scared her. It was that moment that changed my life, I couldn't allow my thirst for Bella to rule my life or destroy hers. It was a decision that I made and I set it in stone. I never thought I would see her again, but now that I had, I knew that I would never hurt her. I would kill myself first.

I had spent hours in a sunny desert virtually locked inside a hotel room with her and Alice when we were on the run from James. Not once did I feel the urge to fight my thirst where she was concerned. When James had attacked her and bit her, the room was covered in her blood. With all the overwhelming emotions my family and I were feeling, my thirst had been the last thing to hit me. All I wanted was to destroy the bastard that had done that to her.

She liked Starbucks. I had noticed the cup in her hand as she raced out of the auditorium to get away from me, I could get pick up a coffee and use that as an opener. I stepped into the line that had formed outside of the store and began listening intently to each order placed by the customers ahead of me. I nonchalantly watched as each patron picked up their drinks wanting to find one that looked and smelled like the one Bella had with her in class. This turned out to be quite an easy task since the person at the cash register repeated the order once the customer gave it and then the person making the drink repeated it yet again. When it was my turn, I ordered a caramel macchiato, paid, and left.

I headed across the street toward Bella's apartment. With each step I took in the direction of her place, I knew that the next few minutes would be life changing for both of us. There were two possible outcomes. One, she may refuse to even speak to me through the door, effectively sending the message that she would rather I disappear never to return and two, if she were still the Bella Swan I had come to know in Forks, her curiosity would get the best of her and she would have hundreds of questions, for which I would do my best to answer honestly. At least that would give me the opportunity to apologize for what was one of the biggest mistakes of my long, long life. I followed her scent up to the second story, stopping in front of her door. Although unnecessary, I took a deep breath to shore up the nerve to knock.

"Bella, it's me, Jasper. Will you open the door please." I heard nothing but her breathing and the faint rapid beat of her heart. "There is no sense in avoiding me." I paused as I could hear slight movements on the other side of the door. "We have at least one class together. Please, let me apologize and explain for the last time I saw you." I pleaded.

I could hear her slowly approach the door and put her hand on the knob. The air was thick with her apprehension as she stood somewhere behind the door trying to decide whether or not to let me in.

Sending a wave of calm through the door, I immediately heard a loud sigh. "Jasper, if we are going to do this, I want to feel my own emotions, I don't need you controlling or manufacturing them for me." She stated.

"I'm sorry Bella. I won't do it again. Will you please open the door?" I couldn't believe it, I was so nervous about what her reaction would be to my apology that I was beginning to beg. Still, the sound of her voice brought a smile to my face.

What felt like time standing still, I heard the slow click of the dead bolt and watched as the knob slowly started to rotate.

Once the door finally swung open, I immediately thrust out the hand that held the Starbucks cup. "I brought a peace offering. I saw that you had one in class with you and thought that, you might, well…" _Good god, now I'm just babbling._

Bella looked down and the cup and frowned, "You don't need to bribe me, Jasper." However, she slowly reached out and accepted the drink as if she didn't want to offend me by refusing. "Thank you." She had yet to raise her eyes and look me directly in the face.

Trying to make light of the situation, I laughed, somewhat uncomfortably. "Well, I see that you still don't like people spending money on you, no matter how insignificant the amount."

Bella tentatively gave me a smile, but still did not make eye contact. "Well, don't just stand there, come in, come in." She moved aside and motioned for me to enter. I walked through the threshold and was immediately taken aback by the state of her tiny apartment. While she kept it very neat, it was extremely tiny and run down. The kitchen consisted of a small sink, a microwave and bar fridge. I could see that any cooking she did was done on a George Foreman grill (apparently the staple of all university students). There was an extremely old TV in the corner with a couch facing it. A large coffee table that had more nicks and dents in it than smooth surfaces sat in front of the tattered couch. A wardrobe closet was against the right hand wall and the washroom was to the right of that.

"Um, it's nice." I stammered. Since the apartment was so small, I immediately noted the absence of a bed. "Where do you sleep?"

"The couch has a pull out queen size mattress. The top of the coffee table actually pulls up to serve as my desk. I know it is not much to someone who is used to living in mansions, but it is mine and I am happy to not have to share it with anyone else." Bella's chin jutted out in defense of her apartment, her entire body became tense, the air between us edgy.

It was then that I really looked at her.

She had certainly changed in the last few years. Suddenly, it struck me how very pretty she was. How she had grown from a teenager into a beautiful woman.

She no longer had the flush of youth in her cheeks. Her heart shaped face had slimmed down significantly making her lips look even fuller than what I had remembered. Her big brown eyes were as dark and full of depth as they had ever been, but they lacked the spark that once danced in them. Where before they were warm and inviting, they now looked back at me like two deep holes of pain and suffering. They were dull and lifeless. There were permanent purple circles underneath, which I was certain she thought were hidden with make-up. However, my eyesight could clearly see that she was suffering from sleep deprivation. _What had she been through since I last saw her that would make her seem almost empty?_ My eyes drifted over her body and noticed that she was much leaner as well. Her jeans hugged her shapely legs and showed the benefit of someone that spent time at the gym. The tight blue sweater she wore revealed arms that were no strangers to weight lifting.

As we stood there in silence, I could feel her ache. It was a constant presence, as if she were in some kind of dull pain that was never ending and never healing.

"So, how have you been?" She asked awkwardly.

"Bella, let's just cut to the chase and let me start by first saying how absolutely and completely ashamed I am of my behavior the last time I saw you. I in no way have ever wanted to cause you any harm. Please, please understand that I was completely out of my head and regret that day more than any other in my entire life. I didn't mean to startle you in class earlier. If my being here makes you uncomfortable, I'll leave, I swear. I just wanted you to hear me out and let me apologize." I pleaded with her, as I looked her straight in the eye, begging for her understanding.

Bella's shoulders relaxed slightly. I could feel her anxiety slowly start to dissipate. "Jasper, please, you don't need to apologize. I never blamed you… It wasn't your fault. I wasn't mad at you, ever." I watched as her delicate fingers absently traced the fading scar that ran from her wrist to her elbow. It was a blatant reminder that she had survived a second attack on her precious life. I wasn't sure if she even realized she was doing it. "I knew… I know that you would never hurt me intentionally. Both Edward and Alice told me it was a daily struggle for you after having lived off of … I mean, I knew it was hard for you to stick to animals or … whatever. I totally understand why you kept your distance even when everyone else seemed to accept me so easily. Well, of course with the exception of Rosalie, but that was for some entirely different reason I'm probably better off not knowing about at this point." Bella laughed uncomfortably and glanced up at me cautiously through her lowered gaze.

We both stood there for what felt like an eternity. Me, uncomfortable in my apology and her awkward acceptance of it, and her in her shyness and need for further information. Her curiosity about my presence was staring to show itself in her emotions. There was so much more I had wanted to say, but the words were lost as I stood silently taking in the sight of the woman Bella had become and it seemed she was just as speechless and tongue-tied as I was. The continuous pain that she was emanating made me want to grab her and hug her long and hard, but I knew that touching her would be unwise. I didn't know where to go from here, how to get her to open up to me, to start this friendship over and have her trust me again.

The silence was deafening.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

I walked over to my couch and motioned for Jasper to join me. He walked slowly toward me and sat uncomfortably at the other end. "Jasper, really, I'm okay. You can feel that can't you? I have never harbored any ill will towards you, never once. Please believe me. I would like to say that I am thrilled that you are here, but …" It was no use trying to lie to him when he already knew what I was feeling. "Listen, I was completely shocked when I saw you earlier and, still, cannot believe that you are actually here, I just… well, I'm okay with it. You caught me completely off guard and I didn't know how to react so I ran. It was foolish and I should apologize to you for doing that."

"And, as for your suggestion of leaving, don't be silly. You have just as much right to be here as I do. There is no need for us to avoid each other…I mean, that's if you don't want to avoid me…I mean, I don't want to avoid you, unless you want me too. Anyhow, this isn't coming out right. What I am trying to say is that the campus is certainly big enough for the two of us to be here and I don't want to avoid you, or have you avoid me." _Did that make any sense? Good lord, I've got verbal diarrhea._

He looked at me and tentatively smiled. Jasper had not changed a bit which, of course, was not surprising since he was never going to age another day. He was just as I remembered him, perhaps even more beautiful as I had never particularly paid attention to Jasper's fine details since we were never close. Tall and muscular, not the gym bound muscular type, but definitely very well built. Like an athlete. He was wearing a warm blue sweater that hugged every curve in his arms and chest. His face would be the envy of any Greek god. His honey blond hair hung in his eyes as he continued to look at me with apprehension and trepidation. His long legs were encased in a snug pair of blue jeans, stretched out in front of him as he teetered on the edge of the seat cushion. They seemed to go on for miles. My eyes travelled their long length as I absorbed everything about him.

"So, is the rest of the family with you?" I blurted out. Trying to act all nonchalant, but knowing that the answer was going to define the rest of my existence.

"No, it's just me." He replied as he refused to meet my stare.

I sighed. Although I wasn't sure if it was one of relief or of disappointment. "Oh, I am surprised Alice is not with you. Will she be joining you?" My hands at this point were drenched with sweat and I nervously wiped them on my pants. This was starting to feel like pulling teeth. I may not be an empath, but I could feel how uncomfortable Jasper was becoming and I am sure my emotions were getting tough for him to handle as well.

He took a deep breath and paused for a moment, as if he were contemplating whether or not to answer. "Alice and I are no longer together and I am no longer living with the Cullens. I have had minimal contact with them for the past four years." Jasper responded in such a rapid pace that I had trouble grasping what he had said. I sat there staring at him, unsure if I had heard correctly.

"What?" I gasped, completely forgetting my manners and blurted out the next thought in my head. "How can that be? You and Alice have been together for so long, what happened?"

"Listen Bella, it's not something I really want to go into right now, but let's just say that my weaknesses, my inability to master my thirst and my continually hurting those that I loved, was no longer a way that I wanted to continue to live. It was a mutual split between Alice and I and we are both fine with the decision. Although it may seem shocking to you, it wasn't a sudden thing that happened between us. It was one that was well thought out and thoroughly discussed for a very long time." He looked down at his feet as he was clearly uncomfortable and did not want to look me in the eye.

"Oh god, Jasper, I'm so sorry." I was mortified to think that it might have been because of me that they had broken up. "This was because of what happened on my birthday, because of me, wasn't it?" At that moment, I truly wished that the floor would open up and swallow me whole.

"No Bella, I don't want you to think that. Seriously, it was a long time coming, really. Like I said, this was something that Alice and I had deliberated on for many years, it wasn't sudden." He replied and cleared his throat. "Hey, I don't want to talk about me. I want to hear about you and what you have been doing. How is Charlie? Is he still Chief?"

I felt the blood drain from my face and the immediate stinging in my eyes as I fought back the flood of tears that were threatening to rush forward. "Ah, Charlie passed away shortly after Edwa...everyone left." I whispered.

"Oh Bella, I am so sorry." He paused, not knowing exactly what to say… just like everyone else on the reservation that wondered what had happened and why I was suddenly living with Jacob. Except with Jasper, he would feel everything and I didn't have a chance in hell of hiding my pain from him. He stared at me for what seemed like minutes and I actually began to think maybe he would drop the subject, then, he spoke again. "Did you move to your mother's for senior year?"

Okay, this was officially becoming one of the most awkward conversations known to man. It was getting harder to hold back the tears. I hadn't had to discuss this with anyone. Either the people that I spoke to knew about my past or I hadn't allowed anyone to get close enough where this conversation would actually take place.

I decided to dive in and get the history lesson over with as soon as possible. "Here's the Coles Notes version as I don't really want to go into details right now either. After Edward left me, Charlie was killed while on duty. Renee and Phil were killed in a car accident shortly thereafter. I have been on my own for the past 4 years." I barely got that out as I could feel the hole in my chest begin to rip open.

"Bella, I am so sorry. I didn't know." His hand came off his leg as if he had thought for a second to reach out and touch me, but then changed his mind. "You must have been devastated. Where did you go?"

"I moved to the reservation and lived with friends of the family, the Black's. I would not be here if it weren't for them." I whispered.

Jasper slowly moved toward me on the couch. I was having trouble keeping it together and I could tell that he wanted to sooth me, but was afraid to manufacture the emotion given my earlier warning.

"Bella, I can feel the despair that you still carry with you. I wish more than anything you did not have to suffer so." Jasper hung his head slightly, staring down at the old faded carpet, then slowly looked up at me.

His compassion was evident in his statement and it almost felt like he was encouraging me to open up and let it out, but I had worked too long and too hard to let this dam break so easily. It would be so easy to open up and let him comfort me. He obviously had the tools to soothe me like no one else ever could, but I had never confided in him before and he obviously wasn't ready to be completely open with me. Whatever was going on in his life, he certainly didn't need me burdening him with my issues.

"Please Bella, I'm here for you and can help you with your pain. Do you want to talk about it?" He sounded so genuine and concerned, but I still couldn't help but try and put up my defensive walls and pull back into my shell. I looked at Jasper's face and even though he wasn't using his talent to persuade me to open up, his expression was nothing, but compassionate and concerned and I found that I could not help myself. The dam burst open.

"Talk about what? How I thought I had found the love of my life, but was only deluding myself? How I was an utter fool to believe that the person I loved more than life itself, the person that I was ready to leave everyone in my life behind for and join in eternity did not feel the same? I really don't want to relive my conversation with Edward and how he told me he didn't love me. I really don't want to talk about how Charlie was shot in the chest and bled out on the floor of Newton's store. I don't want to discuss how Phil and Renee were hit by a drunk driver. How Phil was killed instantly and Renee hung on and would have probably made it had someone been able to call 911. She bled out as well Jasper. Both my parents would have made it if help had arrived in time, but they bled out. I really don't want to talk about my past, I really don't. I try not to think of these things. I can't. I need to keep it together, I need to keep moving forward. I am trying to live a different life and not look back. I just want to leave all that darkness behind me." I sobbed as the tears were now flowing freely. I buried my face in my hands as I was now mortified that I had thrown my well practiced self-discipline out the window and was crying uncontrollably.

_What the hell was I doing?_ I never opened this wound and couldn't seem to stop myself from doing it now. Was it because it was Jasper? Jasper who would feel it all whether I said the words or not? _He is going to think I am a lunatic._

"God Bella, I am so sorry. I feel horrible, I shouldn't have pushed you to talk about it, I didn't mean to bring up so much pain." Jasper had now moved so that he was sitting beside me and he hesitantly put his arm around my shoulders.

Startled, I jumped and looked at him. He had only ever touched me once before. His cool body next to mine felt so familiar, so right, that before I realized it, instead of pulling away like any other sane human would have done, I leaned into him, letting him comfort me. The embrace was gentle and kind even though his body was as cold as ice and as hard as marble. Immediately, I realized I missed this physical contact. I missed being held by someone. And not just that … I wanted this cold embrace, I missed how good this felt. Instantly, I clamped down my feelings.

"Jasper, don't apologize, you didn't know. How could you? It's not like you could see the future." He looked at me as if I were crazy and I winced when it dawned on me what my last statement had been. "Inappropriate, I'm sorry." _Seriously, what the hell was wrong with me? Nice way to throw Alice's ability in his face._

Jasper dropped his arm from around my shoulders and moved slightly away from me. I immediately felt horrible for having mentioned Alice's ability. I saw the flicker of an emotion in his face but couldn't determine what it was. Was it pain from having been reminded of her? He looked away from me and glanced around the room as if he were looking for something to change the subject.

"Bella, just remember that I'm here if you want to talk about it." He looked at me sincerely and I truly believed that he meant it.

I was silent for a moment, but there was one question that had always nagged at me with respect to him. "Actually Jasper, I have always wondered one thing, which has nothing to do with Edward or my parents." I paused momentarily as he looked at me with wide curious eyes, as if he were willing me to continue without actually doing so.

I cleared my throat as I summoned the courage to open a sensitive subject, sensitive for both of us. "How is it that when James had attacked me and left me bleeding profusely, you were able to withstand that large amount of blood and deal with him whereas, one drop of blood from a paper cut threw you over the edge?" I hoped that this wasn't an inappropriate question to be asking, but it had always bothered me.

He looked at me for a long time, obviously formulating his response in his mind. Jasper was always a man of few words so, I knew that his answer was going to be one that he thought out and genuinely meant.

"When we arrived at the studio and saw what had happened to you, the thirst that immediately arose was nothing compared to our rage. Someone that we cared about had been hurt and was possibly dying. James had to be killed then and there. There was never any time to allow our thirst to take over. Vengeance is another lust that rules our bodies. Once Emmett and I killed him, we had to leave the room immediately. The blood was too much for us to take. With your birthday, I hadn't hunted, I was thirsty, I was becoming comfortable with you around so much, I let my guard down and I wasn't being as careful with you anymore. After we spent so much time together on the run from James, I was accustomed to your scent and was able to be with you easily without worrying about biting you. It was, obviously, a huge error of judgment and one that both you and I have paid dearly for." Jasper replied honestly.

"Wow." I was taken aback as I really didn't expect such an open and straightforward answer. Edward always glossed over the really bad stuff, always trying to protect me from the truth. "Thank you for being so … so honest. And I'm sorry about going off on you before, I didn't mean to bite your head off." I paused realizing what I had just said as Jasper grimaced. "Okay, clearly, another poor choice of words, but you know what I mean. I'm glad you were so honest with me about the James situation. I understand your actions even more now."

I desperately wanted to lighten the mood. "So, listen, I don't want to talk about the past few years and neither do you so let's make a deal. If we feel like opening up to one another, we will, if not, no pressure from either one of us to do so. Deal?" I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.

He looked at me and smiled. "Deal. We are here for each other, but until that time we choose to dredge up our miserable pasts, we shall remain in a state of ignorant bliss."

I laughed. "Absolutely! You know something Jasper, this might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

I watched as Jasper left the building and crossed the street. Seeing him stride across the street reminded me how graceful he was and I realized how much I missed the Cullens and how extraordinary they were. Jasper stopped abruptly and I watched as he slowly took in his surroundings, as if he were looking for something. As he turned, he looked up at my apartment and caught me as I stood gazing at him through my one window. A blush began to creep across my face as I realized he now knew I was staring at him. He gave me a quick wink and a smile, turned and headed on his way, presumably to his car however I noticed that he continued to look around him, as if he were casing the area.

My phone began to ring which pulled me away from the window. I quickly glanced at the caller ID and chuckled. "Hello Jake, are your spidey senses tingling?"

"What is going on?" Jacob barked. "I was expecting to hear from you earlier. It's been hours since we last spoke and I've been worried. I told you to call me the moment one of them made contact with you again. "

_What the?_ "Jake, how did you know I saw Jasper again?" I demanded.

The silence on the other end of the phone was suspicious. "Um, I didn't. I just ah...assumed... since you hadn't called me back since this morning, something must have happened." He replied. "I've been freaking out all day knowing that those bloodsuckers are there and am this close to getting on a plane and coming to get you. What is going on? " Jake sounded extremely angry, which really puzzled me.

"Jake, it's just Jasper. No one else is with him. He said that he has not had contact with any of the Cullens for the past few years. He saw me in class and wanted to apologize for the last time he saw me." I stated, matter of factly.

"You mean the last time he tried to bite you." Jake interrupted.

_Ouch, uncalled for. _"Jake, that is not fair. It was not an intentional attack and you know that, it was an accident. Jasper came by the apartment to apologize. We have classes together Jake, it's not like I can avoid him and, to tell the truth, I really don't want to. We had a really nice talk today. He just wants to be my friend and I would like to …." Suddenly, anything else I had to say was drowned out by Jacob's shouting.

"_An accident? Friends?_" He barked out a cynical laugh. "What did he say? Oh, I'm so sorry that your jugular almost happened to accidently fall into my mouth? Bella, where is your head? Have you completely forgotten what their leaving did to you? I know full well that it wasn't just Edward's disappearance that was so upsetting, but the entire family leaving affected you just as deeply. Don't you remember how devastating it was for you, not to mention how upsetting it was for Charlie and for me? I certainly haven't forgotten and I am not about to sit here and let you make the same mistakes again." Jake's voice started to shake, his anger actually made the phone at my end seem hot.

"Jacob Black. You are not being fair." I shouted back at him. "Jasper did not leave me, he did not pretend to love me and then walk out on me. He was a friend, a friend who made a mistake. I can't hold that against him forever."

"You mean you _won't_ hold it against him, not that you can't. Big difference. Geez Bella, that bleeding heart of yours gets you in more trouble because you don't stop and think before jumping into these situations. I don't understand how you can just accept him back into your life." My throat was constricting as I fought to hold back my angry tears. It literally felt like he was reaching through the phone and throttling me. "That's it. I've made too many sacrifices of my own to ensure your safety and I am not about to sit here and watch you continue to make the same mistakes over and over. I want you back here, with me, where I can protect you." Jake demanded.

My blood was beginning to boil. Jake knew me better than anyone and knew how I would react if backed into a corner. I couldn't figure out what was going on.

"Jake, calm down. Please." Jacob and I had never fought like this before. I had seen him get angry with other people, members of the pack, but never with me. There was so much I didn't understand and for just a second I wondered if Jake was hiding something from me. "What are you talking about? What sacrifices? I haven't been in danger since you took care of Laurent and I am not in any danger now. We are not talking about Edward here, it's Jasper. I am not about to be in a relationship with him, just friends. I am confused as to why you are taking this so hard. What is going on? This is going much deeper than you being worried about me getting my heart broken. That isn't even an option with Jasper and I am surprised that your head would go there. Tell me, what is really on your mind?" I was rambling and I knew it, but Jacob's reaction seemed to be so over the top and I couldn't figure out why he was being so completely unreasonable.

"Look, I'm angry with this entire situation and with your complete lack of common sense when it comes to these bloodsuckers. I want you here." I could hear his breathing on the line as he paused. He took a deep breath and I braced myself for whatever he was going to say next, but he surprised me and his tone completely softened. "I miss you, please come home. You can go back to online classes from here. I should not have pushed you into leaving, it wasn't a good idea, please, come home" He begged.

"No Jake. This doesn't make sense. You spent so much time encouraging me to make this move. Why would I leave because of Jasper? What is really going on?" My heart was up in my throat. I hated fighting with Jake, but I just couldn't understand why he was so upset. His reaction to the whole situation had made me feel as if I had betrayed him in some way. "Jake, please, don't be so angry with me. I can't take it. You are all I have and I love you but I don't want to come home. I need to stand on my own two feet and make a go of my life. I can't hang around and be the third wheel with you and Raven forever. This is important to me Jake. Please understand. This Jasper situation is not a big deal. It's not like we are hanging out and starting to date." I laughed at the thought. "He came over, he apologized and he left. That's it." I explained.

I could hear movement on the other end of the line, which meant Jacob was now probably standing and rubbing his forehead with his big hands. His breathing had slowed down to a normal rate so I could tell that he was calming down. "Okay Bella, I am willing to let this slide, _for now_, but I want you to promise me, if any of the rest of them show up, we are going to rethink your situation there. I am not kidding around here Bella, this is serious and you should not be taking this so lightly. I've seen how attached you were to them, regardless of whether or not it was Jasper, he is still a part of the past which ripped you apart. I was there, Bella, don't ever forget that. I saw how blown apart you were and how long the healing took. It was Charlie and I that put you back together, I know better than anyone how their leaving destroyed you and the damage that it caused. It killed a part of you, a tender innocent part of you, which you have never recovered. I will not sit here and watch you be destroyed again. I will not let anyone take what's left of you and abuse it in the same way again." Jake's outpouring was tearing at my heart.

My body was shaking with every sob that poured from my chest. I hated to think back to that time in my life. Not only because of the pain of Edward's leaving, but because my beloved father spent the last few months of his life trying to put me back together. I'll never forgive myself for doing that to him. He was killed and taken from me and his last memories of me were those of a daughter who was unresponsive, lethargic, catatonic and unfeeling. It gutted me every time I thought that he might not have known how much I loved him and needed him.

"Jake, why are you bringing all this up? You are over reacting to the situation and I don't appreciate your bringing up the past to guilt me into coming home. You know I am grateful for everything you did for me and continue to do, but I am fine here. Please believe me. I want to stay and try and make it here." I sobbed.

Jake sighed loudly. "Dammit Bella, I didn't mean for this conversation to get so out of hand. I think Raven is going to kill me when I get off the phone. She is shooting daggers in my direction for being such a bully. I concede, I've stepped over the limit and I apologize. However, I am serious when I say, stay away from him." Jake grumbled.

"Jake, I can't avoid him. We have classes together." I sniffled.

"Dammit Bella, don't get close to him." He demanded. "Promise me Bella, now, I mean it."

"Jake, stop it. I am not making any promises. Jasper has no friends here and neither do I. I'm not about to ignore him." I stated firmly.

"Bella, you are going to drive me into an early grave." He sighed, giving up, I could only hope. "Look, you know how I feel. Please, it's late. Go to sleep and start your first day of school over tomorrow. Same rules apply, call the moment anything happens and I want you to call me every night to let me know how your day went. EVERY night, Bella." Jake's voice had softened but I could tell he was still very upset.

"I promise Jake. Thank you for always looking out for me and loving me in your own special way." I attempted to diffuse the situation.

"Good night, Bella and remember, I do love you and I will stop at nothing to protect you." He reaffirmed.

"I know Jake. I love you too. Night." I sighed as I hung up the phone.

I walked over to the window and stared out at the night. My thoughts started to wander over the conversation that I had with Jake. I still felt like he was over reacting and being way too protective. He was hiding something from me, I knew it. Jake and I were as close as any two people could be without being actual lovers. He felt my pain as I felt his, but I still had a nagging suspicion something else was going on and was determined to get to the bottom of it. There were too many comments that he made in the heat of the moment that had triggered his deep hatred for Edward and not only him, but the rest of the Cullens. It was an anger I never felt toward them, but he did and it just wasn't justified in this situation.

Jacob was right about one thing. Edward's leaving completely destroyed me. I was blown to pieces and I fell into a black hole where no one and nothing could reach me. There was no light to guide me out. No stars to show me the way home. Jacob persevered and found a way to reach in and pull me out and I owed him for that. I would forever be in his debt for saving me. He also gave me the tools to cope with the death of my parents, held my hand and never let go. I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life. He never gave up on me and I knew that he never would.

I continued to think about the day's events as I went back to the window. I smiled as I thought of Jasper and how nice it was to see him. I didn't realize how much I actually missed him until today. My thoughts wandered back to our conversation and how alone he seemed without his family. This could work, our being friends. I wanted to try. I was excited about the prospect of rekindling a friendship with Jasper and how nice it would be to have someone in my life, other than Jacob, who knew my past and I didn't have to pretend with. My shoulders tingled as I thought back to when Jasper put his arm around me, attempting to comfort me. It was a pleasant feeling to have him touch me. It had been so long since anyone other than Jacob had hugged me and I missed the contact. Not only that, Jake's hugs were always so warm and wonderful like a big thick blanket wrapping around me, cozy and comfortable and safe. Jasper's touch reminded me there was another world out there. A world that was dark and dangerous. A world that lasted forever, one that, at one time in my not so distant past, I had desperately wanted to become a part of.

I looked up at the sky and my breath caught in my throat. I noticed for the first time in so many years that the night sky was filled with stars and as I stood there, rooted in my spot, I watched as a single star shot across the sky.

_Alice, I would never have bet against you, but this time, you were so wrong._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

I left Bella's with a smile on my face. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually used those muscles and it felt good, really good. It was such relief, such a load off my mind to know that she forgave me. Bella was an extraordinary person. I honestly believed her when she said that she never once was angry with me for what happened. Still, I felt guilty. She must not realize that my actions were what put in motion Edward's decision to leave as it only brought to light how dangerous it was for her to constantly be around vampires.

_STOP IT!! _

I couldn't think like that anymore, I had to learn to push those thoughts from my head. Edward never fully explained to the rest of the family what he said to Bella when he broke up with her, but whatever he it was obviously destroyed her. However, that was all in the past and Bella seemed determined to move on with the future.

I really wanted this friendship to work. More importantly, I _needed_ this friendship to work. After centuries of being with others of my kind, I had never been so alone as I had been for the last 4 years. Never once, while I was with Bella just now, was I reminded that we were different species. Yes, I noticed her blush, the warmth of the blood spreading across her cheeks, but I noticed it in a totally different way. It didn't make me thirst for her as much as it made me long for her companionship. I wanted to make her laugh, to see her smile and blush again. I wanted to ease her pain, the deep suffering that lingered within her. Being in her presence made me realize how badly I wanted a companion, a friend, a confident to share life with. For the first time in so long, I felt I had a need that was greater than my thirst.

This new realization was completely non sexual. Bella was like a little sister to me even though now, time had passed for Bella, she was now closer to my human age than the last time I had seen her. My need for Bella was totally for purposes of friendship and sharing. I was still a vampire and she was still human. Fragile. Breakable. Defenceless. Any other thoughts would be completely ludicrous. We'd all been there before and look how that turned out. Though I did find myself wondering if Bella was just as inexperienced as she was when she was with Edward.

_Where did that thought come from?_

As I walked outside of the building, I was immediately assaulted by the most horrendous smell. The hairs on the back of my neck stood at full attention. I had never in my life, human or vampire, ever encountered anything so foul. I immediately looked around me to try and determine what was causing that terrible odour. As I turned, I looked up toward Bella's apartment only to see her looking down from her window. She was such a beautiful woman and, if I had a heart, it would be aching for what she had been through over the past few years. I momentarily forgot about the scent that had stopped me in my tracks only a second ago as I thought about the events that had taken place in her life since I had last seen her. They were catastrophic to say the least. The fact that she had managed to pull herself together and move forward was a testament to her will power, her strength, her determination and stubbornness. So many others would have stayed in the darkness and to be able to recover in any way from such horrific events, was truly remarkable. Jacob Black must be one hell of a man to have been able to put Bella back together. He must truly love her. I found myself wondering if they were a couple. She hadn't mentioned it, in fact, she barely mentioned him at all, which led me to believe that perhaps they were not. _Why did I actually care?_

I gave Bella a quick wink and a wave and was about to make my way to my car when I was inexplicitly blasted with feelings of absolute hatred and rage. Immediately, I began to take in my surroundings, trying to will myself not to crouch into a defensive position which would look very odd to anyone walking by me. The emotions overwhelmed me as I continued to search the area, the odour again assaulting my senses, not seeing anyone that was emitting these feelings. I was concerned that there may be a raving lunatic running loose in the area and Bella might leave her apartment soon. I needed to establish who was behind these emotions and whether they posed a threat to her . I determined the direction from which they were coming and started toward them. The moment I put one foot in front of the other in the direction of the rage, the feelings suddenly stopped and I felt nothing, an emotional void where previously only anger and hatred existed. I walked over to where the scent ended and found nothing out of the ordinary, no one in the vicinity, nothing that caused me to feel any further concern for the alarming feelings or the peculiar scent. I decided to let the matter go for the time being.

I made my way over to where I had parked the car and gave the surroundings one more visual search before I got in. I drove fast the entire way home and thought of nothing but how excited I was for the future. How I was looking forward to this year at school and how this one day in my entire existence had given me hope that I was not the terrible monster I had imagined myself to be. Perhaps, there was hope for me yet.

The last several years I had spent trying to strengthen my control over my thirst. My main focus was to try and dull the craving for human blood and be able to eventually put it out of my mind. Emmett had always told me that while the want for human blood would forever remain, once I had control of it, I would be able to push the want into the background and concentrate on 'other' desires. Obviously, he and Rosalie had mastered their thirst for human blood quite well, indulging in many 'other' desires as often as they possibly could. I made sure that I hunted every day, without exception. The days when I thought I was so full I couldn't drink anymore, I still forced myself to do it. This was instrumental in keeping a tight rein on my control. If I had my thirst so satisfied, I hoped that should human blood, by chance, be put in my presence, I would be able to control myself. I could not allow any lapse in the same manner I did on Bella's birthday. I had gone a few weeks without hunting and paid the price.

My thoughts went back to my last conversation with Alice. I had loved Alice, more than I thought it possible to love anyone and it was hard to walk away from her while I still loved her. But, we both agreed it was time. Time for both of us to read the writing on the wall and quit trying to force the situation any longer. While we loved each other, we wanted different things. We were going in opposite directions, but still trying to hold on to one another. It was time to face the facts, we were not each other's destiny. It should not have been that hard to keep things going. It broke our hearts and the hearts of our family, but everyone agreed, it was time for me to go. It is very rare that vampires who have given themselves to one another as fully as Alice and I had done, to separate, but both Alice and I knew that life with the Cullens was not where I was supposed to be. I could feel it deep within in me, something was lost and I needed to find out what that something was. I thought it was this missing piece that I needed in order to have full and complete control over my thirst.

Sometimes, I wonder why Alice seemed to be able to let go so easily, but she seemed to understand when I explained how a part of me was missing and I wouldn't be truly happy until I found out what that part was. After Edward left Bella, it seemed like Alice was finally ready to give up as well. I had asked her several times, what she saw in the future, but she would never tell me. I thought of the family with fondness as I loved each and every one of them, but I had hurt them so many times with my slip ups and my inability to conform to their lifestyle. I had convinced myself that I was becoming stronger so I could go back to them, show them how I had improved, how my self-control was so much more, well … controlled. It was only now, as I sped along the highway toward my new home, that I realized I wasn't so sure anymore whether I wanted to go back to my old life with the Cullens. I knew long ago that Alice and I getting back together was never going to happen, but we had agreed that, when I felt I was ready, I was more than welcome to live with them again.

Now, with the chance meeting of Bella and the realization of how easy it was to be near her, how I was able to touch her in order to comfort her and never once did I desire her blood, I thought I might be able to make a go of this on my own. The future was looking brighter and I found myself smiling, yet again, when I thought of what tomorrow might hold.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I spent another night tossing and turning in my bed. _So much for beauty sleep._ I made my way over to the shower and quickly got ready for the day ahead. I threw on a snug long sleeve black sweater and tight black jeans that had rhinestones along the edges of the pockets. My footwear was my new staple of low heeled black boots. I brushed my fingers through my now dry hair and threw on a minimal amount of make-up. On Tuesday's I worked during the day and had class in the evening. I grabbed my jacket and headed to the door, stopping to take one more quick look at myself. The restless nights were definitely showing on my face. I carefully examined the dark rings under my eyes and sighed as I glanced over the rest of me. I was remarkably, well, unremarkable.

I was lucky enough to score a great job at a trendy clothing store a few blocks from my apartment. The pay was okay, but we also made commission on any of our sales so that helped quite a bit. Another perk of the job was that I got clothing at a great discount since one of the requirements of the place was to wear clothes only from the store. This was a lifesaver for me. One thing that had never changed was my absolute loathing of shopping.

The store was already open by the time I arrived, my shift was not until 10:00 am and the store opened at 9:00 am. I forgot to check the schedule when I last worked and had no idea who I would be working with today. I had my fingers crossed that it wouldn't be Steven. Steven Sullivan was the store's equivalent of Fork's Tyler Crowley, the poor guy from high school who wouldn't take no for an answer. Why was there one in every place? Every time I was around Steve I thought of that cartoon of the little terrier that bounces all over the big dog 'whatcha doin? Huh, huh, whatcha up to?? Can I come, can I come?'. Honestly, each shift I made it through without smashing his face in was a miracle. Not that I was inclined to violent tendencies, but I am sure if they were to come out, it would be because Needy Stevie was the culprit.

I headed straight for the staff room to hang up my jacket and lo and behold, I was immediately verbally raped by Needy.

"Hey Bella, whatcha up to? Do anything exciting last night? What are you doing tonight? Do you want to go out? There's a great movie playing. We could go. My treat. What do you think?" I swear he was bouncing as he blurted out his equivalent of a morning greeting.

"Steve, seriously, you need to take a deep breath and a step back from my personal space. I have been awake for less than an hour, don't verbally accost me the moment I walk into work." I shook my head as I walked passed him. "As I've told you before, I'm not interesting in dating anyone." _Especially you, _I thought_._

"It doesn't have to be a date, let's just hang out." He continued to follow me, closely, much too closely for my liking.

I turned around and faced him which caused him to run right into me. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back a few steps, feeling dirty from just that slightest touch. "Listen, Nee..Steve. First of all, I think I've made it very clear that I don't want to go out with you, date or not. Second, I have a class tonight." I tossed my jacket into one of the vestibules for the staff, punched in and headed out front.

I spent the morning folding t-shirts and jeans and thinking about Jasper. I hadn't allowed myself to think of any of the Cullens in such a long time that I forgot about so many of the things that made them unique and beautiful. I thought about how graceful Jasper was as he moved around the apartment, how his eyes soaked up every detail of the place and of me. I had felt his gaze quickly pass over me and register the changes in my appearance. The feel of his long elegant fingers as his arm briefly touched my shoulders, the cool rush of contact as his arm rested there momentarily. The beautiful topaz colour of his eyes that reflected his choice of diet and brought back so many memories. I found myself able to think about them without the fear of sinking into the abyss that had consumed me for so long after Edward had left. I wondered why, all of a sudden, that was. Perhaps it was because I had finally moved on, accepted things as they were and was okay with it. I really had no choice. I knew that the feelings were coursing my body when thinking about Jasper were nothing sexual, I had always found all of the Cullens extremely beautiful, had always been fascinated by their movements, their physical appearances, their way of life. Most people would be terrified to know what they truly are, whereas I found myself, as usual, completely comfortable with the thought of being friends with a vampire and couldn't wait to see Jasper again.

I had to laugh as I was sure that not too many people would be so accepting of someone that, on the last time you had seen them, had tried to bite you, with the purpose of draining you of your life blood. It certainly wasn't the way to instil the warm and fuzzies into a person. However, I have never been accused of being normal and I wasn't about to start now.

Suddenly, I was startled out of my daydream by a deep rich voice from behind me.

"Excuse me miss? I can't seem to find these jeans in my size. Would you be able to help me?" I turned and found myself staring into the richest brown eyes I had ever seen. He was tall, about 6'3 and had shoulder length chocolate brown hair. I felt a blush creep into my face as he just stood there and watched me slowly rake my eyes over his broad muscular shoulders, his well-developed biceps, his stomach which was clearly well defined. I cleared my throat, gave my head a little shake and grabbed the jeans he was holding and headed over the wall.

"What size did you say you were?" I asked without looking back at him hoping that my blush would fade before I had to turn and face him again.

He told me his size and I climbed the ladder that enabled me to reach the top shelf. This was the one part of the job I hated. I probably should never, ever be allowed near a ladder, and yet, I took my own life in my hands several times a day and climbed the death trap for the good of the customers. Yes, it took guts, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make for a commission. Once I reached the top, I began to shift a few pairs out of the way in order to reach the size he requested. I grabbed them and began to descend. As luck would have it, the heel of my boot slipped on the step and I fell backwards. I braced myself for what was going to be a painful and most obviously embarrassing dismount from the ladder when I felt two strong arms wrap around me. I looked up to find myself staring again into those dark brown eyes. I noticed, however, that the eyes were not looking back at me. _Holy hell, is he staring at my chest? He is! The pervert! _"Just exactly what are you looking at?" I demanded.

He set me down on my feet, pointed to my chest and said "Are you okay, Bella?"

"How did you know my name?" I stammered as I straightened my clothing.

He again looked to the name tag which was pinned to my shirt, just above my breast. _Oh, okay, not staring at breasts, reading name tag, way to over-react._

"Oh!" I was sure my cheeks were a deep scarlet. I could actually feel how hot they were. "Do you want to try these on?" _Act like this is no big deal, let's move on_. _Where is that damn hole in the floor and why has it not swallowed me yet??_

"That would be great, but I still want to keep looking around, would you mind starting a changing room for me?" He asked as he started to go through the pile of t-shirts I had just finished folding.

"Will do. Let me know if you require any help finding your size. I promise not to require physical assistance this time." I joked, trying to alleviate some of my embarrassment. "By the way, you have a name?"

"Why? Are you going to ask me out?" His eyes danced as he took a step closer to me. "I guess it is only fitting that we move to the next step since I have already had you in my arms." He smiled and revealed a perfect set of teeth. His full lips looked soft and plump and, when they reached a full smile, two little dimples appeared in his cheeks. _Wow._

I started to blush again. "Actually, we write the customer's name on the front of the changing room door. Management thinks it's 'cool'."

"Oh, It's Logan. Logan Connors." I wasn't sure if he was disappointed that I didn't jump at his suggestion of a date or not, but his smile had faded a bit.

"Okay, Logan. You know where to find me if you need me." I turned and walked toward the changing rooms. Scribbled his name on the tablet attached to the door and watched him browse through the rest of the place. When he had an armful of items, I walked over, took them from him without saying anything and organized his changing room. After another few minutes and another armload, he headed toward me to start trying things on.

I spent the next few hours, yes hours, with Logan, tossing items over the top of his door, watching him come out and model items, retrieving different sizes, putting things back. I was surprised, I had a really great time chatting with him while he tried on his plethora of clothes. He was finally finished and walked out of the changing room in his original outfit. Again, I took a look at his well-developed body. He was wearing black jeans that clearly showcased a very nice behind and long muscular legs. After trying on so many items, he still managed to look just as fresh when he finished as he did when he first walked into the store.

I was now standing next to a pile of clothes that he had decided to take. "So, I've got a pile here for the 'yes' items and a pile for your 'maybes'. I managed to put away all of your 'no's' since you had so many other things to try on, however, I am sure there are a few items in the back of the store that you haven't tried on. Would you like me to find those for you?" I asked with a goofy grin. _Okay, was that flirting? Am I flirting? I am SO flirting!_

Logan chuckled as he began to sort through the 'maybe' pile. "You know what, I'll just take all of these, as well."

I grabbed the large pile of clothes and made my way over the cash register. "Wow, this is a lot. I've never actually seen anyone..." _Other than Alice. _"buy so much at one time. Did you lose your luggage or something?" _Why am I babbling and feeling so damn uncomfortable? _

He laughed again. "No, I don't normally shop like this, but it was time to replenish the wardrobe. I figured I'd try and get it done in one spot so I don't have to do any more shopping than necessary. "

"Oh, I guess that makes sense."

I began to ring up Logan's purchases. It took quite a while as store policy was that everything needed to be neatly folded and placed into the shopping bag in a precise manner. There was actually a training session on it when I first started. No joke. Needy finally came over and started helping me fold everything and put it into bags. He started rambling to Logan about how great it was that he came into the store, did he want to be on the email list so he could be aware of upcoming sales, blah, blah, blah. I slowly began to fade out his voice and continued to ring through the sale. When I was done, I gave Logan the total and he didn't even blink. My palms were actually sweating from the extravagant amount. I think he hit the stores quota for the week in just that one hour. My commission cheque was going to be huge. As he signed the receipt, I was already mentally going through my shopping list of books I wanted to buy.

"So Bella, for shopping, this was a lot of fun. It was really great to meet you." He said as he began to gather his bags.

I glanced at my watch before I responded. "Wow, it certainly made my shift go by quickly." I realized that I would now have to run, grab a bite on the go and would barely make it to my class.

"Are you off now?" Logan asked.

"Yes, my shift is officially over in 15 minutes."

"Um, well, do you think, I mean, would you like to grab a coffee with me?" He looked down as he said it, which surprised me somewhat as he didn't appear to be someone that a girl would say no to and here he was looking like he was afraid of rejection.

"She doesn't date, isn't that right Bella?" Needy answered on my behalf as I shot him a dirty look while he all but ushered Logan out the door.

"Steve, I don't need you to speak for me." I looked directly at Logan. "I'm sorry, I've actually got to run or I'm going to be late for class. It was really great meeting you today. Thank you for helping my shift go by so quickly. Enjoy the clothes." Before he could even respond, I turned and rushed to the back to punch out, grab my bag and get going.

When I came out, Logan had already left. Steve was watching me from across the store with narrowed eyes.

"Bella, he's not good for you. Do you know who he is?"He asked.

"I haven't a clue. Why?" My curiosity was getting the best of me.

"The Connors are only the richest family in the area. Logan is probably the most popular guy around. Everyone wants to either be him, hang out with him or date him. He will chew you up and spit you out once he is done with you. He only wants you as another notch in his belt." The jealousy in Steve's comments were actually radiating across the store.

"No need to worry, Steve. I said what I meant and I meant what I said. I'm not interesting in dating any one. Now, I've got to run or I'm going to be late." I threw my bag over my shoulder and rushed out the door, not giving Needy another chance to speak.

I turned the corner and starting to jog toward school when a limousine pulled up right in front of me, blocking my way. "Excuse me, do you mind?" I yelled as I started to make my way around the vehicle. The door at the back opened and Logan stepped out.

"I'm sorry, I asked him to stop you. I wanted to know if you wanted a ride to school." Logan got out and held the door open for me as if there were never any thought in his mind that I would say no, which, of course, meant I had to say no.

"Thanks Logan, but I'm good. Have a great evening." I stepped out into the street and waited for an opening in the traffic so I could make my way across.

"Is it true, what your friend said, that you don't date?" Logan asked as he started to walk toward me.

"Yes, it is. I just want to focus on school right now. Again, thanks for the offer. See you around." I yelled as I skipped across the street to get to the other side. I turned and gave him a quick wave and started on my way.

"Yes, you will see me around Bella and I'll change your mind about having coffee with me!" Logan leaned against the car and watched me walk away from him. I swear I could feel his gaze on my back, and perhaps a bit lower, as I kept going. _Don't turn around, keep going. _As I got to the end of the street and was about to turn the corner, my curiosity got the better of me, I quickly glanced back to find him still there, watching me with a smile on his face. I turned back towards the direction I was heading and couldn't help myself, I smiled.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I ran into my class with just seconds to spare, plopped into the closest empty seat and started taking out my books. I ignored the person that came to sit beside me when all of a sudden a Starbucks slid into my field of vision.

"You _are_ trying to bribe me aren't you??" I graciously accepted the coffee. With such a long day at work and after running into Logan outside of the store, I was running on empty and didn't bother to stop and grab something to eat.

"Well, I figured you might want another and it was on my way." Jasper smiled, as he got ready for class to start.

"I don't suppose this is a coincidence, you being in another one of my classes?" I watched his face for a reaction and I was willing to bet if he could, he'd be blushing. I took a long swig of my drink and immediately felt the caffeine perk me up a bit.

Jasper looked around the classroom and then slowly turned to look at me and spoke so quietly that I had to lean towards him, his sweet scent enveloping me with every breath that I took as I waited for him to respond. "Would it be so terrible of me to admit that I easily hacked into the school's computers and got your schedule and then changed mine so we were in the same classes?" When he finished he was looking at me, his face scrunched up as if he was waiting to be reprimanded by his mother. It was beyond adorable.

I leaned back and laughed. I wasn't sure whether this should bother me or flatter me. I decided to go with flatter. _Yes, definitely flattered. _"No, Jasper, I think it's great that we'll be in the same classes. Now we both know someone in every class and we can swap notes, study together and whatnot. This might actually be one of the best ideas ever!" The more I thought about it, the more excited I became at what he had done. I had dreaded going into classes where I didn't know anyone and would stick out like a sore thumb. Plus, I really didn't want to make the effort to make new friends, no matter how hard Jake pushed me to do so. This couldn't be working out any better.

"You know, you didn't have to admit you did that." I was surprised he was so immediately forthright when I had asked him the question.

"Why not? It's not such a big deal is it? With both our situations being what they are, I thought you wouldn't mind. Plus, what is the benefit of trying to hide it? I don't believe in lying or hiding the truth Bella." He looked at me as if he were stating the total obvious. It was a refreshing change to hear Jasper say those words. Edward was always one to hide the truth from me, especially if he thought it would hurt me. I appreciated Jasper being so blunt.

_Hey, wait a minute._ "Our situations? What do you mean?" _I have a situation? What is he talking about?_ Yea, I've got problems, but I wondered if that was what he meant.

Jasper leaned toward me and whispered. "Look, the prof is here so we'll have to finish this conversation later. Do you want to go out after class? You haven't eaten anything in a while so let's go someplace where you can eat."

I was taken by surprise by his last comment. "How do you know I'm hungry?"

"I can sense your hunger." He replied as if it were no big deal.

_Wow, he can sense my hunger?_ I didn't realize he could read that deep into emotions. Yes, I thought he could feel happy, sad, anger, etc., but something as obscure as hunger, I'd better watch myself around him since I barely had control of my emotions on the best of days. I'd be putting him through the wringer if we spent a lot of time together. "Actually, I'm starved. I had a crazy day at work and didn't get a chance to eat during my break or stop and grab something on the way here so, yes, I'd love to get a bite." Jasper's eyebrows raised as he waited for my statement to sink in. My eyes shot open to the size of saucers. _GOD, open mouth, insert foot_. _Nice work Bella. _I felt my cheeks go red, something that was becoming a habit around Jasper. "Sorry, again, poor choice of words. You want to keep me company while I eat?"

"I would be very pleased to accompany you while you had your late dinner Bella Swan." He smiled at me as he flipped open his laptop.

The professor started the lecture and I found myself having a hard time concentrating. I was excited at the prospect of having Jasper in all of my classes. I had been dreading being alone and attempting to make small talk with strangers and now Jasper had solved that problem for me. _Yikes, Jake is going to freak!_ I was so not looking forward to telling Jake about what Jasper had done. _Should I keep it from him? No, definitely not._ Jake and I don't have secrets and I wouldn't want to start now, especially over Jasper. After my last conversation with Jake on the matter, I had better not rock the boat and start keeping things from him. Besides, Jake seemed to have some sort of freaky sixth sense and always seemed to know what I was doing. Sometimes that really pissed me off. How did he do that? He always seemed one step ahead of me. Perhaps that was because he knows me better than anyone, sometimes even myself. And now, for the first time since arriving at Dartmouth, I was going out. I couldn't wait. I was actually excited to see something other than school, the gym, the library, my apartment or work. The only places I had been since I arrived.

All of a sudden my MSN messenger popped up and I had a message from Jasper.

"Are you okay?" He typed.

"Yes, why?" I typed as I looked at him and frowned.

He quickly typed back. "Well, let's see, in the past minute you just went from being really excited, to feeling completely guilty, then a burst of anger and then relaxing and becoming really excited again. I've never experienced someone go through so many emotions in the span of 60 seconds. What's up?"

I laughed. Poor Jasper was in for a roller coaster ride if he was going to be spending any time with me. What had he gotten himself into?

I quickly responded. "Sorry, that's just me working through my emotions and my mind doing its usual a mile a minute processing. I'd like to say I'd control it so it doesn't affect you, but I know that's not possible."

I watched his reaction as he read my message. He looked up at me, rolled his eyes and gave me a full-blown smile. My breath actually caught in my throat. I don't think I had ever seen Jasper fully smile at me before. His entire face changed and I could almost say that I wouldn't have recognized him if someone showed me a picture of him with that expression. His eyes had lit up like there was a tiny bulb behind them. His forehead actually moved back and made his eyes seem even wider and his face more open. His perfect white teeth sat behind two plump lush lips that had pulled back into the most perfect even smile. _God, he is incredibly gorgeous! _My knees would have gone weak had I been standing. My heart sped up as I continued to take in the sight of this perfect man smiling at me. He looked at me curiously as I realized that he could hear that my heart beat had changed.

I turned back to the lecture and tried to focus on the matter at hand, class. Right, I was here to learn. _Focus Bella, focus. _For some reason my eyes kept drifting toward Jasper and what he was doing. I watched as his long elegant fingers quickly danced along the keyboard of his laptop. It was a symphony of movement and I found myself lost in thought as I slowly became entranced by his every move. As he continued to type, he exhaled a long slow breath and I was captured again by his sweet smell, which immediately began to dazzle me. I needed to slap myself and stop staring. I noticed Jasper glance sideways at me and I nearly died on the spot. _Please GOD tell me I am not giving off inappropriate feelings as I tried to focus on the class. _

Class seemed to crawl along and I could barely concentrate on the matter at hand. At this rate, I was going to have to borrow Jasper's notes. Once it finally ended, we quickly gathered our things and headed out the door. We decided to go to a little pub that was just on the outskirts of campus. I had heard from a few of the customers that came into the store that it was the place to hang out at night and it had great food.

When we arrived at the pub there was a band setting up and the place was starting to get pretty busy. Jasper was able to find us a table at the back and we sat down immediately. What total luck! The waitress was at our table immediately. I was impressed by the quick service until I realized that she had ulterior motives for being so prompt, she must have seen Jasper and I come in as she was shamelessly flirting with him. I tried not to giggle as I watched him squirm in his seat. When the waitress finally tore her attention away from Jasper, I ordered way more than I knew I would ever eat but the last thing I had put in my mouth was well over 12 hours ago. Well, except for the Starbucks that Jasper had so thoughtfully bought for me.

Once we, well, I, got the ordering out of the way and the waitress had brought us our beers (Jasper ordered one as well so as to not look conspicuous), we sat back and began to listen to the band start their first set. They were really good and were really livening up the place.

Jasper and I had spent the time since we arrived at the pub in comfortable silence, but I really wanted to finish the conversation we had started earlier so, I decided to dive right in. "So, what exactly did you mean earlier when you mentioned our 'situations'?" I had been dying to know what Jasper had read into our last meeting and couldn't wait to hear what he had to say.

Jasper cleared his throat and slowly looked around the pub. I had already noticed in the few conversations that I had had with Jasper since we became reacquainted that he really seemed to think about what he was going to say before he actually spoke. I had never noticed this before. We had never sat down and had one on one conversations in the past. Even during the whole James fiasco, he remained on the outskirts and let Alice do the majority of the talking and caring for me.

"Well, as I see it, you are here, not necessarily on your own accord, to move forward and start living again, to make new relationships, to learn to trust again, to open up and allow someone in. Although it might not be blatantly apparent, I am also here for the same reasons. I want a relationship, I want to open up to someone and I want to be trusted. I had no idea how I was going to accomplish this goal as I am loath to bring a complete stranger into my life. So, it makes sense that, since we have similar goals, we help each other out, stick together and be supportive to one another and, if you will allow it, I'd like for us to become close friends Bella. I really would." Jasper finished speaking and began to play with the sweat on his beer glass. He never once looked at me while he was speaking because really, he could feel my response before I even said it. While I processed what he just said, I could feel my face breaking into the goofiest smile. He looked up at me and gave me the biggest smile back.

"Jasper, I would love nothing more than to be those things for you and I would love it for you to be that for me as well. And, as you said so perfectly, I really don't want to put any effort into getting to know anyone here either. I just want to do my time, so to speak, and get out of here." I raised my glass to his and offered a toast. "Here is to new friendships!" He clinked his glass to mine and we both took a swig of the drink. I almost spit my drink out as I watched the expression on his face. I almost thought that mouthful of beer was going to come right back up at the table.

"Oh, Jasper." I laughed. "You didn't have to drink it!"

Just as he was about to respond, he sat straight up as something behind my shoulder caught his attention. If I didn't know better, I could have sworn that I heard Jasper start to growl. I was about to turn around when I was suddenly verbally accosted from behind. "Bella Swan, if I didn't know any better I would swear you were on a date." I recognized the nasal voice immediately and knew that Needy Stevie had approached our table. I rolled my eyes at Jasper and turned around.

"Hello Steve, I'm surprised to see you here." _I thought this place was supposed to be the "in" place to be. _"This is Jasper. Jasper, this is Steve. We work together." I certainly did not feel the need to straighten Steven out on his misreading of my friendship with Jasper. I turned back to Jasper and made a funny face. Jasper glared at Steve and tried not to laugh out loud at my antics.

"Nice to meet you, Steve." Jasper made no effort to reach out and offer his hand to shake.

"Yes, it is very nice to meet you Jasper." Needy drawled. "Any friend of Bella's is certainly a friend of mine."

I made a fake gagging motion to Jasper who, again, tried to stifle his laughter.

"Would you mind if I joined you?" Needy asked as he started to pull a chair from another table in order to sit at ours.

My eyes must have popped three times their normal size as I looked at Jasper trying to quickly figure out how to get rid of him.

"Actually Steve, I was just about to update Bella on some very personal matters of mine which I would not be comfortable discussing in front of a complete stranger. Perhaps another time?" If I didn't know better, I would swear that Jasper was attempting to dazzle Steve. I had no idea that dazzling worked on the same sex and, I have to say, I was enjoying watching the show.

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry to have intruded. It was nice to meet you Jasper. See you at work Bella." Needy responded in a flat monotone voice.

As he turned and walked away, I couldn't hold in my laughter. "Jasper, that was outright nasty, but I absolutely am in your debt for doing that for me." I held my sides as I laughed harder than I remember having laughed in some time.

"So, what's the story with Steve?" Jasper asked. "I don't even know the guy and your feelings of annoyance hit me so hard that I almost wanted to stand up and deck the guy!" He laughed.

"He's just an annoying guy that I work with." I responded.

"He's obsessed with you. I could feel it immediately. He was jealous when he saw me here with you. I'd watch myself with him if I were you, I don't like him at all. Gives me the creeps." He said as he looked over my shoulder to see where Needy went.

"Really? The creeps? Gee Jasper, I didn't know you could be so affected by such a nerdy little human." I teased him. He looked at me and smiled as he realized I was making fun of him.

I spent the next fifteen minutes entertaining Jasper with my wonderful Needy stories. The waitress arrived with my food and again made eyes at Jasper. I had ordered a chicken breast sandwich with fries and a side order of onion rings. I immediately dug in while Jasper tried his best to give the waitress the hint that he wasn't interested. I couldn't remember the last time I was this hungry or the last time that I had really looked forward to eating. For so long food was just a means to survive, I didn't care what I ate or what it tasted like. I just did it because I had too. I took my first bite of the sandwich and starting moaning. I think I must have shoved a couple of handfuls of fries into my mouth and was about to pop in an onion ring when it dawned on me that I was being a complete and utter pig right in front of Jasper.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry. I haven't eaten since breakfast and I am dying. I didn't mean to turn into a total glutton right in front of you." I put my sandwich down and wiped my mouth. I was so embarrassed.

"Please Bella, continue. I love watching you eat. Keep going." He said as he waved a hand toward my food.

I was about to take another bite of my sandwich when I noticed Jasper glance over my shoulder again and his eyes narrowed into little slits. I couldn't be sure but I thought his nostrils flared slightly and he became visibly tense. Another growl started to emanate from him. "What's going on? Is Needy on his way back over?" I asked him as I was about to turn around.

"Well, well, Miss Bella. Imagine running into you here, and, on what appears to be a date no less."

The deep rich tones of his voice washed over me and I knew immediately who it was. I sat straight up in my chair and slowly turned around to find myself staring straight at the belt buckle of Logan Connors. My eyes took in the tall drink of a man in front of me and I found myself at a loss for words.

"Well Bella, are you going to introduce me to your date?" Logan looked at Jasper and extended his hand, "Hi, I'm Logan Connors. Nice to meet you...?" He waited for Jasper to respond.

Jasper continued to look at me before meeting Logan's gaze. "Earth to Bella, are you going to introduce me to your friend?" Logan asked as Jasper stood up and shook Logan's hand as he nodded his head as a hello. Jasper sat back down without saying a word, still waiting for any sort of reaction from me.

"Why is it that when a female is enjoying a night out with a male, it's automatically a frigging date?" I snapped at him. Logan's eyes widened at my outburst. _Wow, that was totally rude. _"I'm sorry, this is Jasper. Jasper is a good friend of mine from back home. This isn't a date. We're just friends." _Okay, I'm officially rambling and officially psychotic. _

I quickly noticed Jasper's expression go from one of confusion to one of almost hurt. I immediately felt bad, but wasn't quite sure why. This wasn't a date, I wasn't lying.

"Well, it certainly was nice to see you out and about Bella. I do hope to see you again soon. I won't keep you from your _friend_." Logan glanced back and forth between Jasper and I before he turned and walked toward the bar. I couldn't help myself, I totally checked out his ass while he departed. I turned toward Jasper and saw him looking at me with an expression that reflected well, nothing.

"You certainly seem quite popular Bella." Jasper said as he went back to tracing circles on the table with the sweat from his drink.

"Yeah, well, popularity is over rated." I said as I went back to my dinner.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

It had been a week and a half since Bella and I first saw one another again. Each moment we spent together was like a gift. I felt lighter, happier and more relaxed than I had in years. Either we had class with one another or we hung out together. When Bella was working at the store or was at the gym, I hunted regularly in order to ensure my thirst was kept well under control. Never once did I feel that I had to fight my thirst when I was around Bella but I was not taking any chances. None whatsoever. I was also becoming quite the regular at the library waiting for her. I wanted to be nearby for whenever she was available to spend time with me. I was sure to have the highest marks I'd ever obtained due to the amount of time I was spending studying.

I can't find the words to explain how every minute with Bella was healing me, how it was facilitating my re-growth and allowing me to slowly become whole again. It felt like that missing piece I was always searching for was slowly getting smaller and smaller. I enjoyed every second I spent with her and regretted how I had completely avoided her in the past when she was with Edward. I never realized what a ray of sunshine she was. Every laugh, every smile that she graced me with was truly something special. She was slowly providing the stitches for a wound that was still gaping open. I found it completely ironic that the person that I had tried to kill was the one that was healing me. The world truly did work in mysterious ways.

I'd also noticed that the dull ache that seemed to surround Bella when I first showed up at her apartment was slowly disappearing. With each laugh and smile that I was able to coax out of her, the pain seemed to dissipate. The light was slowly coming back in her eyes. It was now my life's mission to completely eradicate any and all feelings of pain and sadness from her life. While I was a poor substitute for a parent or a lover, I knew I could help her move on and perhaps find happiness again.

The past week and a half had flown by. The only hiccup was when we first went to the pub and ran into her friends. I was a bit confused by her reactions. When Steve had approached I felt her annoyance immediately and his obvious lust and wanting for her which kicked in feelings of protectiveness. He was extremely jealous and a bit annoyed when he saw that I was with her. I could tell that she didn't like him and wanted to be rid of him. However, when Logan approached, her emotions were completely in a state of flux. She didn't know how to react to him and that made me nervous. Did she like him? Was she attracted to him? It was hard to tell as Bella herself was so unsure. I had asked myself several times, why do I even care? Bella was an adult now. She could be with whom she wanted. She deserved to find someone and have a meaningful relationship. One that I knew I could never give her. I laughed at the thought. Bella, the frail human that I looked at as my little sister, was bringing out the strangest emotions in me and I was unsure as to how I should read them. All I did know was that I wanted to be the one to help her heal, in the same manner that she was helping me. Was I worried that she would find a boyfriend and not spend as much time with me? Perhaps it was the idea of a boyfriend, period. However, since that night, she never mentioned either guy again, so I didn't bother to bring them up.

Today was a big day. It was Bella's 22nd birthday and I had a special gift planned for her. She had no idea I knew it was her birthday and she made sure not to mention it in any way. I was surprised that she might think I would ever forget the date since it was her 18th birthday that changed my entire life. She more than likely felt uncomfortable about the whole thing and just didn't want to bring it up. That would be totally Bella, willing to forgo any birthday celebration because she thought it might be painful for me. She truly is the most unselfish person I had ever met.

Bella would hate the idea that I was doing something and was planning on spending money on her, but I had to make up for her 18th birthday. It was imperative for me to make this birthday special. This was the first birthday of our new friendship. A new beginning. Sure, we were friends before, but only by association. This time around, I was getting to know the real Bella. To know her likes and dislikes, to argue about books, to share ideas and dispute matters, to have movie marathons, to hang out with and to just exist with. A real, honest to goodness friendship, one that I hadn't had in so long. In just a short period of time, I was able to become familiar with her moods and feelings, so much so that I knew how she was going to feel or how she was going to react before she even did. I couldn't wait to give her the surprise I had thought of for her birthday. To see her reaction to her gift, to watch her blush whether the reaction be one of embarrassment or anger, it didn't matter, I was excited nonetheless.

I was supposed to meet Bella at the pub, but decided that I would head directly to her work and pick her up from there. She always insisted on walking to meet me as she thought it an inconvenience for me to pick her up all the time, but I hated the idea of her out in the dark by herself. After all, you never know what type of monsters are lurking in the shadows. I could have insisted on picking her up, but she wanted to be independent and I didn't want to pressure her in any other direction than the one in which she wanted to go. A few times, I had even followed her to ensure that she made it to the library to meet me safely. She would be furious with me if she knew I was doing that, but I could not help myself.

I was almost at the store and I was a jitter of nerves, an odd sensation to say the least and one that I was pretty unfamiliar with. It was rare that I ever put myself in a situation where I was not 100 percent sure of the outcome. However, I couldn't wait to see her.

As I turned the corner and headed toward the store, Bella was just leaving. I stopped dead in my tracks. She was not alone. Logan Connors was with her. He was carrying a large bouquet of flowers and was leading her toward his car. He had his hand on her elbow and was looking at her as if he had just won a prize at a carnival. How the hell did he know it was a special day for her? Have they been talking and she hasn't been telling me? And even so, I couldn't believe she would willingly tell him it was her birthday when she seemed to go out of her way not to remind me of this day.

If I had a heart, I knew it would be in my throat. It was like I had just been sucker punched. I felt sick. How could Bella forget that we had plans? Where was she going? I just stood there like an idiot with my mouth hanging open. A growl immediately sprang from my chest and I could feel my anger building. I wasn't sure who I was mad at. Was it Bella for dumping me for Logan, or was I angry at myself for being vulnerable and getting my hopes smashed?

I turned and headed back to my car. This was so unlike Bella to just forget that she was meeting me. She must really like this guy. What if they started actually dating? _Where would that leave me?_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

I looked at the clock and was exasperated to see that I still had 15 minutes left to my shift. This was the longest day EVER. It had started off with a lovely phone call from Jake, Billy and Raven singing 'Happy Birthday' to me. That was so great and it put me in the best mood on a day that I normally hated to celebrate. Things had been tense between Jake and I since Jasper came back into the picture. I had been keeping him up to date on the time that I was spending with Jasper and to say that he was furious would be putting it mildly. At this point, we were agreeing to disagree on the situation, but if Jacob had his way, he'd have me back on the reservation and doing the rest of my degree via correspondence.

My shift had just crawled along with the store completely dead. And I was working with Needy… again. I swear he was put on earth just to torture me and me alone as we always seemed to work the same shifts. I knew he stared at me when I wasn't looking and would catch him doing it when I walked past a mirror and could see his reflection. I just wish he'd give up the pipe dream. I had never done anything to encourage him so, I don't know why he continues to try and get me to go out with him.

As soon as my shift was over I was meeting Jasper at the pub. The local band that played was fantastic and I loved seeing Jasper relax and unwind with me. He was really a fun guy to be with. I only wished that we were able to get to know each other like this when I was with Edward. Perhaps things would not have turned out they way they did. Well, I couldn't allow myself to think that way. Jasper and I were building a great friendship and I couldn't wait to see where it took us. The fact that I was so excited for the evening had nothing to do with my birthday as Jasper had no idea. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it figuring it would make him uncomfortable to think back to the last birthday I celebrated with the Cullens. I'd rather not even acknowledge that my birthday existed. It was the fact that I was getting another chance to spend time out with Jasper that made the night so enticing.

The front door opened and I heard the chimes that notified us that someone had entered. I looked up from the cash register and saw Logan Connors walking toward me with a huge bouquet of flowers. "Happy Birthday, Miss Bella." He extended the flowers toward me and gave me a slight bow as if he was presenting a gift to a royal.

I was completely floored. How did he know it was my birthday? I just stood there, motionless, waiting for some sort of reality to kick in.

"These are for you." He put the flowers directly in front of me and waited for a response. I looked down at them and then slowly looked back at him, saying nothing. _English Bella, it's your mother tongue, use it. _I was so shocked that I couldn't form any words. I just continued to stare at him as if he were some sort of alien that just walked off a UFO.

"Bella, are you okay? I just wanted to drop by and wish you a happy birthday and to see if I could take you out." He actually waved a hand in front of my face as I continued to be dumb struck.

"Uhhhh." That was my response. _Wow, the IQ was skyrocketing tonight._ Money being well spent on college, I thought to myself as I remained completely unable to form a sentence.

"Bella, seriously, do you need some water. You are looking awfully pale." He came around the counter and put his arm around me and ushered me to a chair outside of one of the changing rooms.

"How did you know it was my birthday?" I stammered. I noticed that he didn't take his arm from around my shoulders as I sat down.

"Oh, I have my ways." He replied slyly. "Are you free to go out with me this evening?"He slowly rubbed my shoulder in lazy circles. His hand was so warm.

"Like a date?" I looked up at him and realized that it might actually be nice to go on a date with him.

"Yes, a date." Logan looked me directly in the eyes, which had widened slightly as he waited for a response. Being this close to him, I was able to see that his dark brown eyes actually had tiny flecks of gold throughout and his eyelashes were extremely long and thick. The kind a woman would kill for.

"Uhh…" I stammered before remembering one important thing… _Jasper_. "I actually have plans tonight… with Jasper. I'm sorry. Would you take a rain check?" _Please take a rain check. _He stood up from his crouched position beside me in the chair and gave me one of his breathtaking smiles.

"I will hold you to that Bella Swan. In the meantime, is Jasper meeting you here or can I drive you to him? That would give us a few more minutes together." He held out his hand, again, as if he didn't think my saying no was an option. That was almost annoying but, he was right, I'd like to spend a few more minutes with him and it would save the walk to the pub by myself. Jasper had always suggested that he would meet me and we would walk together, but I didn't want to feel like a burden or that I was a big chicken to walk by myself.

"Sure, sure… That sounds great. Let me grab my stuff and we can head out." I walked to the staff room and again could feel the heat of his gaze on my back. I grabbed my bag, punched out and headed back out to the front of the store where I seemed to have interrupted a conversation between Logan and Needy as they stopped speaking the moment I appeared. I narrowed my gaze at Needy wondering if that was how Logan found out it was my birthday. Needy was assistant manager of the store so he was privy to my employee file, which would list personal details like my birthday and my phone number. I decided not to give it too much thought. I am sure there was nothing for Needy to gain by helping Logan out.

"Ready?" Logan asked. I nodded and we headed towards the exit. As Logan came up beside me, he held my elbow and gently led me to his car, which was waiting right out front. "What, no limo?" I teased.

"The limo was only because I was coming from my parents. I don't normally travel in that manner, it would be pretty pretentious, no?" He looked at me with his eyebrow raised as if he thought that was probably what I was thinking.

I was pleasantly surprised as he opened the door to a Toyota Prius. "I can see you are somewhat surprised. Did you expect something flashy?"

"There is nothing wrong with fast cars, I am just surprised to find you environmentally conscious, that's all." I slowly lowered myself into the car and looked back up at him.

"Now why would that be? You don't really know me, so how is it that you have already seemed to have formed an opinion of me?" His eyes narrowed and his smile tightened slightly as he waited for my response.

"I'm sorry. I just heard a few rumors and I automatically assumed a few things about you. I apologize, that was rude." I said sheepishly and I hung my head in embarrassment. It was rude of me to have taken Needy's words at face value and I was a bit ashamed of myself for doing so. Logan had not given me any indication that he was the player or scoundrel that Needy had said he was.

His face relaxed and he started to smile at me. "Well, I'll tell you what, I'll let it slide if you promise to give me the opportunity to show you who I really am." He raised his eyebrows at me and gave me the most adorable puppy dog look.

My heart did a little leap as I found myself looking forward to spending more time with him. He was either a really good actor or he was a genuinely nice guy. "Aren't you even the slightest bit curious as to what I heard about you?" I questioned as he closed my door and walked to the other side of the car. He slid his long body into the driver's seat and turned to look at me.

"No. I really could care less about what other people say about me. My family has been talked about and gossiped about for years. That's never going to change and I have learned that I either ignore it or let it drive me crazy. You've already agreed to get to know me and I am confident that you will quickly see the real me. So, now, where are you meeting Jasper?" He turned the key and started the car. I was surprised at how he just brushed off that people were saying unflattering things about him. If that were me, I'd probably never get out of bed in the morning.

"We are meeting at the pub. Would you like to join us?" I really didn't think Jasper would mind. This would give him an opportunity to get to know someone new as well.

I could see that my invitation was one that surprised him, he looked at me a bit shocked. "Yes, I'd love to join you. Will Jasper mind?"

"No, not at all. We are old friends and we didn't have anything special planned for tonight, just hanging out." I gave a shrug of my shoulders as if to emphasize it really was no big deal. "Oh! Please do me a favour and don't mention my birthday… it's … kind of a long personal story that I really can't go into. It's just… well…" _Shoot_, _maybe inviting Logan along was a big mistake._

He glanced my way for a fraction of a second and smiled. "I promise."

I sat back and sighed. "Thanks." The last thing I wanted to do was to ruin a wonderful evening by reminding Jasper of one of the worst nights of our lives.

We walked into the pub and grabbed a booth near the small dance floor. I decided to sit on the side facing the door so I could grab Jasper as he walked in. I checked my watch and saw that it was it was 9:15. Jasper was already 15 minutes late. That was so unlike him.

Logan and I ordered a pitcher of beer and some nachos to munch on. I decided to give Jasper a quick call to see if he was on his way, but the phone went straight to voice mail. Okay, now that was also weird. Jasper never turned his phone off, especially if we weren't together. He even specifically told me it would always be on so I could reach him at any time of the day if I ever needed him. I felt a wave of uneasiness as I tried to pay attention to what Logan was saying. My mind kept wondering where Jasper was. _Give it a rest Bella, he's only a few minutes late._

"Bella, are you listening?" Logan again waved his hand in front of me.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry. I totally wasn't paying attention. I'm worried about Jasper being late, he's never late." I frowned and checked my watch again. I couldn't help but start to feel nauseous as my imagination worked overtime.

"Seriously Bella, are you sure there isn't something going on between the two of you? You seem awfully upset for just an old friend. Plus he's only twenty minutes late, hardly a reason to put out an all points bulletin." Logan looked at me as if I were starting unravel. Which, at this point, I think I was on the brink of doing just that.

I gave my head a shake and faked a little laugh. "I guess you are right, I'm being silly aren't I?"

"I think it is very sweet. It just shows that you are a caring person and are worried about your friend. Just try and relax, I am sure everything is okay."Logan reached across the table and rubbed my hand. I jumped at the contact, snatching my hand away and put it under the table. Logan left his there as if nothing had happened, but I saw a very quick look of surprise and perhaps confusion cross his face. I am sure he was not used to being rebuffed by a female. I looked down at my hand, which I had now placed in my lap. I absently traced the scar that ran from my wrist to my elbow, the permanent reminder of my 18th birthday when Edward tried to protect me from Jasper, but ended up throwing me into a pile of broken crystal dessert plates that had fallen from the dining table and shattered on the floor.

The waitress arrived with the nachos and Logan dug right in. He continued to talk and I tried my best to follow along. I barely picked at the food. I couldn't stop thinking about Jasper. What if he had an accident while hunting this evening? What if it was a car crash? God knows he drives fast enough. I shook my head, it's not like either of those would actually kill him, he was indestructible. I had to get a grip, I was being incredibly rude to Logan. I vowed I'd stop worrying and enjoy the moment at hand.

I spent the next hour laughing and talking with Logan. With an enormous amount of effort on my part, I was surprised to find I was having a really good time. I looked at my watch and saw that it was now 10:30. The time had flown by and I was now feeling guilty that I was able to stopworrying about Jasper. _What kind of friend was I?_ I should be out looking for him.

"Logan, I had a great time. Thank you so much for the flowers and for taking me out, but I think I should call it a night and head home." I started to gather my things and slide out of the booth.

I could see the disappointment on Logan's face when I suggested ending the night, but he didn't say anything. I immediately felt bad as he had completely gone out of his way to try and get me to stop worrying and he had actually succeeded which made me feel even worse.

Logan pulled up to the curb in front of my building and leaned slightly toward me as he looked out the window at the building. "You live here?" He asked as if he doubted he had the correct address.

"Yes, I do." I said in a tone that obviously provided him with enough of a hint that he should not make any further comments. He got out of the car and opened the door for me. _Such a gentleman._ He offered his hand in order to help me, but didn't move when I stood up, which meant we were almost chest to chest when I was fully out of the car and standing up. I looked up at him and was immediately lost again in his deep brown eyes. He was so handsome that it was almost hard to look at him. My breath caught as I noticed his eyes slightly lowered and his face was slowly coming toward mine. _He's going to kiss me!_ I panicked and immediately pulled back and let go of his hand. A kiss, I hadn't kissed anyone other than Edward in my entire life. And those kisses were all closed mouth kisses. Careful kisses. Not that they didn't get my blood racing, but I knew a kiss from Logan would be like something I had never experienced. There would be no need to hold back. It hit me in the head like a brick that I wasn't ready.

"I'm sorry Bella. That was forward of me." Logan stammered, clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed at being refused. I am sure no one ever refused a kiss from Logan Connors. I felt like a total ass.

"No, please don't. It's just that...I want to but..." Ugh, I didn't know what to say to alleviate this awkward feeling. "I just need more time." I tried to smile as looked up at him pleading with him to understand.

Logan looked back at me and reached his hand out again. "Well, that's better than an outright no, so I'll take it. Look Bella, I like you and I can see myself really liking you. You are totally different than any other girl I've ever met and I really want to get to know you and I want you to get to know me. Is that something you might be interested in?" He pulled me up on the curb and closed the door behind me.

_Was I interested? Is water wet? _Hell yeah, I wanted to get to know him and if he was willing to take it slow, I was on board in a big way.

"Yes, Logan, I think I would like that." He burst into the biggest smile and I couldn't help, but give him one just as big back. "Thanks for this evening Logan. I really appreciate it." He turned and grabbed the flowers out of the car and handed them to me. "Thanks for the flowers, they are absolutely beautiful. No one has ever bought flowers for me before." I leaned in and took a deep breath. They smelled so wonderful.

The look of shock that crossed his face was almost comical. "Well Bella, it appears that you are in need of someone spoiling you and I'm gladly applying for the position." He cautiously leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the cheek. My skin felt like it was going to burst into flames. His lips were so soft and warm that I almost wanted to give kissing him a try. _Almost._

"You'll quickly learn that I hate to be spoiled." My face was on fire from blushing. The spot where he kissed my cheek felt like it was blistering from the contact and I fought every urge to reach up and touch it. "Well, I'm going to head in now. Thanks again for a great evening."

"I'll call you and make plans for a real date for next week okay?" Logan walked around to the driver's side of the car. "Have a good night Bella, sweet dreams and Happy Birthday." And with that, he drove off into the night.

I signed and turned toward the front door of my building. Tonight would have been perfect had it been an actual date and I hadn't spent most of the evening worrying about Jasper. _Jasper!_ I ran into the building so I could get to my apartment quickly to check for messages.

As I bounded up the stairs and was about to put my key in the door, I heard a noise behind me and immediately knew that I was no longer alone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

I spun around quickly with my keys in my hand, holding them out as if they were the deadliest weapons ever invented.

"Jasper! What the hell? You scared the crap out of me." My knees were weak as the terror slowly left my body. He just stood there staring at me. It hit me how relieved I was to see him in one piece and to see that… W_hat? He was in one piece?_ _What was I thinking? He's indestructible!_ Before I thought through my actions, I dropped the flowers I was holding and lunged at him across the hallway, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him as tight as I could. It was like wrapping my arms around a marble statue and the breath was knocked out of my lungs at the impact of hitting his cold hard body, but I didn't care. I buried my face in his neck and almost started to sob as I inhaled his sweet scent into my lungs. I didn't realize just how worried I was. For a brief second, I swore that Jasper completely relaxed into me and turned his face so it was buried in my hair. However, as quickly as that happened, he pulled back and immediately tensed.

The moment Jasper tensed, I knew I had stepped over a line. I slowly backed away and looked up at him. "Oh god Jasper...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to take you by surprise like that...are you okay? Should I, ah, do you want me to go into the apartment for a bit?" I slowly started backing away, embarrassed by my actions and for putting him in an uncomfortable situation. His face remained emotionless and I could tell he was soaking in all the emotions I was throwing at him.

"No, I'm fine Bella. I just wasn't expecting to be attacked and I am just a little surprised at how the evening has gone." Even though he gave me a slight smile, his voice was completely monotone, but his eyes remained topaz so I knew he was in control.

Therefore, my irrational anger kicked in and all sensibility left my body. "Where the hell were you? I waited for you at the pub. I called and left messages. I've been worried sick about you." I yelled at him. My eyes were now stinging from tears. Tears that I had no intention of fighting back once they finally appeared. I was mad and demanded that he provide me with an explanation. If I didn't know it would hurt me more than him, I might have actually given him a smack in the arm for making me so upset.

Jasper's eyes narrowed significantly. "I'm a little confused as to why _you_ are mad at _me_ Bella Swan. Don't you think it should be the other way around? Do you mean to say you actually thought of me while you were on your date? Were you thinking of how you were going explain standing me up? I expected more from you Bella. At least a phone call to tell me you weren't going to meet me." The venom in his voice was actually startling.

"What are you talking about? I went to the pub. I waited for you." _Has he lost his mind? Why would he ever think I would stand him up? _

"Bella, I showed up at your work to surprise you. I saw you leave with Logan," His eyes zeroed in on the bouquet I had dropped in front of my door. "The flowers, his hand on your arm. Looked pretty apparent to me that the two of you were on your way out for the evening." Jasper suddenly spat as he started to pace the hallway.

"Are you serious? You actually think that I would just dump you, not call or anything, for Logan? What is wrong with you? Logan showed up at my work and asked me out. I said that I already had plans with you so he was gracious enough to offer me a ride to meet you, Jasper, YOU. As a matter of fact, I was completely rude to him while he graciously waited with me for you. I barely paid any attention to him at all due to the fact that I was so worried about you." My anger had now reached the point where the tears poured freely. "And the next time you want someone to get a hold of you, keep your damn phone on!"

I turned from him, opened the door to my apartment and stomped inside. I was embarrassed to have Jasper see me cry. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder and Jasper slowly turned me around. "Bella, I'm so sorry, I misread the entire situation. I can tell you are being honest and I should have known that you wouldn't just not cancel on me if you decided to do something else. I didn't mean to anger you or worry you. I'm such an ass." His eyes pleaded with me as he slowly reached up and wiped the tears that were streaming down my face. His cold fingers felt wonderful on my flushed cheeks and I found myself leaning into his hand, which he now used to cup the side of my face. "It has been so long since I have done this, you know, have a friend and frankly, I don't know what I'm doing."

"Jasper, I would never do anything to hurt you. You have to believe that, believe in me. Allow me to be the friend to you that you want to be to me. It is the only way our friendship is ever going to work." I pleaded with him as I reached out and placed my hands on his shoulders.

Jasper pulled me into a tight hug. "Thank you Bella, thank you for being so caring and honest with me. I promise to remember that from now on." He released me and oddly, I missed his touch immediately. It still seemed too strange for Jasper to be so touchy feely. I wasn't about to complain, I missed being touched and I realized at that moment, that I liked Jasper doing the touching.

I swiped my face with my palms. I hated that my tear ducts were attached to my anger. What a night. I looked back at Jasper, watching as he went back out to the hallway to pick up the flowers I had dropped on the floor when I attacked him with a hug. I felt so bad for how the evening had gone and was feeling even worse that Jasper was sitting outside my apartment thinking that I had callously stood him up for Logan. It showed me just how sensitive Jasper was and how I had to be just as careful with his emotions as he was with mine. I decided to attempt to lighten the mood now that we had straightened out the confusion of the evening. "Do you still want to hang for a bit? We don't have classes tomorrow and I'm not working so let's do a movie marathon!!" I kicked off my boots and walked toward the tv.

"Actually, I had something else in mind." Jasper looked at me with hesitation. "Bella, I want you to promise me you are not going to freak out and over react when you hear what I am going to say next."

I turned back to face Jasper and my hands immediately went to my hips in a defensive stance. "Okay, nothing good comes from someone asking you not to freak out before you even tell them what it is! How can I promise that? Is this about you? Are you okay?" My imagination was again kicking into over drive. Hundreds of scenarios started to play out in my mind, none of them ending with Jasper still being here.

He chuckled, "This is completely about you, I am fine. It's just that I want to do something for you and I want you to promise to let me."

I couldn't take this. "Are you leaving?" I blurted. What if he thought it would be better for me if he left. _Shit, I shouldn't have over reacted earlier and yelled at him._

The look of shock on his face was immediate. "What? No, Bella, what would give you that idea? Okay, let's dial this back a bit and calm down. I have a birthday present that I want to give you." Jasper had his hands held up towards me as if he were about to approach an armed suspect.

I sighed a breath of relief. _Okay, he's not leaving. How bad could this be?_ "Did it cost a lot?"

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Bella, I have a lot so it doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does, and you know me well enough to know that." I sighed and watched as his face was starting to fall and then it hit me. "Wait, you knew it was my birthday?"

"Of course I did. How could I ever forget the date? You know the reasons why I never would or could. This is especially why I want to do something really special for you and make up for the horrible birthday you had when I last saw you." Jasper's eyes were already begging me for acceptance. "Please don't refuse me."

I didn't have the heart to kick up a fuss before I even knew what the gift was. "What is it?" I sighed knowing I was going to have to give in just to make up for our first little _spat_.

"I want to take you to Martha's Vineyard for the weekend. The drive is only a few hours, but I know I can get us there much quicker. We could spend the day hiking, biking and walking along the beaches. It is supposed to be overcast all weekend so it will be perfect. Please don't say no. I really want to do this for you. I was thinking we would leave in the morning, but since my bag is already in the car, we can actually go now. You can quickly pack and then sleep on the way." He spat out the entire description of the weekend as if he thought the quicker he got it out, the less chance I would have to interrupt before he was finished.

_Wow_, a weekend in Martha's Vineyard. Even though I hated the idea of the extravagance of the gift, I was pretty excited about the idea of getting away. It sounded like a lot of fun and there was no one I'd rather go with.

We had both agreed that we were going to throw caution to the wind and put our all into this friendship and this seemed like a great way to do something I would never do. "Okay, Jasper, let's do it, but under one condition…"

"And that is what?" He raised an eyebrow as if he was leery as to what I might be suggesting next.

"You promise not to jump to conclusions like you did earlier this evening and shut me out by turning your phone off and I will promise I'll always do the same."

"That sounds like a good deal to me."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Bella quickly threw the items she needed for the weekend in a bag and was ready within twenty minutes of accepting my gift. Words could not express how thrilled I was that she didn't even attempt to put up a fight and her only condition was a promise I would gladly keep. The Bella that I used to know would have had to have been dragged to the car kicking and screaming. This was certainly a pleasant change and I was determined to take advantage of it. Since we both had every Friday free from classes, perhaps I could make weekend trips a regular thing as long as it didn't interfere with her job, of course.

I carried her bag for her and we headed to my car. She stopped short when she noticed what I would be driving. "Wow, is that yours? It's beautiful." She walked around the entire car, lightly tracing her fingers along it as if she were afraid she would hurt it if she were to use too much pressure. "What kind of car is this?"

I smiled, as this latest purchase was currently my pride and joy. "This is a Porsche Boxster RS 60 Spyder. I bought it shortly before coming here. I promise not to go too fast, as I recall, you were never into speed." I placed her bag in the trunk and opened the door for her.

She chewed her bottom lip at my comment about speed. "No, I don't mind speed anymore Jasper. I'd love you open her up once we are on the highway." Her statement stopped me dead in my tracks and I watched as she continued to slowly make her way around to the passenger side where I was still standing holding the door open for her. She looked up at me and graced me with a smile, one of her beautiful smiles that literally took my breath away. "Thank you Jasper, I am really looking forward to this weekend." She lowered herself it to the car and I closed the door behind her. It was such a nice night that I had the top down. She reached into her pocket, pulled out an elastic band and wound her long shiny brown hair into a bun.

I hopped into the drivers seat and revved up the engine. A big smile broke across my face as I listened to the sound, almost as if it were purring. I glanced at Bella and she was smiling as well. "So, if memory serves, you had a truck that wouldn't go over 55 and you used to lecture all of us on speeding. What changed?"

Her lips puckered as if she just tasted something sour. Immediately, I wished I could take the words back as I felt her work through some pretty serious emotions. "I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to bring up the past. Let's forget about it and add that to the list of things we'll talk about when we are ready." I turned on the radio. "What type of music do you want to listen to?" I frantically tried to change the subject.

"Would you believe that I have a motorcycle?" She looked at me with a timid smile.

I nearly drove off the road. "What? A bike, you drive a bike now? I honestly don't think you could have said anything that would have shocked me more." I couldn't picture tiny Bella manoeuvring a motorbike. That was something I definitely had to see in person and made a mental note that I would ensure that it happened. I immediately pictured her on a motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket, her long shiny hair falling out of her helmet and knew she would look incredibly sexy. _Whoa, where did that come from?_

"Oh, don't act so shocked Jasper! There is a lot about me that has changed. Life is too short to be so cautious all the time." She immediately sat up straighter in her chair and crossed her arms in front of her as if she were trying to look defiant.

"I believe a lot has changed. I've noticed many things that are different about you. From your looks to your personality and I'm glad I'm getting the chance to know the new you." I looked at her and watched as she leaned her head against the window.

"Me too, Jasper, me too." She murmured as she yawned and then quickly drifted off to sleep.

The time flew by while she was sleeping. I pulled over and put the top of the convertible up so she could sleep easier without the wind blowing stray strands of her silky brown hair around her angelic face. Each strand that tickled her cheeks caused her face to scrunch into an annoyed expression and it took everything within me not to reach over and tuck the offending hairs behind her ear. I continued to take brief glances at her while I drove as quickly as I could to get us to our destination. She looked so peaceful, finally at rest. I knew she still wasn't sleeping well, I could tell by the dark purple circles under her eyes, they were not much lighter than mine, and the exhaustion that always seemed to be with her. We certainly were quite the pair. I wanted to show her a great time this weekend, have her relax, really let go and have fun. For so many reasons, I was determined to make it my mission to heal her. Make her whole again. I think I needed to do it for myself perhaps, even more so than for her. As if by completing her, I would complete myself. By fixing her, I would, in turn, fix myself. She was such beautiful person who didn't deserve the life that she had been handed. Jacob had done wonders, but she was still incomplete and bit by bit, I would finish the puzzle that was Bella. I felt like such a fool for misreading the situation earlier this evening. I should have known Bella would not stand me up. She was such a caring and giving person that it would totally not be in her nature to do something so thoughtless or selfish. When she arrived at her apartment, I was so wrapped up in my anger that I didn't register how happy she was to see me. Then, when she threw herself at me and wrapped her arms around me, I was amazed at how her touch immediately wiped the anger away. Nothing else mattered but the fact that she was happy and in my arms. For the first time in a long, long time, I felt completely calm and at peace. Then, Bella buried her face into my neck a different and slightly inappropriate feeling swept over me which caused me to tense. _This is Bella, get a hold of yourself. _I gave my head a shake as I thought back to that moment.

After two hours of solid sleep, Bella sat up with a start. Her eyes were frantic and she immediately wrapped her arms around herself as she tried to absorb her surroundings. "Oh, Jasper, I completely forget where I was. How long have we been driving?" She asked as she rubbed her eyes and let out a brief yawn.

"We are about half way there. Glad to see that you were able to sleep a little bit. It will be the middle of the night when we arrive, so you'll be able to catch up on more sleep when we get to the hotel." Now that Bella was awake, I turned the music up a bit louder. It happened to be a song that she liked and she started singing along and moving in her seat to the music. It was hard to believe how much I enjoyed watching her as she closed her eyes and swayed to the song.

"Who is this?" I asked. I still hadn't quite wrapped my mind around current music, my tastes were slightly behind the times.

"This is Alicia Keys and it's her new song, No One. I love the lyrics and the beat." She continued to sing along and I listened closely to the song. She was right, it was a great song.

My curiosity about the events from earlier this evening had been eating at me for the entire drive and I needed to get some questions answered. "So, how did Logan know it was your birthday?" _Why did saying his name automatically make my stomach clench?_

Bella hesitated a bit and I noticed her forehead actually crinkled as she thought about her answer. "Actually, I asked him that and I never got a straight answer, but I think he might have bribed Needy for it. Needy is so desperate to be part of the "in" crowd he'd do anything if it got him into Logan's good books. Shoot, I guess I should have pressed him further about that however…" Her eyes narrowed and she smiled as she threw a little barb my way. "My mind was side tracked by a missing friend."

"Ouch, okay. I deserved that. As we agreed, I won't jump to conclusions so it won't happen again. So, he went to the store to ask you out?" I didn't want to drop the subject so I pressed her again.

"Yes, I asked for a rain check since you and I had plans." She shrugged her shoulders as if it were no big deal.

I cleared my throat and worked up my nerve to ask what I really wanted to know. "How did the evening end, did you make further plans?" My stomach officially flipped over.

Bella looked at her hands and started to play with her cuticles. I was overwhelmed with how nervous she was all of a sudden.

"Bella, why are you so nervous. You can talk to me about anything. Did he do something to you?" My voice was automatically tight as I thought of Logan and all the inappropriate things I am sure he wanted to do to her. _Control yourself. _My mind started to see him groping her in his car, touching her and forcing himself on her.

"God, no, nothing like that! " She paused. "He did try to kiss me at the end though." She looked at me and I could feel the heat from her blush.

"Oh… well… I thought you liked him. Did you not want to kiss him?" Why was my body absolutely screaming at the fact that he tried to kiss her. It's not like I wanted to be the one to kiss her, why should this bother me so? If my hands clenched the steering wheel any tighter while I waited for her answer, I swear I would have bent it.

She continued to play with her hands. "No... I don't know... I mean, yes, I think. Perhaps. Ugh. It's just that..well..I've nev...god, I'm too embarrassed to even say it." She covered her face with her hands.

"Don't be embarrassed with me Bella. There is nothing you could ever say that would change my opinion of you. Please, tell me."

Bella took a deep breath and blurted "It's just that I've never kissed anyone other than Edward and those were always careful closed mouth kisses. I've never even kissed a human before. Wow, when I say that out loud that just sounds bizarre...and a little sad really. Anyhow, so I backed off when he leaned in to kiss me. I didn't know what to do. Oh my god! I'm 22 and I've never kissed a human male before. I'm going to die a virgin." Her blush had turned a deep scarlet and she covered her face with her hands again. I noticed that the blush had spread to her neck.

My mind was racing. _She'd only ever kissed Edward? _I knew how careful Edward had been with her as Emmett and I constantly teased him about it. He refused to take things any further. Everyone in the house knew that he was completely frustrated, and believe me, I _knew_ just how frustrated he was and I also remember feeling that from Bella as well on occasion. Edward was always so cautious, overly so. We explained to him that, providing he was extremely careful and took things slowly, he could have done so much more physically with Bella. The minute amount of venom that she would receive from an open mouth kiss would do nothing more than slightly numb her mouth and the effects disappeared rapidly. Nothing serious at all as far as I was concerned and I am sure Bella wouldn't have minded it. As for the actual act of sex, with a condom, anything could be done. Vampires have inhabited the earth for centuries, we've definitely had sex with humans before. The biggest problem was maintaining control over your thirst and not biting while you were in the throes of the actual act. It was obvious now that Edward never took our advice. _Wow, Bella had never even been properly kissed before._ I was shocked. I would have thought that something might have happened between her and Jacob, if not with Edward. Immediately I felt protective of her and did not want her wasting her first kiss on someone like Logan Connors who probably had a long list of conquests. He was probably just looking for another notch on the old bedpost.

"Jasper, I just put something very personal out there and if you don't say something soon, I'm going to open this door and tuck and roll." She threatened. I hadn't realized that I drifted off into my own world as I processed what she had told me.

"I'm just… surprised at your revelation Bella, that's all. Sorry. I have to say that it astonishes me that someone so beautiful, gracious and selfless as you hasn't been snatched up yet. I would have thought you had a thing with Jacob from the way you describe your relationship." I felt bad for making her feel uncomfortable with taking so long to respond.

"Well, at one point Jacob did feel for me that way, but he impri...ah, he met Raven and that was that. Love at first sight, soul mates. They are so perfect for one another." She smiled wistfully as she thought about her friends. "My relationship with Jake is kind of a long story and a bit complicated. I'll have to tell you about it someday."

Bella sat straight up in her chair as a thought just occurred to her. "Oh SHIT! Jake is going to have a FIT when he hears that I've gone away for the weekend with you. I should call him and tell him." She reached for her purse and pulled out her cell phone.

"Bella, it's the middle of the night. You'll just wake him up and cause him more worry than anything else. You can call him tomorrow." I felt myself frowning as Bella started to fret over telling Jacob.

"He's so going to kill me." She sunk into her seat and I was flooded with actual feelings of terror coming from her, which immediately made me feel extremely protective again. While it was pretty safe in assuming that Jacob wasn't going to physically harm her and she was joking with her statement, her feelings were so strong that I couldn't help myself.

"He's not your keeper Bella. You are a grown woman and can do what you want with whomever you want. I know you feel you owe a lot to Jacob for everything he did for you, but he shouldn't be able to control who you spend time with." I shook my head as I wondered why she felt she needed to be at his beck and call.

"You're right, I know you're right. I just hate upsetting him. Maybe I'll just call him in the morning." She looked at me and smiled, turned off her cell and threw it back into her bag.

"That's the right attitude!" I smiled at her and felt her begin to relax again. This was going to be a great weekend, I could feel it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

We arrived at the hotel in the middle of the night. The drive was much quicker due to Jasper driving at breakneck speeds the entire way. The scenery flew by in a blur. His new car was beautiful, a symphony on wheels. I loved the way it hugged the road, the way it purred when he revved the engine. The last time I had been in a car with Jasper we were on the run from James so I never appreciated what an amazing driver he was. I could tell he loved the speed. He was in complete control of the car, in a state of total relaxation, one that I had never seen him in before.

We pulled up to the front of the hotel and he quickly slid into a parking spot. I found it amusing that Jasper didn't even bother to check whether or not they had valets, but I knew he was not about to allow some stranger drive his new baby.

Jasper pulled our bags out of the trunk and was at my side before I even had my seatbelt undone. He looked at me sheepishly realizing he was no longer moving at human speed. I found myself very excited to be here. It wasn't really even the 'here' that excited me. I was spending time with Jasper, who was opening up to me more and more every day, and I loved every second we had together. Plus, we were away from school, which meant that I didn't have to work and I didn't have to spend any time with Needy. We had no worries for the next 72 hours.

We walked through the front entrance and I was immediately in love with the inn. It was so quaint and perfect. Exactly like something you would see on a postcard or a picturesque little painting in a marina somewhere. The inn overlooked the harbour and I could see the lights sparkling in the distance from all the boats that had been docked.

Jasper took care of checking in and I stayed as far away from him as possible. If I had any inclination as to how much things were costing, I knew I would not be so thrilled with the weekend. I sat down in one of the couches in the foyer and waited for him. I watched as the clerk at the front desk stuttered and stammered all over herself when she looked up and saw Jasper. I continually forgot how he managed to dazzle women. She was an attractive woman and I found myself sitting up straighter as I watched her write something down on a piece of paper and slide it to him. _What the hell? Is she giving him her number? Does she not see me here?? _Not that we were a couple, but it's not like the hussy at the front desk knew that. I sat back and crossed my arms in a huff. I closed my eyes not wanting to watch the spectacle that was going on in front of me and started to wonder why it was even bothering me. I didn't realize how tired I was until I felt Jasper pick me up from the couch. "Jasper, put me down. I can walk!"

"Not a chance, I dragged you out here in the middle of the night, the least you can let me do is pamper you." He smiled at me and carried me toward the stairs as if I weighed no more than another piece of luggage. _Hey, who was I to argue? _I couldn't help but look over his shoulder toward the tramp at the front desk and give her a slight smirk as I took the opportunity to bury my head into his neck. I inhaled Jasper's scent deep into my lungs and heard a content sigh escape my lips. I think I dazzled myself by doing that. Jasper looked down at me and smiled.

Being in Jasper's arms was beginning to feel so right, like it was somewhere that I belonged. I knew it was so wrong of me to have these feelings, but so much was missing from my life that I couldn't help but grasp onto this little bit of comfort. When Jasper would touch me in the slightest way, I felt a part of me wake up. My mind kept telling me it was only friendship, but my body seemed to respond in ways that made me feel that perhaps it wanted more. And more of Jasper was something I could never have. I couldn't, _wouldn't _even go there.

He opened the door to the suite and set me down inside. My mouth dropped wide open. It was breathtaking. There was a large balcony that wrapped around the front and side of the room, which overlooked the harbour. A large bedroom was to the left and a living room directly in front of us. I nervously gulped as I realized there was only one bedroom.

"Um, Jasper, there must be a mistake. They gave us a room with only one bedroom." I turned and looked at him confused.

He gently placed his hand on my lower back and while it was a cool touch, heat immediately blossomed where his hand touched my body. He gently pushed me further into the room. "Bella, I don't need a bedroom, I don't sleep, remember? That is all for you. I'll relax out here on the couch while you sleep and get ready." He closed the door behind us and I heard the click as the lock slid into place.

"Oh, okay then." I shrugged my shoulders and watched as Jasper brought my bag into the room and placed it on the bed.

He turned and gave me another one of his heart stopping smiles. "Well sleepy head, you should try and catch some rest, we have a big day ahead of us."

"Oh, we do, do we?" Oddly enough, I was dead tired, but I didn't want to sleep, I was too excited at being here with Jasper. I wanted to hang out with him a bit longer.

Jasper walked past me and headed toward the living room. "Yes, and I don't want a tired Bella on my hands. Doesn't a tired Bella equal a more clumsy Bella?" He turned and gave me a wink and settled himself on the couch.

"Smart ass." I shot back at him and resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him. I watched him get comfortable on the couch, stretching his long legs out in front of him, he ran his long elegant fingers through his soft blond hair and then stretched his arms out in front of him, I found myself mesmerized by each tiny movement, soaking up every minute detail as he got himself comfortable. He looked up at me as I stood there staring at him and he raised his eyebrows expectantly, as if he were waiting for me to say or do something. I shook myself back to reality. "Well, I think I'm going to have a quick shower before I go to sleep. What are you going to do?" I hesitated at the door hoping to start up a conversation so he might want to sit up and chat a bit longer.

Jasper started rummaging through his bag which was beside him on the couch and didn't look up at me. "I'm going to pop out for a bit. I won't be gone long."

I immediately knew that he was going out to hunt and didn't ask any other questions. I watched as he pulled out a huge book on the Civil War. "I'll hang out here once I'm back and do some light reading while you get some sleep. I want you rested for our big day."

I turned around, slightly disappointed, and walked back into the bedroom. I heard him leave the room and the door lock behind him. Jasper had left my bag on top of the bed so I decided to unpack everything before settling in for the night. I hopped into the shower and quickly cleaned myself off. Normally I liked to have a nice long shower in the evening, but I just wanted to get out and listen for Jasper's return. I changed into my favourite comfy pj's, a cute little black tank top that had tiny rhinestones along the neckline and a pair of black flannel bottoms that had skull and cross bones all over them. They were a gift from Raven and Jake and they made me think of home. I threw my long hair up into a ponytail as I hated waking up with hair all over my face. I brushed my teeth and hopped into bed. It was SO comfortable. Probably the most comfortable bed I had ever been in. After sleeping on a fold out couch for a while, this felt like I was lying on a cloud. I curled up on my side and waited for sleep to take me. And, I waited. And, continued to wait. I tossed and turned until I thought I couldn't get myself any further twisted in the bed sheets.

I heard the door to the main room open and close again. Jasper was back. The shower in the main bathroom turned on and I lay in bed listening to Jasper move around in the other room as he cleaned up from his hunt. I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes trying not to picture what he was doing but the mental pictures were too tantalizing to ignore. When the shower shut off, the room went totally silent. Jasper didn't make a sound, probably for my benefit, maybe hoping the quiet would help me fall to sleep as I am sure he could sense that I was still awake and could feel how restless I was in here. It wasn't working. The sound of the clock ticking was driving me crazy, I rolled over to see if I could muffle the sound by covering up the clock and realized that it was a digital clock. _Wow, I'm lying here actually hearing a ticking clock. Good luck getting to sleep!_ It was 3:11 a.m.

I couldn't stop thinking about Jasper in the next room. I almost felt bad that I was relaxing in such a comfy bed and he was stuck out there on the couch. I continued to toss and turn for what felt like another few hours when I finally risked looking at the clock again. 3:27 a.m. _WHAT? _I finally threw the covers off me and stomped out of the bedroom.

Jasper had stretched out on the couch and looked to be engrossed in what was probably the thickest novel I had ever seen. "I can't sleep. What are you doing?" _Like it isn't obvious?_

Jasper chuckled under his breath, but I still heard it. "I was wondering how long you were going to stay in there. It sounded like the sheets were attacking you. You just need to relax Bella." He sat up and put his book on the coffee table. He shyly looked up at me. "Would you like some help?"

Jasper had kept his word and had not used his ability on me since the first day he showed up at my apartment. "Help? What are you going to do?"

"I can help you relax." He stood up and tentatively walked toward me. I again thought back to when we were on the run from James and he would put me in such a state of relaxation that I was able to fall asleep even though I was going through the most terrifying experience in my entire life.

"Yes, I'd really appreciate that." I smiled at him. This was certainly much more pleasant circumstances that the last time he had to do this for me.

Jasper visibly relaxed and gathered his things. It was then that I noticed he had actually changed into a pair of comfortable lounging pants and a thermal long sleeved t shirt that fit him like a second skin. Wow, he looked amazing even when he was lazing around. I mentally chastised myself for continuing to check Jasper out. _Friends don't do that._ "Great, let's go back into the bedroom where you will be more comfortable, I'll bring my book so you will stay relaxed as long as I'm there."

I skipped back into the bedroom and suddenly felt incredibly nervous. Jasper was going to be on a bed with me. I was going to be on a bed with Jasper! _Okay, no big deal._ I crawled up on the bed and watched as he got himself comfortable on the other side.

He stretched his long legs out in front of him and I tried again not to ogle him, but I couldn't help it, he was so perfect. I couldn't stop myself, but I thought back to all the nights that Edward would hold me while I slept. I mentally slapped myself, I had to stop thinking about the past. Jasper grabbed another pillow, fluffed it and placed it on his lap, which he then proceeded to pat gently. "Come here, put your head in my lap and relax." He smiled at me knowingly as if he knew the internal conflict I had just gone through.

I moved slowly toward him and stretched out on my side with my back to him. He pulled the elastic band out of my ponytail and began running his fingers through my long hair. Immediately, I felt relaxed and closed my eyes.

I could feel waves of calm washing over me as Jasper continued to slowly play with my hair. Again, I couldn't help myself. The memories of when Edward used to hold me and hum my lullaby helping me to sleep crept back in. Those were the best sleeps and they were the last time I had slept peacefully through a night. _No! _I couldn't think of those times, I wouldn't. I concentrated on the feeling that my body was becoming heavier and heavier as Jasper continued his slow motions through my hair. It was the most wonderful feeling and the last thing I remember was the cool gentle caress of a hand across my cheek.

I awoke with a start some time later. I sat straight up and took a look at my surroundings, momentarily forgetting where I was. Jasper looked at me calmly and gave me a huge smile. "Good morning, sleepy head, or should I say, good afternoon?"

"Afternoon!? What time is it?" I jumped up and looked at the clock on the bedside table. It read 11:30. "Oh Jasper, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have let me sleep for so long. I've wasted half the day." I whined. I couldn't believe the time, but I did feel fantastic and very well rested.

"Bella, don't fret over it. You obviously needed the sleep and I was more than happy to wait for you while you had it. Listen, I wasn't planning on our leaving until this morning anyway, so technically, we would not have been arriving until now if we had stuck to the original plan." He smiled at me as he reached over and tousled the front of my hair.

He always knew what to say to make me feel better. "Thanks Jasper. I don't feel quite so guilty when you put it that way!" Without thinking I leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek as a thanks. He stiffened immediately and I pulled back quickly, embarrassed that I had done that and made both of us uncomfortable. I scooted off the bed as if nothing happened. As soon as I closed the bathroom door behind me, I brought my hands to my lips. Jasper's cheek was the cool marble that I remembered a vampire's skin would be, yet when I kissed him, I felt nothing but warmth, which was completely unexpected. I rubbed my lips absently and looked at my reflection in the mirror, noticing that I was smiling at what had just happened. I hopped into the shower not bothering to take the usual twenty minutes to relax myself. I felt the best I had in the longest time and I was anxious to get out and get the day started. I quickly dried my hair and threw on my jeans and a long sleeved tight white and navy blue striped t-shirt. I searched through my bag for my favourite sweater, which I tied around my waist, slipped my feet into my shoes and finally left the bedroom.

The scent of the most appetizing breakfast I had ever seen hit my nose the moment I left the bedroom. Jasper had ordered a feast of food while I was getting ready.

"Are we expecting someone to join us to help me eat all this food?" I asked. My stomach roared in protest at the thought of sharing. The smell of the feast in front of me had kicked my saliva glands into high gear and my stomach automatically started to clench in anticipation of actually being fed. I hadn't realized how hungry I actually was. The last time I ate was a few nachos with Logan at the pub and before, that, well, I really couldn't remember.

Jasper laughed at my poor attempt of a joke. "I didn't know what you would want so I took the liberty of ordering a variety of different things. Don't worry about rushing, enjoy, we have lots of time before we need to head out and I still need to shower and get ready as well."

I sat down at the table and dug in. There were Belgium waffles with the biggest strawberries I had ever seen. My mouth was watering uncontrollably as I scooped a generous helping of whipped cream on top of the strawberries and began to devour them. Jasper again sat back and watched me eat with a very satisfied look on his face.

"This is becoming a habit." I said as I swallowed the scrumptious bite I had just finished chewing.

"What is that?" He looked slightly confused.

"You watching me devour food like I haven't eaten for weeks on end. My table manners seem to leave a bit to be desired whenever I am with you, but I hardly ate yesterday and I am starving." I took another huge bite of my waffle and moaned involuntarily as my taste buds screamed with pleasure.

He smiled at me and excused himself to go have his shower.

After the waffle, I dug into a blueberry muffin and downed a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. My appetite would have made Jacob proud! I was just about to start on some scrambled eggs and bacon when Jasper came out of the bedroom. His hair was still damp and it hung in his eyes. He had changed into a snug pair of jeans as well and a white long sleeved t-shirt. I sighed as I lost myself in thought, absorbing his perfect details as he rubbed a towel through his hair. I wondered what he would look like with his shirt off and let my mind conjure up a picture of its own. I had noticed he never wore anything that wasn't long sleeved and I was curious to see just how muscular those arms were. _Wow, he is hot. _He looked up at me just as I thought that and gave me a sly look.

"What are you thinking?" He asked as he tossed the towel over the back of the chair across from me and sat down.

"I uh…" _Shit, busted. _My cheeks heated suddenly. "I was just thinking how good you have been to me since we've starting hanging out. I'm so lucky to have you as a friend and… um… I wanted to thank you again for last night. I honestly can't remember the last time I had such a restful sleep. I didn't even dream." _Oh god! I'm rambling again!_ I desperately needed to close my mouth and fast before I blurted something out by mistake. I smiled and reached across the table to give his hand a squeeze. The moment we touched, I immediately felt electricity where my skin came in contact with his. I didn't move my hand from his and continued to look at him straight in the eye.

Jasper kept his hand under mine and I felt a slight twitch run through his fingers. He reached up with his right hand and placed it on top of mine and I had felt the strangest sensation sweep up my arm. Even though my hand was now encased by his two cool palms, his fingers wrapped around the outside of my hand, he squeezed slightly causing warm currents to again run through my body. He slowly looked up at me and I felt myself fall into his gaze. "The pleasure was all mine."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Bella laid her head in my lap and the small amount of anxiety I had been feeling disappeared the second I touched her. I removed the elastic band from her lustrous long brown hair. It fanned out behind her into a pile around my waist. Slowly, I ran my fingers through it as she let out a sigh and closed her eyes. It was like wrapping the finest silk around every finger, the feeling was one I had never experienced before. I had never felt hair that was so long, so soft and so thick. Alice's hair was short and spiky and always 'done'. She never liked it if I messed with it.

I sent soothing waves of calm toward Bella and with her so close, I was also feeling the most relaxed I had in a very, very long time, perhaps years. Her breathing slowed almost immediately, her body completely relaxed, her heart rate dropped significantly and within minutes, she fell into a deep peaceful sleep. I could have easily moved her to the side and she would have stayed asleep, but I didn't want to move an inch. I slowly ran my finger along the side of her cheek and watched as her lush pink lips parted just slightly. She was so beautiful. It was such a privilege for me to be able to provide her with this reprieve and give her a restful night.

I spent the rest of the night reading my book while Bella slept deeply and soundly in my lap. She finally started to stir around 11:30 in the morning. I knew she would feel guilty for having slept so long, but I also knew how badly she needed her rest and if I could facilitate it in any manner, I would do it.

Bella woke and bolted into an upright position and as I suspected, she was embarrassed to have slept away the morning and I did the best I could to assure her that she need not worry. The one night of good rest was already starting to reflect on her face. She seemed chipper, brighter and the dark circles were a tad lighter. If she would let me, I would make it my life's mission to assist her sleeping every night. Her energy level was the highest I had felt yet.

She surprised me by leaning over and kissing my cheek. I didn't expect the feeling that came over me when her soft lips touched my cool skin. It felt like the area she touched had been lit on fire. I stiffened slightly, completely surprised by the feeling, I liked it, a lot. I could tell she was embarrassed by her actions as it was unexpected, on both sides. She quickly shook it off as if nothing happened and I watched as she skipped to the washroom for a shower.

I took the opportunity to call for room service so she could have something to eat as soon as she was ready. We were supposed to meet for dinner last night, but due to my misunderstanding of the situation with Logan, I had no idea whether or not she managed to eat. I could feel a pressure building in my chest as I thought of Logan. It was illogical of me to be jealous. Bella and I were friends. She would never look at me romantically and I wasn't sure I would even want her to. Yes, she was one of the most beautiful, caring, sensitive women that I had ever met, but she was human. Plus, Bella had already been down that road with a vampire and was badly hurt. I'm sure she wouldn't be too interested in doing that again. She would never know the truth of why Edward had left. He loved her more than he could ever say, but above all, he wanted her safe, to live out a happy, healthy, normal human life. _Well, that didn't happen, did it?_ How ironic. When I was the last creature on this earth that Edward would want near her, I felt I was the only one who could make her truly happy again. On the other end of the spectrum, I was the one vampire out of the entire family that had the most difficulty with humans and here it was, a human healing me. It never ceased to astonish me, no matter how long I had lived, how the world worked in such mysterious ways.

Bella's freshly scrubbed scent entered the room before she did and I found myself inhaling deeply, letting it seep into my lungs. When I looked up, I caught my breath as she bounced over to the table of food that had arrived. It was like watching her in slow motion. Her hair slowly swayed as she sashayed toward the table, her jeans hugged her athletic legs and cupped her perfectly round behind. While I could tell that from her perspective, she didn't spend much time on getting herself ready, she looked perfect. I don't think that if she had spent hours in the bathroom with a team of makeup artists and hairdressers she would have come out looking any more exquisite than she currently did.

She sat down and dug in immediately. It pleased me immensely to watch her. It seemed strange, but I loved watching her eat. It had been years, decades even, since I paid attention to a human while they actually consumed a meal. I found myself staring at her while she continued to eat, to the point where she even noticed and apologized for what she thought was bad eating etiquette.

I took the opportunity to hop into the shower before I ended up embarrassing myself. The smell of Bella's strawberry shampoo lingered as I lathered up my soap and began to wash. I certainly didn't need another shower as I had one when I returned from hunting last evening, but I needed some excuse to leave the room and calm the unfamiliar emotions stirring inside me. It seemed strange to think of happiness, an unfamiliar emotion, however, for me, it was. I smiled as I thought about the weekend ahead of us. I just wanted her to relax, to forget about school, having to work and pay bills, check in with Jacob, put up with Needy, all the responsibilities in her life that weighed so heavily on her tiny shoulders.

I got ready quickly and walked out of the bathroom while I continued to towel dry my hair. Although it was extremely quick, I felt a wave of wanton desire rush over me. I looked up at Bella to find her staring at me. She was enjoying the view and I caught her. I hoped it was me that those feelings were for and then, found myself curious as to why I immediately thought that. When I questioned her on what she had been thinking, she blushed and fumbled. Her heart raced as the words finally poured from between her lips. I sat across from her as she took the opportunity to thank me for helping her sleep last night. _She is not telling me the whole truth… Bella, you were… looking at me._ I couldn't help myself and broke into a huge grin. I think I'd smiled more in the past two weeks than I had in years. Well, if I could do that for her every night, give her a little peace, I'd be a very happy man indeed. She reached across the table and placed her hand on top of mine. A delicious feeling of warmth immediately spread throughout my body. I felt paralyzed, not wanting to move and lose the feelings that were coursing through me due to her touch. It was as if fireworks were lighting off between our hands, little currents of electricity ignited every cell in my body, awakening feelings that had been dormant for a long, long time. The warmth from the kiss she briefly planted on my cheek was nothing compared to the fire being created by her hand resting on mine. I tried, but all I could muster was a small twitch of my hand. It took every ounce of control that I had to slowly raise my other hand and place it on top of hers. Her hand seemed so delicate, so breakable between mine that I was afraid I would shatter it. I wrapped my fingers around her palm as gently as I could and looked up at her as she stared at me, "The pleasure is all mine." I replied.

We sat there for what felt like an eternity before I finally cleared my throat. "Did you get enough to eat?" I sat back in my chair and released her hand, immediately missing the warmth that quickly left my body, the electricity created by our connection quickly evaporated. _What was going on with me?_

"I did! I ate so much I don't think I'll need to eat again for the entire trip!" She clapped her hands together and I noticed that she then absently rubbed the hand that I had been holding. _Did she feel it too?_ I wondered, but immediately swept those types of thoughts from my mind. She was embarrassed by giving me a peck on the cheek because she probably regretted doing that. There was no way she felt the same thing I did when our hands were together. _Good god, what was I doing to myself? _

"What are the plans for the day, Mr. Tour Guide?" She asked.

"You'll just have to wait and see." I winked at her as I stood up and started to get ready to leave, thankful for the distraction from my feelings, which were completely confusing me.

We finally headed out of the inn and started to walk to downtown Edgartown. My plans were to take the ferry to Chappaquiddick Island and show Bella the Mytoi Gardens. On our way, I explained the history of the gardens to her. She paid rapt attention to every word I said, each sentence was absorbed into her mind and she processed it. I couldn't recall ever having someone be so completely involved in a conversation with me. I knew her mind wasn't wandering, she was giving me her full attention. I could feel her curiosity as she pelted me with hundreds of questions. She was firing them at me so furiously, I had to laugh as she challenged me at every turn, questioned every bit of information. I enjoyed it immensely.

We entered the gardens via a wooden gateway, which led us into a peaceful sanctuary. We quietly walked through a large area of birch trees and came upon a winding stone path where the centerpiece of the garden lay before us. Bella grabbed my hand, sending her excitement straight through to my bones and pulled me forward toward the stream-fed, shallow pond that housed a small center island. She gasped as she took in the sight of the island, which was blanketed with several shades of flowers.

"It is so beautiful, like out of a fairytale." She ooh'd and aah'd as she pulled me toward a footbridge that would take us out to the island. The footbridge was quite tricky for Bella to manage as it climbed and descended in several places. It did not escape my notice that she continued to hold my hand as we made our way over the bridge and I found myself staring down at our hands as they were intertwined. It seemed no matter how excited she was, just this small touch felt unbelievable soothing to me.

"I'm sorry." She noticed my stare and dropped my hand as if it burned her. Her embarrassment instantly washed over me. Immediately, I missed the warmth and quickly, but gently took her hand once again. The moment we touched, the calmness again enveloped me, relaxing me, soothing me. I fought the urge to actually sigh out loud.

"Why are you apologizing?" I never wanted to let her hand go.

"I honestly didn't realize I was still holding your hand. It just felt so… comfortable." She looked down at her feet and I could feel her sadness.

I lifted her chin so that she would look up at me. "What is wrong?"

"It just reminded me of when I used to spend hours with Jake, walking the beach, hanging out on our driftwood, just spending hours being together and we always held hands. It was never anything romantic, it was just pure comfort and I..." She didn't complete her sentence as she looked up at me through her lashes and bit her bottom lip. Her cheeks immediately warming as the blush crept up, making her look even more adorable than I thought possible.

"Go on..." I encouraged, resisting the urge to touch her skin that was now flushing full of life.

"I feel that comfort with you." She refused to look at me directly as she began to fidget.

"I feel it too, Bella." I pulled her toward me and gave her a quick hug, hoping to alleviate her shyness at having opened herself up to me. "Come on, let's keep going."

It took the majority of the day to get through the entire garden. We took our time, went at a leisurely pace, stopping to look at everything. I loved watching Bella's mind work as she absorbed every detail, nothing was overlooked or ignored. If she didn't know what something was or wanted more information, she was not shy to ask. I found myself being challenged in a way that I never had been before and it made me feel more alive that I had in decades. We decided to stop at a restaurant and grab a meal to go for Bella. She had managed to make it through the entire day without any food having eaten so much at breakfast.

By the time Bella finished eating and we cleaned up from our long day of hiking, we decided it was time for her to get some rest. Tomorrow wasn't going to be a big day, I had planned to spend it walking the beaches and then have a picnic, but I thought it would be best to see if I could get Bella to have another good night's sleep.

We arrived back at the inn and Bella immediately went to have her nightly shower. I took the opportunity to slip out and hunt again. I wanted to be vigilant in keeping my thirst under control. I hadn't spent this much time, in such close quarters, with any human, let alone the tempting and tantalizing Bella Swan, so it was imperative that I made sure to hunt whenever I had the opportunity. I snuck quietly back into the room hoping not to disturb Bella who by now would most likely be sleeping and was surprised to see her waiting for me on the couch.

"Is everything okay?" I asked hoping that she didn't have a bad dream or something along those lines.

"I just wanted to say good night and make sure you made it back." She smiled at me and stood. She turned and headed to the bedroom, when she paused and slowly turned around. "Jasper...?"

I looked at her, knowing she was about to ask. "Yes?"

"Would you mind… ?" She played with the bottom of her tank top while she waited for me to respond.

While I wanted sprint across the room, pick her up and rush her into the bedroom, I restrained myself and slowly walked toward her. "Of course, I'd love to. Let me clean up and I'll meet you in there."

I showered, dried and got dressed as fast as I possibly could. I rushed out of the bathroom to find that Bella was still standing in the living room waiting for me. She smiled at me and held out her hand as we walked into the bedroom together.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

It felt like morning came within minutes of my falling into another one of Jasper's induced sleeps. I was actually sore from not having moved the entire night. This could easily become addicting. _Perhaps, I could convince Jasper to move in with me!_ I smiled at the thought, but immediately thought better of it as that would be an easy and sure fire way to send Jake into an early grave.

We repeated our morning from the day before. I quickly showered, Jasper ordered food, I ate like a pig while he showered and then we headed out. If this kept up I'd be the size of a house before we made it home.

I didn't think Jasper's plans for the day could top the previous day, but it did. We left the hotel and leisurely walked to the beach. We spent hours just dipping our feet in the water, collecting seashells and just enjoying one another's company. At times there was no need for us to speak, we were comfortable with the silence and being in one another's presence. It was a feeling that I was really enjoying. No need to put on false pretences or babble on about unimportant things just to fill in the silence. Several times throughout the day, I reached for his hand and he welcomed mine in his. It felt right. _It felt good._

Jasper had arranged for a lovely picnic basket to be delivered for lunch. We spread a blanket in the sand and he started bringing out the delectable lunch he had arranged. I was thoroughly impressed. For someone who hadn't eaten human food for over a century, he really knew how to put together a picnic. There was a small bottle of wine, just enough for a glass and a bit. A fresh loaf of bread, brie cheese, grapes and small finger sandwiches with the crusts cut off. There were even some chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I took my time with this meal. I wasn't in any rush to get back to the hotel and Jasper was really relaxed and enjoying himself as well.

We sat in silence for a while and I worked up the courage to ask what had been on my mind for several days.

"Bella, if you want to ask me something, please feel free to do so." I looked at him with a puzzled face. "I can feel you trying to work up your nerve." He said as he lay back on his arms with his legs stretched out in front of him. My eyes travelled their length which seemed to be their favourite thing to do lately.

I still had to work myself up a bit before I opened this conversation. I slowly ate another sandwich and watched as a family with two adorable little kids frolicked in the sand further down the beach from us.

I finished off my last bite, took a big gulp of my wine and turned to face him. Crossing my legs in front of me, I pulled them into my chest, putting my chin on top of my knees, I took a deep breath and started to fiddle with the end of my pant leg as I silently encouraged myself to ask what I wanted to know.

"Okay, the suspense is officially killing me Bella. Just ask." He rolled onto his side and propped up his arm so his head rested in his hand. He raised his eyebrows in anticipation.

"I guess I was just wondering what really happened with you and Alice." _Thud, there it is. _He didn't respond immediately and the silence all of a sudden felt awkward . "You don't need to answer me or tell me anything if you are uncomfortable, but...it's just that...well the two of you seemed to be so in love. And, I had thought at one time, that once vampires fully committed, that was it." I blurted out and started to panic, hoping that I didn't offend him.

Jasper rolled onto his back and looked up into the sky. It was a grey day, nothing but clouds overhead, but he squinted as if the sun was blinding him.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to say anything if you are not ready. It's none of my business. I was just curious." I felt terrible for bringing it up. It was probably the last thing in the world that he wanted to speak about.

"No, it's okay. But let's make a deal." He asked.

"What kind of deal?" _What was he up to?_

"I'll answer your question, but I get to ask a question in return." He didn't look at me when he asked so, I knew that he was going to ask me something I would find difficult to answer. I figured that it would only be fair since I knew my question was probably hard for him to respond to.

"Okay, deal." I replied.

He closed his eyes and then crossed his hands behind his head. It felt like several minutes before he finally spoke again. "I loved Alice, I still love Alice and I'm sure that she still loves me. It was a very hard decision for the two of us to make but we made it and we did it together. We had been together for so long and had been through so much, but it just came to a point that neither one of us was sure we wanted to continue the journey. You are correct, once vampires commit, we typically commit for eternity. However, if both sides want to end the bond, then it can be done. Alice and I just wanted different things. She wanted the family life with the Cullens and I wanted something else. What that was, I didn't know...I still don't know. I am still searching, still looking for what it is that will complete me and I know that it is out there." He paused for a moment and opened his eyes.

"We tried for many years and she helped me immensely with conforming to her way of life, but I think she grew tired of the constant effort it took to keep me on the straight and narrow, so to speak. She starting saying that we were fighting a losing battle by trying to continue to make things work and I think she honestly believed that we didn't belong together anymore. I think she saw something in her visions, concerning our future, but never told me about it and I never pressured her to. I could tell that in the last year of our relationship, she had thrown in the towel. She would never tell me the real reason why and, it pains me to say this, I didn't really care anymore. I wanted out as well. I didn't feel that being with the Cullens was my destiny. I was meant to lead a different life and I wanted to try to find out what that was. " He was still lying on his back and he slowly rolled over to look at me.

I felt like I was still missing something so, I decided to press further. "I guess now, I'm wondering why, if one of the catalysts for your break up was your needing different things, you are going to a university and putting yourself in the exact situation that you wanted to get out of in the first place. Why is that and how is it that you have so much more control now?" I hoped I wasn't pushing him over a line, but I had found myself wondering why it seemed that Jasper wasn't have any problems around me now, when previously, a simple paper cut nearly cost me my life with him.

Jasper took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "I spent a lot of time on my own once I left the Cullens, which I enjoyed, but then I realized that I did miss the companionship of others." He sat up and crossed his legs while turning to face me.

"Bella, I am too proud a man to go back to the Cullens with my tail between my legs. To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't want to go back to them just for the purpose of having companionship. I'm better than that and I want to make it on my own. I want to stick to this way of life. Going to school again was just a way for me to get out there, to test the waters, if you will. As you know, there aren't many vampires with our diet, so I know I am not going to find a companion in the way that Alice was. I just wanted to meet people. Be amongst the public.

"Then I saw you and everything changed. I knew I could do it. I wanted to do it. You ask me why it seems so much easier for me to be with you and it pleases me that you feel that way or think that, but please don't fool yourself, it is as much a struggle for me to control myself around you now as it was when you were with Edward." He stopped briefly and took my hands in his.

"I don't want to scare you. I just want you to remember what I am and what I am capable of. While I don't feel like I am going to lose it or that I don't have my thirst controlled, it is there, always, in the background, waiting for me to let my guard down" He rubbed his thumbs over my palms.

"How is it that you can do this? Touch me like this, be close to me, spend so much time with me when before you couldn't." I asked as I squeezed his hands back.

"Quite honestly, I didn't have to before. You were… Edward's human girlfriend. I didn't put in the effort as I didn't think the situation warranted it. I know that is harsh and I apologize. I purposely kept my distance because I didn't want to get to know you. I didn't think Edward would ever change you so, you would be gone from our lives in a matter of months. Now I know I was a fool and I was missing out on a wonderful friend. Things are so different now. Circumstances are different. I want to be your friend." He paused, his icy thumbs moved slowly over my warm skin. "I want to touch you and I want you to touch me back. Please believe that I will do everything in my power to keep myself in control when I am with you." His face was so sincere that if I had any reservations about what his intentions were, they melted away.

"I believe you Jasper. Never once have I ever felt that you were on the verge of losing yourself over to your thirst." I leaned over and gave him a quick hug. He gently squeezed me back and when we looked at each other again, I could tell he was relieved. "Thank you, again, for always being so honest with me."

"Actually, I'm glad you asked me Bella. I feel better knowing that you know why Alice and I separated. I would never want you to think that I had bad feelings for her or didn't love her anymore or that I could just walk away from her. I will love her, for the rest of my life. I just will never be with her that way again." His face reflected sadness and my heart went out to him.

I decided to move the conversation along with the hope of changing his mood. "Okay, now it's your turn to ask your question." Instinctively, I tensed. I knew that I probably wouldn't want to answer, but it was only fair that I be just as open and honest with Jasper as he was being with me.

He looked at me and smiled and I found myself relaxing. "I was wondering about your relationship with Jacob..."

I was a bit surprised and I interrupted him before he could go any further. "Jacob? We're just friends. Nothing has ever happened between us." I volunteered thinking that I had gotten off easy with the question.

"No, that's not what I was going to ask."

_Bummer._

He continued. "After Edward left and you were in such bad shape, I was wondering, if perhaps, that you may have mentioned to Jacob what we were."

_Oh, shit. He's wondering if I broke the treaty._

"Actually, Jasper, it was Jacob that told me that you were vampires. Though he didn't know he was doing it at the time, he told me some of the Quileutte folklore regarding the cold ones and I put two and two together. At the time, Jacob believed it to be just that, folklore, but after everything I have been through and with what Jacob has done for me, there are no secrets between us. He knows everything. He knows about James, the attack and my having been bitten and how Edward had to remove the venom. He knows that it was you and Emmett that killed James. However, even if I had not told Jacob those things, while he knew from the legend that you and Alice weren't with the Cullens the first time they were in Forks, it is safe to assume that since you returned with them, he would have figured it out before I told him." I paused for a moment, not knowing whether I should continue. I did not want to give away Jacob's secret though, I'm sure if Jasper gave it a moment's thought, he would figure it out.

"Does he know about your birthday and what I tried to do?" Jasper looked down in remorse.

I reached out to him and held his hand, feeling terrible that he still felt so guilty about what happened. "Yes, he does. It is one of the reasons he is so angry with me for spending time with you now."I didn't think there was any need to lie about the fact that Jake was so furious.

Jasper didn't say anything, but his lips pursed together just slightly and I felt the need to continue. "Jasper, I have never been angry with you for what happened, you know that, I've explained that. I don't want you to wallow in guilt about that any longer. You have been forgiven, you were forgiven the moment it happened."I tugged on his hand to get his attention and he looked up at me. "I want us to forget that ever happened."

Just as I was about to offer some further words of comfort, a loud rumble of thunder interrupted our picnic. I looked at Jasper surprised that he hadn't sensed the rain coming. We quickly stood up and threw everything into the basket. Just as we closed the lid, the rain came down in buckets. Jasper grabbed my hand and we started running back to the hotel. We were laughing as he was trying his hardest to run at a pace that matched mine, but I could tell he just wanted to throw me over his shoulder and run as fast as he could to get me out of the rain since he was pretty much dragging me along anyway.

"Jasper, stop! I can't run this fast." I laughed. He immediately stopped and looked at me exasperated.

"I don't want you to catch a cold. Let's just keep going and get you into a warm bath and some dry clothes." He tugged on my arm to urge me along.

I stomped my feet behind him as he pulled me forward. I tried to pout to see if that would have any effect on him and he just rolled his eyes and dragged me forward again. We came to a very large puddle and I couldn't help myself. I jumped into the middle and began splashing him. His first reaction was one of shock, but he then retaliated and we were quickly ensconced in a full out water war. We were laughing so hard that at one point I was doubled over in pain due to a terrible stitch in my side.

"Uncle, uncle!! I give up." I cried as I gasped for air, trying to get the words out. I was laughing so hard at the picture of two grown adults frolicking in a puddle on the side of the road, as I am sure we were quite the sight.

"Come on, I'll race you back to the hotel." I kicked a large amount of water in his direction and I took off knowing full well that there was no way I'd ever beat him, but the chase was fun nonetheless. He caught up with me before I had even finished my sentence and was again pulling me along. We jumped in every puddle along the way, trying to splash each other yet again. We burst into the hotel doubled over in laughter and were completely soaked through to the bone. I glanced up as Jasper had abruptly stopped laughing and looked around the foyer. We were met with several disapproving stares and a few gasps.

"What is going on? You would think that they had never seen wet people before." I whispered as I looked up at Jasper in confusion. He chuckled and looked like he was about to agree when he looked down at me. Then his mouth dropped and his eyes shot wide open.

"What?" I looked down at myself only to discover that my tight white t-shirt and white cotton bra was no longer keeping anything from the imagination. "Oh!" I gasped and I quickly wrapped my arms around my chest as my face exploded in embarrassment. _Oh god, kill me now. _I heard Jasper's jaw actually slam shut with a loud clank as his teeth smashed together. He quickly grabbed me, spun me around and crushed me into his chest. I looked up at him and noticed that his eyes had darkened slightly and he was grinding his jaws together.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, I...I just didn't like the emotions that I was getting from some of the men in the lobby."He started to guide me toward the stairs, which was pretty awkward since I was walking backward, but I was more concerned with trying to lighten Jasper's mood.

"Gee Jasper, I'm pretty clumsy when I am walking forwards, you really want to risk me trying it backwards?" I joked as my face was snuggled into his chest. I took the opportunity to inhale his sweet scent and felt a warmth rush over me.

"Let's just get you upstairs." He smiled through his clenched teeth and I noticed his eyes had lightened, not all the way back to his ravishing normal colour, but lighter nonetheless. He manoeuvred me toward the stairs and guided me effortlessly up the first couple of steps until we were out of eyesight and then he threw me over his shoulder and within a blink of an eye, he was setting me down on the counter in the bathroom and had covered me with a towel. I didn't even notice him pull out the key and open the door to the room. He grabbed another towel, which he wrapped around my legs. I wanted to protest that it didn't make sense to cover me with towels when I was still in my wet clothes, but Jasper was acting strangely, so I remained silent.

The air in the washroom felt thick with awkwardness and Jasper was refusing to look at me. He leaned over the tub and began filling it with water. He poured in some bubble bath and checked the water temperature to ensure it wasn't getting too hot.

He cleared his throat. "Now, I want you in this tub and relaxing Miss Swan. I'll go see about getting some more towels as we've made quite a mess." He still refused to look up at me as he left the bathroom, walking at a pace much quicker than he normally used. I grabbed the extra towels that were in the bathroom and followed him out to the living room to give them to him. However, I looked around and couldn't see him anywhere. I noticed that the patio door to the deck was open, so I stuck my head out and saw him standing in the rain. He was hunched over with hands spread out on the railing as if he were bracing himself. His head down and his eyes were clenched shut.

"Jasper, are you okay?" I asked from the doorway.

"Yes, Bella, I am fine. Thank you. I just need a moment, please, go enjoy your bath." He still did not turn to face me. "I'll need to step out for a little bit, Bella, but I'll be back very soon."

"Okay." I responded quietly, understanding that he was going to hunt. "I'm leaving the rest of the dry towels for you in the living room so you can dry off. I'll be in the bath, so I can wait for the other ones to come." I placed the towels on the coffee table and turned to see he had disappeared from the balcony without a sound. No matter how much I tried not to think about it, I knew where he was going and what he would do. I headed back into the bathroom worried that something seemed to be troubling him and hoped my bringing up Alice wasn't the cause as it was obvious he still cared for her but I didn't feel it appropriate to pry any further than I had already. Perhaps he would open up to me later in the evening.

I couldn't wait to soak in the tub as my teeth were now chattering from being wet and cold for so long. I quickly ran into the bedroom, grabbed my pj's, my iPod and stripped out of my wet clothing as fast as I could. I hopped in the bath and couldn't control the moan that escaped my lips. The temperature was perfect and my body slowly began to thaw. I reached over to the shower and grabbed my shampoo quickly washing my hair under the running water of the bath. I then sank down until the only body part that remained out of the water was my head, put on my iPod, closed my eyes and let myself relax.

Immediately, my thoughts were full of how much fun the day had been. Jasper was continually surprising me with his humour and his personality. He was always so closed off previously, so I was really enjoying getting to know the real Jasper. I thought of how much fun our water fight was. I pictured Jasper's look of shock at the first kick of water I sent his way, how he immediately laughed and got me back. His shirt was completely wet and clinging to his body, showing me every curve and ripple of his muscular chest that I shamelessly stared at this morning. He was very well-built, not in a body builder kind of way, but an athletic way. Very different from Edward who was muscular in his own right, but leaner and more lanky.

I gave my head a shake and giggled to myself, _Jeez _again, I was daydreaming about Jasper and his amazing body. _This has got to stop._ I slowly sat up in the tub and was about to remove my headphones when I saw the door open and someone walked into the bathroom with a tower of towels which blocked their face from my view. I panicked and screamed at the top of my lungs.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

I returned from my hunt and noticed that a maid had come to the room to drop off some more towels. I had used the rest of the dry ones to clean myself up while I waited for Bella to finish her bath. Once we had gotten back to the room, I had to get away from her for a few minutes. When we had entered the inn from our run in the rain, I felt the disapproval and distain from many people in the foyer, but it was the lust I felt coming from a few of the men that had me completely confused. That was until I looked down at Bella. Her thin white shirt was soaking wet and stretched over her perfectly round breasts, her bra was also soaked through and left very little to the imagination. Her skin was covered with gooseflesh and her nipples had drawn hard and tight due to the cold rain. My mouth literally fell open. I felt like such an ass as I stood there dumbstruck staring at her but I couldn't help myself. I was torn between the immediate feeling of protectiveness that came over me and an unfamiliar feeling of desire that strongly reared its head. Therefore, I did the first thing that came to mind and I pulled her into my chest to hide her from anyone else's view.

It did not escape my attention that those very wet breasts were now pressed against my lower chest, the hard nipples making me very aware of their presence. Part of me wanted to think I did it because Bella was embarrassed, but another part of me was furious that other men were looking at her, staring at her perfection. The feelings that emanated out of them made me want to cross the room and rip their throats out. I didn't want anyone seeing her that way. I was so confused. _Why do I keep having these feelings?_

Once we were back in the room, I knew I had to leave. I didn't _need_ to hunt… I _had_ to hunt. I could feel the grasp on my control slip slightly. It was unnerving to say the least, but… it wasn't the control on my thirst that was slipping, it was something entirely different. I had hoped that once I left her presence and had hunted, I would feel better, my head would clear but it didn't. The feelings that awoke when I thought of other men staring at her surprised me. When I looked down at her and saw her perfection, I immediately wanted to touch her, to reach out and caress those very tight buds that were straining against her shirt, I knew had to get away from her. I was ashamed to think of what she would say if she knew I was thinking this way about her.

I walked over to the bathroom door still lost in my thoughts and gave a quick knock. I didn't hear a response and figured that Bella had already left and was in her bedroom. I should have paid more attention and listened. _I'm a vampire!_ I should have heard that she was still in there, sensed it in some way, but I was so lost in my thoughts about her, pictures of her being all wet and cold running rapid through my head that I didn't think twice before I waltzed into the bathroom with an armload of clean towels. _Perhaps I had willingly chose to ignore the sounds coming from behind the door? _

Her scream was like a slap in the face. I immediately looked around the tall stack of towels and found myself again, face to face with her breasts. Seeing her naked with the exception of the few white bubbles that still clung to her skin, just about brought me to my knees. She was more than perfect, there just aren't words to describe her. In the few seconds that I shamelessly looked at her, yet again, I could see how her skin was flushed from the heat of the bath, how soft it was, how round and pert her breasts were, even without her bra providing any assistance. Her nipples were a darker shade of pink and were again tight from the cool air and possibly the shock of my presence when she was about to step out of the bath. It took every bit of self-control that I had to turn around and stop staring at her. I am sure that it was only a second that I glanced at her chest, but the image was seared into my brain and it felt as if I were still looking at them.

"Oh my god!! Bella, I'm so sorry. I knocked and when I didn't hear anything, I thought you had already gone into your bedroom." I was still holding the towels, which I then placed on the counter beside me.

I could hear some splashing behind me as Bella settled back into the bath to hide herself from my view. "Jasper, it's okay. I just...ah...I didn't see your face behind the towels. You just startled me. I mean… Geez, I'm so sorry. I didn't expect… God, I didn't mean to scream. It's not your fault! I had my iPod on and didn't hear you." She let out a nervous giggle. "Relax, it's not like you didn't get a good look at them earlier anyhow!" Bella tried to make a joke while I was wishing for a quick and painless death. I am not sure who was more embarrassed at that point, Bella or I, but the feeling was thick in the air and was beginning to feel suffocating.

"I thought you were finished in here and had gone into your bedroom. I would never intentionally invade your privacy like that. I'm so sorry." I was rambling, but I felt like such an idiot for walking in on her. I could feel that she was just embarrassed and not angry, so that made me feel a little better, but not much. I was such a cad for looking her over. However, if given the opportunity to do it again, would I not look? Yes, I probably would. I am still a man, a man that hasn't seen a naked woman in many years.

"Jasper, really, it's okay. But, um, if you'll give me a few minutes, I'll be happy to get out of here and let you have a turn."

"Oh, god, I'm still in here aren't I?" I stammered and hastily retreated out of the bathroom, finally.

I sat on the couch and waited for Bella to finish up. This time I listened to the sounds she made as she moved around. I could almost picture her in my mind stepping from the tub, pulling the small handle, allowing the water to escape down the drain. I could hear the faint sounds of the soft towel as it moved over her skin. The door that separated the bathroom from the bedroom opened and then closed with a small click. I needed to memorize these sounds so I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she had left the room before I barged in on her again. She emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later in her pj's and brought a blanket from the bed with her. She didn't look at me as she dropped down on the other end of the couch. She was still embarrassed from the episode in the bathroom and I had to do whatever I could to change her mood.

Her outfit did surprise me though. "Did you not want to go out for dinner once I'm cleaned up?" I asked, puzzled as to why she looked ready for bed, forgetting that she was human and might tire from being outside all day.

"Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to hang out here and maybe rent a movie?" She scrunched up her nose in the most adorable way as if she were trying to will me to agree, asking a question yet at the same time making a suggestion.

"Of course, whatever you wish. It's not like I'm dying to go out and try the local restaurants." I laughed hoping she would find the humour in that and I was rewarded with an utterly snarky smile. No one could ever say that Bella did not have a wonderful sense of humour. It seemed to ease the slight tension between us and I hoped that our embarrassing episode of a few minutes ago would be forgotten and we would be able to have an enjoyable evening.

I headed to the bathroom to grab a quick shower. Again, the bathroom smelled of her strawberry shampoo. Her bottles were sitting along the edge of the shower and I couldn't help myself, I picked up her shampoo and brought it up to my nose and inhaled the sweet smell deep into my lungs. I closed my eyes as I pictured Bella's luxurious long hair, the water cascading in rivulets down her body, the suds from her bubble bath streaming between her breasts, rolling down her tight, flat abdomen, getting caught in the curls of her... _What the hell was I doing?_

This weekend was turning out to be pure torture. The thoughts that were now going through my mind were no longer those that one would think of a friend. What did this mean? Were my feelings for Bella becoming more than those of friendship? If I didn't gain control of my emotions, I was bound to overstep my boundaries with Bella and push her away. I'd rather have a lifetime of just friendship with her than nothing at all.

Once I gave it some thought, I was actually quite pleased that Bella wanted to stay in this evening. It was our last evening before we headed home and I would have her all to myself. And even though the warmth of the shower felt amazing, I rushed to get ready and get back to her.

She was curled up on the couch flipping through the stations when I sat down at the opposite end. She looked up at me and gave me one of her goofy smiles. "I ordered pizza." I rolled my eyes at her. I had wanted to treat her out this evening for a fancy dinner however, since we decided to stay in, I was going to have her order something nice off the room service menu. "I know, I know, not very adventurous, but that's what I'm in the mood for." She licked her lips in anticipation of her dinner.

"Do you want to watch anything in particular?" She asked me as she continued to flip through the stations.

"No, your birthday, your choice." She stuck her tongue out at me and made a hilarious face when I mentioned birthday. I chuckled at her and repositioned myself on the couch so that she could stretch out. It was amazing how easy it was to relax with Bella and how it felt like we had been doing this for ages.

"Oh look! They have Pride and Prejudice. Let's watch that." I could feel her excitement as she almost started jumping up and down on the couch.

"How many times have you seen that movie?" I asked knowing that she had probably seen it over a dozen times.

"Not that many." She defended. "This is the version with Keira Knightly. I've only seen it a handful of times. Do you mind or would you prefer something with action or gore?" She attempted to pout knowing there was no way I could resist her.

"No, I'd love to see it. It is also one of my favourite books as well." I said just as a knock came on the door. I stood up to answer it. Realizing it must be the pizza, I grabbed some cash out of my wallet.

Bella jumped off the couch and attempted to tackle me. I wasn't expecting it so I didn't cushion the blow. She landed on my back and slid down to the floor as if she had just tried to tackle the side of a building. "Ugh!!" She moaned and then erupted into a fit of laughter. "Don't you dare pay for that pizza. I have money on the table for him!" She rolled over and attempted to get up, but started to moan again and then burst into a fit of giggles.

"Are you okay?" I picked her up quickly and brought her over the couch. The knocking started up again, louder and I ran over, opened it, grabbed the pizza and threw the cash at the shocked delivery guy. I was back at Bella's side before she could even blink.

"Did you break anything? You did hit me pretty hard." I was quickly scanning her body looking for injuries.

"The only thing that is hurt is my ego. I might as well have been a fly for all the damage I did to you!" She crossed her arms and pouted. She was just too cute for words. I found myself pausing as I stared at that bottom lip she so adoringly thrust out. I could picture myself gently sucking on it, perhaps maybe even nibbling..._okay, these thoughts need to stop._

"Come on, let's get some food into you." I gave my head a shake as I placed the pizza on the coffee table, grabbed a plate, knife and fork and some napkins from the kitchenette and gave them to her as well. Sitting down beside her again, I grabbed the remote.

"I'll get the movie started, you dig in."

"Thank you." She smiled at me and I watched as she grabbed a piece of the pizza and began to eat. It was an oddly beautiful sight. I actually found it slightly erotic to watch the muscles in her jaw pull apart the pizza, her throat moving as she swallowed, her moans of joy each time she took another bite. The sound was like music to my ears and I wished the moans were the result of something I had done to her. She must have been famished as her eyes actually rolled back with the first couple of bites. "This is SO good!" She exclaimed as she took another bite.

My hands tingled at the thought of being able to caress her neck, to slowly run my lips along her jaw, to feel the pulse of her blood as it rushed through her veins. A burst of venom coated my mouth and I knew it was time for me to get control of myself.

Every minute I spent with Bella was becoming a struggle. Though she seemed to think it was getting easier, the more I was with her, the more I wanted her and not just her blood. The urge to bite her never diminished no matter how desensitized to her smell I became, but I found that I was now fighting a new urge, a new desire which I had not expected. The feelings that were arising were so new to me that I wasn't even sure if I was recognizing them. When I was with Alice, I didn't have to be careful. We were equals, I could never physically hurt her so there was never any reason to control myself. I had an urge or desire and I acted on it. However, with Bella, I could kill her by accident with just a simple caress. I realized now that I would never be able to be close to her. I knew Bella, I loved Bella like a sister and, deep down, now knew that my love for her was growing into something stronger. I had a foundation with her that I would never be able to build with a stranger, but I could never be anymore than a friend to her no matter how much I might want something else. Something… more.

We spent the evening in comfortable silence. I enjoyed watching Bella as she laughed and cried along with the movie. It gutted me when Mr. Darcy pledged his love to Elizabeth. He said it so perfectly. She had bewitched him body and soul and he wished never to be parted from her. For the first time, I understood that, I felt that.

After the movie finished, we tidied up and headed to the bedroom. Bella didn't ask, she just looked at me expectantly and, I knew she wanted me to help her sleep. I couldn't have been happier. I was dreading tomorrow when I would have to drop her off at her apartment and be back to seeing her for only a few short hours a day. It felt like we were in our own warm little world and reality seemed so cold and harsh.

Bella fell asleep almost instantly. I wished she had stayed awake for just awhile longer. I didn't want this night to end since it was our last together. I knew now that I would immediately start planning another weekend getaway. Anything to be this close to her again. I watched every breath she took, the slow rising and falling of her chest as she nestled into my lap for the night. My eyes roamed down to her breasts that moved with each inhale and exhale. They were not large by any means, but perfect and pert and absolutely inviting and I would have given anything to be able to touch them, to touch her.

She had matured so much since we were in Forks. This was a woman in my lap, not some helpless, naïve little girl. She had seen too much, had been through too much to be considered a girl anymore. Her tiny black tank top was tight around her waist accentuating her womanly curves. I got a kick out of the skull and cross bones splattered all over the bottom of her pj's. I looked down at her feet and noticed that they too, were perfect. No toes longer than the others, everything in perfect size and order. I was not surprised to see that her toenails wore no polish, I couldn't see Bella fussing around with something like that of her own free will. I pulled the covers over her, gently tucking her in for the night, grabbed my book from the bedside table and settled in.

Bella slept soundly, only adjusting herself once or twice, but she remained with her head in my lap the entire time. I tried to focus and read the book that I brought, but I couldn't, I wanted to stare at her, absorb every detail of her knowing there was a good chance that I would never allow myself to be this close to her again. I laid my head back against the headboard and found myself daydreaming about being human, and being a couple with Bella. Kissing her with no restraints, touching her with no worries of hurting her, tasting her the way a man tastes a woman, making love to her. I could feel myself becoming aroused at the very thought. I imagined every detail as if it were really happening, each caress taking place in slow motion as I memorized every aspect of it, imagined the taste of her on my lips and in my mouth, dreamt of the places I would like to visit with my tongue. I audibly groaned at what I was doing to myself as it was quite apparent by the building pressure in my lap.

Suddenly, she rolled over, now facing me, her face was right in my lap, her nose nuzzling me. Her arm snaked up around behind my back and held on to the edge of my t-shirt. If I had a heart, it would have been pounding furiously. I wanted so badly to act on these feelings, but knew that she did not feel the same way.

My body was relishing in the fact that she was so close, I was able to lightly play with her hair, run my fingers through the silken strands. But I knew I couldn't go any further as it would be crossing a line, betraying her trust. What I wouldn't give to run my hand down her soft arm, caress the gentle curve of her waist, trace my finger along her collarbone, but I couldn't allow myself to do such things. Even the thoughts of doing such things were making me feel like a dirty pervert. _What was I thinking? _Bella would never want me to do those things to her.

I was a fool to think she would want anything more than friendship from me. I had to put these thoughts out of my mind and focus on being the best friend that I could for her. I looked at her beautiful face and again couldn't help myself, the thought of lowering my face to hers and kissing her deeply was almost overwhelming. I thought about my lips going lower, touching parts of her body that my eyes had seen only for a second when covered in mounds of fluffy white bubbles.

As I had these thoughts, Bella turned her face upward toward mine, her full plump lips slightly parted, she let out a small moan as her legs moved restlessly beneath the covers. Her breathing became rapid and shallow. I was suddenly hit with a burst of lust and heat. Unmistakable desire moved over my skin in waves. It was as if Bella was mirroring my feelings, but even more so. I gasped as I realized that I had lost my concentration and didn't control my emotions while having sexual thoughts involving Bella. The hand that held my t-shirt started to clench, her nails desperately trying to dig into my back. It was obvious she was deep in a dream. An erotic dream that my out of control thoughts had inspired. And, no matter how wrong it was of me to do it, I soaked up every sensual emotion she gave off. Suddenly, she tilted her head back, pressing herself into me, making me gasp as she moaned again. It was faint, just one word, but my hearing picked it up as if she had screamed it from the rooftop.

"Jasper…"


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

It was such a wonderful day. The water fight was one of the highlights of the entire weekend. It was so great to see Jasper really let loose, relax and show me the real him. After the movie, we retired to the bedroom, which, by far, outweighed anything else that we did together. I didn't even have to ask, he probably just felt what I wanted and followed me right in… as if it were the most natural thing for us to do. I wished I could fall to sleep so easily all the time, but I really doubted that Jasper would want to spend every night with me. I mean, he did have a life before we met again and he was only doing this to make up for my birthday. Who knew how often we would spend time together after this weekend. But, I couldn't think like that. I wanted to enjoy every minute of this weekend and not worry about the future. I put my head in Jasper's lap and he worked his magic. I barely remember closing my eyes, but I was asleep in no time.

I woke up and stretched my body to its fullest length, forgetting I was still on Jasper's lap. The second it all came back to me I looked up at him and smiled. I turned back onto my side and snuggled up closer to him.

"I don't want to get up. It's so warm under here and I'm so comfortable." Totally content, I looked up at him again. He was looking at me in a way that I was completely unfamiliar with.

"Are you okay, Jasper?" I asked as I started to sit up. We were now facing each other. I crossed my legs and turned the rest of my body toward him.

Jasper's eyes slowly roamed down my face, they lingered on my throat, paused as they rested on my breasts and then finally lowered down to my waist. His eyes slowly travelled the same path upwards until he met my gaze. He tentatively lifted his hand and brought it to my face as if he were unsure of what my reaction would be. I gasped as he leaned toward me and whispered my name. I started to tremble not knowing what he was going to do, but I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to feel his lips on mine so badly that I started to lean toward him. His lips met mine and he lightly grazed them with the softest touch. Immediately, I parted mine as an invitation for him to go further. Jasper's lips moved on teasing the length of my jaw line to my ear where he ran his nose along the length of my neck sending chills racing through my blood.

"So exquisite." He murmured as he continued to kiss his way along my collarbone. His hands grabbed my waist and he lifted me up as if I weighed nothing, positioning me on his lap, facing him with my legs now on either side of his waist. I had to remind myself to breathe and not hyperventilate. Jasper was so beautiful and the feelings that he was emoting had me absolutely melting.

"I want you, Bella. The need I have for you is so strong, I can't hold back any longer." He lightly traced his fingers up both of my arms until his hands were cupping my face, pulling me toward him. "Do you want me?" He asked as his lips touched mine again.

I inhaled his sweet scent deeply and felt my lungs fill with the essence of him. My mind was racing to catch up with what was happening. I didn't know I wanted this from him, but now that it was happening, I couldn't believe it had taken me so long to realize my feelings. Jasper's lips were still waiting, slowly teasing mine for a response, I could feel the longing from him. I looked into his eyes and was met with a two beautiful golden pools that reflected nothing but love, desire and need. Before I could think twice about using some sense of restraint, I threw my hands into his hair and kissed him as hard and as passionately as I could.

"Do you want me?" He repeated into my mouth, as we broke apart. "Bella, I want to hear you say it."

"Yes, god, yes I want you." He had me pinned beneath him before I even finished my sentence. I could feel the long hard length of him pressing against my thigh as he used his legs to spread mine. He then settled between them and I jumped when he pressed hard against my center. My hips immediately bucked in response. He continued to devour me with the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. His hands were working their way up the sides of my shirt as he pulled it over my head.

"You are perfect, so perfect." He lowered his head to my breast and began to kiss and suck on the nipple, tightening it to the point where I thought it would pop right off. I was dying, my need for Jasper had risen so quickly and fiercely, I wasn't sure I could handle it. My brain was trying to catch up to my body. My breasts had never been touched like this before, let alone kissed. I had to concentrate on breathing as his hand began to knead the breast being neglected by his mouth. My hands fisted the back of his hair and I pulled him back up to my lips. Our tongues danced together as if we had been doing this with one another for years. Again, he went to work on my neck traveling his way down. He came to the waistband of my pyjama bottoms and pulled them down with his teeth. I was ready to lose it right there. I was so hot for him, I could barely lay still. He removed them swiftly and lightly kissed my ankles, then up to my knees, he gently opened my thighs and I heard him gasp. "Bella, you are so beautiful. I need to taste you. Will you let me?" He looked up at me with hooded eyes.

Nodding, I closed my eyes and grabbed on to whatever I could with my hands. I could feel my nails digging into something solid and moaned his name. My fingertips were burning from whatever they were attempting to shred due to the state of ecstasy that Jasper was putting me in. Something I had never felt before began to sweep through me. An amazing sensation that felt so absolutely wonderful, so unbelievably perfect, I was afraid I would explode from the sheer pleasure Jasper was so eagerly giving me. Another strangled moaned escaped my lips.

"Jasper…"

_Oh god!!_ I bolted straight up in the bed, realizing where I was and what was going on as my insides trembled. Scrambling off the bed without a word or a look back at Jasper, I ran into the bathroom.

It took me a few seconds to regain full consciousness and realize what was happening. I was having a sex dream about Jasper while lying in his lap. I knew he would have felt my emotions and I wanted to just die. _Fuck me. _I never swear, but this moment in time certainly called for it and I honestly couldn't think of a more appropriate word. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. _

There was a light knock on the bathroom door. "Bella, are you okay?" He waited for my response, but I couldn't find my voice. "Please Bella, come out." Jasper sent a wave of calm into the bathroom and for once, I was thankful for it. I would give him shit for it later, but for now, I needed it.

"Please Bella, it's okay. Come out. There is no need to be embarrassed." He tried the door, which I had neglected to lock and slowly peeked his head in. He offered me a tentative smile and made his way over to where I was sitting on the edge of the tub.

Tears of embarrassment were streaming down my face and I found I couldn't look him in the eye. I was still shaking from the dream, it had felt so real, _and so damned good_ and now that I was awake, I realized that I had _wanted_ it to be real, wished more than anything that it _was_ real.

He gently took my face by the chin and turned it toward him. He grabbed a facecloth from the edge of the tub and gently wiped the tears away. "I'm so sorry. It's totally my fault. I was thinking… and before I realized it, I had lost control of myself and I'm afraid I emitted emotions onto you which caused your dream."

"What?" I looked at him totally confused. Was he saying he was having erotic thoughts and he passed them on to me?

He let go of my face and looked down at the floor. "I'm the one that should be embarrassed. Your dream was the result of me, I'm sure not one you would have had on your own. Please forgive me." He looked up at me and I could see the sorrow in his eyes. "I got carried away and before I knew it, you were… well…"

"Oh." I thought about the implications of what Jasper was saying. He was probably thinking of Alice due to our conversation about her earlier. _God, this makes it worse!_ Of course, he'd be thinking about Alice and how much he missed being with her, I brought the matter up and forced him to think about it. I was a fool to have even thought for a moment he might have been having those thoughts about me.

"Jasper, there is nothing to forgive. Let's just forget this whole episode. Okay?" I just wanted to forget this ever happened. I wasn't mad at him, but I was mortified that while he was having sexual thoughts about someone else, I was thinking about him.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a standing position. "Okay, it's forgotten. Will you allow me to relax you into another sleep if I promise to behave myself?" His mouth curved into a small anxious smile. I couldn't stop myself from staring at his mouth, his perfect lips. _I kissed those lips… in my dream … Stop it!_

"Sounds good." I figured sleeping would be better than the awkwardness that I was currently feeling and right then, I knew if I had stayed awake, I would just sit and stare at him … picture him the way he was in my dream and that would be just so wrong.

We crawled back into bed and instead of putting my head in his lap, I curled into a ball with my back to him. He seemed to understand and refrained from saying anything as he sent waves of relaxation my way. I lay there for only a moment, thinking back to when I slept wrapped in Edward's cold arms night after night for so many months. In all that time I had never had a dream as erotic as the one I'd just experienced lying next to Jasper. Deep down, I knew it wasn't because of any feelings that Jasper might have been emoting, I knew the dream was a result of something I had created, something I didn't know until this moment that I wanted and knew I could never have. Before I could dwell on it much longer, I fell into a deep, and thankfully, dreamless sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Bella woke up and silently slid off the bed, heading straight into the bathroom. Before closing the door, she looked up at me and gave me a tentative smile. "Good morning." And, then, closed the door.

_Crap._ This was awkward as all hell. I'd have to do everything in my power to make this right again. I quickly got out of bed and ordered breakfast for her. I figured she'd probably refuse it and want to leave immediately if I gave her the option so, I decided not to present her with any chance to do so.

She came out of the bathroom with all her toiletries in her arms and dropped them on the bed. Without a word or a glance in my direction, she pulled her bag out of the closet and starting packing them away. I walked over to her and turned her around to face me.

"Bella, please, I can't stand the silence. I know how you are feeling and I hate that you feel that way." I cupped her face in my hands and tilted it up toward me. "You are everything to me and I am ashamed that I've made you feel this way. Don't let this affect our friendship. There is no need to be embarrassed." I pushed her hair behind her ear and stroked the side of her face hoping that since she would not allow me to help her emotionally, I could calm her with my touch.

"It's easier said than done Jasper. But don't worry, the last thing I want you to think is that I am mad at you. I'll be fine in a bit, I just need to process a few things. You know me, I'm an over thinker." She smiled up at me, but it did not reach her eyes. _Bless her heart. _

I quickly showered while Bella had her breakfast. We checked out and got on the road home. The ride was silent, but thankfully, not so awkward anymore. I started making idle chit chat about the upcoming week and her work schedule. We had a paper due at the end of the week and both of us needed to hit the library at some point. It provided an opportunity to get her mind off last night and we started talking about what our papers were going to cover.

We were almost home when Bella reached down to the floor of the car and pulled out her purse. She rummaged through it and pulled out her cell phone.

"Oh no!" She cried, "I forgot to turn my phone back on!" She slammed her head back into the headrest and closed her eyes.

"What's the problem? Were you expecting a call?" I frowned as I looked at her. She was overwhelmed with intense feelings of guilt and apprehension. However, the situation reminded me that I had also turned off my cell as well figuring that since I was with Bella, no one else would be calling me. I reached into the console, pulled out my phone and switched it on so I wouldn't forget once I had dropped her off. No sooner than I did so, it rang immediately.

Bella gave me a puzzled look, she knew as well as I did that no one else used that number other than her. I opened the phone and before I could even open my mouth, I was hit by a stream of obscenities.

"Where the _FUCK_ is Bella? You better not have laid a single finger or fang on her you fucking bloodsucker."

Jacob Black.

"Jacob, I think you had better calm down before I let you speak to Bella." I calmly responded, however I felt rage quickly bubbling in my chest. I was a little taken back by Jacob's anger and by his blatant outrage at me. Even though Bella had explained to me on the beach that Jacob knew what I was, it was still shocking to me to have someone be so openly aggressive toward me, especially a fragile human who I could kill without even blinking. I'm sure that his emotions must be out of control due to his being worried about Bella, otherwise it just didn't make sense that he would threaten me. It was actually almost laughable.

"_LET _me speak to Bella? _LET ME?_ Like you have any say in the god damn matter. Unless you want to be having your meals through an IV for the rest of your unnatural born life, you had better produce her immediately." He barked into the phone.

Bella was sinking lower in the seat and was now biting her lip. There was no doubt she had heard what he said as he was screaming into the phone. I passed the phone to her and she slowly brought it up to her ear and clenched her eyes closed. She inhaled deeply "Hello Jacob."

"Hello Jacob? _Hello Jacob?! _Where the _FUCK_ are you? Why is your phone not on? Jesus Christ Bella! Have you any idea what you have put me through in the last 72 hours? Do you know how upset Billy is that you disappeared? Where is your head?"

I didn't need vampire hearing to be able to make out what he was saying. He might as well been in the car with us for how loud he was shouting.

"Jacob, how did you get this number?" Bella asked him as I realized she had never given it to him.

"Well Bella, I got it from your address book which you keep beside your phone."

Bella's eyes widened and she squeaked. "You are in my apartment?"

"Yeah Bella, I am here for fuck's sake. That's what happens when you take off and not tell anyone. What did you think I would do when I couldn't find you? Sit on my ass at home and wait for a postcard? Now, where the hell are you and when are you going to be back home?" He demanded of her.

She rubbed her forehead with her hand and looked at me and mouthed the words 'I'm sorry'. "We are about 30 minutes away."

And with that, he hung up the phone.

Bella handed the cell back and turned her entire body away from me to look out the window. I could hear her crying. She was trying her best to keep control of herself, but she started to gasp and her shoulders were shaking.

"Bella, go ahead, let it go. You are upset, I know, so please release it. You'll feel better. You don't need hide your emotions from me, I can feel them no matter how hard you try." I reached over and rubbed her back as she really let loose. She sobbed like there was no tomorrow. I put my arm around her waist and pulled her toward me encouraging her to put her head on my shoulder. She immediately turned toward me and buried her face as she cried. I kept my eyes focussed on the road as I continued to silently rub her back. While I was furious that Jacob had made her feel this way, I was thankful that I was here to comfort her and was again relishing in this closeness. The fact that she allowed me to comfort her in this manner stirred, again, that part of me that had been dormant for many years. Turning my head slightly, I let my nose graze the top of her head, her emotions had made her scent all that much stronger and I felt myself wishing I could comfort her in other ways. After a few minutes, Bella's breathing slowed and she finally stopped the tears as she sat up and wiped them from her cheeks.

"After everything he's done for me, how could I do this to him? And, he came all the way out here because he was so freaked out." She put her face in her hands and shook her head back and forth.

"Bella," I tried to keep my voice soft and soothing even though I was seething inside. "I don't know Jacob or much of your history with him, but I do know that his behaviour and language toward you is totally unacceptable. He has not right to treat you that way. What did he think you were doing?" I looked at her and shook my head. "His reaction to you being gone for the weekend is completely irrational. I mean, you could have just as easily been off studying."

"Jasper, there is a lot you don't know about my relationship with Jacob and I'm sorry, but I just can't explain it." She looked out the window and wiped the tears from her face. "I owe him better than this. I should never have made him worry so much."

I decided not to push the matter any further. Seeing and feeling how much she cared for Jacob, I didn't want to sound as if I were forcing her to choose between the two of us, but I was completely uncomfortable dropping her off and leaving her alone with him when he was in such a foul mood.

We turned the corner onto her street and I was floored when I saw what waited for her. "Is that Jacob?" She nodded slightly. In front of her apartment building was possibly the biggest man I had ever laid eyes on. He stood at about 6 foot 7, possibly even 8. His long black hair swung back and forth, as he angrily paced in front of the entrance to her apartment building. I could feel his anger hit me in waves all the way from the end of the street. When we pulled closer, I could clearly see how large and muscular he was. Good lord, even his muscles had muscles. Jacob was clenching his jaw so tightly that veins in his neck and forehead looked as if they were about to burst. His entire body trembled uncontrollably.

"Bella, I don't have a good feeling about this. I'm not comfortable with you being with him. He looks like he is out of control." Actually, he looked like he was in a steroid rage. That had to be it, steroids. No one could get that big by just working out alone and, dammit, there was no way I was leaving Bella with him.

We pulled up to the curb in front of him and before I even had the car in park he opened Bella's door and pulled her out of the car. He spun her around to face him and levelled her with the meanest stare. I couldn't stop the snarl that hissed through my teeth as he put his hands on her shoulders and then, almost faster than I could track, pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

I opened my door to get out of the car and Jacob turned to me. "Stay right where you are leech. I don't want you coming anywhere near me or Bella ever again." It took every ounce of control to stop where I was. It would not help Bella's situation if I attacked her best friend. If it weren't for the feelings of relief and love pouring out of Jacob when he finally saw Bella, I would not have thought twice about going after him. However, even though I knew Jacob truly cared for Bella, I could still feel my eyes blackening and the rush of venom as it coated my mouth. There was something about Jacob that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and the smell of him was completely repulsive. I had never encountered a smell like that before. _Wait a second,_ I _had_ smelled something very similar the first time I was at Bella's. If my guard was not up before, it was standing at full attention now.

The feelings of pure hatred and aggression that were being thrown at me were so strong that I was almost pushed back by them. Again, I hadn't felt feelings that strong before until that first time at Bella's. There was something definitely going on here.

I could not believe that Jacob had threatened me, again. Carefully, I looked him over, noticing his muscles twitching and with every step I took toward him, the more his body vibrated. Immediately, my thoughts went back to my conversation with Bella on the beach and how she mentioned the old Quileute folklore. Carlisle had told us those same stories about the cold ones and werewolves. I stopped dead in my tracks as the realization hit me like a slap in the face. If I had any blood in my body, it would have been draining from my face as the rush of comprehension came to me.

_It can't be. They died out with Ephraim Black. They don't exist anymore._

While I didn't want it to be true, every instinct in my body was screaming at me and I knew what Jacob was. Knew it just as much as I knew what I was.

_Jacob is a werewolf!_

He was a werewolf and he had his hands on Bella. _My Bella_. Before I could contain it, a growl starting emanating deeply in my chest and instinctually, I crouched into an attack position. I knew it would be catastrophic for me to attack Jacob in front of Bella, but I had to get her away from him. Did she even know the danger she was in?

Before I could do anything, Bella took matters into her own hands.

"Jacob! Stop!" She yelled, pushing herself away from him. "You have no right to decide who I am going to spend my time with so just knock it off with this behaviour. Jasper is not going to do anything to you and he would never do anything to hurt me."

"Is that right? You're willing to bet your life on that?" Jacob snarled never taking his eyes off of me.

"Yes, I am." She responded defiantly.

"Well, I feel SO much better since you are such an authority on vampires. You'll excuse me if I don't have your faith in bloodsuckers." He finally took his eyes from me and looked down at her." It seems to me that you shouldn't be so certain yourself as I remember that some time ago you would have said the same thing about Edward." His words cut her like a knife and he might as well have slapped her with how much hurt radiated from her.

She turned and looked at me, her eyes widening as soon as she saw my stance. Her eyes immediately began jumping back and forth between Jacob and me as she quickly assessed how she was going to diffuse the situation. She turned from Jacob without saying another word and walked over to where I was still holding my defensive posture. It was taking every ounce of control that I had not to lunge at Jacob and rip his throat out now that Bella was no longer within arm's reach of him.

Bella put both her soft warm trembling hands on my face and forced me to look at her. The calm that immediately enveloped me stole my breath away. She had my attention, with just that one touch, she had me focused on her and her alone. She was worried about what I was going to do, her apprehension was radiating from every pore. "Jasper, everything is going to be okay. You don't need to worry about me with Jacob. It is sweet that you are concerned and I really appreciate it, but Jacob is just upset, he would never hurt me." I glanced over her shoulder when I heard Jacob grunt and saw that his vibrating had increased. If he clenched his jaw any tighter, his teeth would probably shatter.

"Jasper, look at me." She said sternly, tugging on my face forcing me to focus on her once more. I knew what she was doing, she was attempting to keep me calm and dammit, it was working. She'd been through this with me before and could tell I was on the verge of attacking. I was floored that, after everything I had done to her, knowing how violent I could become in the blink of an eye, she had the courage to touch me, to stand so close and attempt to relax me when she knew I was in my most dangerous state. "Everything is going to be okay, I promise." Her big brown eyes pleaded with me. At that moment, I could have fallen right into those beautiful dark eyes. But, it was also at that moment that I had no doubt that Bella knew what he was and she was not afraid of him, just as she was not afraid of me.

"Bella, I'm not leaving you with him. This doesn't feel right. Every fiber in my being is telling me you are not safe. Please, if you won't leave with me, at least let me stay with you and help calm him." I grabbed on to her hand and squeezed it. Her eyes never left mine as she pleaded with a slight shake of her head.

"It will just make things worse, Jasper." Her hands moved down my neck, her thumbs caressed my jaw line, and even though I fought it, just this simple act soothed me even more. "You need to go and let me handle him. I know what I am doing. Please trust me, I can handle this." She was whispering now, but I knew Jacob could hear her.

"No, I'm not leaving you with him." I put my hands on her shoulders and squeezed them, pulling her closer to me as I whispered in her ear. "I know, Bella. I know what he is…" Her hands stilled against my skin allowing my determination to keep her safe to kick back in full force, "And, if you think I am going to leave you with him, then you don't know me at all." She gasped realizing that I had figured out what Jacob was.

"Get your filthy hands off of her leech." Jacob growled as he started toward where we were standing.

"That's enough. Both of you!" She turned to Jacob and pointed a finger at him. The feelings of panic coming from her were overwhelming. "You! You stay right there and don't come another step closer." She then turned to me and put both hands on my chest as if to stop me from moving forward toward Jacob. "Stop! I will not have you getting hurt because of me. I couldn't stand it. You have to trust me. Please, just promise me you will not do anything to Jacob. Please." She begged, on the verge of tears.

"Bella, don't ask me to do this. He is not in control. What if he did something to hurt you, it would be all my fault." _And I would be forced to kill him._

"Never, Jake would never hurt me. Please, promise me."She pleaded.

"I can't do that Bella. That is a promise that I know I cannot keep." I looked at her and shook my head.

"Jasper, _please_, I can't have the two of you fighting. He's the only family that I have. I promise everything is going to be just fine." Her lips trembled as she fought back the tears. I looked down at her and, if I had a heart, it would be breaking. She was pleading for her family and I felt like a heartless monster for putting her in that position.

"Fine, I promise to leave as long as you allow me calm him." I said reluctantly.

She nodded her head and closed her eyes in relief.

With everything that I had in me, I sent out waves of calm directly to both Jacob and Bella. Jacob's body immediately relaxed, the vibrations in his muscles ceased. He leaned back against the building and waited for Bella. Bella leaned into my chest and gave me a hug while I continued to pour out the calming waves I felt just from her soothing touch.

"I want you to call me within the hour to let me know that you are alright." I held her tightly against my chest and buried my face into the top of her head, savouring her warmth. Jacob again began to tremble as we touched so I threw another intense wave of calm at him.

"Quit manufacturing my emotions bloodsucker."He tried to snarl, but there wasn't much behind it. "She's perfectly safe with me. _I_ would never hurt Bella. That's something that seems to be the speciality of your species." He pushed himself off the wall and started toward us again. Again, I threw emotions at him until he visibly relaxed once more. I broke away from Bella before Jacob had the chance to get irritated again and walked to the back of the car and pulled Bella's bag out of the trunk.

"Bella, I am going to leave. I understand that it is my presence alone, that is making matters worse. Jacob does love you and is worried for you, which is the only reason I am agreeing to promise you this." I lifted my hand to her face, placing my palm on her flushed cheek. "Do you understand? I would not leave you otherwise, he loves you and you trust him and that is the only reason I am agreeing to this. However, the moment you feel he is out of control again, I want you to call me. And, I want you to call me later once he has calmed down. I don't care what time it is, you call me. I will need to hear your voice to know you are okay." She leaned into my hand for only a second before taking a step back.

"Listen here mosquito, don't you worry about her, that's my job." Jacob growled at me. Bella took her bag and looked up at me, wincing at Jacob's choice of words.

"Thank you so much for an amazing weekend. I am so sorry that it ended this way." Her voice was barely above a whisper. She tried to smile at me and I could feel she was extremely upset, but grateful just the same. She squeezed my hand and turned around to walk over to Jacob. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her toward the building. She turned around and mouthed 'bye' as they went inside together.

I stood outside the building for what seemed like hours. I was still uncomfortable with leaving Bella alone with Jacob, but I had to trust her when she said that he wouldn't hurt her. My instincts however disagreed. It didn't matter to me that he had taken care of her for so long and brought her back from her deep chasm of hopelessness. I didn't care that he only had the best intentions at heart, he was a young werewolf and extremely dangerous. He was right on one matter, I was just as dangerous and I had proved that to her on her 18th birthday.

I understood why he didn't want her around me and it made him a good friend for her, but I prayed with everything in me that she stood strong and things would be back to normal tomorrow. As normal as a relationship between a human and a vampire could be. I kept my cell in my hand not wanting to risk missing her telephone call.

I reached out to feel what was coming from Bella's apartment and it seemed that Jacob had managed to finally calm down even knowing that I was still standing outside. Waiting. Finally, with my emotions still scrambled from all I was feeling for Bella, I thought it best that I should leave. I climbed into my car, started the engine and pulled out into the street. The window was down on my side and I was hit with another strong scent, the same scent that had assaulted me after my first visit to Bella's apartment. I stopped the car immediately and got back out. I had the distinct feeling that I was being watched, but I could not see anyone that would cause me to feel that way. I inhaled deeply, sifting through the scents that lingered in the air until I came upon the one that had caught my attention a few minutes ago. I looked back at Bella's apartment to see if Jacob had come back out. It was a scent so close to his that I thought perhaps with a mood change, his scent might change slightly. Again, I saw nothing. I reached out to see if I would feel any emotions and I felt nothing, again, a void and then the scent dissipated. Uneasily, I got back into my car and continued down the road.

While on my way home I stopped to hunt. Once I had my fill, I sat against a tree to reflect on the weekend and the confrontation in front of Bella's apartment. I still regretted leaving Bella alone with Jacob, but knew that forcing the matter would be extremely detrimental to my relationship with Bella. She wanted me to trust her and I did, but every instinct I had was telling me to get back in my car and get her safely away from Jacob. The second scent that I had picked up was bothering me as well. Not only because it was so similar to Jacob's, but because I knew I had encountered it before, along with very deep feelings of anger and rage.

I needed to see Bella again to calm myself, to confirm that she was okay. I stood up and started toward my car with that exact plan in mind when my cell phone started to vibrate. I looked down and saw that I had received a text from Bella.

**Bella: **_Hi J. I am so sorry about the scene earlier. My 'keeper' was a little pissed but he's calmed down now, I swear. Sending this text as he is in the shower and don't want to stir things up by calling you. Again, so sorry. How was hunting? B_

I chuckled to myself. Only Bella would ask a question about hunting as if it were as casual as stopping for take out on the way home.

**Jasper: **I cannot tell you how relieved I am to hear from you. I've been beside myself with worry. We need to speak about Jacob asap. Hunting was good. Thanks.

**Bella: **_OK. Talk later. Jake is going to stay here all week so I might be a bit scarce as I think it best to keep him happy while he's visiting. See you tomorrow in class?_

**Jasper: **Won't be in tomorrow. Supposed to be sunny. Going to hit the library very early and stay the day so I can work on paper. Meet there?

**Bella: **_I can't promise anything but will do my best. Have a good night._

I frowned at her response. _Do her best?_ I wanted a confirmation that I was going to see her.

**Jasper: **I need to see you, in person, to know you are okay. Please try to make it to the library tomorrow. Call me tomorrow if nothing else.

**Bella: **_OK_

I closed the phone and headed toward my car. I was still not comfortable with Bella being on her own with Jacob. I contemplated whether or not to stake out Bella's for the evening. But, I knew that if Bella found out that I didn't trust her judgement, it would damage our friendship, most likely beyond the point of repair. That was a huge sore point with her relationship with Edward. He glossed over gory details, didn't provide whole truths, thinking he was protecting her. I needed to learn from those mistakes.

Reluctantly, I got in the car and it took everything I had in me to continue on my way home. I thought back to some of the stories that Carlisle told us about when the family first settled in Forks. Alice and I were not with them at the time, in fact, Alice and I were not even together then. It was just Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Rose and Emmett. They had settled in Forks and that's when the werewolves first made their appearance. Jacob's grandfather was an extremely intelligent man and recognized that the Cullen's were not a threat and therefore, instead of starting a war, he instituted the treaty with Carlisle. A boundary line was created, rules were enforced and both sides moved forward, existing with one another without conflict. Of course, innate hatred was always present but no fights ever broke out and both sides respected the others boundaries. I was shocked to hear that the werewolves still existed. Carlisle had told us that when the Cullens left Forks, the werewolves died out. No new generation of werewolves existed.

Well, he could not have been more wrong. Was it our reappearance in Forks that awoke the gene? Whatever it was, I was deeply grateful to Jacob for saving Bella. No matter how much I wanted to hate him, no matter how much I wished Bella was away from him, I could not ignore what his existence had done for me. He had kept Bella alive when Edward and the rest of my family had abandoned her. However, I was to blame just as much as Edward, for the mistakes that were made concerning Bella's safety and welfare. Jacob did something that I was not there to do.

And, those were mistakes that I would never make again.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Jake put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me toward the front door. I looked back at Jasper and said goodbye. I felt so terrible leaving him like this, I could tell he was worried about Jacob's temper and I wished I could do something to alleviate that worry.

_He knows, he knows what Jacob is._

We went upstairs to my apartment in silence. I could feel the anger still radiating off Jacob like he was on fire and I knew that I was in for another argument the moment we were inside. He wasn't finished with me yet. Any calmness that Jasper had managed to get out of Jacob had disappeared the second we reached my front door.

Jacob opened the door and threw my bag across the room and it landed with a thud on the floor by the couch. I waited patiently while he paced for several minutes around my small apartment. His emotions were palpable as he worked through his anger, ignoring me until he calmed himself down. It felt like eons but I knew if I interrupted him, I'd only frustrate him even further. Finally, he turned to face me, his eyebrows raised until they almost disappeared into his hairline. His large arms stretched out wide to his sides. "Well?"

"Well what?" I asked as I looked down at my feet. "I've already apologized. I don't know what more to say." I continued to look down at my feet and began to shuffle them back and forth. I felt like a kid who was being reprimanded by her father. I knew that it was completely thoughtless of me not to call Jake and let him know where I was, but I was a coward in trying to put off the inevitable fight we would get into because I was spending time with Jasper, alone. Then, I was having such a great time with Jasper that I didn't even think about checking in with Jacob. Actually, nothing else entered my mind while we were away, I was totally wrapped up in everything Jasper.

"Bella, what exactly do you not understand about a nightly check in? In order for it to work, you need to check in _nightly_. Dammit, you scared the shit out of me, not to mention that you had Billy sick with worry. You even had Raven upset, which means I get even more upset. I haven't slept in days. You absolutely cannot disappear like that. With your history and with everything that has happened you should know better. How could you not once consider where my thoughts would go when I couldn't get a hold of you?" Jacob put his hands to the side of his face and rubbed his forehead. He looked at me and my heart broke. It was the first time I really looked at him since Jasper dropped me off. I could see that he was telling the truth and had lost a lot of sleep because of my thoughtless behaviour. His dark eyes were so bloodshot and he looked like he was ready to break.

I felt like such a shit. "Oh, Jake, I'm so sorry. It was selfish of me to not call. I just got caught up and I didn't want to deal with another lecture and then I forgot to turn my cell back on. I will never do it again, I promise." I slowly walked toward him hoping that he would open up his arms and accept my apology. "Please forgive me."

"Come here Bells." He grabbed my wrist, pulled me into his warm body and hugged me so tight I thought I was going to break. Then, just as quickly, he yanked me back and bent over so we were eye to eye. "If you ever, EVER, put me through that again, I will personally pack up everything and bring you back home with me. You understand me? I know I was hard on you downstairs and I apologize. I should not have said what I did about Edward, but can you at least look at this from my point of view and understand why I am so upset?" He put his hands on my face to keep me from looking away when I was so ashamed. His dark chocolate eyes were pleading with me to understand why he was being so overprotective. His palms radiated a heat so hot my bones felt like they were melting.

I nodded as the tears spilled down my cheeks. I hated that I had put him through so much pain, but no matter how much he cared for me, he was going to have learn to let me live my life. While I knew that Jacob had over reacted in some aspects, I wasn't about to push the envelope any further right now. He was on edge and I had put him through the ringer. I could just imagine the thoughts that went through that thick head of his over the past 72 hours. There was no need for me to make matters worse by trying to defend my friendship with Jasper. Jake had been with me through thick and thin. After Edward left, I was a stranger, an empty body and Jacob helped rebuild me until I was a person again. Until I was as whole as he could make me. I could not fault him for being overprotective since everything in my past had required him to be so. My past actions had led to his current reaction and therefore, I really had no one to blame but myself.

However, I was still not budging on my friendship with Jasper. I was not willing to give that up. It was my ray of sunshine in an otherwise dreary existence, being so far away from home.

Jake pulled me into one of his bear hugs he knew that I loved. It felt like everything else in the world melted away and all I felt was his warmth, his love for me. We stood there for the longest time, waiting until the other had finally calmed down.

"I love you, Bells. I will fight to the ends of the earth for your safety, but I cannot condone the choices that you are making."

"Jake, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish that you would just give Jasper a chance and you would see what a great guy he really is."

"A great guy? See? That's the problem. You refuse to see him for what he really is." Jake sighed then, crossed his arms in front of himself and he stared down at me. "I'm not budging on this, Bella."

It was an argument neither one of us would ever win. "Listen, since you are here, let's enjoy the time and not fight anymore, okay?" I wanted to do anything but fight with him. Jake reluctantly agreed. I knew him, he wanted to talk about it until he could convince me to see things his way, but he must have thought better of it as he pulled me towards the couch where we plopped down next to each other. He put his arm around me and I relaxed into his side. We used to spend hours in silence doing this exact thing when we were home in Forks. No need for words, just comfortable silence while we both got lost in our thoughts though this time was different, I felt different. All I was thinking about was Jasper and what he was doing at this exact moment. _Was he thinking about me?_

I couldn't wait for the moment when I could call him and hear his voice. My mind wondered back to what he said outside. He was really worried about me and seemed to really care. Could I dare dream that it was more than just feelings for a friend? _Of course not,_ I shook my head to myself. Jasper already stressed how much we was appreciating our friendship and how he wanted to work on it. There was no way he'd want to take it further.

A light snore interrupted my thoughts as I glanced up to see that Jacob had drifted off to sleep. His face had transformed from the angry man he had just been into one of an innocent child. He was so sweet and caring and I loved him so much. I just wished he would respect my decisions, whether or not they are ones that he agreed with. Jacob's arm around my shoulders continued to get heavier and hotter as he drifted further into his sleep until I reached a point that I was no longer comfortable. Slowly and as carefully as I could, I tried to slide out from under him but the moment that I moved, he bolted upright.

"Bells!" He looked around the room and smiled at me as he fully regained consciousness. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"That's okay, you have been through a lot the last few days and are probably exhausted." I shrugged my shoulders at him in guilt.

"I think I'll hop in the shower and that should wake me up. That okay with you?" He asked as he stood and walked the bathroom.

"Sounds fine to me." I responded and shook my head as Jacob disrobed as if he didn't have an audience on his way into my tiny bathroom.

The moment the door closed behind him, I grabbed my cell phone and took the opportunity to text Jasper. There was no way that I was going to risk calling him and have Jake overhear it. After a few messages back and forth with Jasper, I was bummed that I wasn't going to see him in class tomorrow, but he mentioned that he was going to be at the library all day so I'd definitely make my way over there.

Jake came out of the shower with just his towel on. I rolled my eyes at him as he fumbled around for his pants, which he had haphazardly thrown in a ball in the corner. Jake and I were so close that his being in just a towel had no affect on me whatsoever. We had lived together in Billy's small house for so many years that I can't tell you the times I've almost run into Jake naked. Sometimes I swear he used to do it on purpose just to get a reaction out of me. Being a werewolf really takes away your inhibitions, but I wanted my first glimpse of a naked male to be of one that I loved and wanted to be with. Seeing Jake naked would be like seeing your brother naked. God, I almost vomited in my mouth thinking about it. I think it is that exact reaction which made Raven okay with me living with Jake. Not that Jake wasn't gorgeous, he really is a near perfect specimen of a man, just not my type.

What exactly is my type, I started to wonder. I thought about Logan as I avoided watching Jacob drop the towel, pull on his jeans and then finger brush his long hair. It had never occurred to me until now, but Logan could be a miniature Jake. They both had the long hair, brown eyes, were tall and muscular. Of course Logan was no where near the size of Jake, nor did he have Jake's beautiful skin tone, but there were definite similarities nonetheless.

Then I thought about Jasper. Jasper and his blond hair that was the colour of gold, his pale skin that sparkled like diamonds when the sun hit it, his golden eyes that reflected every emotion that he felt, his beautiful hands which I found myself wanting to hold on to every time we were together. My thoughts went back to our water fight in the rain and how his t-shirt stuck to his body like a second skin. The muscles in his chest leading down to well defined abs, which then led down to..._UGH!! Snap out of it. Now I'm having dirty daydreams! _I smiled as I was brought back to my dream of him and the amazing kiss I dreamt he gave me. I found myself absently rubbing my lips wondering what it would be like to be kissed like that for real and why was it that I had dreamt of Jasper. Yes, he had manufactured the emotions I felt , but it was not as if he could control who I thought about. What did it mean that I put him in the dream? Why not someone else like Logan or even Edward. I had never dreamt like that about Edward, ever. Seriously, I could have dreamt about Brad Pitt or ANYONE else but Jasper!!

"Earth to Bella!" Jake was waving his hands in the air like a lunatic.

"Yes?" I looked up at him as he was rummaging through my fridge.

"Where the hell is all your food? I'm starving". I laughed because Jacob being hungry was just about as normal an occurrence as water being wet.

"Yeah, like that's a shocker." I rolled my eyes at him and shoved him out of the way. I looked through the fridge and then opened the freezer only to find that he was right, I was seriously lacking in the food department.

"Why don't we head over to the pub and I'll treat you to dinner? A peace offering of sorts?" I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest. He was so warm and smelled like home, but I found myself wishing that I was wrapped around someone else. _This was so not good._

"I'll take you up on that offer Bells, but first I need to call Raven and Billy and let them know you are home." He pulled out his cell and dialled. I could hear Raven pick up on the other end, excited to hear from her beloved.

After the phone call and several minutes of my grovelling with both Raven and Billy, we walked to the pub. I pointed out various places in the neighbourhood that I had mentioned to Jacob on the phone. It really was great to have him here and it made me realize that I missed him tremendously. He had helped me move up here, but only stayed a day and had to get back home so, he didn't get a chance to really check out the area.

Once we arrived at the pub, we grabbed a seat and Jacob immediately ordered enough food for ten people. While we sat there with our beers, he updated me on the garage, how Billy was doing, and life in general in Forks. It made me realize that for the first time I really wasn't missing home. Sure, I missed Jacob, but I didn't miss Forks. I was actually excited to be here and to see where this year would take me. I wondered if this new feeling of excitement has anything to do with my newly acquired relationship with Jasper? Yes, of course it did, I thought as my heart raced at the mere thought of him.

While we waited for our food, Logan approached our table. "Hello, Bella. This certainly seems to be your regular haunting place doesn't it?" He looked over at Jake and stretched out his hand. "Hello, I'm Logan."

Jacob stood up and gave his hand a good shake. I almost laughed as Logan had to look up at him and I saw shock register on his face. I am sure that Logan was not used to too many people being bigger than him, but Jake had several inches on him. "I'm Jake. Nice to meet you." Jake looked at me and raised his eyebrow. I hadn't bothered to mention Logan to Jake yet. I wasn't up for any teasing from him or any pressure to start dating, which I knew would be inevitable.

"Hi Logan. How are you?" I smiled up at him.

"I'm great, thanks. I called you on the weekend to take you up on that rain check. Did you get my message?" His eyebrows furrowed into a frown and he looked over at Jake and then back at me wondering exactly what_ this_ relationship was.

"No, sorry. I went out of town very early Friday morning and then only arrived home this afternoon to be surprised by Jake's arrival so, I haven't had a chance to check my messages." I apologized hoping that the mention of my being absent all weekend didn't put Jake back into his bad mood.

The three of us were silent as we looked at one another, waiting for someone to say something. Jake spoke up. "Logan, why don't you join us? I'd enjoy the opportunity to get to know some of the friends Bella is making here." He motioned to the chair beside me and gave me a smirk as I glared at him.

Logan looked down at me and appeared to be waiting for me to make some sort of gesture that this is what I wanted. I nodded at him and he sat down with a great big grin.

"So, you say you called Bella this weekend. Would that have been for a date?" Jake looked at me and gave me another smirk, which meant that I was in for some good old fashioning ribbing from him. _Nice Jake, way to cut to the chase._

"As a matter of fact, yes, I had wanted to take Bella out for her birthday, but she was otherwise engaged." Jacob let out a loud 'humph' noise and sat back in his seat folding his arms across his chest as Logan paused before continuing most likely wondering if Jake's reaction was one of a boyfriend being territorial. "However, she did offer a rain check, which I had hoped to cash in this weekend." Logan smiled at me and looked back to Jake, trying to figure out who Jake was and, most likely, why he was being so nosey. "So, how do the two of you know each other?"

"Bells and I go way back, don't we Bells?" Jacob leaned forward in his chair and put his massive arms on the table. He grabbed his beer and took a large swig and waved the waitress back over. "I'll have another, Bells?" He gestured toward my drink as I shook my head. "Logan?"

"Yes, I'll have one of those as well. Thanks." He turned in his chair so that he was facing me. "So, exactly how far back do the two of you go?" I knew what he was getting at, but didn't feel like providing a history lesson.

"Bells and I lived together in Forks." Jacob threw out that bomb and let it sit there, festering without further explanation, as Logan looked a little shocked and slightly disappointed.

"Oh Jake, quit playing around." I kicked him under the table and he jumped in his seat. "Yes, I lived with Jacob _and_ his father back home, but not in the way that he is trying to make you think. Jake is my best friend and, I hope you are up to it, but I believe he is going to spend the rest of the evening busting your balls." Jake just about spit his beer out across the table and then he heartily laughed as I called him out.

The rest of the evening was spent drinking, eating and laughing, a lot. The three of us had a really great time and made plans to do it again before Jake went home. I couldn't help it, but even though the night was fun and I did have a great time, it felt hollow. I missed Jasper and couldn't wait until I saw him again, which was just silly. Here I was with an incredibly hot guy that was clearly interested me and all I could do was think of someone who clearly was not.

Jake and I declined Logan's offer of a ride home and decided to enjoy the evening a bit longer with a walk. The entire way home I listened to Jake ramble on about what a great guy Logan was, how perfect he would be for me, blah, blah, blah. I let him get his say in since he was in such a great mood. I'm sure he'd have us married off by the end of the week with how much he seemed to approve of Logan. The evening had ended on such a good note that I didn't want to fight back on the Logan issue. I did like Logan. I could see myself really liking him. The question I needed to answer was, do I want to?


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

I left my apartment before the sun was hitting the streets. I wanted to get to the library before I was caught out in the daylight. Bella said she would do her best to meet me and I didn't want to chance missing her. I was anxious to know how the rest of her evening went with Jacob. I trusted her when she said that he had calmed down, but still wanted visual reassurance from her. After spending 72 consecutive hours with her, I missed her terribly last night. I found myself wondering how she slept and if she missed me as well.

I entered the library and easily found an empty table. I began working on my paper and had it finished within a few hours. I searched the library for a book that I hadn't yet read and then settled back at my table. It's amazing how many books one can read over a century. I glanced at my watch to find out what time it was, hoping that Bella would come straight to the library after class. I was dismayed to find that class had been over for almost 45 minutes and she still wasn't here. That did not bode well for my hopes of seeing her today. I sighed to myself as, unless the weather took a sudden change, I was now stuck in the library until evening.

I sank into one of the plush chairs and immersed myself in reading. I was so deep into my book that I did not notice the female until she actually spoke.

"Hello." She said tentatively as she sat down next to my chair.

The fact that I was approached was a bit shocking. Humans instinctively stayed away from me so I was taken aback that she was actually speaking to me. I found myself glancing around to see if it was, in fact, me she was speaking to.

"Hello." I said tentatively.

"I'm Sandy. I noticed you weren't in class this morning and I thought I would offer you my notes, if you are interested." She barely made eye contact as she fidgeted with the papers that she held in front of her.

"Thank you. That is very kind, but I do have someone who I exchange notes with." I looked back at my book and barely paid her any attention not wanting to encourage her any further.

It wasn't working.

"How are you doing on the assignment?" She asked as she scooted her chair closer to me. Her fragrance was one of tropical sands and sea. Very refreshing and completely different from the freesia scent that seemed to be trapped in my senses since the weekend. I looked up at her and noticed her blond hair, that was layered in a fashionable choppy haircut that framed her round face. She had aquamarine eyes, which were looking at me with nothing but curiosity and friendliness. I did not feel anything other than nervousness and a slight hint of desire coming from her. Perhaps she was on something? How could she not be afraid of me? Woman always wanted me, yes, I was used to that, but normally the wanting was surrounded by fear. The "dangerous bad boy" syndrome. Usually, all I had to do was flash my teeth and they would back off.

"I'm almost finished." I responded as I gave her a big smile and her eyes widened, but yet, no sense of fear. Perhaps the poor girl needed glasses or medication. Whenever I flashed the teeth, it was typically automatic that I would sense apprehension or some fear, but nothing was deterring this female from her mission.

"Really, wow, that's impressive. Perhaps we could help each other out. I've got a draft done, maybe we could read one another's and provide some comments or criticism?" She bit her bottom lip and looked up at me through her thick lashes. Now, I was sure that she was hitting on me and I was the one starting to get uncomfortable. However, strangely enough, at the same time I wasn't minding her advances. In the back of my head, I was a little hurt that Bella hadn't met me and I was enjoying this little boost to my ego.

"That sounds like a good idea, Sandy." I smiled again at her. _What the hell was I doing?_

I could hear her pulse accelerate and her face just about split into two as she grinned. "That is great. Since you are almost finished, how about we meet here on Wednesday which will give me time to polish mine and then we can switch papers to review?"

"That sounds great." I said as I gave her another smile. _Wow, it still isn't working. _

"Okay, great. Well, if you'll excuse me, I guess I have some work to get done before Wednesday." She smiled at me and walked away. I watched her retreat and was embarrassed when she turned around and found me still staring at her. My reasons for staring were due to the shock of having my first conversation with a complete stranger and finding myself having no difficulty. I could tell that Sandy was very pleased with having caught me still looking at her and I am sure she thought it was for very different reasons.

Now that Sandy had departed, my thoughts immediately went back to Bella and I wondered where she was. It wasn't five seconds later when my phone buzzed signalling a text message.

**Bella: **_Sorry I didn't make it to the library. Jacob met me after class and we are spending the afternoon together. Have to work tonight and tomorrow day. What are you up to?_

**Jasper: **Working on assignment. I'll see you tomorrow night in class. Do you want to go out after?

There was a long pause before she finally responded.

**Bella: **_Meeting Logan and Jake at the pub after class. I'd invite you along but I think it best to keep you and Jake apart until he leaves. I am so sorry._

_She was meeting Logan._ I immediately felt a growl start in my throat and the thought that she was going to be spending time with him tore at me. I guess that meant that Logan was up to par with Jacob's standards. Feelings of jealousy immediately coursed through my body as I thought about Bella seeing Logan again. I was angry at being so easily pushed aside. I guess if my friendship meant anything to her, she would stand up to Jacob. I was beyond hurt. It just further proved to me that I was a fool for allowing my feelings to go any further than friendship.

**Jasper: **Whatever. Just call me when you have time for me.

I knew my statement was childish, but I was feeling hurt and more than a little sorry for myself. Again, there was a long pause before she responded.

**Bella: **_Jasper, I am so sorry. Please don't be upset with me. I know it is terrible of me not to want to rock the boat with Jacob but I'd rather keep him calm and let him have a good week and then he'll be gone and things can return to normal._

**Jasper: **Have a good time with Logan at the pub. I'll talk to you later.

I put my phone down and refused to look at it again when she texted back. I was angry that she was seeing Logan, I was mad that Jacob accepted him so readily when he didn't even know him and I was beyond pissed that she put him before me. I tried to talk some sense into myself. It was only reasonable that she favoured Jacob's feelings over mine and I agreed that she should do what was necessary to keep him calm. However, I was still bitter about the situation. She had told me time and time again how Jacob had saved her life. I had no right to feel the way the I did, but that still didn't stop these feelings from rearing their ugly head.

The rest of the day crawled by after realizing I was stuck in the library until dark. I avoided our Tuesday night class. I could not bear to see Bella and then have to watch her go off and spend the rest of the evening with Logan and Jacob. I needed to get a handle on my emotions. So, I decided to stick my head in the sand and avoid Bella while I continued to evaluate my feelings for her. I was in over my head and I now realized it. I wanted her, badly.

It was unnerving how emotional I was becoming over Bella. I missed her on a level that I had never felt before, and it was not a want for her blood, but her laughter, the calmness I experienced when with her, her clumsiness, her smile, her blush, her scent, her...well, her everything. The emotions running through me were making me feel human again. I was jealous, full of desire and passion for her, nervous for the next time we would see one another, anxious because I didn't know when that was going to happen, all feelings that I hadn't felt in a very long time.

I had promised to meet Sandy on Wednesday and work on our assignments together. I was not excited in the least to see Sandy again and wished that I had the better sense on Monday to rebuff her advances. I am sure any red blooded male would have been more than pleased to have Sandy wanting to do anything with them, but she wasn't Bella and I now knew that it was only Bella that I wanted to be with. Whether or not Bella wanted me in the way that I now knew I wanted her, I would be there for her, in any capacity that she would allow.

I found the book that I had started on Monday and sat down in the same chair where Sandy had first approached me. It was a while before she showed and I sensed her as soon as she entered the library. She truly did have a very fresh scent about her. It was actually very odd as to how she did not set off any sort of wanting from me. I could honestly say I did not desire her in any manner and that was almost a first for me. Was it because my wanting of Bella was so strong that it was taking precedent over all other feelings? I found myself surprised at how quickly the feelings for Bella had taken over my thoughts, my wants and desires.

_I'm in trouble. _I thought as I started to wonder how many hours were left before Jacob departed and I would finally be able to spend time with Bella again. Perhaps I should schedule another weekend getaway to make up for the time that I had lost with her this week. Would she agree so easily to go away with me again? Knowing how strongly Jacob reacted, I doubted it.

Sandy sat down next to me and interrupted my thought process as she proceeded to go through her bag. I watched as she pulled out her paper and tentatively handed it over to me. I could tell she was flustered not only by what she was feeling, but she didn't say hello or acknowledge me and would not make eye contact with me. I didn't help the situation as I sat in silence watching as she fumbled along. I was again regretting my agreeing to do this.

"Here it is." She said nervously. I found her nervousness to be the complete opposite of her feelings on Monday and was wondering why that was.

"Why are you nervous? " I asked. I couldn't help myself.

"I've never asked anyone to go over my paper before. I'm worried that you might not find it any good." Her cheeks reddened with her statement.

"Why would it matter if I liked it or not?" My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, not only at her statement, but at the fact that even the blood that pooled so quickly in her cheeks, had no pull on my vampire instincts.

She paused and bit her lip again and I felt a sure of courage come from her. "Um, because I like you." She said it almost as if it were a question.

"Oh...ahhh." I found myself stammering and mumbling like an idiot. What should I say to her in order not to hurt her feelings and how could I tell her that I wasn't interested back?

I quickly found out that I didn't need to respond. "I know that you probably aren't interested. I've seen the girl you sit with and she is beyond gorgeous. Is she your girlfriend? Sorry, none of my business. Anyhow, I can see that I'm probably not your type. You are so good looking and I'm well...I'm...me." She rambled on as she smoothed down her top and began to blush.

"Thank you. I'm not sure what to say other than, I'm not available for a relationship." I didn't feel that I needed to explain any further than that and was now quickly wondering how I could get out of the library.

"Okay, let's just forget I said anything and start reviewing the papers okay? Okay." She put her paper on my lap and waiting expectantly.

"Oh, yes." I leaned forward and pulled mine out of my bag. Reluctantly, I handed her my paper and again kicked myself mentally for the hundredth time for agreeing to do this. I didn't need anyone to review my work, I'd written more papers that I cared to even think about, but she caught me off guard when she asked and it would be rude to back out now.

We decided to find a table to sit at while we went over the papers. I was trying to concentrate on reviewing Sandy's paper and ignore the lustful feelings coming my way when all of a sudden I was hit with the strongest blast of jealousy. Immediately, I looked up and found myself looking directly into the highly annoyed face of Bella. As our eyes met, I could feel the anger emanating out of her. Bella's emotions then started to jump all over the place as she approached our table. _What the hell? _I knew I wasn't mistaken when I felt the jealousy and wondered if it meant Bella was jealous that I was spending time with someone else. I found myself almost happy about that little discovery and could barely contain a grin from spreading across my face.

"Hello." Bella said as she plopped her bag into an empty chair at the table and glared at me. She _was_ angry! And what I found even harder to believe...she was jealous. Warmth immediately spread through my chest as I thought about the implications of the emotions that Bella was feeling. _Could I be so lucky? Could I dare to think this way?_

"Hi Bella. I'm so glad to see you." I smiled at her and felt my body relax in a way that it hadn't since I dropped her off on Sunday.

"Really? Who is your friend?" She didn't look at Sandy while she continued to glare at me. The venom dripping from her voice was startling. Did she have something against Sandy that I didn't know about?

"This is Sandy. She is in our Monday class." I answered as Sandy gave her a shy smile.

"Randy is it? Nice to meet you." Bella gave her a smirk and settled into a seat.

"Sandy." I corrected. I'd never seen this side of Bella and was dying to get her alone to ask her what was going on.

"Yes, well, nice to meet you." Bella said, again without barely glancing at her. She was staring straight at me with daggers in her eyes. She was trying to mask her emotions, but the awkwardness in the air was palpable. Bella looked back and forth between Sandy and I and her eyes narrowed slightly before she caught herself and slapped a very calm expression on her face.

"I just dropped in to say hello, but can see that you are busy. I only have a few minutes so I have to run. Perhaps I'll call you later." She stood up and grabbed her bag. She looked back at Sandy. "Nice to meet you, Candy."

"It's Sandy, with an S." Sandy smartly responded and looked at Bella as if she had two heads or perhaps was a little slow. Immediate anger radiate from Bella toward Sandy. I could tell that Sandy was a bit confused as to what was going on and was starting to feel extremely uncomfortable. I, myself, continued to be confused by Bella's behaviour and watched as she turned on her heel and stomped away. Her anger was so strong it was almost leaving waves in her wake.

"Excuse me Sandy, I'll be right back." I got up from the table and ran after Bella. When I reached her, I grabbed her by the elbow and turned her around to face me.

"What the hell was that all about?" I demanded, though my irritation seemed to lose some of its force the second my hand touched her skin.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt your date with Mandy? Tell me, did she offer to proof read your paper or did you volunteer for her services?" Bella looked at me with obvious hurt in her eyes, but the intense emotions she was feeling distracted me from responding. She was confused, hurt, jealous and angry. Was she confused because she didn't understand why she was feeling this way? I continued to hold onto her arm and tried to force back the smile that wanted to appear on my face. Overwhelming joy at the thought that she was jealous flooded me and it made me want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her deeply, right here in the library.

I was confused as to what to say or do since I wasn't completely sure I was reading the situation correct, I was just praying that I was. "Bella, there is nothing going on between Sandy and myself. She approached me regarding reviewing each other papers and that's it. What is going on with you?" I still had not let go of her elbow and found myself starting to rub circles on the inside of her arm with my thumb in order to try and calm her.

"Nothing Jasper. Don't worry about it. Look, I have to go. I've got to get to work and I don't want to be late." She shook me off her arm, turned and left the library. I thought I was mistaken, but I could have sworn that as she turned, I felt a confused sort of sadness radiating from her.

And, selfishly, that again made me extremely happy. From what I felt coming from her through our brief contact, her feelings for me were stronger than friendship. Stronger than I had ever imagined.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

I left the library with the heaviest weight on my shoulders. I could not believe the ass I had just made of myself. I was so excited to see Jasper and had rushed to the library the second I had a free moment. Anticipation and excitement coursed through my veins and I was practically running to get there. When he didn't turn up in class last night I knew that he must still be upset about the Jacob situation and I couldn't wait to make it up to him. I wouldn't blame him if he were a bit angry with me, I'd probably be mad if I were in his position. We spent every spare second together and now that Jake was here, I was forced to put Jake first and it wasn't sitting well with me either, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to have to choose between them.

When I turned the corner and saw him bent over a table reading a paper I knew my entire face lit up, not only my face, but my entire body seemed to come alive right at that moment. But, then I noticed that blond chick sitting across from him, staring at him as if she wanted to rip his clothes off and get down to business right there on the table. I was shocked and, for some reason, more than a little disappointed and, _wait a second_, I was...jealous. _Who the hell is that slut?_ I thought as I fought the irrational urge to run over, yank her away from the table and tell her to stay away from him. I was completely shocked by these feelings and no sooner than the thoughts had run through my head, Jasper's head snapped up and our eyes met. He was so gorgeous, how could any girl resist him. _But, oh,_ _shit, he felt my jealousy._ Immediately, I started thinking of something else. _Dead puppies, world famine, global warming. _I chanted in my head in order to try and mask my irrational emotional outburst. Then, I noticed a very brief flash of confusion on Jasper's face.

To top it all off, I marched over to the table and acted like a total moron. It was almost as if I'd had a personality transplant. The fact that I had acted that way was embarrassing not only to myself, but for poor Jasper as well and I knew that I owed him a huge apology and I should probably apologize to his friend as well. He had every right to be speaking to someone else, but I could not help the territorial feelings that came over me when I saw him sitting with another female. "_He's mine",_ was my only thought. _God, what was I doing to myself?_ I needed to get my head on straight and get it through my thick skull that Jasper would never see me that way, ever.

I went to work in the worst mood. It didn't improve any when I saw that, surprise, surprise, I was working with Needy. I spent the rest of the evening fighting off the unwanted advances that Needy continually threw my way. Short of actual physical bodily harm, I was unsure of how to get Needy to back off, but I was at the end of my rope and my frustration with the earlier events of the day came bubbling to the surface.

I finally snapped halfway through my shift.

"Listen Steven, I need to get something straight with you so that we are perfectly clear." I looked him directly in the face. "I want you to listen very carefully. Even if the world were flooded by urine and raw sewage and you lived in the only tree, I still would not climb up it and give you a chance. Do you understand?" I spun around and walked away from him before he had a chance to respond. I was sure that I heard him mutter 'bitch' under his breath, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get him off my back and to leave me alone. I wanted to wallow in my irrational feelings about seeing Jasper with someone else. And, that's what they were, irrational. Like it mattered he might be friends with another girl? He had every right to be. I didn't have any claim to him.

I spent the rest of the shift in a total funk and was greeted at the end of the night by Jake and Logan picking me up. They were out playing pool together while they waited for my shift to end. It was really starting to annoy me how buddy-buddy the two of them were. I grabbed my purse, punched out and stomped my way to the front of the store. I could see Steven glaring at me from behind the counter and I fought every urge to turn around and give him the finger. I couldn't believe the mood I was in, I was acting like a petulant child and I was itching for a fight, but couldn't explain why.

I watched Logan and Jake horse around out front as they waited for me and due to the mood I was in, I knew that I didn't want to hang out with them this evening. I went outside and feigned a headache, which really wasn't that far from the truth. I just wanted to go home and be by myself. Alone. I convinced Jake to stay out with Logan and he easily agreed. I just wanted to veg out on the couch and throw myself a pity party. I needed to figure out my feelings and get control before I embarrassed myself any further or permanently damaged my friendship with Jasper.

They walked me home and I could tell that Logan was disappointed that he couldn't convince me to stay out with them, and just to get them both off my back, I reluctantly agreed to an actual date with him on Friday evening. Jacob nearly did a victory dance behind Logan's back when I said yes. I rolled my eyes at him and went upstairs to my apartment where, instead of flopping down on the couch, I ended up pacing around the room.

_What if Jasper actually likes this Sandy? _The idea that Jasper might be interested in someone tore at my heart in a way that I didn't expect. _Yes_, I finally admitted to myself. _I am so totally jealous._ I sat down on the edge of the couch and put my head in my hands. The weight of the realization of my feelings felt so heavy that I could no longer stand. I was falling for Jasper. No, I'd fallen for Jasper. I threw myself back into the couch and let out a loud grunt. Why was I doing this to myself? There was no way Jasper would ever feel the same way. I was just opening myself up for more hurt. Plus, I'd already been down the whole human/vampire road and, unless there was going to be a change in my future, we would never be able to make it work. I didn't want to grow old while he stayed young and beautiful.

I had to laugh at myself. My thoughts were so jumbled . _A future? What was I thinking?_ Why would someone like Jasper ever be interested in someone like me? I sat on the couch and stared at my ceiling wishing that I felt differently. Why couldn't I fall for a human? Perhaps if I really gave Logan a chance, I'd actually like him more than a friend? He was certainly good looking enough, seemed nice enough, he was definitely interested in me. It would certainly make my life with Jacob a lot easier. I need to put any feelings for Jasper that extended beyond the realm of friendship out of my mind, pronto. I sat there pondering the matter. I realized I would just have to force myself to get excited over my date on Friday, do everything I could to have a good time and forget about any "future" with Jasper as anything other than my friend. Then my cell rang. Pulling it out of my pocket, the second I saw who was calling, I was immediately delighted by the thousands of butterflies that fluttered in my stomach. _Stop it! It's Jasper… my 'friend'!_

"Jasper" I whispered as I brought the phone to my ear. "I am so glad you called. I owe you the biggest apology and I know I owe your friend one as well."

"Are you okay? You were definitely in a weird mood earlier." Weird probably being his nice way of saying bitchy.

I was ashamed of my behaviour and now felt like a total jackass. "I'm embarrassed at how I treated your friend and I hope that you can forgive me."

"Do you mind me asking why you did it?"

"I don't know." I'd rather die than admit my feelings to Jasper. Why embarrass myself and tell him how I feel when I already know that he would never feel that way towards me. _I mean, HELLO, this is Jasper. Ah hell, he probably already knows, but if I never say the words maybe he'll think I just care for him like a friend._ _Right._ With Edward, he was just as much a virgin in every way that I was. Jasper has experience and I am sure a lot of it. I didn't know his past before Alice, but I knew it was pretty dark and dangerous and I am sure Alice was not his first. There was no way he'd be interested in an inexperienced human for crying out loud.

Jasper was silent, waiting for me to continue. It felt like minutes had passed while the two of us sat on the phone, not saying a word. I felt like there was so much I wanted to say, but knew that I never could or even would. I was so glad that Jasper couldn't feel emotions over the phone. Now, having realized my true feelings, overwhelming sadness was beginning to take over and I was having trouble formulating another coherent sentence. I just wanted to cry.

Jasper decided to break the silence. "So, when does Jacob leave?"

"Friday morning." I quietly answered.

"Well, how about we go out on Friday and catch up with each other? We could even do a day trip on Saturday if you feel up to it." His voice was getting excited.

"I would love nothing better, Jasper… but" That empty hollow feeling immediately opened in my chest. I hadn't really noticed it had been gone, but now it was back with a vengeance. "I agreed to a date with Logan." I wanted to explain. I wanted to blame Jacob. I wanted Jasper to know without a doubt that a date with Logan was something that I did not want. I wanted to spend time with Jasper, but I knew, not saying all the words I wanted so desperately to say was for the best. Silently, I was hoping to hear Jasper protest my upcoming date, but knew that would never happen. He knew I was trying to move on and dating a human was part of that process, and besides… it would be rude to back out now.

"Oh." Was his response.

Silence again.

More silence.

"What are the two of you doing?" He finally asked.

"I don't know. We really didn't make any plans other than to agree to the date." I responded wishing that I could just lie down and die rather than continue this conversation.

"Okay, well, I guess I should let you go, it is getting late. I hope that you have a great time on Friday. Give me a call sometime on the weekend." His tone of voice was so bleak.

Then, he hung up. I looked at my phone totally confused. It had seemed like Jasper was not thrilled at the prospect of me having a date with Logan. _Could it possibly mean...?_ I started to think before I gave my head a shake. As if, he's probably just lonely and missing his friend, nothing more.

I walked over the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. After pulling out the bed, I dropped into it, fully clothed. I just wanted to get through this week with Jacob being here, have my date with Logan and then things would get back to normal. Jasper and I would be spending time together, things wouldn't be awkward and life would go on as originally planned. I would force myself to forget these unrealistic feelings of being more than friends with Jasper.

Rolling on my back, I closed my eyes. Images of Jasper floated through my mind, Jasper holding my hand, Jasper and his rain wet shirt, Jasper coming out of the bathroom with his perfectly tasselled golden hair , Jasper with his fingers playing through my hair on the bed. I smiled as I snuggled down under the covers.

_Well, if I can't have him in reality, there is always my dreams._


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

It was finally Friday and I waited anxiously for Logan to pick me up. I wasn't nervous for the date itself, actually, I was disappointed in myself for leading Logan on in this manner and truly wished that I had feelings for him. He would be a great catch, but just not the fish for me. I did like Logan, but I knew I'd never feel for him the way that I knew I was capable of. At one time, I had known what deep love felt like, how it made me feel. Like the way I was beginning to feel about Jasper. It seemed strange…not so long ago, I had loved Edward with all my heart, but now, with Jasper here, in my thoughts, in my dreams, the feelings I'd had for Edward didn't hurt me any more. I had stopped feeling guilty or stupid for loving him. Did that make me a terrible person? I didn't think so. It had to mean I was moving on. Opening up to someone new. Aside from being a vampire, Jasper was nothing like Edward and if I could only have him as a friend, then I would be grateful and enjoy every minute with him. That is, if I could repair the damage done by Jacob's visit.

Anxious thoughts of Jasper floated through my head. How he had avoided my calls and me since our last conversation on Wednesday and I had hoped that once tonight was over, things would get back to normal again. While I really enjoyed spending time with Jacob these past few days, I missed being with Jasper. If friendship was the most I could expect, then I would have to work at keeping both Jake and Jasper happy while keeping them away from each other. I never wanted to have another scene like the one we had when Jasper brought me home from Martha's Vineyard. I would definitely have to keep my promises about staying in better contact with Jake to insure he stayed on his side of the country and Jasper stayed on mine. Jake had left this morning on cloud nine knowing that I was going out with Logan this evening. I was sure he was heading back to Raven to tell her how successful he was at getting me away from Jasper. _If only he knew how I really felt. _A loud knock on the door woke me from my thoughts.

I ran over the door and threw it open, internally cursing myself for giving the impression that I was over eager for this date. Of course, Logan was a picture of perfection as he stood there with a bouquet of flowers extended in front of him. He was wearing black jeans and a plain white t-shirt that was pulled so tightly across his well-built chest that I couldn't help but think the threads were going to rip apart from the responsibility. His black leather blazer completed the look. I soaked in his presence and again internally tried to will myself to want to be with him. He _was_ incredibly good looking, really, and nice and lots of fun so, it was not like tonight was going to be a chore. _Right?_

"Hi." He said as he smiled at me. "You look lovely." I had my favourite skinny jeans on with a red halter top that tied around my neck and left half of my back exposed. We had agreed on just having dinner and perhaps going to the pub and shooting some pool. A pretty casual evening, but that was all I really had in me at the moment.

"Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself. These are for me?" I asked as I pointed to the flowers. "They are beautiful."

"Just like you." He responded as he bent forward and kissed my cheek. I immediately blushed, felt incredibly awkward and took the flowers over to the kitchen counter. _Perhaps this won't be so bad if I just give him a chance. _

I put the flowers into the glass pitcher which belonged to my blender. Logan looked at me quizzically as I did this. I just shrugged my shoulders and laughed. "I don't have a vase so my blender serves a double purpose." He laughed at my response and I found myself liking the sound of his laughter. Now that he was here in my apartment, I thought that perhaps I was cheating myself by making a snap decision about Logan before I even gave myself an opportunity to see if I _could_ like him. I knew there was no possibility for Jasper and I beyond that of friendship so why not give this date 100 and see where it goes. It made no sense to pine for someone who wouldn't return my feelings in the same way. Been there, done that.

We went to a Thai restaurant for dinner, which was quite the experience for me. I'd never had Thai food before and I loved it. I let Logan take the lead and he ordered a number of items off the menu for us to try. Conversation during dinner was relaxed and I found I was becoming very comfortable with him. We talked a lot about our childhoods, where we grew up and just how very different our backgrounds were. I was pleased that it didn't appear that Jacob had mentioned any of the hardships in my past. That was something I did not want to talk about with Logan. While I knew that Jacob would never mention Edward to him, I was worried he had mentioned the deaths of my parents.

After dinner we decided to head to the pub to play some pool and listen to the band that was playing. We were able to grab a booth and Logan went to the bar to grab some drinks instead of waiting for a waitress to appear. He came back, sat a pitcher of beer on the table between us and was barely managing to juggle the two glasses in his other hand. I giggled as I jumped up to help him out. "I see serving is definitely not in your future." I laughed as I put the mugs on the table and proceeded to pour a beer for each of us.

"All the tables are currently taken so we can't play pool just quite yet." He settled into the booth beside me as opposed to across from me and put his arm around my shoulders. I tensed slightly, but forced myself to relax. I was having a very nice evening and really wanted to give Logan an opportunity. I needed to allow my protective walls to come down a bit if he was ever going to make any headway with me.

As I was mentally encouraging myself, I happened to catch a flash of blond hair at the bar and immediately thought it was Jasper. As I looked again through the crowd, I was disappointed that the blond hair was no longer there. _Great, here I am trying to encourage Logan along and just the possible glimpse of Jasper made me more excited than anything else has this evening. _

Logan had started to rub his thumb on my bare shoulder and was in the middle of a sentence when he realized I had totally spaced out on him.

"Earth to Bella." He placed his hand under my chin and turned my head towards him. "Where did you just go now?"

"I'm so sorry, that was so rude of me. I just thought I saw someone I knew at the bar, but I was mistaken." I looked up at him and smiled, feeling bad for completely zoning him out. Logan glanced around quizzically, but then turned his attention back to me.

"I was asking you if you would like to dance. The band is going on break and I'm sure the DJ will start up shortly."

"Oh, I don't know. I am a terrible dancer." I really was. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had danced, in public. I was known to bop around the house by myself, but I tended to try and stay off the dance floor. While I had managed to accumulate some grace over the past few years, it definitely did not extend to the dance floor. Clumsy people should not risk their health or the safety of others in such a hazardous manner.

"Don't you worry about that." Logan smiled down at me. "It's all in the leading." I had heard that before and knew it to be true, first hand. He grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor just as the DJ started to play my favourite song, No One, by Alicia Keys. My thoughts immediately went back to the drive to Martha's Vineyard with Jasper and how I was singing to it out loud to him. The smile that crossed his face was burned into my brain. _Ugh, I need to stop this nonsense._

"Lucky for you I love this song." I said as I awkwardly allowed him to pull me to the floor.

"Just follow my lead". Logan whispered into my ear as he pulled me close to him. He slowly turned me so that my back was against his chest and he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist. My bare back pressed against his chest and his heat radiated out in waves. While his temperature was nowhere near as hot as Jake, it was definitely a lot warmer than Jasper. His touch left warm lingering trails of tingles as his hands made their way down my sides to my waist. It had been so many years since I had been touched by anyone other than a friend or family member that I couldn't help but feel a response.

I decided to give in and enjoy it when I happened to look up. My eyes locked onto a pair of oh so familiar golden orbs staring back at me . Instantly, I stopped moving, taken aback by the sight of him. Jasper. He was, indeed, sitting at the bar, absolutely rigid in his seat, unblinkingly staring directly into my eyes. I felt Logan lean toward my head and he placed his cheek next to mine. "Just relax and follow my movements." He whispered. Obviously, he hadn't noticed Jasper and was too busy enjoying himself to feel the tension is the air.

I swear I saw Jasper's nostrils slightly flare. I found I could not break eye contact with him, it was like we were locked together in some sort of trance. I felt Logan's warm hands on my hips pulling them back toward him. I could see, even through the dim lighting of the pub, Jasper slightly shift in his seat as if he wanted to pounce. _What is he doing here? __Why was he acting this way? What does he want? What do I want?_ I tried to put those thoughts out of my mind and focus on Logan, Logan and his warm body next to mine.

Logan slowly started moving our hips together with the music and I could feel the heat from his breath as he lightly ran his nose along my jaw. This didn't feel right, no matter how much I wanted it to feel right, I wanted to be dancing with Jasper, not Logan. As I continued to hold Jasper's gaze, I realized that my heart had betrayed my mind and finally made the decision for me. I wanted Jasper. I needed him. I desired and longed for him and him only. He had become as vital to me as the air I breathe. _God, why did I do these things to myself?_ He'd never feel for me the way that I feel for him. I'd never embarrass myself and show him how I felt. He'd probably be mortified that I'd fallen in love with him. _I'd fallen in love with him. _I was a glutton for punishment. I continued to stare at Jasper, getting lost in his beautiful golden orbs as he refused to blink, to move his eyes, to do anything that would break our connection. I was convinced he was just being an over protective big brother, watching to make sure Logan didn't step out of line. He'd never want to be touching me, be as close to me as Logan was right now. The last thing I needed or wanted was another 'Jacob' looking out for my well being.

As our hold on each other continued it suddenly felt like we were the only two people in the room and everyone else had disappeared. I was drowning in his eyes, I desired him, every inch of my being was screaming at me for dancing with Logan when I wanted to run and throw myself at Jasper. I would be a fool to do it, Jasper would never want someone as simple as me, but not matter how often I tried to talk some sense into myself, I couldn't help but continue to feel that way.

I wanted to feel Jasper's hand slowly working their way up the small span of exposed skin between my jeans and my top. I licked my lips as I imagined Jasper's long elegant fingers lightly caressing their way along the waistband of my jeans. It was Jasper's left hand slowly working its way along my hip, pulling me back into his groin as we continued to sway to the beat. I leaned back as Logan continued moving his hand up my waist until he lightly grazed the underside of my breast. Jasper's body language was immediately hostile. My breath caught and I gasped as my skin felt like it was shooting sparks straight into my nipples, my knees were weak as my eyes began to sting from the treacherous tears that were about to fall. I was terrible. I was leading Logan on, wishing that everything he was doing to me was being done by Jasper. I finally broke the contact I had been so desperately holding on to with Jasper and closed my eyes. Logan continued moving his hand under my arm, which he then raised slowly and placed behind his neck. He wove his fingers through mine and I grasped a handful of hair, picturing Jasper's soft honey blond tendrils that I had longed to run my fingers through, but never dared. He then slowly brought my other hand up to the other side of his face. My back was now slightly arching pushing my butt further into his groin and I could feel the pressure building in his jeans. I heard Logan moan slightly as he leaned in and kissed my neck.

My eyes immediately snapped open and I saw that Jasper was no longer at the bar. I spun around quickly and Logan pulled me in close for a kiss, his breath ragged from the shameless show I had just put on for him. I looked up at him, wanting so badly to want him, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want him and I couldn't allow him to kiss me.

"Logan, I really don't feel well. I think I need to sit down _now_."

He looked at me closely, his breath still shallow and his excitement still quite apparent as he continued to hold me close to his body. "You do look very flushed. Let's bring you over to the bar and get you some water."

"Thank you." He pulled me into his side and led the way to the bar. He asked the bartender for a glass of water as he pulled out a stool for me to sit on.

"Here you go. You sit here and I'll be right back. I am just going to the washroom. Are you going to be okay?" He asked as I nodded in response. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. I couldn't look him in the eye as I had no idea what I was going to do next and how I was going to get myself out of the situation I had put myself in. I was embarrassed and frustrated and totally… aroused… all at the same time.

I sat there and wondered where Jasper had gone. I put my head in my hands, ashamed at myself for leading Logan on in the way that I had just done. I looked up at the crowd in front of me, lost in my thoughts when all of a sudden, I saw Jasper. He was leaning against the far wall of the bar glaring at me. I quickly blinked and looked down, embarrassed of the way I had behaved on the dance floor. I couldn't imagine how I must have looked to Jasper. _God, I was such a horrible person._ I looked up again just as he pushed himself off the wall and came toward me. He moved like a panther and I was his prey, his steps fluid and quick, coming towards me with his head slightly down, his chin guarded. His glare was nothing gentle, he looked like he was ready to attack. I immediately felt my guard go up as I figured I was about to be lectured within an inch of my life for acting like a slut on the dance floor, out in public, for everyone to see. I had no doubt that not only could Jasper see what I was doing to Logan, he could feel Logan's arousal. _Oh shit! This is going to be bad._

He came up to me close, very close, and putting his hands on my knees, he spread my legs so that they formed a V, which he immediately stepped into. My breath caught. _What is he doing?_ Our faces were level with one another and I stared into his honey-coloured eyes trying to decipher the emotions I saw in them because this close, he was certainly concealing every emotion he was feeling. At this point I would be thrilled to feel even a little bit of anger coming off him. But, to feel nothing was just… scary.

His cool hand snaked its way along my neck to the back of my head where he fisted a handful of hair and he tilted my head slightly while pulling my face towards his. I was completely confused as to what he was doing, but also found myself incredibly aroused. Not being able to read his emotions, I couldn't fathom what his intentions were, but I wanted him this close, even closer if I could get it.

"Those were some pretty strong emotions you were throwing around out there Bella." His cool sweet breath was intoxicating. "Tell me, the longing you were feeling, was it because you wanted to go further with him? Did his hands make you ache with desire? Was his touch as you thought it would be?" He leaned in even closer and lightly ran his nose along the side of my neck causing me to shudder. "Did you like pressing your body against his?" I could smell the sweetness of him, blocking every other smell in the crowded pub, invading my every thought, blurring my vision, stealing my breath. "Can you picture yourself lying with him, giving everything of yourself to him?" He was now so close to me he was whispering in my ear, his lips brushing against my earlobe sending the most amazing shivers throughout my body. I could feel my blood starting to pump to areas of my body, which were now screaming for Jasper and Jasper alone to touch.

I could barely get the word out. "No."

Jasper slowly pulled back, lightly tracing his fingers along the sides of my cheeks and placed both hands on the side of my face, he was inches from my lips. "Tell me Bella, who do you really want?"

I paused and looked at his beautiful face. I couldn't believe this was happening. I summoned up the courage to respond honestly. "You, I want you." I whispered so quietly that if it weren't for Jasper's acute hearing, no human would have ever been able to hear.

Jasper closed the small gap between our lips so fast that I didn't even see him move. The shock of his lips hitting mine caused my eyes to shoot wide open and a small moan escaped my lips. Jasper took the opportunity to run his ice cold tongue along my bottom lip, asking for permission to enter. I slightly opened my mouth and Jasper continued slowly tracing the perimeter before entering. His tongue began to dance with mine and I lost all control. My hands flew into his hair and without thinking, I roughly grabbed two handfuls and pulled him as close to me as I could possibly get. The crush of his chest against my breasts caused me to moan even louder. Jasper responded by grabbing a hold of my waist with one hand and inched me to the end of the stool, threading his other through the hair on the back of my neck and kissed me like I had never been kissed before. Gone was the ice cold feeling of his skin, no more was the feeling of cold hard lips against mine. It seemed as if his emotions exploded. There was heat, pure lust and wanting radiating from him and I soaked up every bit of it and returned it with just as much force. With a mind of their own, my legs snaked up around his waist and pulled him even tighter to me as I sat perched on the end of the bar stool, completely forgetting that we were in a public place. A low purring sound emanated from Jasper. Our bodies were now touching at every point possible yet this still wasn't close enough, I wanted more, needed more, had to have more.

This was it, this was the kiss that I had waited 22 years for. The kiss that I had, at one time, longed to have with Edward and it was more than I had ever imagined it could be and I was so happy that it was with Jasper. It felt like Jasper had wrapped his entire essence around me and all I felt was him, all I could see, smell and taste was him. There was nowhere else on earth I would rather be then right here in his arms. The franticness which started the kiss had now slowed into a passionate, slow and erotic exchange that I never wanted to end. From here on out, I knew, my life would never be the same.

Jasper broke the kiss and placed his forehead against mine. Our breathing ragged and shallow, his hands caressing my back in slow lazy circles, slowly rubbing and massaging the muscles along my spine. He smiled as he slowly looked in my eyes, revealing nothing but wanting, passion and, perhaps, _wait was it love_? "I've wanted to do that for so long. It has been a slow death for me to be away from you this week and to think that you wanted Logan and would never want me in the same way I do you. I can't describe how it feels to have you this close, being with you like this. I want this with you Bella, I want to be your first everything from here on out. Will you please allow me the honour?"

"Is this another dream?" I held his face tight in my hands. "If it is, please don't wake me. This is too good to be true." I lightly kissed him again, feathering small kisses along his jaw line up to his ear and I whispered so closely to his lobe that my lips were tickling him as I spoke. "I want to experience everything that I've dreamt about with you and only you. Take me home Jasper."

I pulled back and looked deep into his eyes. It was if a fire had been lit within, nothing else had to be said. He took my hands and pulled me off the chair, I was so lost in him that it never once occurred to me that there was something else I needed to take care of until I saw Logan. _Oh, hell._ He was such a great guy and he deserved nothing more than total honesty. Well, I couldn't tell him the whole truth, but I couldn't continue to lead him on.

I watched as he made his way through the crowd to where I was standing. He had the biggest smile on his face until he saw my hand entwined with Jaspers. His lips slowly turned down as he looked at me and then back at Jasper again. He stopped directly in front of me and crossed his arms, giving off an appearance of aggression.

"Just exactly what is going on here Bella?" He demanded.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

I was a terrible friend. Here I was, actually stalking Bella while she was on her date. I was ashamed and mortified that I was doing it, but yet, no matter how aware I was that my actions were bordering on the side of psychotic, I couldn't help myself. The fact that she was out with Logan angered me and stirred my insides in ways that I had never felt before. I had never encountered such fierce feelings of protectiveness towards someone. I couldn't even allow myself to think that he might be touching her, god, _what if he kissed her?_ Inappropriate feelings of rage overcame me whenever I thought of his lips touching hers, him pulling her close to his body while her breasts crushed against his chest. I was going to drive myself insane.

I watched from the darkness as they left her apartment. She looked amazing. Her jeans hugged every curve and showed how fit she was. She wore a beautiful red top, which was covered by a black jacket. She was looking up at Logan and laughing at something he said as he held the car door open for her. I kept telling myself to turn around, go home, but I found myself following them to the restaurant and then to the pub. _Glutton for punishment._

Entering the pub, I took a position by the bar. I could see them clearly as Logan sat down beside Bella, put his arm around her and she tensed. If I had a heart, it would have skipped a beat. That minute burst of emotion gave me a small flicker of hope that she didn't want him touching her. Just as I had that thought, Bella looked in my direction so I quickly changed spots and moved further into the crowd, moving closer to her, but yet, not wanting her to see me. I felt her disappointment and I could feel the beginning of a smile appearing on my face. Was she disappointed that she didn't see me when she thought she did? Perhaps I was not alone in my feelings, did I dare to think that?

Bella's favourite song came blaring out of the speakers. It immediately brought me back to our weekend away as I had probably played it a hundred times since then. It felt like forever ago. The slow beats were very seductive and I had pictured myself dancing with Bella, our bodies close together and swaying to the beat every time I played the song.

I stepped out of the shadows, grabbed a seat at the end of the bar and noticed that Logan had pulled Bella, reluctantly, onto the dance floor. It was the first time that I noticed Bella's shirt had no back as I caught the briefest glimpse of her soft skin. My mind started to imagine my hands caressing that very surface. Logan turned her around and began pulling her even closer into his body. It was at that moment, Bella looked up and our eyes met. Every inch of my body was telling me to walk straight over to Bella, rip Logan's hands off her and claim her as mine. I had to fight with every bit of will power to remain still.

Logan leaned forward and whispered in her ear. Breathing heavily through my nostrils, blocking out every other scent in the crowded pub, I focused only on Bella's unique fragrance. A growl rumbled through my chest. It was as if I was a bull and someone was waving a red flag directly at me.

Bella and I continued to stare at one another when her emotions began to wash over me and I sat there soaking every single one of them deep into every pore. It was like I was emotionally starving for her and she was throwing a buffet at me. I moved slightly forward on the chair and felt Bella's confusion. My teeth were clenched so tightly together that I was waiting for them to shatter into a million pieces. I felt Bella's building desire as if she had slapped me in the face. I couldn't believe she would want him, _Logan_, and it was making me ill to watch his hands roaming over her body. I should get up and leave but I couldn't, I couldn't stand to think that she wanted him, but I was rooted in my spot. I had to see what happened next. I knew my imagination would only be ten times worse if I left it to my volition to think of what they were doing. It was cruel of her to be doing those things and enjoying them while she continued to hold me captive with her eyes, as if she were taunting me with those emotions. Was she even aware that she was doing it? I couldn't believe Bella would do something like that. Even if she had no idea how I felt about her, why would she be projecting her feelings toward Logan at me?

Unable or maybe unwilling to look away, I continued to watch as Logan's hands were now touching her bare skin. The moment he brushed her breast and I sensed her reaction, venom burst into my mouth. I was torturing myself by watching this. I knew my eyes had immediately darkened and I continued to wrestle with my conscience and not make a scene. She finally closed her eyes and released me. The longing was almost crippling. I couldn't believe how badly she wanted him and I was crushed. Closing down all my emotions, I finally got up from my seat in defeat and was about to walk away when above the noise of the crowd and the blaring music, I heard Logan moan. It was like a dagger being shoved into my cold dead heart. However, even though I was retreating further into the crowd, I heard Bella stop him from kissing her and then her declare she wasn't feeling well. I stopped and opened myself up to sense how she was feeling and watched as Logan brought her over to the bar. I drifted through the crowd, found a spot against the wall and waited for Bella's feelings to surface.

I was not prepared for what came next. She was ashamed and embarrassed. _Why would she feel that way unless she didn't want to be with Logan? _Then it was if a light turned on in my head. _Were those feelings of longing and desire for me? _

I stared at her long and hard, almost willing her to find me in the crowd and then she did. She quickly looked away from me and I decided I wasn't going to have any of that. It was time for me to declare my intentions and to clarify hers. I was determined to have her and now knew that I would let nothing and no one get in my way. I slipped through the crowd as if they weren't there and the moment I reached her I placed my hands on her knees, pulled them apart and stepped in close to her body. Her shock and nervousness did nothing to stop me from wrapping my fingers through the back of her hair and pulling her even closer. I could smell her arousal and my knees almost buckled.

"Those were some pretty strong emotions you were throwing around out there Bella. Tell me, the longing you were feeling, was it because you wanted to go further with him? Did his hands make you ache with desire? Was his touch as you thought it would be?" I leaned in even closer and inhaled her sweet, sweet scent as my nose ran along the side of her neck. "Did you like pressing your body against his?" I knew that if Bella were standing, she would be light headed as she was now holding her breath. I continued my questioning, determined to end this game we seemed to be playing. I wanted to be the only one for her and if she felt it, I needed to hear her say it as well. "Can you picture yourself lying with him, giving everything of yourself to him?" I brushed my lips against her earlobe, I had my senses so wide open that my hearing could pick up the sound of the goose bumps rising on her skin. It was taking every ounce of control that I had to continue slowly as I sensed the blood rushing to other parts of Bella's body. Parts that I was aching to touch and caress.

Then, finally, a spark of hope appeared when she quietly answered me with "No."

I pulled back, lightly tracing my fingers along the sides of her cheeks, placed both hands on the side of her face, and dared myself to ask. "Tell me Bella, who do you really want?" Praying that I would hear the answer I so desperately wanted.

Her pause felt like hours, it was as if I could hear the ticking of a clock as I waited for her to answer. "You, I want you." She whispered.

All rational thought left me and I closed the small gap between our lips as fast as I could. She was startled, but immediately responded when I traced her lips with my tongue. The feeling of her grabbing onto the back of my head, pulling me closer and moaning almost brought me to a release right then and there. I moved her forward on the seat, knowing it wasn't the time or place, but I was at the point where, if I could climb up on her right then and there and make love to her, I would. She was meeting my desire, my lust and wants full force and the heat from her body had warmed me to my core. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I knew that I had to get her out of there, immediately. I began to purr in excitement. Our bodies were as close as they could possibly be in a public situation.

The kiss began to slow as we both began to get a hold of our feelings. My hands finally found their way to that lovely patch of bare skin on her back that I had admired earlier in the evening. I smiled. It was as soft as I thought it would be and I couldn't wait to run my hands over every other part of her bare body. I pulled back and looked at her not believing that this was actually happening. I loved Bella and she had feelings for me. "I've wanted to do that for so long. It has been a slow death for me to think that you wanted Logan and would never want me in the same way I do you. I can't describe how it feels to have you this close and being with you like this. I want this with you Bella, I want to be your first everything from here on out. Will you please allow me the honour?"

"Is this another dream? If it is, please don't wake me. This is too good to be true. I want to experience everything that I've dreamt about with you and only you. Take me home Jasper." She whispered so seductively into my ear that I just about threw her over my shoulder and bolted out of the pub with her.

Instead, I took her hands and pulled her off the chair. I was gazing into her eyes and saw nothing but pure happiness in them when all of a sudden her mood changed to one of extreme guilt. I turned around to see Logan making his way toward us. He had a big smile on his face, which quickly faded when he saw me and noticed that I was holding her hand. He stopped in front of Bella and folded his arms across his chest. Whether he wanted to or not, the stance made him appear extremely aggressive and Bella became very nervous which in turn made me extremely protective.

"Just exactly what is going on here Bella?" He demanded.

I immediately placed myself in front of Bella, unsure of exactly what Logan was going to do. He may have appeared to be angry, but he was actually giving off feelings of resignation as if he wasn't surprised to see us together.

Since Bella was unable to determine emotions, she was immediately concerned that something was about to happen. She latched on to my hand and was pulling me toward her, tugging so that I would look down at her. "Please don't do anything, he's got a right to be angry and hurt and I'm sure he is going to say some not so nice things, but please, I don't want you to hurt him, no matter what happens." She whispered so that only I heard her.

I looked deep into her beautiful eyes as she begged this of me. How could I refuse her anything?

Logan continued to stare at Bella as he waited for an explanation. "What is going on here?" He reached out to put his arm on Bella's shoulder, but thought better of it as he caught my glare. I knew that the moment his hand touched her body I would have extreme difficulty in keeping myself together. If I lost control now, Bella would never trust me again. I had to keep it together and keep a level head. "Logan." I said slowly through clenched teeth and with complete menace. "I'd appreciate it if from this moment forward, you would refrain from touching Bella in any way shape or form."

Bella immediately put her free hand on my chest as if to hold me back and I looked down at her. She shook her head slightly but she realized that I was under control and she rubbed my chest where her hand lay and turned toward Logan. Logan gave me a quick once over and while I could tell he was not scared of me, he definitely did not want to start anything with me. "I deserve an explanation, Bella."

"I'm so sorry, Logan. I didn't mean to lead you on. I really wanted things to work with us, I really did." Bella was on the verge of tears as she begged him to understand.

"Wanted things to work? I thought things were going pretty well considering what just about happened on the dance floor. Tell me, if Jasper hadn't shown up here tonight, would you have let me kiss you?" He asked.

Bella glanced nervously at me and then back to Logan. She moved closer to Logan, which caused every muscle in my body to tense, but I had to let her handle this the way she felt most comfortable. I realized that her moving closer to Logan was so that she could speak to him quieter thus not allowing any one but Logan to hear her response. A few people had started to gather when they thought that something was going on. "Logan, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. Yes, at one point I did want to kiss you, but I realized that it wouldn't be right and I would have regretted it after. You are a really great guy, a REALLY great guy and I wanted so badly to like you that way, but I just don't. This was, obviously, not the way that I wanted tonight to go or how I wanted to discover my true feelings, but it is what happened and I can't say I am sorry enough."

Logan ran his hands through his hair and exhaled loudly. "Look, it's not like you were my girlfriend or anything, I just had hopes for that to happen. I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry with what has transpired, but I can see that it won't do me any good to make a big thing out of it as you have made your decision. I knew you had feelings for him, I knew it the night of your birthday. Jacob warned me that I was fighting an uphill battle."

Bella's posture immediately changed with Logan mentioned Jacob. Her guilt was palpable and she hung her head in shame. It disturbed me greatly that he had such a hold on her and it was a matter that I knew we would have to have a discussion about. We still hadn't been able to have a conversation since he left this morning

"You are truly a spectacular person Logan and I know that you will find someone out there that will love you the way that you deserve to be loved."

"Okay, that's enough of the 'it's not you, it's me' speech, I can't stand it. You'll understand that I very rarely hear it." I wasn't sure if Logan was trying to boost his own confidence or if he was trying to point out to Bella that he is normally not refused. "I do wish you the best Bella, but I am sure you'll understand if I'm not so friendly for a while."

"I understand." And with that, Logan turned and walked away without so much as a backward glance.

"Well, that went way better than I expected. Are you ready to leave?" She looked up at me with eyes the size of saucers and starting pulling me toward the exit. Every instinct in my body was still on guard as I walked her over to her table so she could grab her jacket and we headed out. I had been completely prepared to have to fight with Logan and was ready to do so the moment he touched her or said anything that upset her in the slightest. I was astounded that he just walked away which immediately made me question his intentions with Bella which, in turn, angered me even further. Taking deep breaths, I worked to calm myself as Bella and I made our way to the front of the bar. My mind continued to play out all the scenarios that my imagination thought might have happened instead of accepting the one that did. Once we were outside, Bella quickly pulled me around the side of the building and turned to face me. I didn't want her to see me this way so I immediately looked down.

"Look at me." She whispered. I shook my head and refused to lift my eyes. "Jasper, look at me now." She repeated, teeth clenched, I could feel her determination and strength as she willed me to look at her. Her hands went to the side of my face as I refused to look her in the eyes. The moment her hands touched my cool skin, calmness enveloped me and I slowly raised my eyes until they met hers. She was looking at me with nothing but compassion and pride which humbled me to my core. Even though her emotions revealed nothing to the contrary, I was still expecting her to look at me like the monster that I am. She pulled my face even closer to hers and began to lightly kiss me. She lingered around the edges of my mouth until I responded and kissed her back.

"Thank you." She said into my mouth as we continued to kiss.

I pulled back and looked at her questioningly, "Thank you? For what?"

"For letting me deal with him. You could have stepped in and taken over the entire situation, which is something that Edwa...which is something that I was used to in the past. I appreciate you giving me my space and allowing me to handle it in my own way. I know it was hard for you when he was going to touch me and you could have lost it right there but you didn't. I am very… proud of you." Her heart was racing and adrenaline was coursing through her body from the events that just took place.

"Bella, as long as I exist, I will allow no one to harm you, verbally or physically."I was more shocked at my self-control than she was. In the past, I would have taken that hand clean off his body before he even finished his thought about touching her.

Regardless of what had just transpired, I wanted to get the evening back on course. "So, where were we before we were interrupted?" I bent forward to kiss her again and she smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I believe we were right here." She sighed as she reached up to meet my lips. She felt so amazing against my body and I couldn't wait to feel even more of it. I picked her up and pressed her against the wall of the building and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I began to kiss and nibble my way along her neck and her bare shoulder and in response, she bucked her hips toward me and audibly moaned.

"Oh god, Bella, I want you so badly, but not here, we can't go any further here." The statement was more for myself than for Bella. I needed to get her home where I could love her properly.

I scooted her body along mine until I was carrying her piggy back style. She giggled at me while burying her face in the back of my neck causing a thousand shivers to course through my body. I held on to her coat for her so she could wrap her arms around my neck. I walked over to my car, barely managing to keep a human's pace, opened the door for her and gently placed her inside immediately missing the blanket of warmth she created while wrapped around my back. I was in the driver's seat and pulling out onto the road in seconds. I couldn't wait to pick up where we had just left off.

We got to Bella's place and I rushed her up the stairs. She was smiling, amused by my behaviour, but I couldn't help myself. She turned the key to the door so slowly and looked up at me and smiled. _She was teasing me, the little vixen_. I grabbed her and swung her back around so that she was facing me. Raising her arms above her head, I held onto his wrists with one hand.

"Two can play that game, Ms. Swan." I started tracing the fingers of my free hand along her bare back and feathered kisses along her neck which I now knew she really liked. Her knees gave a little as she pressed herself into me.

"Okay, truce, no games." I let go of her wrists and smiled at her as I continued to try to kiss her. She took my hand, opened the door and pulled me into the apartment.

I stepped into the apartment with one thing and one thing only on my mind. However, the moment I took my first breath, any sexual feelings I had, were quickly dampened by the overwhelming odour of Jacob Black.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked as I stiffened.

"Not here. I don't want anything to happen here." Jacob had been here for only a week and the entire apartment reeked of him. "I know that you and Jacob shared the bed." She opened her mouth to explain, but I stopped her, tracing my fingers along her lips as she parted them slightly. "I know it was platonic, I would hardly expect him to sleep on the floor given your history, but I don't want to make love to you here. It has to be special, you deserve only the very best."

Bella looked at me completely shocked. "Make love? We can actually do that?"


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

_WHAT?? We could have sex?_ My mind was racing a million miles a minute, along with my blood pressure, my libido and my imagination. I was firing on all pistons and wasn't quite sure that I heard Jasper correctly. So, I repeated myself wondering if maybe I had shocked him with my question.

"We can have sex??" If he couldn't feel my shock I would be, well, shocked. Sex was something that was NEVER talked about with Edward. He wouldn't even open mouth kiss me for crying out loud. _I was too fragile. He could crush my skull accidentally._ Edward's words ran through my mind. Sex was totally not on the menu of things he would discuss or even think about trying. Edward had me convinced it absolutely was not an option.

"Um, well, yes...if precautions are taken...we can...ah..." This was the first time I had ever heard Jasper stumble over words. "I guess I should not have assumed that you would want to...I am sorry...uh." Even though I could barely breathe and could definitely feel the effects of my stuttering heart, he was dying a slow death right in front of me and I was the only one who could throw him a lifeline.

"Jasper, I so totally want to do that very thing with you." Because I had no air left in my lungs, it came out as a very unconvincing whisper and what I thought would be a joyous revelation to him, missed him by a mile. Wanting so badly for him to hear _and_ feel my conviction, that he was everything I truly wanted, I sucked in a shuddering breath and started over. "Jasper, I cannot tell you how many times I have thought about it, dreamt about it, daydreamed about it, even doodled inappropriate things about it along the margins of my notebook." I stopped myself before I made any more embarrassing revelations.

"Well, you know what I am trying to say. I just had no idea that it was an option, that we could _do_ that, that _you_ would want to. I mean, I heard you clearly in the pub, you want to be my first everything, and I am so with you. You have no idea how with you I am. I just didn't know you felt that way, that it went to that… extent… that level… that… oh Jasper." My heart was pounding, my hands were fluttering. Just remembering the way his lips felt on mine, the taste of his mouth, his tongue, so sweet, had me blushing like crazy, but once I got started, I couldn't seem to stop the words from pouring out. "I didn't even know we could kiss like that. I mean…" Suddenly, I was nervous, very nervous. Even though I had dreamed of making love with Jasper, I never _dreamed_ we actually _could_! Now that Jasper presented me with the opportunity to live my fantasy, I was as nervous as a straight guy in a gay bar. However, even after laying my feelings out the way I had, his expression was not what I had expected.

"Oh, I would have thought that you and ah...well, that it would have at least been discussed previously...in your past relationship." He was so uncomfortable now he was actually emitting the emotion and making me sweat.

"No, it was never discussed, ever." I shook my head while I was speaking. "I'm shocked that it is possible." AND I added to myself, a little frigging dismayed that it was an option and Edward never wanted to try it. What the hell did that mean? Did he not want to have sex with me? Why the hell not? _Okay, snap out of it, back to the hot hunk in front of me that WANTS to have sex with me_..._wants to make love to me…_

Okay, so the night had now officially taken a turn towards the awkward. We just stood stock still staring at each other not knowing what to do. So, I did the only thing I could do and burst out laughing, I couldn't help it. Jasper started to relax with me and within minutes we had both relaxed into a somewhat normal state. Except, I realized just then, our normal state was and had been for quite a while, a mild sexual tension that neither one of us had admitted to until that moment.

Jasper placed both of his cool hands against my very hot cheeks, which were flushed from both embarrassment and laughter and brought my face toward his. Our lips met, his so icy firm and smooth and mine on fire. This kiss was not the frantic all consuming kiss we shared in the pub. This one was soft and slow. His tongue lazily reached out to my lips and they parted for him. They would never not part for him. Now that we had kissed, now that I knew we could kiss like this, I wanted to be kissing him always. We began to move closer together until our bodies were touching each other at every point possible. Even though his body was so hard and cold, I was the one melting. Slowly his hands moved from my face, leisurely making their way down my bare back. I felt shivers start from the bottom of my spine and work their way up to the back of my neck where my hair began to stand on end. Every cell in my body was awake and aching for Jasper's touch. I was so overwhelmed by his confession, by my own confession, I could hardly breathe. He felt me sway slightly and wrapped his arms around me to hold my weight. I was sure my knees were ready to give. I draped my arms over his shoulders and began entwining my fingers into his beautiful silky hair.

When we finally broke apart, I gasped for air. I pressed my forehead to him and tried to steady my breathing. I knew he could hear how fast my heart was beating, how the blood was rushing through my veins, how my scent was broadcasting my arousal, providing him with signals that I was so completely into this, but that no words would ever convey.

"Would you like to spend the night at my place?" He asked. I nodded, not sure I would be able to speak. Shaking from his amazing kiss, I was still adjusting to the slightly sweet numb feeling that lingered in my mouth and on my lips after kissing him.

On slightly wobbly legs, I moved around my little apartment, pulling out my duffle bag and haphazardly threw items in it that I might need for the evening. I mentally gave myself a slap on the back for completely shaving all areas in need of a shave and wished that I had something sexy to slip into for Jasper. Immediately and without warning, I started to think of the experience Jasper had in this area. I was sure Alice had all kinds of sexy clothing and they had been together for so long that I was also sure they could write a book on different ways to have sex. I didn't even want to think of what Jasper had done before Alice, but I was willing to bet there was no way that she was his first. God, I was so inexperienced with the opposite sex it bordered on the absurd. I didn't have the faintest idea of what to do, how to please him.

All of a sudden, two arms wrapped around my waist and turned me around. I looked up into the most gorgeous face creased with worry. "Stop, whatever you are thinking about, just stop." He whispered. "You have nothing to worry about. You are beautiful, sensitive, caring, sexy, courageous, and absolutely unbelievable. No words can describe you accurately. You are the most amazing creature I have ever laid eyes on and you are not to compare yourself to anyone as no one would ever compare."

"Jasper..." I was so racked with nerves that I couldn't even form a sentence anymore.

"Bella, we don't have to do anything you don't want to. I want to be with you and I am willing to wait, no matter how long. Remember, I have nothing but time. You are the driver here, I am willing to go where ever you want." He lightly traced his finger along my jaw line and then down my throat to my collarbone. I closed my eyes and rested my face against his chest. He ran his fingers threw my hair and rested his chin on the top of my head.

I felt so secure with Jasper being wrapped around me, like nothing would ever hurt me again. I sighed relaxing into him. I hadn't felt this peaceful in, well, I could not remember how long it had been. Reluctantly, I pulled away in order to continue packing. Once I had my overnight bag ready, Jasper gallantly took it from me and offered me his arm. I smiled up at him and we made our way out to the car. The moment that we stepped outside, Jasper abruptly stopped and I noticed that his nostrils flared significantly.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He smiled down at me and walked me over to the car but his eyes quickly left mine as they began to search the area.

"Jasper?" What was he doing?

"Everything's okay. I just thought...you know what, it's nothing." He opened the passenger door for me and I slid into the seat. No sooner had the door closed, when my cell phone ring.

_Shit._ I did not have to look at the caller ID to know who it was. _I swear, he must have some sort of GPS system on me. _I was so totally not in the mood to speak with Jake, but knew avoiding the call would raise his suspicions. Jasper had already started the car and pulled out onto the road. He looked at me, his eyebrow raised. "Are you going to answer that?"

"I don't want to, but I guess I should." I slowly flipped open the phone. "Hi Jake."

"Hi Bella, how was the date with Logan?" He asked, however, his voice was extremely tense.

"Um, it went okay." _Crap! Did Logan call him? Did Jake set him up to be my watchdog? _The thought urked me to no end because I wouldn't put it past Jake to do something like that. Still, I searched my mind frantically, trying to think of how to not lie, especially if he already knew the truth about what happened at the pub… _and, oh God! Did Logan tell him everything? Jake would just die if he knew I was dancing like a… like a… well, just like a… oh hell no… Logan would not tell Jake that… would he? _

"What are you doing now?" He asked stiltedly obviously tired of waiting for me to offer any other information regarding my evening.

I couldn't lie. He already knew something was up. No matter what scenario I came up with in my mind that would get me out of this situation with no harm to my friendship with Jake, I couldn't do it. So, I decided to throw myself off the cliff, so to speak. "I am going to Jasper's."

He was quiet. "What for?" He barely managed to croak out.

"I am going to sleep there this evening." Jasper was keeping his eyes on the road, his jaw was clamped tight. I knew he was trying his best not to alter my mood and I greatly appreciated it, but, for once, I almost wished he would.

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow as if he knew what I was thinking and I gave him a slight nod. Immediately, I relaxed and felt my heart rate slow down. Reaching over, I placed my hand on his slim hard thigh and gave him a squeeze. His foot slammed down on the gas pedal and I barely managed not to giggle before I realized that Jake had still not responded.

"Jake?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you sleeping there?" He actually growled at me and whether I meant it to or not, my next remark was as condescending, patronizing and as blatantly obvious as I could make it.

"Why do you think?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me." The tight menace in his voice just pissed me off.

_What, are we five?? _I didn't answer him. I just waited and could almost hear him stewing at the other end.

"I can't talk to you right now, Bella. I just can't believe you. I am so… disappointed. I just can't..." He took a deep breath, exhaled and then hung up the phone.

I sat in stunned silence staring at the phone, dumbfounded. I think I would have preferred if he had screamed. But, then, it hit me… I had never kept secrets from Jake before, I told him everything about my time with Edward, even the facts that I thought were true at the time, Edward and I could never have an intimate relationship, unless… I was one of them. So… as far as Jake was concerned, the only reason I would be staying the night with Jasper would be because… _oh Shit!_ I looked up at Jasper who was, in turn, staring at me, obviously waiting for me to have some kind of reaction beyond what I knew he was feeling coming off me.

"I have to call him back." I said in a rush as I hit my speed dial.

The phone was answered immediately. "What exactly did you say to him?" It was Raven and she was furious.

"What happened?" I asked, worried that Jacob had flown off the handle and may have hurt Raven in the process. Immediately, thoughts of Sam and Emily began racing through my head. I could picture the ugly scars that ran along the side of her face, a result of Sam losing control and phasing while she was too close to him.

"He just hung up the phone, phased and took off, taking the screen door with him. The damn thing is lying out in the middle of the driveway, shredded! He is livid, Bella! What is going on?" She demanded, sounding slightly hysterical.

I figured Jake would tell her anyhow, so there was no point in lying. "I told him I was spending the night with Jasper."

"Oh...OH!" The line went silent. I could just picture the look on Raven's face when I dropped that bomb. "Well, that would explain it." She seemed to relax slightly.

"You aren't mad at me too?" I asked.

"I don't think my getting mad at you is going to change anything Bella. My only concern is that Jacob gets back here safe and sound. My world revolves around Jake and _nothing else_." _Okay_, point taken.

"I'm so sorry Raven, I know why Jacob is freaking out. I know it is so totally in his nature to automatically hate Jasper, but…"

"Bella, with all due respect," Raven broke in, effectively ending any explanation I would have tried to lay out to her." You know I love you, like a sister, but I do see Jake's side. You simply cannot put aside what Jasper is, not that his being the creature he is isn't bad enough, but also _who_ he is to you, a connection to something horrible in your past. I'm not going to lecture you. You're too much like Jacob, you wouldn't listen and none of it would matter. However, this is what I do know, Jasper is not good for you, Bella. End of story. Jake will _never _come around and you need to understand that. Regardless, a choice is going to have to be made."

My heart was breaking, ripping in half. "What exactly are you saying?" I _knew_ what she was saying, but I needed her to state it, out loud.

"Bella, you are a smart girl. Do you honestly think you can have your cake and eat it too? You can't have a foot in both worlds. You need to pick a side and stick with it. We are not talking about two guys that just don't happen to get along. These are two species that are born to hate each other, it is innate. There is nothing that can be done to overcome it. Just be sure of your decision, because this time, if you choose wrongly, there might not be anyone left to pick up the pieces."

And with that, she hung up. The dial tone that I was left with was worse than a slap in the face. I didn't have to look at Jasper to know that he heard everything that was said. I couldn't look at him, I was mortified, embarrassed and, really, pretty much broken hearted. For so many reasons, because I might lose Jacob, because I might lose Jasper, because it was so clearly apparent that I was not worthy of either of them or was going to be able to keep both of them in my life. I did not know what to do. _I love Jacob, he is my only family._ _But, he doesn't know all the facts. He doesn't know. And… he won't listen. Raven is right. Nothing I could ever say will change his mind. _And then, what if Jasper came to the same conclusion that Edward did? I just wasn't worth it. If Jasper had any sense to him, he'd cut his losses now and get rid of me. The thought of Jasper leaving me made my stomach hit the floor of the car. Our relationship was what, two hours old, and I already knew that I would be absolutely devastated if he were to leave me.

I clenched my eyes shut holding back tears as I wrapped my arms around myself. That old painful wound began to rip open once again. _Oh God!_ I was getting sucked into that familiar black vortex of despair that I had stupidly convinced myself was healed. I was so far gone, I hadn't even noticed that Jasper had pulled the car over, got out and walked around to my side, until he opened my door and yanked me out. I don't think my feet even touched the ground as he shook me slightly and then held me to him.

"Stop it, right now." He pushed me against the car and grabbed my face between his icy hands, not even attempting to be gentle, shocking me back into the present. "Look at me." He waited. I couldn't make myself look. I didn't want to see the rejection I was so thoroughly convinced I would see on his face. "Look at me." He demanded urgently, his voice tinged with panic. Through tear filled eyes, I finally looked up at him. "I don't know what is going through your head, but it needs to end, right here and right now. I know that you are conflicted, I know that you have a tough decision to make and believe me, I understand why. Remember, I know what Jacob is and he's behaving according to his nature, trying to protect a member of his family, a member of his pack. " Jasper's grip became almost bruising as he sensed my mind frantically roaming to every dangerous scenario I could possibly think of… _What if Jake came back? What if he brought the pack and tried to take me away by force? What if one of them got hurt? What if Jasper was hurt? Oh God! What am I doing?_

"Stop it!" Jasper shouted as if my racing thoughts and feelings were physically hurting him. His arms went around me, crushing me to him as I desperately tried to remember how to breathe. He gently laid his forehead against mine, his sweet breath gently encouraging my every breath. When he spoke again, it was soft and low. "Bella, I'd never ask you to choose me over your family, but believe me now, I am not going to leave you. I am never going to hurt you. Trust your feelings for me. You know, better than anyone, what you are feeling, trust them. Don't let anyone else sway you or guilt you into a decision that you aren't sure you want to make. Have faith in yourself, have faith in me. Put your trust in me. _Feel me. _Feel what I feel for you." And with that, he filled every inch of my being with his feelings for me.

I was overcome with his love, his desire. I had never felt so complete, so fulfilled, so amazing, sexy and beautiful. It was beyond anything I could ever describe or put into words. My knees were weak, I gasped for air. Looking into his eyes, everything I felt was reflected in his beautiful golden gaze. I knew then, at that exact moment, I was where I was meant to be. My entire life had led me to this exact moment and I knew, without a doubt, that I did not want to be anywhere else.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

I couldn't stand the emotions coming from Bella a second longer. I had to show her how I felt, it was the only way to remove the doubts she was having. As we stood on the side of the highway, me pouring every one of my emotions into her and her willingness to accept them, I realized that if she decided she had to leave me to be with her family, I would not continue to exist. I needed Bella like I needed to blood to survive. I could not carry on without her, but I also could not force her to choose. She had to make the decision on her own. I did not care if Jacob remained in her life, just as long as she remained in mine.

For over a century, I'd been searching. I never knew what I was looking for but I knew that I was not complete, there was a hole in my soul, a gap that needed to be filled, until now. Even though Bella had been in my life years ago, I didn't know that it was her I had been searching for. I think fate played a part in our meeting in Forks and bringing us back together now. We weren't ready for each other then, but our meeting each other back then created a foundation which allowed us to have something to build on when we were ready. We were definitely ready now and nothing was going to take her from me.

"Jasper, how is this possible?" She looked up at me, eyes brimming with tears that were threatening to spill down her beautiful face. "The way you feel about me, I...I wish I knew how to show you my feelings. I know you can feel my emotions, but I wish I could fill you the way you just did me."

I smoothed her hair back off her forehead and placed a kiss on her soft skin. "You can. Just close your eyes and concentrate on what you feel for me. If you are happy, think of what makes you happy, why you feel that way, let the feeling take you over. I will be able to pick up the emotion very easily." She closed her eyes and a small smile started to form on her lips. I could tell she was thinking how she was happy and then calm and then excited and I knew that she needed help trying to focus and convey her feelings to me. While I could determine what others were feeling, I knew that it was hard for someone to be able to make themselves feel an emotion. I lowered myself to Bella's upturned face and softly began to kiss her. She immediately responded to my touch and began to kiss me back. Then, as if a dam broke, the feelings that she was trying to show me came rushing at me, almost causing me to stagger back. I was overwhelmed by the depth of how much she cared for me, how happy she was in this moment, and, also, quite frankly, how incredibly aroused she was.

"Did I do it correctly?" She asked as she pulled away from me.

"Oh, god, yes. I felt everything. You are so amazing Bella. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have you here, with me, in my arms. I would have never believed this was going to happen. And to know that you feel about me, the same emotions and you feel them just as strongly, I am at a loss for any further words. I am the luckiest man in the world." The feeling of her arousal was almost too much for me to take. The urge to lower her on the hood of my car and make love to her right here and now was overpowering. However, I wasn't prepared and needed to make a stop before we went any further.

She laughed lightly as she caressed my cheek. "You said that twice." She placed a light kiss on my chin. "I'm the lucky one here. Now, do you think we can get off the side of the highway and get to your place?"

We got back in the car and were on the road again. I pulled into a gas station that had a minimart attached to it. There was one item that I needed before we made it back to my house and this was the only stop on the way there. I nonchalantly pumped gas into the car, trying to maintain a sense of calmness as Bella watched me from inside. The fresh air provided a slight break from the overpowering scent in the car that was making driving near impossible.

The minimart was extremely bright as I walked through the aisles looking for the item that I needed, an item that I had never used, never thought I would ever have a use for. But knew it was the only way Bella and I could be intimate. _Condoms._ Finally, I came across what I was looking for. _Holy hell_. I laughed at myself at using one of Bella's sayings. There were so many to choose from. The packages were broadcasting their unique talents, ribbed, warming, cooling and even flavoured. _Flavoured_? Who would have known there were so many options? The fluorescent lights were buzzing above me, making me feel as if a spotlight were focused directly on me as I made my selection. Now, I understood all those awkward moments in movies when this happened. It was actually embarrassing! I couldn't help but chuckle a bit. My newfound relationship with Bella had me feeling an array of emotions I had personally never felt before in my life, embarrassment being one of them. I didn't have a clue what I was doing. However, I knew, the moment I laid the box down on the counter, the pimply faced kid taking my money would know what I had planned for the evening. I might have a lot of experience, but I was still a gentleman, I didn't kiss and tell and this complete stranger was about to know that I was going to do a whole lot more than just kissing.

Once I had the box in hand, I started making my way to the cash. It seemed like I was suddenly walking through a long bright tunnel. I turned my head to look outside the store and saw Bella sitting patiently in the car, running her fingers through her long dark mahogany hair and my body immediately responded, my fingers grasping the small box even tighter. I took a deep breath, made it to the cash and placed the box down, waiting for a reaction from the clerk.

He did nothing. He felt nothing. He rang up the total as if everyone that came in here bought these as a matter of course. _Okay, not so bad_.

I forced myself to walk at a normal human speed back to the car when all I wanted to do was run. The moment I opened the door, the pure hot scent of Bella slammed into me causing my knees to buckle. A purr immediately sprang from my throat as I lowered myself into the car. Without even allowing Bella the slightest chance to say one word, my hands were slipping through her hair, around her neck, pulling her toward me, kissing her deeply, right there under the bright lights of the gas station. Kissing her as if we were long separated lovers reuniting for the first time in ages. And she was right there with me, her hands grasping at my shirt then, wrapping around me, rising up in her seat as if she were going to climb over on top of me right there and I knew I had to pull myself away. I pressed my face against her flaming hot cheek as we frantically worked to catch our breath. Even though I knew she was fully experiencing my emotions, my desire for her, I wanted so badly to whisper something romantic, tell her in words how much I wanted her, but every word that came to mind would only make me sound like a sex crazed pervert, so I said nothing. I just let her feel it. Then I gently pushed her back and settled in my own seat.

I couldn't help the massive grin that spread across my face as I turned the ignition and floored the gas pedal, and with the sound of squealing tires, we were back on the road and on our way. Even though darkness had now invaded the interior of the car, I could see Bella was still breathing rapidly, her breasts were tight with arousal, her nipples standing hard and erect beneath the soft fabric of her blouse, her scent was drowning me with her desire and anticipation. Her tongue slowly left the confines of her mouth and, as if I were watching it in slow motion, it caressed her swollen lips leaving them wet, taunting me to distraction. She looked over at me, smiling as she noticed me staring at her and she pointed at her sparkling eyes and then to the road, bringing my attention back to the fact that I was driving.

We approached the winding drive to my house, which led us on to a large piece of heavily wooded property. My house sat on the edge of a small lake, which was also solely mine. It provided me with a lot of privacy and allowed me to go out even when it was sunny. Normally, I would have pulled into the garage, but I couldn't be bothered at the moment. I needed to get Bella out of the car and get her inside, as fast as I possibly could.

Foregoing any sort of human speed, I grabbed the bags from the trunk, opened Bella's door, and lifted her out of the car. Fumbling with the keys as I tried to get the door open, Bella giggled and took the opportunity to completely distract me by placing her warm lips against my neck, brushing kisses along my skin then, lightly sucking and licking with her velvety tongue. I hissed in surprise as my body tightened in ways it never had before. I finally got the door unlocked, threw it open, and for one fleeting second thought seriously about taking her right there on the carpet. _No. Not the floor. The bed. Get to the bed_. Just then, Bella moaned softly in my ear as her teeth lightly grazed over my vein and I actually stumbled as I raced us up the stairs to the loft where the bed was located.

There was no time for words, no time for pleasantries or romance. We were both hot and excited and panting. The desperate need for each other caused all sense to fly out the window. Without an ounce of grace, I dropped her on the bed, threw the bags into the corner, lowered myself on top of her, and continued to kiss her frantically. Never before had I ever experienced a desire so strong it overshadowed everything else, a need to be inside someone so fierce that I thought I would literally cease to exist if it didn't happen now.

Our hands twisted between our bodies as we both hastily tried to undo the other's pants. Our lips never leaving one another, always in contact at some point as our hands alternated between buttons, hair, and skin. It was fast and furious. Bella was gasping as she gripped my shoulders to keep from sliding from the bed as I quickly wrangled her jeans down her legs. Without the dense material masking her scent, her fragrance filled the room and again I purred as my arousal strained for release, begging to be set free from the confines of my jeans. With great effort, I released Bella from my grasp and finally got my own pants off, kicking them clear across the room causing Bella to giggle at me. I smiled as I looked at her and was floored by the beauty in front of me. Her lips were swollen and red from the hard kisses we had been exchanging, her hair was tangled from my hands going through it, her skin was flushed from her excitement. She was so beautiful. She bit her lower lip and looked up at me. Did she have any idea how incredibly sexy that was? I tried to slow down, to manage some small amount of control so I wouldn't hurt her by accident. I couldn't let my eyes roam below her neck because if I did, if I allowed myself to glimpse her heaving breasts under her blouse, and _oh God_, the sweet temptation that lay below, I would have to have my mouth all over her. Therefore, I locked my eyes on hers and though I knew she could hardly see me in the darkness, I could see her perfectly. My lips crashed into hers causing our teeth to connect. She moaned as our tongues again tangoed with one another, her hands clenching onto my t-shirt, which I hadn't bothered to remove.

Grabbing the side of Bella's panties, I ripped them off her hips, she gasped in delight and arched her hips into me rubbing her wetness along my thigh. She was so ready for me and if I didn't move matters along, I was going to explode before I made love to her. Her tiny hands grabbed at the waistband of my briefs attempting to lower them, but finding it difficult since she couldn't see what was holding them in place. I chuckled as I tucked my thumbs under the waistband, lifted it over my erection and quickly removed them myself. Then, in lighten speed, I grabbed a condom from the box that I had dropped on the floor beside the bed.

I positioned myself directly above her, still kissing her deeply while wrapping her legs around my waist, and once she got the idea, she pulled me toward her, her strong legs squeezing me, wanting this as desperately as I did. She guided me until I hit her core and then I slowly pushed myself into her, causing her to gasp and her eyes to fly wide open, her heart pounded even harder as I slowly penetrated her. I stopped and stayed totally still when I felt her panic hit as my invasion stretched her.

"It's okay, it's okay." She panted as she placed her hands on my shoulders, holding me in place as if she wanted to stop me from pressing deeper. My own frantic need cooled as I rushed to calm her, to continue to make this first experience for her pleasant and sensual as it should be, not something that was looked back on with pain and regret. To do that, I would have to draw on every talent I possessed to relax her. It might be cheating, but I knew she would thank me for it later. I looked into her dark eyes and used every gift at my disposal to enthral her, bring her passion to the forefront allowing her muscles to become pliant around me.

" Relax Bella, let my coolness numb you." I whispered. "Your body was made to share in this act of love." I backed out slowly, moving only in small degrees, in and out. "You are so ready, so wet. I can feel how much you want me, how much you want to share this with me, Bella. Feel my love for you. Feel me." I sent waves of love and relaxation to her and immediately felt her muscles release slightly, which allowed me to slowly move forward. "Remember to breath." I whispered into her ear as she nodded her head. I pressed forward a bit more and she arched her back in response. God, she felt good. She was wet and hot and tight. Her feelings of pain were diminishing with each slight movement that I made, I only had to do one more push forward and I would be fully seated within her. Knowing the time had come and would no doubt cause her pain, I wrapped one hand behind her head and the other around her shoulders, holding her to me as I thrust forward in one long stroke, breaking through the barrier of her virginity. She gasped and I felt the pain spike through her as she shuddered beneath me. Suddenly, the tiniest scent of fresh blood mixed in with the scent of her sex wafted its way to my nostrils. Venom coated my mouth, immediately forcing me to stop breathing. Even though I ached to breathe her in, drench my senses with her, there was absolutely no way I was going to risk losing control. If I had to, I'd block out all my senses and this would be just about Bella. Sending another wave of love at her, I pushed forward until we were completely joined.

We both screamed out in pleasure at the feeling of me being completely within her. Her need had utterly taken over any pain that she might have experienced and she was now frantic for release, which was exactly where I was at.

"Please." She whispered as her legs squeezed tighter and her hips rolled up and back.

She needed to say no more. With movements bordering on the edge of desperation, I began to pump freely in and out of her. Her pleasure was rising fast, ecstasy screaming from every pore in her body. While I wanted to hold on forever, draw this out so her first time would be leisurely and slow and romantic, I found I could not contain my release and with a tremendous roar, I exploded at the same time she reached her own climax. I continued to move back and forth until her tremors ended, until I was sure she finished and then I dropped my head into the base of her neck and finally let myself breath again. Opening my senses, I inhaled the smell of her sweat, her arousal, her essence so deeply into my body that I knew I would smell nothing but her for the next several hours and if it were up to me, the next several years... or more. Just then, a thought flashed through my mind. Something I hadn't even considered, but I pushed it aside not wanting to ruin the moment with thoughts of the future. _Don't go there_.

"Oh, Bella." I whispered as I kissed her neck. Her pulse beat hard and fast against my lips. I didn't bother asking if I had hurt her, I knew I did, but she felt no more pain than was natural for her to feel under the circumstances. And due to whatever effect Bella's touch had on me, in my desperate need to have her, share my love with her, I had stayed calm and controlled.

"Oh, Jasper!" She panted out in a giggle, her muscles gripping and pushing at me all at the same time. I rolled off her, and realizing I needed to take care of something, I pulled her into my side in a tight embrace, kissed her hard and said, "Don't move an inch." I was up out of the bed, across the room, into the bathroom and back at her side pulling her into my arms within seconds.

"Wow. That was...just wow." She said into my chest as she looked up at me smiling.

"I must admit, I'm a little embarrassed at how quick it was." I said shyly. Hoping she wouldn't think that it would be like this all the time.

"Quick? I wouldn't have cared if it were two minutes instead of the glorious four that you gave me." She laughed as she teased me. "Maybe we could even get all our clothes off next time, you know, enjoy a little foreplay before we dive in." She teased again as she pulled on my shirt.

"Ha ha." I responded as my hand caressed her bare back, which was exposed due to her halter top.

Then she looked up, her eyes full of innocence as she spoke. "We can do that too? I mean foreplay and… all? It won't be too much for you, right? I mean… it's okay if we can't because, wow, just making love is absolutely… freaking fantastic! And, oh, God, I'm just stuck in the post-sex ramble aren't I?" Her cheeks, which were already flushed from our lovemaking, burned even hotter with the onset of her embarrassment.

"Yes, Bella. Foreplay is something I fully intend on performing with you as often as you like. I think what we just did was definitely needed to take the edge off." I whispered as I tilted her head up to meet my lips. She moaned as I pulled her up on my chest and wrapped my arms around her. I could feel her soft curls mingle with mine. Her body was on fire, warming me all over.

"I agree." She whispered between kisses.

As we lay there kissing, Bella started to slowly grind herself into me causing my spent penis to awaken again. As much as I wanted to make love to her again, I knew that this time, I'd have to remove my shirt, which would stop matters dead in their tracks. As I thought about what I was going to say to her, Bella pulled back and looked down at me.

"Where did you just go?" She asked as she rubbed her thumbs along the bottom of my lip. I looked up at her and gave her a weak smile.

"I thought maybe we could get out these clothes, slip into some pj's and then… we could talk." Hating myself for interrupting her when she was so ready to go again. I couldn't help but grin as my steadily harden manhood twitched against her. _Maybe I should have bought two boxes of condoms._

"Oh. Okay." She frowned a bit with her eyebrows, obviously confused by my request to dress and talk even though my body and emotions were screaming my eagerness to enjoy everything she was offering, nevertheless, she rolled off me and sat on the edge of the bed. Spying her bag across the room, she walked over, bent down and zipped open the top, providing me with a view of heaven as she did so. Neither of us had turned on any lights, but the bedroom loft had one complete wall that consisted of a window and the full moon provided more than enough light to allow my eyes to dance along every curve of her body. I propped myself up on my elbows and just stared at her beauty. Watched every move she made, every ripple of muscle that moved smoothly beneath her warm flesh.

"Are you watching me?" She asked without turning around.

"You had better believe it."

She lifted her arms and untied her shirt from the back of her neck, slowly looking back at me from her shoulder as she pulled the rest over her head. How this woman ever could think she wasn't sexy or beautiful was beyond me. She found her tank top and slowly slipped it on over her head, sliding her hands gracefully under her long hair and flipping it free to flow down her back as her breasts pushed up and out. Then, she bent once again, grabbed a clean pair of panties and I watched, fisting the comforter in my hands as she unhurriedly pulled them up her legs. Rotating slowly, she turned until she faced me directly.

"Your turn." She seductively ordered.

I slowly sat up and swung my legs off the side of the bed, my passion cooled, knowing that this was it. I readied myself knowing that I was about to expose myself and show everything to the woman I loved, my body and my past. Reaching over, I turned on the light beside the bed allowing Bella to see me clearly. I needed to rip the band-aid off and get this over with. Without meeting her eyes, I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it over my head, grimacing as I waited for her reaction.

Her hands immediately flew to her mouth and I could feel the shock and confusion as her eyes roamed over my upper body.

"Jasper… what the hell happened to you?" She stared in stunned silence. "Are those what I think they are?" She asked as she automatically began to rub the crescent shaped scar that James had left on her hand.

"Yes." I stood, and with her eyes on me the entire time, I went to my dresser, pulled out a pair of boxers, put them on and went back to the bed. I had to give her time to look, to see all my battle scars, to except the reality of them. Most of all, I needed to feel if she could still want me.

"But I don't understand, there seems to be a thousand of them. Why? Why would someone do this to you? Was it some form of torture?" She crossed the room in stuttered steps and knelt down in front of me, her eyes flickering over my abdomen, my chest, my shoulders and arms. I wanted Bella to touch me, I desired to feel her touch on every part of my body, but knowing I had to tell her the history of these gruesome scars and having her touch such an ugly part of me was unnerving. Still, I took her hands and placed them on my chest, sighing as her touch soothed me. She lightly ran her fingers over the textured skin that was my entire upper body and I tried very hard not to flinch away.

"Oh, Jasper." Her dark eyes were brimming with tears. It was strange that I didn't feel sadness from her. Not that I wanted her to feel sorry for me in any way. My scars were nothing more to me than a reminder of who and what I was, a deadly vampire. Someone who was not worthy of Bella Swan's affection. Yet, all I felt pouring out of her was overwhelming love.

I patted the bed, "Come up here." I scooted back against the headboard as she climbed up next to me. "Let me start from the beginning." She turned to face me. Crossing her legs in front of her, she reached out and grabbed onto my hands. Had I been human, the force with which she was holding on to them might have actually hurt and I smiled as she made it clear in her own way that she was not going to let go.

We sat in silence as I contemplated how I was going to explain my background to her without her wanting to run from the house screaming. Had Edward told her anything? I knew he revealed as little as possible to her about our kind, but I wasn't sure how much he told her about the history of each member of our family. Now that she and I were together, I owed it to her to tell her everything, to let her know how truly horrific I used to be. She needed to know so she could decide whether she wanted to be with someone who had the capability of being so evil.

"Did Edward ever tell you anything about me?"

"No, not really. He had told me that you had developed a conscience on your own and decided to change your lifestyle. He said that you belonged to a very different kind of family than the Cullens and that you were very depressed until you met Alice. But that's it." She wasn't afraid. She wasn't stammering. She was interested and I took that as a good sign.

I took a deep breath and dove into the deep end. "In 1861, at the age of 17, I joined the Confederate Army. I had lied to the recruiters and told them that I was actually 20 years old. I was promoted very quickly through the ranks and very soon became the youngest major in Texas, and that is without people knowing how old I really was. One night I came across three very beautiful women all of whom were vampires. The vampires of that time were currently locked in a battle for territories and the leader of the three women, Maria, had lost hers. She was putting together an army and was searching for humans to change who she thought had potential. So, it was on that fateful night that I met her, I was changed. She had told me she had a good feeling about me. She spent extra time training me even though she was in a hurry to build her army. She needed the considerable strength that newborns have, which begins to dissipate once a newborn reaches the age of one year.

However, being newborns, it was difficult to keep the army from fighting with each other, so some of my first battles were with my so called comrades. However, it did weed out the weak and Maria was pleased with how well I was performing so… I was rewarded… often."

"Rewarded? How?" Bella interrupted.

I paused, not wanting to clarify, but knew that I had to. "Among other things, I was fed more frequently than others." I quietly responded as I watched Bella's reaction as that bit of information sunk in.

"As in… a human?" She whispered.

"Yes."

"Oh." She looked down at our hands and I felt hers go a little limp as she relaxed her grip on me slightly. I put my finger under her chin to lift her head up so she was looking at me.

"I'm sorry. I wish I didn't have to share this with you, but I feel I must, if we are going to go forward with one another, I need to be completely honest with you. I don't want there to be any secrets. You need to know me, warts and all." I pleaded with her. I hated this side of me, but it would be unfair of me to keep it hidden from her.

"It's not that. I know very well that you used to feed on humans. It is just strange for me to hear that we were used as prizes for good behaviour. When you said reward, I was thinking you got an extra day off or a gold star or something." Instead of backing away, which I would have taken as completely normal, she scooted closer to me wrapping her legs around me on either side of my waist, one over my lap and the other behind my back. She brought her hands up to my shoulders and leaned in to give me a kiss. It was sweet, light and full of promise. She snaked her arms around my chest. "I want to hear the rest, but I want you to know, I don't care what you did before or how many people you killed or what you had to do for this Maria. That is not who you are now. That is not who you will ever be again." The determination in her words was unmistakeable. The faith that she had in me made my non-existent heart swell.

"You humble me. You are so amazing and I am so lucky that you are now in my life." I pulled her closer to me and kissed her again. "I know, I keep saying that and I will keep saying it because it is true." She wrapped her legs tightly around my waist and responded deeply by kissing me back. She pulled back and placed her head on my shoulder.

"If you want to get through this tonight, we will have to take a break from doing any more of that." She joked as she then started to slowly kiss along the side of my neck.

"I thought we were taking a break?" I whispered, loving every second of what she was doing and not wanting it to stop.

"We are, I just wanted to finish on a good note." She spoke against my earlobe causing a million tremors to race along the side of my body. I could not believe how good she made me feel. Every part of my body that she was touching was on fire. I could not remember the last time I felt such warmth, not only from her touch, but from her, from her feelings.

I shivered slightly as she leaned back. "Okay, okay, I'll behave. Continue, please."

"Okay, so, where was I? Oh yes, I was so naive then. I worshipped Maria. I thought that being immortal was amazing, I was eager to prove myself to her and be the best leader I could be to the army. These scars are a result of the many wars I have been in, the many vampires I have fought."

"Did you love her?" Bella shyly asked.

"I thought I did then. I thought that no other way of life was possible, and I wanted to make her happy, which I did. Maria was always ecstatic with our victories and we easily extended her control to cover most of Texas and northern Mexico. I, of course, later came to realize just how wrong my judgement was."

"Were you with her? Like a couple?" She asked as she scrunched up her face, easily showing me that she didn't really want to ask, but wanted to know the answer. At this point I wasn't sure Bella was registering the fact that I had been out fighting and killing numerous other vampires, she seemed more concerned as to the romantic history of my past.

"Yes, I was. We were together for almost a century and a good part of that I was with her, as an equal. While she was the leader of the army, it was me that ran them, I trained them, I led them into battle, I recruited newborns and I disposed of them when they were no longer useful to us."

"Disposed of them? Like, you mean you would kill them?" She was appalled, and her voice reflected as much.

"Yes. If that was Maria's will, then I would do it. I'm sorry, I wish I could go back and change everything and say that I had been an honourable vampire from the very beginning, but I can't. I fed off humans for over a century. Longer than the lifespan of a human. That is why it has been so hard for me to change my way of life, but I knew it had to be done. My state of mind was continuing to deteriorate with every human kill. You have to understand what it is like for me, yes, I can manipulate other people's emotions, but I am just as easily affected by theirs." I paused to let everything sink in and Bella slightly nodded, as if to encourage me to continue. Her fingers were lightly tracing the outlines of my many scars.

"So, after a time, I became depressed. I felt like I had lost all my humanity and had finally become a monster to be truly feared. Then one day, a vampire that had escaped our army came back for me, to tell me of another way of life. Sure, it still consisted of feeding from humans but it was one without war, without fighting. I broke it off with Maria and I left with him immediately. I never looked back and ended up staying with him and his mate for a few years before I finally had to leave them as well. The depression was taking me over and I didn't want to kill humans anymore, but I didn't know what to do about it either. I had to keep killing in order to live. I was used to feeding whenever and off of whomever I chose, for over a century and I didn't know how to change it. That is when I met Alice. She showed me another way of life and, well, you know the rest." I exhaled slowly, feeling like a large weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but now hoping that I didn't place that same weight on Bella.

"I don't know what to say. I can't say that I am overly surprised at your past, other than I am a bit taken aback at the extent of the killing." She sat quietly as she stared off over my shoulder, not wanting to meet my gaze head on. Her wheels were spinning and I knew she was working through everything in her mind, so I decided to give her some space. I sat back a bit further and started to remove her legs from around my waist. "What are you doing?" She asked as she clamped them tighter.

"I thought you might like me to give you some space."

"Why would you think that? I already told you. I don't care what you did before, it is not going to change how I feel about you now. Am I giving you any indication that my feelings have changed?" She demanded.

"Ah, actually, no." She was right, I wasn't feeling anything negative from her. All she was doing was processing everything I told her. There were no judgements coming from her at all.

"Jasper Whitlock, listen to me. You are not that monster anymore." I flinched when she used the term, it sounded so dreadful coming from her innocent mouth. "Yes, you were a terrible and horrific vampire before. But, look who you are now. You are caring, considerate, compassionate, sensitive and thoughtful. As far as I am concerned, the person that you just told me about died the moment he left Maria. He no longer exists. I don't care if it took you years to find Alice and learn of her ways. I don't care about any of that. I care about you. The Jasper that is sitting here with me now, the Jasper that I want to be with, for as long as he wants me, the Jasper that would never do anything to harm me, the Jasper that I trust, completely, with my life." She had placed her hands behind my neck and had pulled herself almost completely onto my lap causing her to be slightly higher than me. She pressed her lips to my forehead and then hugged me as tightly as she could.

All my anxiety and worry leaked out of my body and I felt as if I were being held together by this tiny scrap of a woman. My arms wrapped around her body and, for the first time in over a century, I felt free.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

I felt Jasper relax into our embrace. It must have so hard for him to tell me all of the horrific things that he had done in his past. No matter what scenarios I might have thought of, they would have never come close to what Jasper had told me. The fact that he was here with me, the caring and sensitive person that I had come to love, was a miracle. He could have easily turned into a complete savage, to continue on that road until he lost all his humanity and was beyond a point of redemption.

I was ashamed that out of everything that he had told me, I hated hearing about the relationship that he had with Maria more than anything else. I figured he had probably been with more than just Alice, but it bothered me to have it confirmed. I wondered whether Maria still existed. I certainly hoped not, all I needed was some jealous ex-vampire girlfriend on my tail. Again, I shook my head at myself. _No Bella, doesn't matter that he killed hundreds, possibly thousands of people, it only matters that he had a girlfriend._

"So, if you are feeling up to it, I was hoping that now I could ask you a few questions. I don't want you to feel that you have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, but there are some things I'd like to know." Jasper still had his arms wrapped around me but I felt them loosen a bit as he shifted himself back so we were face to face.

"What do you want to know?" I asked, hoping that it wasn't, but knowing that it was going to be about Jacob.

"I have questions about Jacob."

_Saw that one coming. _

"I know he is a werewolf and I want to know how you discovered that. When did he first turn or has he been a werewolf the entire time that you have known him? Are there more of them?" Jasper started rapid firing the questions at me and I held my hand up to his mouth to stop him.

"Okay, slow down. I'll tell you, but I need you to promise me something." I paused to look him straight in the eye. His gaze narrowed slightly as he considered my request.

"I don't like having to promise something before I even know what it is." He replied. _Well, don't we just have a ton in common?_ I hated doing that as well, but this was necessary.

"It is nothing major. I just want you to promise to remain calm until I tell you the whole story." I could feel my eyebrows lifting up as high as they would go, as if I was trying to will him to agree.

"I promise." He put his hand over his heart, well, his chest, and promised.

I wasn't quite sure how to tell the whole story so I opted for the Coles notes version and made it very quick. Closing my eyes, I spoke as fast as I possibly could. "Okay, here goes. After Edward left, Victoria sent Laurent back to look for me because she wanted revenge for the death of James. Laurent found me alone in the meadow and just as he was about to kill me, a pack of wolves came out of the bushes, chased him off and killed him. Well, of course, I didn't know that at the time, but… yeah." I managed to get that out so quickly that I was sure Jasper had a hard time understanding me even with his superb hearing. I sat back and watched as what I said sunk in. His eyes transformed from their beautiful topaz to a pit of pure black. It was like I watched someone shoot ink into them. His nostrils flared and I could see the muscles in his jaw begin to twitch as he worked his jaw back and forth in a grinding motion, his lips peeling slightly back, exposing his deadly teeth. _Okay, Coles notes version not such a good idea._

"I'm sorry, I don't think I caught all of that. Would you please repeat it, slowly and perhaps with a bit more detail." He asked through his clenched teeth.

I took a deep breath and slowed my speech to a normal rhythm. "Victoria sent Laurent to find me. She wanted to kill me to get back at Edward for James. An eye for an eye, I guess. He was supposed to report back to her, but he came across me when he hadn't fed for a few days and he decided I was too tempting to let go. So, just as he was about to attack me, Jake and the rest of the pack came out of the woods and went after him."

Jasper stood up abruptly causing the bed to bounce and began to pace in front of the bed. "You mean to tell me Laurent came back for you?" He asked incredulously. "We all left you. You were unprotected and he came back for you. He would have killed you. It was our fault and you could have died and I wasn't there, no one was there. And to think, your life was in the hands of a young werewolf. That is just as bad as Laurent. God, I will never forgive myself." At this point Jasper was speaking more to himself than to me. I slowly stood up and put myself directly in front of Jasper in order to stop him from pacing, his eyes still darkened pools of anger. I placed my hands on his bare chest and he stopped moving immediately. He looked down at me and opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him with two fingers gently pressed against his lips.

"Jasper, I know where you are going with this and I forbid you to blame yourself. Do you understand?"

"It was my fault we left…"

"It wasn't your fault Edward didn't love me enough to stay or even take me with him. You know, back then, I would have gone with him in a heartbeat. So none of what happened is your fault."

Jasper shook his head, his black eyes full of sadness. "Bella… Edward…"

"Jasper, Edward did what he thought was right I guess or what was best for him at the time. Anyway… I don't care, it's the past. Besides, how were you to ever know that they would come back for me?"

"Alice should have…"

"Stop right there. I refuse to rehash the shoulda, woulda, coulda's! It doesn't matter now. Yes, it was a very close call, but Jake and his pack saved my life that day. So...it's okay, I'm okay. I survived, and after everything else, I healed and now, I'm here with you and there is no need for you to be so upset." I pressed my cheek against his chest, wrapped my arms around him and held on as tightly as I could. Looking up at his face, he was staring into mine and I watched as the blackness dissipated until his eyes returned to the brilliant topaz as he let go of his anger.

"I'm sorry. I just broke my first promise, didn't I?" He pushed my hair back from my face and kissed my forehead, both cheeks, the tip of my nose and then, finally, my lips. "Your touch has the most calming effect on me.

I smiled. "There is no need to apologize. I should not have made you promise since I knew it was going to be upsetting for you."

"You need to tell me everything Bella. _Everything_. Consider no detail unimportant. What happened after that? Was that the first time you knew of the wolves? How many are there?"

"Let's sit back down." I pulled him back to the bed and pushed him down. I crawled onto his lap and snuggled into his chest. He wrapped his muscular arms around me. I was already starting to sweat having to relive that horrendous night and Jasper's cold body temperature was doing nothing to cool me down.

"I decided to try and find the meadow where I used to go with Edward." I felt Jasper's posture stiffen as I mentioned his name but I chose to ignore it and continue. "This was a few months after everyone had left. It took me forever to find it and I had tried several times before but with no luck. I was so excited that I finally come across it again when all of a sudden someone stepped out of the trees. I was so shocked that I almost thought it was Edward until I realized that it was Laurent. Ridiculously I was actually excited to see him." I stopped talking for a second to look at Jasper to gage his mood. He tightly smiled at me and rubbed my back in small circles.

"He was just as surprised to see me. As you know, he had been in Alaska with Tanya's family, but it wasn't until I got closer that I noticed his eyes were still red." Jasper's hand stopped moving on my back so I began to trace my fingers along his arm, which was laying across my lap. "That's when he told me he was surprised that the Cullens had left their pet behind and that he was in Forks as a favour for Victoria. She wanted to kill me herself and he told me how upset she was going to be at him for doing it instead." I brought my hand to Jasper's face and turned it toward me so I could see his eyes again.

"I'm fine."

"I know. I just want to be sure that you know I do not blame you, any of you, for that happening. I don't want to go into the whole discussion about if you hadn't existed, this wouldn't have happened, if you hadn't left, this wouldn't have happened, blah, blah. You do exist, it did happen and we are here now, together, and that is what is important."

I could tell he disagreed with what I said but I didn't want to have that conversation. It would get us nowhere.

"So what happened next?" He prodded.

"He told me that he would make it very quick, that I wouldn't feel it and he would lie to Victoria about it so she wouldn't be too angry with him. I guess she had planned quite a torture session for me." Jasper's face contorted into a grimace, but he nodded at me to continue. "So, it was at that moment when he was telling me how mouth watering I was that a wolf came out of the trees, only, it was not like any other wolf I had ever seen. It was huge, with the biggest teeth I had ever seen. It was snarling so loudly that it sounded like thunder." I shivered at the memory of first seeing Sam in his wolf form. Even though he was beautiful in a totally dangerous wild animal sort of way, he was like a nightmare come to life.

"Laurent had started to back up, but I was frozen on the spot. I didn't know what to do. I thought, if Laurent was scared, what good would it do me to run. An indestructible vampire was in pure terror at the sight of this wolf so I thought I didn't have a chance in hell of surviving. I even remember thinking of which way would be better to die, by vampire bite or by wolf attack." I laughed lightly at the absurdity of my thinking at that time.

"Then two more wolves came out of the trees and then another two. They were so close to me that I could reach out and touch them if I wanted, but all of a sudden, Laurent turned and ran. The wolves took off after him and the commotion was so loud that I had to cover my ears. I ran as fast as I could out of the forest. It took me hours to get out I was so panicked. I was totally lost and I fell down so many times before I finally made it back to my truck. Charlie freaked when he saw me and forbid me to ever enter the forest again because some hikers had come up missing and there had been sightings of those same wolves I saw, but of course I didn't tell him I saw them." I wrapped my arms around myself remembering how cold and filthy I was when I finally got back home.

"You are so unbelievably brave, Bella."

"Yeah, well, I didn't feel so brave that night. I thought for sure that Laurent would have just killed them. I mean… as far as I knew, vampires were indestructible and that either he or Victoria were going to show up in my bedroom that night and kill me. I was so scared that I had put Charlie in danger. I was so ready to give myself up so they would leave Charlie alone." My whole body trembled as the memory of that night flashed back suddenly.

"I can't believe you went through all of this alone." He shook his head as he began to play with the back of my hair.

"But I wasn't alone. Don't you see? I finally put two and two together and figured out that the wolves were Jake and his friends from La Push. I remembered the old legends, the same ones that clued me into your existence. Jake was ordered not to tell me what he was, why he had changed, but once I figured it out, I went to him and confronted him. He told me that the pack had killed Laurent and I would never have to worry about him again. So, I had Jake to protect me. Jake and the others, that is."

"Bella, don't you understand. That is just as bad as a rogue vampire. Werewolves, especially young werewolves, don't have sufficient control over themselves. Whether you want to believe it or not, your life is in danger every second you spend with Jacob."

"Jasper, Jake would say the same thing about you. I'm never going to cut Jake out of my life just like I would never cut you out, so I'm not going to have this discussion. Jake is my family, I love him. I don't want to fight about him. He has saved me more than once and he would never hurt me." I crossed my arms defiantly.

"I know and you are right, I trust your judgement. You know them better than I do and if you feel safe with them, then I'll go along with it. I'm just shocked at all this information. I had no idea that all of this had happened. I was still with Alice then. I don't understand why she didn't see any of it. We would have come back, we would have been there for you."

"It's okay." I didn't want to say anything else about Alice as I had wondered the same thing myself so many times. _Why hadn't she seen any of this?_

"So, continue with the story, what happened to Victoria?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" I frowned at him.

"Did the pack get her when she came back?"

"She never came back." I shrugged my shoulders as I responded.

Jasper's eyes narrowed significantly in disbelief. "She never came back?"

"That's right. Why?" I didn't know what was so shocking about that.

"You mean to tell me that Victoria was hell bent on finding you so she could torture and kill you, sends out a scout to find you, a scout that never returns and she doesn't come looking for you herself?" It was posed as a question, but I was thinking he sort of meant it rhetorically so I didn't say anything.

"You do see how bizarre that is, right?" He asked.

"Um, when you put it that way, I guess."

"Bella, it doesn't make sense. Victoria wanted revenge. Her mate was killed. Their relationship was not a casual one, they were mated. I explained to you before that once vampires mate, it is for life. Yes, a bond can be broken by both parties like in my situation with Alice, but normally, it is for eternity. She wouldn't just stop and not continue to look for you. That defies everything in our nature. I just find it hard to believe that she didn't come for you. You would have been so easy to get to at your house." He continued to frown as he spoke.

"Well...I wasn't at my house for long because it was right after that when Char...when both of my parents died. I moved to the reservation with the Black's and pretty much didn't leave until I came here." My voice was quiet as I rarely spoke about my parents anymore as it was always so painful and the feelings of guilt that I had surrounding that time were too much to bear.

Jasper pulled me towards him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think of so many painful memories."

"It's okay. I should think about them more often than I do, it just hurts so bad. I was such a mess when he died. I feel so guilty about what I put him through." Poor Charlie had died not ever knowing whether I pulled out of my funk from Edward. He'd never know that I was going to college, he'd never know that I had found happiness again. The tears started to flow as I thought back to that horrible time.

"Come on, that's enough for this evening. It's really late so let's get you to bed and we can start fresh in the morning." He kissed my forehead and lowered me back onto the bed.

All of a sudden, I started to feel really nervous. Our first love making experience was fast and frantic and fantastic, but I didn't have time to stop and think of anything that was happening. It was just go, go, go, need, need, need. Now, my mind was all scattered from the information that Jasper had shared and with bringing up my past and I was worried that, if things were slowed down, would I be any good at this?

"Sshh." Jasper whispered as he gently held me with one arm and pulled the covers up over us. "I felt that. Bella, you have no need to be so nervous. We don't have to do anything more tonight. It has been a bit taxing for the both of us to open up as we have. I think that you should get a good night sleep and I should go out and hunt before anything else happens." I grasped his arms, stupidly worried he was going to leave me now. "No, don't worry, I'll wait until you are sound asleep before I go out and I'll be back before you wake up. You won't even miss me."

I scooted over on the bed and made more room for him. He lay on his side and opened his arms for me to slide into them. I sighed deeply as he encased me with his body. He was so big and strong and powerful, I felt so tiny next to him. He tucked the blanket around me so I wouldn't get cold next to his bare skin. His fingers played softly through my hair just as they did all those beautiful nights we spent together at Martha's Vineyard. It was so wonderfully soothing and I didn't want to miss a second of being with him by having to sleep. But, no matter how much I wanted to just lay there and enjoy it, stay awake the whole night and every night after that, I was getting droopy eyed and even yawned. Then Jasper whispered, his cool breath blowing over my ear.

"It's amazing, Bella. The way you make me feel." His arms pulled me in tighter as his leg went over mine. "I remember, I felt this way once before. When we were in the hotel in Phoenix, you were so worked up over one of us possibly being hurt by James and I touched you. I was trying only to calm you down, but what swept through me was so intense, I sent it back to you through my touch and you passed right out. I didn't mean to do that… it just happened. It frightened me, to feel such an overwhelming peaceful emotion inside, something I had never felt before, so I was even more diligent about keeping my distance. Sometimes… I wonder… if maybe I had touched you back then, if I would have felt the same. If at the moment I attacked you, I would have stopped the second my skin touched yours."

"Do you mean, you might have… you know… fallen in love with me back then?" He was silent, which made me wonder if my assumption that he loved me now was off, but suddenly, for no reason, I started feeling very, very happy and thoroughly loved and I knew it was coming from him. He moved my hair aside and placed a small kiss on my neck.

"Yes, possibly, but…" Jasper hesitated so I filled in the rest.

"God! That would have been awkward. You, me, Edward, Alice."

"Awkward is an extremely nice way of putting it." Menace dripped from his whispered words and I felt a spike of intense jealousy pass over me. Not my jealously, his. I turned in his arms, facing him.

"Jasper, Edward doesn't love me, if he ever did and I am so over him. Please don't be jealous of the past." I kissed his smooth lips then, nuzzled my face into his hard chest.

"Oh, Bella…" He whispered so low I could hardly hear him. "My beautiful Bella."

I held him tighter, sleep quickly claiming me as he used his gift to relax me completely and sweep away any cares I may have had. The sweet scent of Jasper brought a smile to my face and a sigh to my lips as I drifted off into a deep dreamless sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

I held Bella tightly in my arms and watched as she drifted off to sleep. I wasn't surprised at the turn the evening took after we finished talking. While I had every intention of spending the night making love to Bella again, I knew that once I told her my history it would be unlikely for many reasons. It was a lot to digest and it was also taxing for me to tell. However, even if Bella had been willing to make love again, I was not sure my mind would have let me. Our emotions had been on roller coaster rides this evening and I knew that it would be unwise of me to go any further without hunting.

I was stunned to find out that Laurent had come back for her. To think how close she was to death actually made me shudder. It was selfish of all of us to leave her like that. We should have known better, should have realized that Victoria would come back. The fact that Victoria gave up her search for Bella was not sitting well with me. I didn't believe it. Not for one minute. Every fibre of my being knew that she hadn't given up, would never give up. If the tables were turned, I knew that I would hunt for that person until the day I no longer existed. I could not continue knowing that someone had killed my mate and they were still out there.

There were so many unanswered questions that had I been able to sleep, would have kept me awake. How had Alice not seen any of this? Why had Victoria not returned to Forks for Bella when Laurent did not return? That was the most logical place to start. Just because she was on the reservation should not have stopped Victoria. She knew nothing of the treaty so she would have crossed the boundary lines without even knowing it. And, she certainly would not have known about the werewolves so that was not what kept her away.

Once Bella had fallen into a deep sleep, I slowly slid off the bed and headed back downstairs. I could feel the anxiety in my chest as I continued to think about Victoria. I did not care for all the unanswered questions where she was concerned. I felt like I was missing a piece of Bella's story, but I knew Bella had shared everything with me. I could feel she held nothing back. Perhaps Victoria had come back and picked up the scent of the werewolves and then retreated? Did Jake pick up Victoria's scent and not tell Bella? I could speculate for hours and not find any answers.

For a brief moment, I thought of contacting Alice. Perhaps I could ask her to look for Victoria, to see if she could see her and determine where she was. _No, that would just be awkward._ Even though we split on excellent terms, I am sure it would not go over well with her or any of the family to hear that I was looking for Victoria because of Bella. It was hard on all of us to leave Bella. Especially Alice. She loved her like a sister and it tore her to leave her like that. Alice did not have any human memories of her life before her change and other than the Cullen's, she'd never made a friend that she could call her own. She fought with Edward as she disagreed with his decision to leave. Selfishly, I wanted to say I was glad that he left her, but now that I know what it did to her, I couldn't feel that way. While she had clearly showed her feelings for me, I couldn't help but wonder what she would do if Edward ever came back. He never discussed with the family exactly what he said to Bella when he left, but I knew his feelings for her didn't change. He could deny it for the rest of time, I could feel it. His love for her never dimmed for a second and if he were to come back, would she forgive him, would she choose him over me?

I couldn't allow myself to think of that. Her love for me was so completely different than her love for Edward. There was no doubt in my mind as I remembered clearly how strong the feelings had been between the two of them but, no matter how deep those feelings ran, they were had nothing on the strength of the bond that Bella and I had created. She loved me, she showed me in so many ways. She was a young woman, no longer a young impulsive teenager caught up in the frenzy of her first love affair. She had been through hell and back and knew her own mind well enough to know this amazing love between us was totally different. Complete. A loving relationship we both were going into with our eyes wide open, all truths revealed and there was no way I would allow thoughts of Edward and the what if's to cast doubt on those feelings.

Last night I had come close to telling her. It wasn't right that she thought he didn't love her, that he never loved her. He never knew the damage he caused with whatever words he chose on the fateful day he left her. However, what damage would be done should she know the truth? I had never admitted to anyone, not even myself, that it was possible that had I let my feelings go all those years ago, that I might have fallen in love with Bella back then. The memory of my hand touching her and the feelings that coursed through my body was something that I never forgot and never shared with anyone. I touched Bella only one other time with the exact same results and that was in the airport, moments before she disappeared to meet James. Alice knew he had discovered her location, she saw every move Bella would make to get to him though we could do nothing until she made the decision to leave me standing there in the airport as she slipped out a hidden door. If she had just waited a few minutes more for Edward and Carlisle to arrive, we could have taken her to safety.

As the minutes ticked by, Alice's vision should have alerted her of Bella's intentions as she insisted I accompany her instead of Alice. And then, at a crucial time, I was distracted. The moment my palm touched her tiny back, again, calm enveloped me, which enabled me to help Bella with her emotions. I was so taken back by the emotions she was causing in me, that it took several minutes for me to realize that she had fooled me and escaped. I knew immediately what she was doing, she was going to meet James. The anguish I felt at the time was incomprehensible. I had thought it was because of the pain Alice and Edward were experiencing at the thought of loosing her, of James actually succeeding and killing her. Never once did it cross my mind that it was the pain that _I_ was feeling.

Remembering her bloody body twisted and broken on the floor of the dance studio still enraged me to this day. It wasn't until this exact moment that the fog cleared, I finally understood my rage and my satisfaction of killing James. It wasn't because of the pain he caused my family, it was because of the pain he caused _me._

Alice and I were still together, fighting to try and save our relationship, but we were together, bonded, mated, I would have never allowed those feelings to surface while still with her. I shuddered to think of her response should she have thought she might lose my love to Bella. No matter what, we are vampires, we are territorial and until that bond is broken, it would be protected at all costs. Alice may be one of the sweetest and most caring souls, but when it comes down to a mate, she would be just as ruthless as Victoria.

God, I couldn't even fathom what would have happened between Edward and I, had I allowed my feelings to develop.

Someday, I would have to tell her about Edward, my honour demanded it, _her _honour deserved it, but not today… or tomorrow. But someday. I needed to focus on Bella now and our feelings for one another. They needed to be protected, cherished and allowed the time to grow. Her heart still needed mending and I wanted to be the one to complete her just as I wanted her to complete me. I looked up at the loft and smiled. I still couldn't believe that Bella wanted to be with me, _was with me_. I decided I was going to make today the most amazing day of her life, something so completely special and romantic.

Thinking of our love making yesterday, a smile immediately took over my face. It was amazing! The want and desire I felt from Bella was just as strong as mine. While I still wished her first time could have been slow and romantic, I would not change what had happened for anything. There would be ample opportunities to make love to Bella properly and today was a good a day to start.

I quickly changed into some old clothes and went outside. It was going to be a dreary day with lots of rain so we definitely wouldn't be going out later. I smiled at the thought, thinking of all the things we could do inside. I started a brisk run away from the house and then ran full out. The wind whipping through my hair was almost as relaxing as when Bella's fingers had done the same thing only a few hours ago. The run helped alleviate all the stress that had built up while I was thinking of the Victoria situation. I decided that I would put that out of my mind for the day and focus on how I wanted to pamper Bella, make her feel as beautiful as she truly was. Treat her as she had never been treated before and in a manner that she truly deserved.

I picked up the scent of a herd of deer off to my left, I slowed down and headed in their direction, quickly catching up to them and circling around so that I would be in front of them. I crouched down as low as I could go and waited, as still as a statue, for their approach. The thrill of the chase was something that I used to love about hunting, but I no longer allowed myself to chase anymore. It was an exercise that helped build up my self-control. The hunt itself, the chase, was almost as intoxicating as the actual kill. For years, I had craved that as much as I craved blood itself. I forced myself to wait until a large buck was almost on top of me before I attacked. I could hear his heartbeat as he came closer to my hiding spot. My mouth filled with venom as I waited for just the right moment to take him by surprise. He started to slow, sensing me, but not able to see me. I sprung from my spot, taking him by surprise. He was a very large animal so it was a fight to wrestle him to the ground. I folded his neck and bit into his artery quickly and he immediately relaxed before finally going limp. Usually one buck would be enough, but I had high hopes for the rest of the day and decided to catch another before heading back to the house to clean up.

After I was finally so sated that I couldn't stand another drop, I went back to the house at a full run. I wanted to get cleaned up and sneak back out again before Bella woke up for the day. I quietly opened the door and checked the loft to see that she was still sound asleep and had not moved since I left earlier.

I turned on the shower and waited for it to warm up. I normally didn't care what temperature the water was, but since I had the privilege of being around Bella and feeling her body warmth, I relished the hot water running down my body. At times, I would close my eyes and pretend that she was in here with me, the hot water streaming down our naked bodies. Her hands running freely over my skin and mine were doing the same to hers. Wow, I was far gone for this girl, long before I had even realized it. I cleaned myself off quickly, jumped out and grabbed a fresh towel. I snuck upstairs to grab my clothes, mentally laughing at myself for trying so hard to be quiet when the ability to be so completely silent was one thing that I excelled at.

I pulled on my clothes and walked over to the bed, kneeling down so I was face level with Bella. She was still sound asleep and I watched as her chest slowly moved. Her thick shiny hair was spread out behind her and I couldn't wait until I got another chance to bury my hands deep within its softness. My eyes were caught by the fact that her tight tank top had risen slightly and was now exposing a creamy strip of flesh both above and below her belly button. I wanted to reach out and touch her in that exact spot but didn't want to risk waking her just yet. I still had a few more things I needed to do before she woke. I stood slowly and pulled the covers higher on her body as it was apparent that she was feeling a bit of a chill. Her mouth watering nipples were tightly pressed against her shirt as if they were calling out for me, teasing me to touch them, my mouth aching to taste them.

Even though we had made love, I still hadn't seen Bella completely naked. Well, if you don't count when I walked into the bathroom in Martha's Vineyard and even then, most parts were covered by bubbles. My body started to strain as I thought about finally having my hands on her bare breasts, caressing them, tasting them. A growl began to build as I thought about all the other areas of her body that I wanted to taste, to suck, lick and kiss. If I kept this up, I was never going get anything done that I had planned so I forced myself to turn around and go down the stairs. I wanted today to be perfect and needed to get moving in order to accomplish the many tasks I had set out for myself.

I left the house and got into my car, quickly speeding down the drive away from the house. The faster I got out and purchased what I needed for the day, the sooner I would be back to Bella. The sooner my long awaited dreams would come true.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

My eyes opened slowly to an unfamiliar room. I looked around quickly to take in my surroundings before realizing that I was still at Jasper's and felt myself break into a huge smile. Rolling over hoping to find him still beside me in bed, I was saddened to see it empty. However, my eyes did land on a grande Starbucks that was placed on the bedside table. I did a little happy dance on the bed and shimmied over to grab the cup, the aroma was delicious, still hot and steamy, just right for drinking. It was not until I sat up to bring that little piece of heaven to my lips, loving that Jasper was so thoughtful to bring me the hot version of my drink, when I saw waited for me, a note under the cup.

_Bella,_

_Enjoy your morning coffee. Please take your time getting up. Once you are ready, follow the rose petals._

_Jasper_

Moving closer to the edge of the bed, I swung my feet onto the floor which is when I noticed the trail of rose petals leading down the stairs. I quickly ran my fingers through my hair, grabbed some pyjama bottoms from my bag, slipped them on and then followed the beautiful crimson path down to where, hopefully, I'd find Jasper. I held tightly onto my drink and made my way down the treacherous stairs. Treacherous because they were slightly curved and without a single railing to grasp onto, so I let one hand trail along the wall to ensure I kept my balance. Obviously, the architect of this particular structure did not consider the balanced challenged people of the world .

I didn't get a chance to see the rest of the house when we arrived the night before, because well, I only had eyes for Jasper and we were a little busy. Then I was just exhausted afterward and my mind was spent once we had both taken turns virtually spilling our guts. Now I was wowed at how beautiful the house actually was. It was open and uncluttered and one entire wall was a window that faced the lake. I had always thought Esme was the one who made sure they spent their time in luxury, and was surprised to find that Jasper actually had excellent taste in that same area even if he had purchased it already furnished. Everything was decorated with clean masculine lines. Nothing frilly or overly ornate, but not plain and boring either. Definitely not Ikea.

I followed the petals, which led me into the main bathroom. There was a smaller one located off the master bedroom which was very nice, but this one was absolutely breathtaking. One corner consisted of a Jacuzzi tub. There were windows on both walls, which provided an unobstructed view of the lake. A large glass shower was against the far wall with a very modern vanity and sink next to it. The tub was filled to the very brim with bubbles and rose petals had been scattered over the top as well. On a table next to the bath sat several books. I walked over to check out some of the titles only to find they were all my favourite books. Along with hunting and only he knew what else, Jasper must have retrieved them from my apartment sometime during the night. My eyes automatically stung as I fought back the tears that wanted to appear as I thought about how lucky I was and how absolutely amazing Jasper was turning out to be.

"Jasper?" I called out, hoping he would step out of the shadows and join me in the bath. While my nerves began to work overtime at the thought, I was also excited to think of him in there with me. There was no response. I shrugged my shoulders and quickly got out of my pyjamas and allowed myself a human moment before sliding feet first into the bath. It was the perfect temperature. I relaxed immediately as I lowered myself all the way past my shoulders into the hot steamy water.

Looking at my books, I thought how wonderful it would be to sit in the tub and read until the water turned cold and I was as wrinkled as a prune. But no matter how divine it sounded, I was anxious to be with Jasper, wishing he would climb in here with me, scrub my back, my front, every little place he hadn't had the time to touch last night. And there was no way I could relax thinking like that. _Where is he?_ I decided to stay in the bath for a few more moments, heaven forbid I wouldn't want him thinking that I didn't appreciate it when he had gone to all the trouble to provide the perfect setting for a relaxing morning. But every minute that passed by was a minute that I regretted I wasn't spending with him. Spotting my bag of toiletries on the floor next to the tub, I pulled out what I needed and quickly cleaned myself up, shaved all areas in need and jumped out of the tub. Of course, being Bella, jumping out of the tub was not a smooth move as my feet landed in a puddle of water that had splashed over the side and I slipped and fell flat on my behind.

"Umph!" I groaned as I hit the floor. And though, I heard nothing but my own silly giggling, Jasper was suddenly in the bathroom, his gorgeous body filling the doorway as he stared at me sprawled out, buck naked, in a puddle of sudsy water on his bathroom floor, covered in nothing but a small smattering of bubbles.

"Are you okay Bel..." He started to ask before he skidded to a stop once he realized I had absolutely nothing on. His mouth fell open and his eyes quickly took in the sight before he hastily turned away from me, covering his eyes with his hands.

"I'm sorry, I heard you fall and I was concerned you might have hurt yourself." He mumbled into his hands, clearly embarrassed for walking in on me, for the second time I might add, in a bathroom.

"The only thing that is hurt is my ego." I replied as I lifted myself up off the floor and grabbed a towel. Nothing was hurt, thank goodness. I looked around at the back of myself to see a red mark where I landed. Great, I was probably going to have a bruise the size of my embarrassment but at least I didn't break anything.

"Are you sure nothing hurts?" His face was pulled into a frown as he looked sideways at me, trying to avoid looking at my naked body.

"I'm perfectly fine, thanks. Certainly not my first tumble out of a tub." I joked.

"Here, let me help you get dried off." He reached out and took the towel that I still held in my hands, which he then proceeded to wrap around my wet naked body. I caught his eyes as they stared at my breasts, which, from the cold of the air in the room, were looking right back at him, before completely closing the towel around me. I couldn't help but smile as I knew there was no need to be so nervous at being completely naked in front of him. I knew he thought I was pretty, and thanks to all my time in the gym, I had a really nice body. I _wanted_ him to look at me. But still, I felt his emotions, the nervous anxiety that came off him before he caught himself. I understood immediately why we were nervous, we'd made love, it was fast and frenzied, but we did it all the same. Still, with everything else that happened, we hadn't had a chance to explore one another's bodies so, really, the sight before him was completely new and everything we would experience together would be new.

He caught me smiling at him and realized that he was busted. "I'm sorry, again. I couldn't help myself. I'm a cad, taking advantage of a situation like that." He hung his head in shame and closed his eyes.

"Jasper, I want you to look at me, not just right now, but always. You have free reign to look at my body any time you wish." I whispered. _Where did that courage come from?_

I leaned forward and stood up on my tippy toes until my lips lightly grazed his. His eyes shot opened before he responded to my touch, but boy, did he respond. His arms wrapped tightly around my body and he picked me up so that our faces were at the same level. My hands found their way into his silky blond hair and I pulled him even closer to me. His tongue was tracing my bottom lip and I immediately opened my mouth to allow him entrance. My mouth was filled with his sweet essence and our lips started to move as if we had been doing this together for years. I shivered as his hand made its way up my back until it hit the bare skin above the towel. Even though his touch was cold, it ignited a fire within me and I was melting. I needed to feel him everywhere, I wanted nothing between us.

"God, Bella, I can hardly control the desire I feel for you." He gasped between kisses. "And, your desire… you make me feel so amazing."

"Don't control it, I want to feel yours, I want to feel everything." I moaned into his mouth as my hands were pulling his shirt from the waistband of his jeans. I ran my hands over the cool skin of his back, caressing each scar with my fingertips. I wished I could remove every one of them, take away the painful memory that each scar held. I only had one such scar and I could barely stand to look at it for the anguish I felt, remembering the past that was held forever within the ruined skin.

I hadn't noticed until I felt his legs moving upwards, that we had left the bathroom and he was making his way up to the bedroom. I had wrapped my legs around his waist, not unaware that the towel had risen up due this position and my rear-end was now completely exposed. His hands lowered to hold onto my bottom as he worked his way up the stairs and a low purr left his throat as his hands felt the bare skin. He made his way over to the bed where he gently placed me on my feet by the edge.

"I promise, I'll be slow this time." He murmured as he started to lightly trace kisses along my jaw line. "Are you ready to be with me again?"

"Do I feel like I have any anxiety or misgivings about doing this? Jasper, you don't need to ask my permission, you never do, I want this more than anything I've ever wanted in my whole life, and I'll always want this." I was surprised at how coherent and frank I was being, but that was the truth. I could barely stand the wait. I wanted him again and I wanted him _now_. Frankly, I could care less if it was as fast as last night or slow and leisurely, as long as I was with Jasper, I was willing whatever way he wanted to go.

Jasper's hands found the edge of the towel that was tucked in, holding it against my body. He lightly gave it a tug and it fell to the floor. I immediately took a deep breath and held it as Jasper began to purr yet again. My confidence started to waiver as I stood there, totally naked with Jasper standing completely still, staring at me. I began to fidget and started to cover my exposed breasts with my hands loosing the confidence, which I so bravely had in the bathroom.

"No, Bella. Don't. I am just so… speechless at your beauty. I'm just dumbstruck. You have no idea how you have made me feel, trusting me with these moments with you." He softly traced his fingers up my arms, they danced along my collarbone and then he slowly made his way down to my breasts. Immediately, I felt my skin tighten as he gently cupped his hands around each of them. My head tilted back on my shoulders as he began to caress each breast until my nipples had hardened into tight little buds. Our eyes held one another as he slowly leaned forward and began to kiss the skin above his hand until he came face to face with my nipple. He ran his tongue over the top of it and I moaned, my knees starting to buckle. I held onto his shoulders for support and he walked me the few steps toward the bed until I felt it hit me behind the knees. Gently, he lowered me back, his mouth never leaving its target as he suckled the nipple, teasing it with his cool tongue. He switched over to the other breast and I thought I was going to lose all control then and there. I could not believe how amazing this felt. My hot skin against his cool body, his icy tongue making it's way across my chest was better than any dream I could have ever thought of. I took back my earlier thought, slow and leisurely was definitely good, definitely. I could only just imagine what the rest was going to feel like.

"God Jasper, that feels so amazing." I wanted him so badly that I didn't think I could hold out much longer. I looked down at him as he continued to lavish attention on my breasts, when I realized that he was still fully clothed.

"Jasper, you are wearing way too many clothes." I said as I gently pushed him back and sat myself up on my knees. I slowly undid his belt and pulled it loop by loop from around his waist. His hands never left my body. He was caressing, touching, rubbing, teasing me while I slowly removed his clothing. When I made the move to pull his shirt over his head, a small moan came from his lips as if he was upset at having to let his contact with me stop for a mere second while I removed his shirt. "Now, off the jeans." I demanded.

He stepped away from the bed and slowly undid the zipper of his jeans. My eyes latched on to his muscular abdomen as he slid his jeans down his hips. I could see the muscles moving as he bent over slightly to remove the pants from his legs. He was left now with nothing on but his boxers, which were straining from his arousal. I swallowed nervously as I knew, without having actually seen it last night, that it was impressive. The only time he was completely naked last night was after he took off his shirt and I was so taken back by his scars, I can honestly say I didn't once glance below his waist.

He cleared his throat lightly as he seemed to be apprehensive about removing his last article of clothing. He took an unnecessary deep breath and tentatively lowered the boxers, my eyes watching every inch of skin being revealed as the boxers made their way down. When he was finally free of the fabric, I audibly gasped and could not stop my hands from moving to my face.

I was not prepared. _Holy.Hell. I was not prepared._

While the sight of Jasper naked was the most beautiful thing my eyes had ever seen, I was absolutely shocked at the sight of him and immediately felt unprepared for what we were about to do. "Oh. My. God. You are so big. How on earth did it fit?" I blurted without thinking. I couldn't believe the size! Thank god for his ability to relax me last night or it might have been excruciating. I was actually starting to panic, thinking that this time was going to hurt even more, now that I knew the actual size.

"It's okay Bella. You will be okay." He tried to sound reassuring, but I could tell he was starting to get a little nervous himself. We both were so into the moment last night that we didn't have time to think. Now, in broad daylight and with the franticness gone, things started to get a bit awkward. He moved closer to me and pulled me into him. "We will just take it really slow and we can stop whenever you want to. Okay?"

I nodded my head at him, feeling like a school girl on prom night. I reminded myself how good everything had felt so far and everything new that I experienced with him only felt better. And last night was beyond amazing.

He gently laid me back on the bed and lowered himself on top of me, not putting all of his weight on me but enough that we were now touching in many places. I could feel his hardness against my thigh and I tried not to focus on the sheer size of it, but unable to stop thinking of it as a large weapon that was going to do some serious damage.

He began to kiss along my collarbone again and work his way back to my breasts, which had been missing his touch since he left. I immediately felt my earlier anxiety seep from my body as Jasper awoke my desire. I held on to the back of his head as he worked his way around my torso, familiarizing himself with the area. His tongue lapped around my belly button causing me to squirm. He gently used his lips to bite along my hip bone, causing me to buck slightly as my hands gripped the bed sheets. The feelings he was evoking were ones that I was completely unfamiliar with and the sheer pleasure of these simple acts left me breathless.

"I need to touch you, I want to please you." I said, feeling inept for not having made any sort of move to pleasure him. I had no idea what to do, but was sure I could figure something out.

"No, this time it is about you. I want it to be all about you." He talked into my thigh as he made his way down my leg. Then, he slowly parted my legs. "God, you are so beautiful. Everything about you is so exquisite." He moaned as he worked his way back up to my centre, which was dying for his touch.

I was shocked when I felt his cool tongue as it dipped inside of me. I almost sat upright, but he placed a hand on my abdomen to keep me still and I relaxed back onto the bed. He lazily moved his tongue in and out and my hips began to move with him. His fingers made their way along my slick folds before he gently entered one of them into me. I gasped at the feeling of the cold finger working its way in my hot, wet entrance.

"I can't take any more, Jasper, please, I want you so badly." I moaned as my head was rolling back and forth on the bed. He slid another finger in me and began to work them back and forth. "Please." I begged.

He reached over to the bedside table and pulled out a little black package, and before I could register exactly what he had done, he was back, lying on top of me, kissing me with fierce determination. I felt his hard arousal as it pressed against my stomach. I bucked my hips, wanting so badly to feel him, when Jasper leaned back slightly and then, guided himself to my core. He slowly began to enter and I bit my lip from the feeling. The touch of Jasper's tongue and fingers had felt so wonderful, I hadn't realized I was a little sore from the first time we had made love and now I gasped as he entered, pressing into me as he buried his face in my neck.

This so did not feel as good as what his tongue had done to me. He entered a bit more, moving so slowly, but my body tensed again from the invasion. For just a second I wondered if I was I ever going to be able to do this without it hurting. He was whispering to me, trying to reassure me, trying to comfort me as his icy breath blew across my skin. Slowly, he inched in further. I gasped again and felt tears well up as I began to panic, forgetting entirely how amazing this felt the night before after my body adjusted to his size and he continued to move so smoothly in and out of me.

I tried desperately not to, but all I could think of was how huge he looked and even though I knew for a fact I would utterly enjoy this if I could only relax, I was so scared he was going to rip me in two. I planted my feet flat on the bed to give myself leverage to push away if the pain became too much. I wanted him to slow down, go even slower than he already was. I needed him to wait, give me time, but he continued to steadily sink deeper into me, moaning quietly and whispering words I couldn't even comprehend at that point. God, I just wanted this to be beautiful and amazing and so very special but my mind was racing at a mile a minute, causing my irrational fears to escalate until the point where I was about to have a full blown panic attack. Grasping his shoulders hard, I started to push back, when all of a sudden, his body went rigid and still. Even his breathing had ceased. Then, I heard him hiss.

I stopped moving immediately as his entire body lay frozen on top of me. I could hear a very low growl starting to rumble in this throat. I could feel it in my own chest as it vibrated through me. Releasing the grip on his shoulders, I trailed my hands down his chest and around his back, all the time trying to relax beneath him as my breath panted in and out and my heart slammed double-time against my ribs. Slowly, he looked up, his eyes locking on mine and I saw they had turned, not completely black, but dangerously dark. In that very instant, I forgot about my pain, pushed it aside with a vengeance as I realized the predator in him sensed my fear and it awoke his beast.

Slowly I brought my hands up, placing them on his face and began to lightly caress his cheeks. "Jasper, everything is going to be okay. I am not scared. You are not going to hurt me. I trust you, Jasper, I know you don't want to harm me." I slowly let my hands run along the sides of his neck down to his shoulders. He remained completely still. I could see the muscles in his jaw twitching from the extreme pressure of his clenching, his lips were slowly peeling back from his gleaming teeth. Instead of focusing on his razor sharp teeth, I focused on his eyes.

"Jasper, I want you to reach out, feel my emotions, let me help you." I begged him breathlessly. Closing my eyes, I pushed all my feelings of fear and pain from my mind. Instead, I thought of Jasper. I remembered when I first realized that I loved him and when I discovered he had feelings for me in return. I thought of our first kiss, how amazing it was and how it made me feel. How his lips felt so perfect and soft against mine, how I loved to watch the way they moved when he spoke, when he smiled. How it felt as his mouth skimmed along my neckline, his hands caressed my breasts, when he made his way down my stomach, his fingers working me close to a frenzy, how his mouth and tongue had felt so wonderful on my body, between my legs, icy cold against my hot flesh. The memory of climaxing together as we made love the night before came rushing forward sending chills through me and I thought of how amazing and beautiful he made me feel. I shuddered as I let those feelings take me over, wash through me, fill me with all the intense passion, desire and love that I felt for him.

I opened my eyes to see Jasper had closed his as well, but I could feel his muscles slightly relaxing, losing some of the tension that held him so rigid. As I looked at his beautiful face, I kept thinking of all the amazing times we had spent together so far, the water fight in Martha's Vineyard, our picnic on the beach, the trip to the gardens, my amazing dream while I slept in his lap, anything that would project my feelings for him. He slowly raised his eyelids and I broke into a huge smile to see that his beautiful topaz eye colour had returned.

"I am so sorry Bella." He couldn't look me in the eyes any longer and he buried his face into the pillow and shook his head. He started to pull out when I grabbed the back of his arms.

"No!" I didn't want to stop. Perhaps it was foolish of me, but now that I knew I could bring him back from the brink, I wanted to continue. I never felt more powerful than I did at that very moment. I wanted to make love to him. I was finally relaxed and perfectly in the moment. It was as if I needed his slip in control to help me focus, bring me where I needed to be to get over my own ridiculous feelings of fear.

"How can you still want to be with me?" He asked, obviously shocked. "I nearly lost it just now, Bella. I would have if it weren't for you. I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry, I didn't think. I thought that it would be okay to completely open my senses and absorb everything you were feeling, everything we were feeling together. I was so foolish to think that since we made love last night, you wouldn't panic or be scared this time. I thought… oh Bella, how can you possibly trust me to continue?" The shame was dripping from every word and I wasn't having it.

"Because, I love you." I whispered.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

I couldn't believe the words that had just come out of her mouth. _I love you. _My head shot up and I was immediately lost in the depths of her beautiful chocolate gaze. A gaze that proved her feelings were as true as the words she just spoke.

"I love you Bella Swan. I think I have loved you longer than I've ever admitted to myself." I lightly dropped kisses along her forehead, down her nose until I reached her delectable lips. The feel of her warm mouth eagerly moving against mine immediately awoke my desire once again. I slowly began to move my body against hers, relishing the feel of her breasts crushed against my chest, my body slightly within the entrance of hers. We were at the edge of the cliff and I so desperately wanted to take the leap and plunge over the edge together.

"I'll go slow, we will help each other through this. I promise, just like last night, it will only hurt for a bit and then it gets better, so much better." I breathed into her ear.

She nodded as she bit her lower lip, unknowingly making herself look even sexier and driving my arousal up several notches. How this woman could ever think she wasn't absolutely delectable was beyond me. I slowly began to press myself further into her and felt her body again tense. Her emotions were so desperate, so full of excitement to share this physical bonding anew and I soaked it all in, then projected that same intense desire toward her along with sweeping waves of calm in order to help her relax. Immediately, I felt her tension ease and I moved forward a bit more as she allowed me access. She was so pure, so trusting to allow me to be with her like this. Her breathing had become shallow. A light sheen of perspiration had broken out and coated her entire body. I ran my tongue along her jaw line relishing the salty taste mixed with her natural sweetness, continuing down her neck causing her to shiver slightly and a moan escaped her lips. Her unbelievable need overtaking her pain. With one thrust, I seated myself fully. Bella cried out and a lone tear slid down the side of her face disappearing into her thick hair.

"I'm so sorry, baby, that was it, that was the worst of it." Caressing her face with my hands, she allowed my icy touch to cool her flushed cheeks as she shuddered beneath me.

"I'm okay." She panted out. "I'm just a little sore from last night." Then she smiled and I fell in love with her all over again. "I think I also over thought the whole thing and freaked myself out. I'm okay, really." She whispered as she slightly arched her back as if to urge me to continue.

I slowly rocked my hips back and forth, the feeling of her hot wet body completely encasing mine was a sensation that I would never forget. While I certainly had experience with other women, I had never had the experience of being with a human while I was a vampire. Whatever pain she had felt, quickly gave way to her pleasure. She was so tight, her muscles squeezing me with every movement. Like a hot wet fist working every inch of me. The warmth spread through my groin and into my body making me feel as if I had blood actually coursing through my frozen veins. I felt human. Every inch of my body was responding to her heat as I moved within her. Bella's arms had wrapped around me, her hands gripping my back. Her fragile human nails attempted to dig into my impenetrable skin. Her head tilted back, her mouth slightly open, her eyes closed as she let herself feel everything, my emotions, her emotions, our bodies moving together in perfect rhythm. Lost to our combined lust and passion, she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

"Oh god, I can't...I can't believe...this feels so amazing. You...you are so...amazing." She gasped between thrusts. It wasn't going to be long before I couldn't control my release any longer. Her moans became faster, her back began to arch even further as I felt her orgasm accelerating to the point of explosion. Her fingers gripped tightly onto my back as she cried out in pleasure, her desire and ecstasy hitting me full force causing my release to rush forward and explode.

I rolled off to the side, quickly disposed of the condom and pulled her into my embrace. I was speechless. Making love to Bella was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I looked down at the stunning creature that had cuddled into my chest, tracing her fingers along my pectoral muscles.

"That was..it was..I don't know what it was. Again it was amazing, spectacular, stupendous!" She exclaimed as she dropped kisses all over my chest and pulled herself up my body so she could reach my lips.

"I couldn't agree more. Though there is something to be said about how you completely diminish any sort of stamina that I might have once had. I can't explain how incredible you feel to me Bella." I kissed her back with as much enthusiasm as she had shown me. Her hands wound their away around to the back of my neck and she clenched them into tiny fists. Her heart rate was beginning to pick up and her breathing increased. I was shocked to feel her grind herself into my groin, which immediately responded to her touch. A low purr instantly began to roll from my throat.

She looked up at me, her eyebrows raised, silently asking me for more.

"Really? Are you sure you want to do _this_ again so soon?" I asked, thrilled that there was a possibility as my cock was standing at full attention, literally throbbing for more.

"I am so ready to do _this_ again." She gave me a sly smile as she rubbed her body against mine. "It felt wonderful almost immediately this time, hardly any pain. Do you think you are up for it? I mean..."She stammered and adorably blushed when she realized what she had just said. "I can see you are up for it.. I meant..um...do you need to hunt?" Her concern for me made me want her all the more.

"No, I think I'll be just fine." I responded as I pulled her further up my body, pressing my lips to hers as I pulled out another condom and had it on without breaking the kiss. I spread her thighs slightly and positioned myself at her entrance, slowly teasing her as I rubbed my tip against her core, hitting her nub causing her to moan and writhe her hips, which I held steady with my hands.

While every fibre and nerve ending in my body cried out for me to drive into her, but I didn't want to hurt her. I knew that my frigid body temperature was helping to numb some of the pain for the moment and she would probably be pretty tender. However, I could not refuse her, nor did I have any willpower to do so. I slowly entered her, inch by inch, watching for any signs of discomfort, her walls tightly grabbing onto me, milking every inch. I gently rocked her hips back and forth until she got the rhythm and began to move on her own. Her head rolled back on her shoulders as she sighed in delight. Her breasts were bobbing with each movement and I reached up to give each one a gentle squeeze causing Bella to murmur my name. Hearing my name roll off her lips in a moment of passion nearly drove me over the edge and I almost came right then. She began to move faster, her eyes closed as she rocked causing the most delightful friction. Knowing that there was no risk of pain or panic from Bella, I opened myself up so I could receive her feelings and it did me in, her passion and desire was so great, I shattered into a million pieces, exploding forcefully.

"God, Bella. Keep going, don't stop." I held onto her hip and guided her as she continued to rock on top of me. Pressing my thumb against her clitoris, she screamed from the pleasure. I could feel the tingling building in her body as she began to falter in her rhythm, the onslaught of her orgasm causing her to lose control. She gave herself over to the moment and I felt it all. The building pleasure, the sudden rush as ecstasy took her over was unlike anything I had ever felt before. Her hands grasped onto my shoulders as she rode out the wave and then she collapsed on top of me, gasping for air. I ran my hands over her back, which was drenched in perspiration down to her perfectly round bottom. I gently lifted her off me and rolled her onto her back, my body immediately missing her warmth.

Her eyes were closed, but the look on her face was one of pure bliss. She opened her eyes and smiled at me. "I love you. I can't believe how much I love you."

"I love you, Bella Swan. You have made me the happiest man on earth." I pushed her wet hair back from her face and gently pulled her into my body, spooning every inch of her warm wet body against my cold hard flesh. Her highly floral scent only that much more intoxicating now that it seeped from every pore and from between her luscious thighs, coating her skin and mine. I never wanted to let her go, but I knew I needed to hunt soon.

"You must be starving, the day has almost passed and you haven't eaten anything." I murmured into her ear. "I had breakfast all planned out for you before your graceful exit from your morning bath." I teased her.

Her stomach growled in response. "Well, I guess that gives me away. Yes, I definitely could eat, but I don't want to move."

I started to get up from her when she turned quickly and grabbed on to me. "Where are you going?"

I looked at her confused. "You said you didn't want to move so I am going to serve you breakfast in bed."

"I meant I didn't want to move, which meant that I didn't want to be out of your arms." She looked at me pouting. How could I resist?

I snuggled back into our spooning position and held her close. The feeling of our naked bodies touching at every available point was truly incredible. If I had my way, we'd never wear clothes again.

After a few more minutes, I felt Bella drift off to sleep. I quietly got out of bed and went downstairs and fixed her a plate of fresh fruit, a muffin, croissant and freshly squeezed orange juice. Bringing it upstairs, I placed it on the bedside table. Kneeling beside the bed, I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. After having made love so vigorously, I needed to hunt, but was reluctant to leave the side of the beautiful angel laying before me. Lightly placing my palm on her cheek, she immediately rolled toward my touch and quietly whispered my name. Smiling to myself, I stood and grabbed some clothes knowing that she was dreaming about me, which provided me with the incentive to head out and quench another thirst that now demanded my attention. At least if I wasn't here in body, I was in her dreams, which warmed me in a manner that I had never experienced. Again, my newfound relationship with Bella was one emotional and physical surprise after another.

My mind ran over every moment of the past few hours with Bella. I was so disappointed in myself for almost losing control. I knew I was on the edge and it was Bella, courageous, remarkable, insanely beautiful Bella, that brought me back. She truly was the most amazing being that has ever existed. Her courage never faltered when she realized I was close to losing it, she fought her own fear, remained calm and brought me back. I couldn't wait to get back to her, to feel her warmth. I had only been away from her for a few minutes and I felt colder than I ever had in my long, long life. I ran through the trees at breakneck speed, rushing so that I could return to the future that awaited me.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

I awoke with a long stretch and rolled over in the bed disappointed, for the second time today, that I was alone. I saw the plate of food beside the bed and figured Jasper had gone out to hunt. I smiled as I pulled myself up into a sitting position and started to munch on the fruit that Jasper had so thoughtfully left for me. I ached pleasantly in all the right spots. My body immediately began to tingle as I pictured Jasper, naked above me, his head thrown back as his release came. God! When he came, I could actually feel what he was feeling, how utterly euphoric it was. He was the most gorgeous man I'd ever laid eyes on and seeing him so completely enthralled in the moment made him even more beautiful. I wrapped my arms around my chest and gave myself a hug, squealing internally while I kicked my legs back and forth on the bed. Juvenile, yes, but I just couldn't help myself. I couldn't remember the last time I had been this happy or felt this complete.

I polished off the fruit and decided to skip the carbs. Now that I was planning on spending a whole lot of time naked, it was time to watch what I was eating! I thought about the big tub downstairs and decided to have a soak to ease some of the aches. Wrapping the sheet around my body, I headed downstairs. I turned the water on and poured the bubble bath into the tub, swishing it around with my fingertips. Walking over to the large window that overlooked the lake, my mind drifted into a daydream that replayed the last several hours. I didn't hear Jasper come in until I felt his arms snake around my waist and he buried his face in the back of my hair.

"Hello, beautiful." He murmured into the back of my neck, the vibrations awakening goose bumps, causing me to shiver.

"Hello yourself." I leaned back into him, raising my arm behind me and ran my fingers through his hair so that I was holding on to his neck. "I missed you when I woke up." I turned around and kissed him full on the lips. "Do you want to join me in the bath?" I asked shyly.

"I'd love nothing more." He smiled into my mouth as he lazily ran his tongue along my bottom lip. His frosty hands lightly ran over my shoulders making me tremble slightly. He unwrapped the sheet as if I were a present just for him and threw it behind him, his breath catching as his pale golden eyes roamed over my naked body. I dropped my head in embarrassment, still not used to being so exposed to him. "Don't be embarrassed, you are so beautiful." He raised my chin and kissed me again, then lifted me into the tub and I sank down under the bubbles. He backed away from the tub and slowly removed his shirt. My eyes hungrily travelled over his muscled torso memorizing every inch that I couldn't wait to explore again. I no longer saw the scars, Jasper was perfect to me in every way and no blemish would ever change that. His rippled midsection curved down into a manly V which disappeared into the very low waistline of his jeans, taking my eyes on a trip that was ended by the obstruction of the material that remained. Jasper smiled as he acknowledged my gaze with a raised eyebrow, slowly unbuttoning his jeans as if he were doing a strip tease, he lowered them inch by inch as my breath caught, waiting for him to be totally revealed. His jeans swiftly fell to the floor and he kicked them across the room with a flourish causing me to smile and sink further down into the tub. _Mine, all mine!_ I devilishly giggled to myself. He slowly walked over to the bath, allowing my eyes to absorb the entire view before me. He was so confident, so beautiful, so amazingly perfect that I couldn't help but sigh as I watched him step over the edge of the tub, sitting himself across from me so that we were facing one another.

"I feel the same way when I look at you." He whispered as he felt under the water until he found my feet, which he placed into his lap and began to massage. _I could so get used to this. _It was literally heaven.

I sank further down in the water until my head rested on the back of the tub and watched Jasper as he slowly kneaded the arch of my foot. Good lord, who would have thought there would be a direct line from the bottom of my foot to my core. _Wow, it felt good, really, really good_. Though I was pretty sure that no matter where Jasper were to touch me, my body would react in the exact same manner. He smiled at me and I found myself automatically smiling back. It was weird, there was no awkwardness, no need to speak, just pure comfort as we soaked in the bath, enjoying one another's company. I slowly sat up and moved toward him in the water. He released my foot and placed his hands around my arms pulling me toward him, up into his lap. My bare chest crashed against his, my nipples pressed tightly against firm body, immediately tightening as they came in contact with his cool skin. I wound my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. His arms were so long, he had them wrapped completely around me, but still holding me to him so gently. His icy lips nibbled on my ear, which prompted my hormones to do cartwheels. We proceeded to kiss softly and lightly caress every inch of one another until the bath was too cold for me to be comfortable any longer. Jasper gracefully lifted me out of the tub and lovingly dried off every inch of my body before he wrapped me in a towel.

"Sit here." He led me to a chair by the vanity and was out of the room in a blink of an eye. When he came back, he held an armful of clothes that were definitely not from my closet and definitely not from the clothing store where I worked.

"Jasper… What is this?" I asked as he laid them across my lap. I wanted to scold him, but after looking into his beautiful face and feeling his love wash over me, I just didn't have the heart.

"I thought we could go down to the dock and watch the sunset, so I picked up some warm things for you." He lightly traced a finger down the side of my face and bent forward to kiss me. I sighed as he pulled away.

"I'll go get changed, we can make you a hot chocolate, grab a blanket and head outside."

"Sounds like a plan." Wrapping my hand around his neck, I pulled his mouth to mine one more time. Then, he sprinted up to the loft in blinding speed while I pulled on the clothes he, so thoughtfully, bought for me. He did a great job. A nice warm pair of sweats with a long sleeved thermal shirt and a heavy pullover sweater with a hood. I hugged the sweater around myself and brought it up to my nose, hoping that it would smell like Jasper and it did. I was beginning to feel very spoiled with all the attention, but it didn't seem to bother me as it had in the past. In the past, anyone giving me a gift would have thrown me into a pouting fit and I would have been generally pissed off about the whole thing. But… with Jasper, everything was different. With all that both of us had been through, we were different than we were four years ago. We were in love. Not just teenage infatuation. Real honest to goodness love. I snuggled the sweater up to my nose again, breathing his scent in as deeply as I could. I couldn't help but giggle as I turned around to see Jasper standing behind me, smiling as he caught me.

"What are you doing?"

"Um.." I was about to tell him when my cell phone rang. "Oops, saved by the bell!" I skipped past him to grab my cell phone, hoping that perhaps it was Jacob and he had gotten over his anger. I frowned when I saw that it was the number for the store. "Hello?" I asked cautiously when I opened the phone.

"Wow! Bella! You answered! Hey, it's me, Steve. Ya know, from work." He was babbling so fast, I didn't bother to try to get a word in. "It's like I haven't seen you for days! How are you?" The excitement in his voice was beyond annoying.

"What do you want, Steve?" I asked, choosing to ignore his question and get to the point. "And why are you calling me from work? The store is closed."

"Well… uh…" He stammered almost nervously. I wasn't about to jump in and have a conversation with him when I had a gorgeous man waiting to share a beautiful sunset with me. God, if he was stooping so low as to call me from work just to get me to talk to him because he knew I wouldn't pick up the phone otherwise, he was hitting rock bottom. He cleared his throat and finally continued. "A shipment of product came in early and the owner wants us in tomorrow to set it up so it is out for Monday."

"What? Really?" _Oh crap! _I was so disappointed. I couldn't refuse. _Dammit!_ The owner had always been so nice to me working with my school schedule and letting me have most weekends off. I looked over at Jasper, shrugged my shoulders and rolled my eyes only to see him smile in understanding. "What time should I come in?"

"How about eleven?" Needy almost sounded giddy at the thought of the two of us cooped up in the store, alone, for the better part of the day. I, on the other hand, was thinking of several torture methods that I would rather endure.

"Fine. See you then." I snapped and then, shut the phone. Rude, yes, but it was Needy, so I didn't feel too bad. I thought it was going to be Jacob and it wasn't, so now I was bummed because he hadn't called and also because my day with Jasper tomorrow was taking a hit.

Tossing my phone on the vanity, I pouted like a baby as I walked over to Jasper knowing full well he heard the other side of the call.

His arms welcomed me in. "Don't worry, I'll drive you in, you can work and then I'll bring you… right… back… here." His lips pressed little kisses on my mouth between each word. "But, for now, let's not think about tomorrow. Let's enjoy the sunset, each other and the rest of the evening. Okay?" If tonight was anything like last night, we were going to end up naked before the stars came out. And, yeah, I was so into enjoying the rest of the evening like that. He rubbed his nose adoringly against mine. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

"Bella… we're never going to make it outside, are we?" He whispered, his cool breath blowing over my eyelids.

I smiled and opened my eyes. "Our first sunset together, are you kidding? I wouldn't miss it."

We went out to the main room. I fixed myself some hot chocolate while Jasper collected a few blankets. Then, we went out the sliding doors, down the steps, albeit very carefully since I was carrying a very hot drink, and then finally to the dock. It was so peaceful and relaxing. There was a large wooden lounge chair, which Jasper sat on and opened his legs for me to sit between. I set my mug on the dock beside the chair and crawled into Jasper's lap, snuggling back against his hard cold body. He wrapped the blanket tightly around me to keep me nice and warm. We lay in silence as twilight came and went and the first bright stars twinkled into view in the pale blue sky. Jasper was perfectly still and actually startled me when he finally spoke.

"I'm so unbelievably relaxed, so completely comfortable with you here in my arms. I haven't felt this peaceful in decades. It's like there has always been a loud buzzing in the background which I could never get rid of but now, it's been silenced." He intertwined his fingers with mine and crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm so sorry about what happened earlier, I .." I turned around to face him in the chair and silenced him with my fingers pressed against his lips.

"Jasper, stop. You don't have to say the words. I know how you feel. It was only our second time together and as amazing as it was and believe me, it was AMAZING, it was a learning experience for both of us. I should be apologizing to you as it was my stupid reaction that pushed you over the edge."

"Bella, if I ever lost control, if I ever did anything to hurt you, I'd.."

Again, I stopped him, but this time with my mouth, kissing him passionately. Immediately, I felt his response in the building pressure against my stomach and in the feelings that poured out of him. It thrilled me to know I could do this to him with only a kiss. It wasn't just the sexual attraction he felt for me, the man/woman, I gotta have you now feeling, even though that was a wonderful emotion in itself, it was also his love that I wanted to feel. And he gave it to me in truckloads! Nothing in my life had ever felt so right as being with Jasper, loving and being loved in return by him or sharing myself completely with him.

"I want to be with you again, now." I moaned as I wiggled my way up to his lap and wrapped my legs around his waist.

He wrapped me in his arms and began to get up out of the lounge chair as if to head back up to the house, but I stopped him. "No, here, now. I don't want to wait." I whispered into his ear as my hands made their way between us, travelling down his chest to the button of his jeans.

He pulled back abruptly and smiled a wicked smile at me causing my hormones to go into overdrive. It was amazing how one look from him could excite me just as much as anything else he could do to me.

"Bella Swan, you are turning into quite the temptress." He teased.

"I'm sorry." I said, starting to feel a bit embarrassed for being so forward. "I thought maybe… since we're the only ones out here, you know, we could… but it's okay if you don't want to… I mean… you do want to. I can feel it. Dammit, Jasper! I'm dying here!"

He reached into his back pocket and chuckled again as he pulled out a condom, which he held up between two of his elegant white fingers. "Oh, Bella, I more than want to, I was planning on it."

I smacked him lightly on the arm. "Bugger." I said as he forcefully grabbed the back of my head pulling me into him. The sudden movement on his part and the pressure he used to kiss me caused me to groan into his mouth. Our hands began to quickly move over each other, pulling at all the clothes we had layered on.

I gasped as he let go of my sweater and immediately started to manoeuvre my sweats down my legs. "Forget the clothes. I want you now, I need you now." I couldn't help but smile when I heard the sound of fabric tearing and felt cool air hit my flushed skin.

"Your wish is my command."

The morning came very quickly and though I had slept very little, I felt fantastic. I moaned, no, I groaned as I rolled myself out of bed, literally, rolled myself out of bed onto the floor. Every muscle in my body ached and cried out wonderfully from overuse. I had never been through such a work out, such a pleasant, steamy workout. At the rate we were going, I definitely wouldn't need to hit the gym at all this week.

I continued to lie like a moron on the floor, realizing I was naked when I saw two of the most spectacular feet enter my line of vision. Wow, even his feet were beautiful.

"Food, water, sustenance." I giggled as I reached out to him.

"Are you feeling okay this morning, Bella?" He chuckled as he easily picked me up off the floor and gently placed me back on the rumpled bed.

"I think I am delirious. This is all just too good to be true." My hands ran over his bare chest feeling every ripple.

"Oh, it's true and it's happening and it's just as amazing as you think it is." He kissed me, his mouth moving so tenderly over mine. "However, while I hate to burst your bubble, we have to get you showered, fed, and off to work, pretty lady."

"Ugh." I articulately complained. "I'm sure I'll perk up after a shower, and food, and caffeine!!"

Jasper laughed as he pulled me toward the shower. "Come on, the sooner you get to work, the sooner you will be done."

The ride into work was quick and no matter how happy I was, a sense of dread covered me as soon as we pulled up to the storefront. I looked inside the dark store, guessing that I beat Needy here, so I searched through my bag and pulled out the keys for the store. I began to absentmindedly play with them as I stared off into space, thinking how I would rather do anything than have to leave Jasper's side at this moment.

Jasper was watching me intently, picking up my emotions. "It will fly by. Now get out and work fast. I won't be far and before you know it, I'll be here to pick you up and we will be on our way back home."

"Home?" _Home._ I looked at him not even trying to conceal the surprise on my face.

"Yes, home." He reached over and kissed me as he opened the door from the inside.

I got out and watched as he pulled away, standing dumbstruck at his last words. _Home. _Was he asking me to move in with him? The relationship seemed to be moving at breakneck speed and I wasn't sure that I was ready for that step. Yet, I couldn't imagine spending another night without him. However, if I actually moved in with him, my relationship with Jacob would be over for sure.

I remained on the sidewalk, lost in thought until I heard the door of the store open.

"Are you going to come in?" Needy asked and I noticed he looked up and down the street. "Are you alone?"

"Does it look like someone is with me?" I snapped at him as I walked past him into the store, bitter at having to spend a second alone with him. I dropped the keys and my bag by the door and headed toward the storeroom located at the back of the store.

"Gee, Bella, you don't have to be so bitchy. You act like it's such a burden to spend time with me." He whined and reached out and grabbed my arm to stop me from walking away from him.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yanked my arm out of his grasp and shot him a deadly look.

"Don't walk away from me when I am talking to you." He spit out through tightened lips. His attitude changed immediately when he saw the look on my face. "Oh, Bella! I'm so sorry!"

"Listen, Steve, let's just focus on getting the new shipment out to the store front so I can get the hell out of here." All the warmth and happiness I felt with Jasper was now gone, replaced for the moment by my annoyance in having to spend one precious second with Needy and I was just plain irritated. Making my way to the storeroom, I pushed the doors open and stopped immediately when I noticed there were no boxes, no new items, no shipment that had arrived.

I turned around just as Needy stepped up behind me. "What is going on?" I demanded. "Where are the new clothes that need to be displayed?"

Grabbing me by the shoulders, he pulled me into him and proceeded to plant the wettest, sloppiest kiss known to the man on my face. Completely shocked, I felt like I had just been assaulted by a St. Bernard. Then I slammed my fists onto his scrawny chest.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I yelled as I shoved him back.

"Bella, please! I just wanted to get you alone so you wouldn't be distracted. We belong together Bella, we would be so great together. Just give me a chance." He started moving toward me. I really wasn't sure if he was attempting to be menacing or sexy. Either way, it wasn't working and I almost felt the urge to laugh out loud at him, but immediately thought that would be a very bad idea considering his state of mind.

"Okay, stop right where you are. I don't know what you think you are doing, but this is stopping right here, right now." I said as I moved to walk around him and make my way out to the front of the store.

"No, Bella, come on! You know we belong together and we are going to be together. You never even gave me a chance!" He spun me around which caught me off balance and I stumbled into him.

"Seriously, you need to back away from me. You know something? This would be completely disturbing if it wasn't so god damn annoying. Keep your hands off of me you little piece of shit." I pushed him back only to have his face flare in anger. He grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked me back. His hand flew up and smacked me right across the face. I was so shocked that I dropped to my knees.

"Oh god, Bella, I didn't mean to do that. This isn't going the way I wanted it. Please forgive me. I love you, I don't want to hurt you." He got down on his knees, wrapped his arms around me and planted kisses all over the back of my head.

"Get off me!" I yelled.

"Bella, just relax. You know that we were meant to be together. Come on! You're so smart and beautiful and you keep going out with all these stupid lugheads. They can't satisfy you. They don't have the intelligence that I do. I tried to tell you! Those other guys don't see you like I do! Logan will only use you just like every other girl. You're nothing but another screw to him, Bella! I would never do that to you!" He pushed me down and put his entire body weight on me as he attempted to spread my legs with his. He started to press his arousal against me and he actually moaned from the friction. "Oh, Bella! And that other guy, that Jasper…" His eyes locked onto mine for one second and I could see the fear in them. "Bella, he's dangerous. I don't ever want you to see him again."

"Dangerous? Look who's talking?" I did laugh then. Needy had lost it. Then he ground himself into me again, groaning wildly, smiling. "GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled his head back. He screamed out loud. His hand came up and hit me again. Blood trickled down my face as my nose started to bleed from the impact.

"I mean it, Bella! You will be mine. " He smashed his lips painfully against mine, so I did the only thing I could, I bit his lip as hard as I could until I felt his blood trickle into my mouth. He yelled out, slurring one cuss word after another as I held on, biting. I let go, gagging and coughing, feeling light headed from the terrible smell and disgusting taste of thick rusty blood that now coated my mouth and tongue. When he loosened his grip, I took the opportunity to introduce my knee to his groin, which gave me a chance to get out from underneath him. I scrambled to my feet and sprinted to the front of the store, trying to remain conscious. The smell of blood was everywhere causing spots to bloom in the darkened tunnel of my vision. I blinked furiously trying to chase them away as I became even more light headed.

I needed to get out of there. I needed to call Jasper, but as I made my way to the front door, I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the mirrors and knew instantly there was no way I could let Jasper see me like this. The blood from my nose had run down my face and smeared along my neck. Blood was all over my mouth and one side of my face from my bite to Needy's lip. One eye was swollen and there was a tiny cut in my eyebrow from the other hit that I had taken. I couldn't see Jasper with all this blood on me. Panic suddenly rose up. My already knotted stomach clenched even tighter, my throat closed, my vision got even spottier. _I can't pass out! I can't pass out!_ I chanted in my head as I heard movement behind me.

Steven was stumbling out of the storeroom just as I was frantically rubbing at the blood on my face. "You stay the fuck away from me!" I ran to the front of the store, grabbed the keys from the top of my bag and tried desperately to get my hands to stop trembling so I could unlock the doors. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins causing my entire body to shake. Tears fell from my eyes in angry rivers, blurring my vision even more. I hated that my tear ducts were linked to my anger. That little shit thought he could force himself on me? I don't think so. I'd been through much worse in my short life. I'd faced James, for God's sake! Steven was no match for me, he wasn't going to scare me. I refused to allow him to frighten me. The only thing that frightened me right at that moment was what Jasper might do.

I sucked up my tears and continued to fumble with the lock, silently cussing myself for being so rattled. I thought of how furious Jasper was going to be when I told him about this and wondered what I was going to do to ensure that he didn't go after Steven. I was so lost in my thoughts, my mind racing, trying to insert the key into the door, trying to figure out the fastest way back to my apartment to clean up before calling Jasper, when I was stopped dead in my tracks. Anger so strong, so deep and so petrifying slammed into me, almost pushing me back from the glass doors. Then I heard it… a roar so terrifying, so feral and animalistic that every hair on my body stood on end.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

_Home_. I definitely wanted Bella to come home with me tonight, tomorrow and every night from now on. I knew this was moving fast, but I had been alive for a long, long time, finally found what I had been searching for and I wasn't about to let her go. We had only been apart for a few minutes when I decided to turn the car around, grab her and her co-worker a drink from Starbucks then, I would help them finish whatever it was that needed setting up in the store. That way, I'd get to spend the day with Bella, she would be done with work sooner, then, we could head home and be alone again. _Alone again. _Just thinking about being with Bella, together in the way that we had been together so many times in the past few days, automatically created a feeling of warmth that surrounded my entire being.

There was no denying it. I was becoming extremely selfish with Bella's time, not wanting to miss a minute of being with her and though I knew I could live everyday with Bella as my only companion, friend and lover, alone together, forever… being human, she needed more. _If only…_ I stopped the thought before it could take root. I could mention how easy it would be for her to be with me forever, but I was afraid of her reaction. Had she already thought about the possibility of spending eternity with me? She wasn't afraid of the change, that I already knew… but now, it was more the _choice_. It was something she had wanted so badly while she was with Edward and he fought tooth and nail to keep her human, never accepting Alice's word that it would happen one day. I had never known Alice to be so far off the mark before. Maybe I could change that, but… I would wait for Bella to bring it up. When and if she makes the choice to spend forever with me, I won't hesitate.

I ordered the drinks, tapping my fingers impatiently on the counter while I waited for the barista to prepare them, ignoring the wanting looks and the carnal desires coming from her and every other female in the shop. She placed the drinks in a holder, I nodded my thanks and forced myself to walk normally out the door, fighting the urge to run as fast as I could to Bella as every minute seemed to drag by and I missed her terribly. I laughed at myself for being so irrational. We'd been apart for less than a half an hour and I couldn't wait to be with her again, to smell her, touch her, _feel_ her again. Without her roller coaster emotions bombarding me every second, I felt as if part of me, part of every thing that makes me who I am, was missing.

Lucky for me, it was a normal dreary cloudy day, so I was able to walk the small distance to the store, leaving my car parked in front of the Starbucks. I forced myself to slow down and take my time. Take these few minutes to think about my future with Bella. There were so many things I wanted to do with her, share with her, if she would let me. I had just turned the corner when I was overcome by the most intense feelings. They were a mixture of frustration, anger and a tinge of fear. I stopped dead in my tracks as I took in my surroundings. I tried to pinpoint the feelings as I continued to walk toward my destination, when I realized they were actually coming from the store. Then the scent hit me. Blood. Fresh sweet blood. _Bella's blood._ I dropped the tray of drinks and ran toward the store only to see Bella frantically trying to open the locked door with her keys. I was nearly levelled when I took in her appearance. She was dishevelled, covered in blood and crying as she tried to calm herself in order to open the door. _Oh God! How did she get hurt? Why is she bleeding? And it's not just her blood… but someone else's also. Was there an accident? _I looked behind her to see her co-worker, his mouth covered in blood from a cut on his lip. He was bent over, holding his crotch with his hands. I couldn't help but stare at his mouth, red blood dripping off his chin onto his shirt. Then I looked closer… it wasn't a cut… blood was seeping from tiny holes that formed a perfect crescent. _There was no accident_. He had been bitten.

I was standing directly in front of the locked glass doors when it started, a deep menacing sound that rolled from the bottom of my stomach and exploded from my throat. I was going to kill him and nothing was going to stop me. That son of a bitch was going to pay.

Bella heard me, her beautiful dark brown eyes, so bloodshot now, locked onto mine. She was crying, but I could feel they were tears of anger not fear for her life. She was pissed off and frustrated that she couldn't get out. The prick had obviously locked her in there with him. She was sobbing as she desperately tried to open the doors, but apparently couldn't get her hands to work for her. Everything inside me knotted into a tight ball of anger. I wanted to kick in the doors, needing to hear the glass shatter into a million pieces and crunch under my feet as I raced in with every intention of taking blood. I motioned at her to move away from the doors and she shook her head. I knew she could feel the anger pouring off me. She knew, she knew if I got in there, I'd kill him. She turned around to the scumbag and screamed at him to stay back. He took one look at me and hightailed it back into the storage room. She turned back to face me and put her hands up to me, her palms flat on the glass as if she wanted to calm me down. I pressed my hands on the door to mirror hers and with just this simple action, even with the glass between us, my anger subsided to a manageable level, one not so frightening and overpowering. I sent it back to her in waves and noticed that she took a long deep shuddering breath and then tried the keys again. She glanced up at me, capturing me with her eyes as she slowly opened the doors. The second the lock clicked, I yanked the door open and had her in my arms before she had a chance to take another breath or move another inch.

With her in my arms, the luscious scent of her blood, mingled with the smell of Steven's, brought my fury back full force. "I'm going to kill him, Bella, god help me, I have to kill him." All I saw was red. Pure animal rage was taking over me. The smell of her blood awakened the beast within, venom coated my mouth and actually wetted my lips. It was not because I wanted _her_ blood that my body was reacting in such a manner, it was because of the roar of the beast toward the person that had spilled it. The smell of his blood on her made me want to kill. Immediately, my memory flashed back to the dance studio in Arizona. It played like a movie in my head. Seeing her bloody and broken on the floor. The same rage ripped through me only it was intensified a thousand times due to my deeper feelings for her. I forced myself to stop breathing so the scent of her blood would not push me over the edge that I was so precariously balancing on.

I stepped back to survey all her injuries. "Look at you. Oh god." I ran my fingers over her cut eyebrow and the swelling bruises on her face. I was glad to see that the majority of the blood on her was from a nose bleed and from the wound that she had inflicted on Steven's lip.

Bella leaned into me, wrapping her arms tightly around my chest. The moment her body made contact with mine, I began struggling with my emotions. Just having her in my arms created a total sense of calm, which enveloped me, but my mind and my body wanted to fight the urge to be calm. I wanted vengeance. I wanted to hurt him desperately. I had easily fought off the thirst for her blood and that wasn't a problem for me, it was the need to hurt Steven that I didn't want to fight off. Bella looked up at me with her big brown eyes and everything cleared as our gazes locked with one another. She reached up and put her hands on my face. "No, Jasper. You can't do this. You have to let it go. If you do anything to him we will have to run."

"I want to listen to you, Bella, because I know you are right, but you can't ask me to let him get away with this. Look at you." I couldn't stand the thought of his hands on her and then dread washed over me. "How far did he try to go with you?" I demanded through clenched teeth. "Did he...did he _touch_ you??" I could barely get the words out as images of him trying to force himself on her went racing through my mind.

"Jasper, let's go, please." She clung to my shirt and tried to pull me toward the door. "He is not worth it. He'll more than likely tell the police if you do anything to him and we'll have to run. We'll never have peace. Please, please."

"Bella, I've been running all my life, what's the difference? Besides, he is not going to go to the police, what's he going to say, Bella's boyfriend beat me up because I tried to rape her? I don't think so." Though deep down I felt that I would do more than just beat him up. I certainly wanted to do more, but the longer Bella held me, the more rational I became.

"You have me now, Jasper. You can have a future, here, with me, now. Please Jasper, listen to me, focus only on me. Forget about him, he's nothing. He is not worth throwing our lives away for." She buried her face into my chest as she continued to talk me down, her arms wrapped so tightly around my body and even with all my inhuman strength, it would be difficult to pry her from me.

I knew she was right. And, she knew she was right. Her promise of a future together washed over me like a warm caress and I knew if I wanted it, I had to let this go. The rage, the anger, the disgust I felt toward the human that hid frightened out of his mind in the backroom. From where I stood, I could hear his breath panting out, his heart racing in fear as he waited to hear us leave. His fear was a palpable thing that hung in the air around me. I soaked it in, feeling an immense measure of gratification from knowing how utterly scared to death he was. But, it wasn't enough. I looked down at Bella. "I can't just walk away from this Bella. I can't turn my back and let scum like him hurt someone I love, I just can't do it and you have to understand that. Would you not want vengeance against someone that had harmed me this way? Please, understand, I can't let him get away with this."

Understanding of what I was saying washed over her and I knew she recognized my feelings as I had no doubt, nor did she, that she would feel exactly the same way. However, she was still worried that any action I took toward Steven, would cause further suffering for us. "Let's just go, please." She started to pull away from me and attempted to lead me toward the door again, but I just couldn't leave without making it clear to Steven that his actions had severe consequences. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I leaned forward so Bella and I were eye level. "Bella, I want you to step outside. I am just going to go into the back and speak with him. I promise, I won't kill him." Her eyes widened as she attempted to gauge my mood.

I could sense her hesitation as she started to chew on her upper lip. She looked over my shoulder to the back room and then nodded slightly. "I don't want to leave without you. Can I wait here?" She asked. I knew she wanted to stay for two reasons, because she really didn't want to go outside alone, but also because she wanted to stay to keep me calm.

"I will just be a moment and I promise, I will not kill him." I placed a kiss on her forehead and turned toward the back of the store. I said I wouldn't kill him, I didn't say I wouldn't touch him, I thought as I pushed open the doors to the store room. The moment I passed through the doorway and felt the doors close behind me, I started moving toward him, as humanly slow as I could possibly force myself to move. He had his head in his hands and he looked up at me as soon as he heard the doors shut. He stood up immediately, his eyes bugging out of his head. A look I had seen so many, many times in my life. In the past, I would charm my victims, soothe their anxiety before I sank my teeth into their neck. However, this time, I wanted him to be afraid, to be very afraid. I wanted him to remember this moment and how close he came to losing his seemingly precious life.

"I didn't mean to hurt her. I just wanted to show her that I loved her." He started backing away from me as I continued to stalk toward him. When he was an arm's length away from me, I reached out and slowly placed my hands around his throat and pushed him up against the wall. His weak human hands grasped my wrists with what I was sure was all the strength he could muster. He started to tremble and the fear that ran through his body gave me the most immense feelings of satisfaction.

His lip had stopped bleeding, but the smell of his blood was everywhere so I took in only enough air to speak. I leaned as close to his face as I could possibly get. "You will never set eyes on her again. You will quit this job, you will stay away from her, you will not talk to her, think about her or so much as even dream about her or I _will_ come for you. And next time, I won't be calm and we won't be chatting. Do you understand me?"

He nodded his head frantically up and down. I released his neck, yanked my arms free of his grip and watched him drop to the ground. He gasped for air and opened his mouth to speak, but I raised my hand to stop him.

"Not a word from you. I don't want to hear a single word from you. You are lucky that she doesn't want you harmed as I am normally not so forgiving." I crouched down to his level and made sure he was looking at me. "Mark my words. I do not take lightly what has transpired here today. You remember this moment clearly as this is the moment that your life was spared. Should our paths cross again, I will not be so forgiving."

I walked out of the storeroom to find Bella pacing in the front of the store, as soon as she felt my presence, she looked up and ran at me, throwing herself into my arms and kissing me as hard as she could.

"Bella, love, as much as I want to keep kissing you." I said as she continued to drop kisses all over my face. "I really think it best that we limit our contact until we get you cleaned up." As much as I was in control of the thirst, it was really pushing matters to have her kissing me with blood remaining on her face and clothing. Blood I could taste on my lips, in my mouth. Blood I found myself wanting desperately to lick off her skin.

"Oh my god! I am so sorry!" She jumped back from me and placed her hands over her mouth.

"No need to apologize, let's just get you out of here." I had to clench my teeth together to keep from licking my own lips in order to catch every trace of her delicious blood. I took her hand in mine and we started toward the door, stopping only so she could grab her bag that remained on the floor by the front entrance. We quickly walked down the street where I had parked and I gently placed her into the car. Pulling out onto the street, I floored the car and drove away as fast as possible in order to put as much distance between Bella and the horrendous events that had just taken place. I tried to focus on the road as I watched Bella rummage through her bag until she came out with hand wipes and proceeded to clean herself off. She removed her sweater and tucked it deep into her bag, leaving her wearing nothing more than a tight tank top causing another one of my thirsts to rear its head. She looked so amazing, I wanted to pull over on the side of the road and show her just how good she looked. The irrational need to mark her as mine took over as I thought about _him_ having his hands on her, his disgusting mouth on hers. However, I knew now was not the most appropriate time for that particular exercise and I shifted my eyes back to the road attempting to ignore the fact that my pants had all of a sudden become extremely tight.

Bella remained quiet as she continued to do the best she could to remove the remnants of blood on her hands and face, but her curiosity regarding what had taken place between Steven and I was palpable.

"I didn't kill him Bella. I promised I wouldn't." I said, hoping to ease her mind.

"I know. I knew you wouldn't as soon as you promised it. I was just wondering what you said to him." She turned slightly toward me and leaned against the door as she waited for my response.

"I just told him that if he knew what was good for him, he'd disappear from your life or I'd make him disappear. Period." I glanced over at her waiting for her reaction, hoping she wouldn't be mad at me for threatening him.

"Good, I'm glad. I hope you scared him." She stared out the front window and crossed her hands in front of her. Then, a little giggle escaped her. "It's ironic you know… Needy told me to stay away from _you_. He said you were dangerous." She giggled again, but I noticed her skin had broken out in goose bumps all over. "He really had no idea, did he?" She absently rubbed her arms. I wasn't sure if it was because she was cold or because the ordeal was over. I reached over and turned on the heat just in case she was getting chilly in her tiny shirt. She smiled her appreciation at me. I exhaled a breath that I had been holding for some time and immediately relaxed. The worst was over and she would recover.

As soon as we neared a stretch of woods I pulled over. I knew I needed to hunt before I went any further as the days events had been pretty taxing and I didn't want to risk making the long drive home without stopping. It was taking every bit of will power that I had to fight against the urges that had arisen since I first saw and smelled her blood. While Bella had completely calmed me into not killing Steven at the store, there was still the urge that rose due to the luscious scent of her blood that still lingered in the car. The urge to have her in my arms, to be inside her, claiming her as mine as I savoured that very scent that was so strong, so overpowering. I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles were white, fighting back the needs that were reawakening the cause of those additional urges, the need to go back and kill Steven. "I need to get out for a bit Bella. You will be safe here, I won't be far."

While I knew she didn't want me to go, she understood how important it was that I do. I got out of the car and locked the door behind me. I ran into the forest and tracked the first animal that I sensed. I made quick work of it and disposed of the carcass. It did little to satiate the hungers that had arisen and it wasn't the hunger for Bella's blood. Being away from Bella's calming influence, the overwhelming urge to go back to find Steven consumed me yet again. Never before had I ever wanted to kill a human being for the mere sake of bringing death itself. I didn't want his blood, I'd never allow his filthy essence to touch my mouth. I had wanted to rip him limb from limb for what he did to Bella and I would do the same to any man that even thought of doing something like that to her.

Bella was so brave and so strong. I never once felt an overwhelming sense of fear from her, which probably would have been the most rational reaction to a situation like that. However, if Bella could take James on face-to-face and not back down, Steven didn't stand a chance. I still had to get the entire story out of Bella to know exactly what he did. I only thank god that I returned, that I wasn't gone long enough for anything more serious to happen. My mind started to race thinking of all the scenarios that might have taken place should he have been able to gain control over her. I dropped to my knees in the damp grass of the forest and put my head in my hands, shuddering from the thought of her being taken advantage of. A terrible weight crushed me as I thought of her getting hurt in any way. What would I have done if he had seriously harmed her? I threw my head back and let out a tremendous roar, the forest immediately dropping to complete silence. _I know exactly what I would do._ There was no doubt in my mind. _I love Bella. I love her beyond all reason and could never exist without her._

Slowly, I got to my feet, took a deep breath and headed back to the car. The moment I laid eyes on Bella waiting patiently for me in the car, the calmness swept over me again and I felt the weight lift. It was amazing how just the sight of her relaxed me, how she was able with the slightest of touch, the fewest of words, to bring me down to reality, to allow me to see through my thirst, my rage and handle things clearly and rationally. No one had ever been able to reach me when my thirst had taken over. Alice had tried for decades and never succeeded. Bella had broken through the barrier in just a matter of a few weeks, slammed herself into my heart , forcing all the loneliness and anger out and I was never going to let her go.

We drove the rest of the way home in silence. I held her hand and rubbed circles on her palm, enjoying the small waves of comfort and calm that were floating around the car. We pulled up to the house and I carried her into the bathroom, immediately preparing a bubble bath for her. I slowly removed her clothing, which I noticed were dirty, as if she were on the floor at some point. Picking her up, I lowered her into the bath, gently pushing her hair back off her face and placing a kiss on her forehead. I picked up her clothes, brought them to the kitchen and placed them into a plastic bag. Her bag was sitting in the foyer. I pulled out the sweater that she had removed in the car and placed it in the plastic bag, which I then closed tightly and placed outside the house. I never wanted to see those clothes again. When I went back into the bathroom, I noticed that Bella had already scrubbed her face clean of any remaining blood. She had an angry mark across one of her cheeks and a small cut in her eyebrow. Nothing that required medical attention, but it angered me nonetheless that she would carry a reminder of what he did to her for the next couple of days.

Sitting down beside the tub, I rubbed my hand along her arm. She tentatively smiled at me. "I'm sorry." She whispered as she dropped her eyes.

"You're sorry. Whatever for?" I was astonished that she felt she had anything that she needed to apologize for.

"It just seems that I cause trouble for anyone that decides to let me into their lives." She mumbled as she played with her hands.

"That's not true. Besides, I would never, for one instant, want it any other way. You are my life now Bella. I wish I could erase what happened from your mind so you would never have to think about it again." I pulled her as close to me as I could while the edge of the bath separated us. She looked at me and smiled.

"I wouldn't want it any other way either and I definitely don't want this erased from my mind. You showed me yet again today how strong you are, how controlled you have become over your thirst. I have never been more proud of you or more in love with you than I am at this very moment Jasper." She pulled me toward her for a kiss, which deepened the moment we made contact. I needed to feel close to her, to be with her in every way I could. Lifting her out of the bath, I pulled a towel from the rack and wrapped it around her, barely breaking contact. I swept her up in my arms and headed toward the bedroom where I was determined to show Bella just how much I needed her in my life, just how much I wanted her and how very deeply I loved her.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

The morning sun poured into the bedroom much too early. I didn't want to move, every inch of my body ached. Some good aches, some bad aches. I was pleased to see that this time, Jasper was still there when I opened my eyes, still holding me against his cool body. Smiling, I snuggled even closer to him, sighing contently as I stared out the window at the lake. It was so peaceful here. I could forget about everything and just pretend that nothing else existed. This weekend had provided me with some of the most amazing moments and then some of the worst. I dreaded having to go back to real life, to deal with work, to have the long put off conversation with Jacob.

"What has you so pensive this morning, my love?" Jasper asked as he slowly ran his fingers through the length of my hair, working out the tangles.

"I was just wishing that I could stay here forever, never have to see another living person."

"Forever could easily be arranged." Jasper said, very seriously.

I looked up at him as he stared down at me, his face reflecting just how serious his statement was but I wasn't sure how to take his comment, was he saying what I thought he was saying? I decided to ignore it and turned back toward the window again. Thoughts of Jacob immediately started again and how I was going to mend that relationship. I would have to bite the bullet and call him today. I couldn't put it off any longer. He was too important to me to let him fester in his anger any longer.

"You certainly are a bundle of emotions this morning." He chuckled.

"I know, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about Jacob. I wish I knew how to make our being together okay for him. He'll never accept it, but I don't want him to be mad at me or not want to be my friend. I don't know what I would do without him."

"He'll get past this Bella. He is just angry at the moment. I have to admit, if I were in his shoes, I'd feel exactly the same way. He loves you, he won't completely shut you out of his life." Jasper said the words as if he had no doubt that they were true.

"Thank you." I turned in his arms so I was looking up at him.

"For what?"

"For knowing just what I needed to hear and for letting me work through my own issues and emotions. You could just as easily manipulated my emotions for me, but you took the time to change my mood by talking about it. I know it can't be easy for you either, the fact that I am so close to him and that I love him."

"The only thing that bothers me is that he is a young werewolf and, therefore, not in full control of himself. Have you ever seen what happens when a wolf loses control? Not even their loved ones are safe." He stressed the last sentence as if he were trying to ingrain it into my head. I thought of Sam and Emily and her horrendous scars. Yes, I knew _exactly _what happened when a wolf lost control. Emily bore the evidence, which was a reminder to Sam every day of how he almost killed her.

I felt Jasper stiffen slightly as he read my emotions. "Oh, I see." He murmured, nodding slightly as he acknowledged my feelings and without words, understanding that I was, in fact, very well aware of the danger that Jacob could put me in and the consequences of that danger. However, in true Jasper form, he did not press the issue any further or try to change my mind. Instead he took solace in the fact that I trusted Jacob and I would not turn my back on him because of what he was any sooner than I would turn my back on him. I looked at the clock and realized that I had better get my butt in gear if I wanted to make it to class on time.

"I guess I should get up and get showered. We have class this morning and since it is a bright and sunny day, looks like I will be going alone." I pouted as I started to get out of bed when Jasper pulled me back into him.

"What do you mean? You are not going to class today. You just went through hell. Just because I dealt with Steven yesterday doesn't mean he still isn't a threat. What if you run into him? No, don't go in today. Please, wait until I can be with you." He was holding on to me so tightly that I was having trouble breathing. _Wow, he really doesn't want me to go._

"Jasper, please, I can't hide out here forever. Do you seriously think that after you threatened him yesterday, he is ever going to come near me again? I seriously doubt it. Besides, I need to get some things from my apartment, one of us should go to class and get the notes so we don't both fail. I promise, I will go to class, go straight to my apartment and then come right back here. I won't go anywhere near the store, he doesn't know my class schedule so I won't see him there and you need to stay here and hunt. So, I am going to be just fine going on my own." As I said the words, I wondered how I was going to get back to school if Jasper wasn't going.

"Why don't I drive you in and then hunt nearby? That way I won't be far away."

"Jasper, please, let me do this. As much as I'd like it, you can't be with me every single moment of every single day. He can't hurt me, he won't hurt me, you took care of that. Let me at least do this on my own."

He agreed reluctantly which again surprised me. I was so ready for an argument. I was really beginning to enjoy being with someone that didn't argue with everything that I said. Jasper truly took my opinions and feelings very seriously. "You can take my vehicle, but if you so much as see him within 300 yards of you, I want you to scream, run, do whatever you have to do to keep him away from you. And I want hourly calls from you to let me know that you are okay."

"300 yards, really? Do you think that is far enough? I am not even sure I'll be able to see if it is actually him at that distance." I teased him.

"Not funny, Bella. If he is in the same state as you, that is too close for my liking. We just found one another, I don't want to risk losing you for anything." He said very seriously and then he paused. "What are you going to do about your job?" He asked. I knew what he wanted and I loved him for not wording it as a demand.

"I am not sure. I mean, it shouldn't really be a problem if he isn't going to be there. I obviously wouldn't work there if he was, it would be too weird. But, I don't feel right leaving the owner in a bind by quitting, especially if Needy took your threats seriously and has already quit himself. Besides, I need to work to cover my expenses." I shrugged my shoulders as I really didn't know what I was going to do. I actually liked this particular job and I wanted to keep working so that I had money of my own. I dreaded having to dip further into my insurance money.

"You don't need to work Bella. I have more than enough..." He stopped his sentence as he caught the glare I was shooting at him. "What I meant to say was, we could consolidate things, share expenses so you wouldn't have to worry about things so much."

"Consolidate things? What exactly does that mean?" I looked at him through narrowed eyes.

"You could move in with me. You wouldn't have to work, there is no rent to pay or mortgage, I own the place outright. You can buy your food and clothes, I won't interfere with that."

"Don't you think we are rushing things, just a little bit?" I asked, wanting to be with him every second, but taking the actual leap into a move was a huge step.

"No." I waited for him to say more, to further explain or try to talk me into the matter, but Jasper was a man of few words. He just looked at me with his calm, relaxed face as if that were the end of the matter and nothing further needed to be said to convince me.

"It's Monday, Jasper. We've only declared our feelings for each other on Friday. I think that pretty much classifies as a rush."

"Are you going to spend the evening here tonight?" He asked calmly.

"Yes."

"What about tomorrow?"

"Um, yes?" I answered albeit in the form of a question.

"And the day after that?" He continued.

"Okay, I see your point. I'll probably be here every night, if you'll have me." I had a feeling that he was going to win this little debate.

"So why keep your apartment if you are going to be here all the time? That's just a waste of money and I know how you hate to do that." He teased with the last words.

I hesitated slightly and then looked down at my hands, but knew he was right. I would be throwing money away by keeping the apartment if I was just going to end up here every night and Jasper wouldn't be comfortable at my place all the time, it was so small and he couldn't go out if it were sunny. However, the first thing that had come to my mind when I thought about actually letting the apartment go was, what if he leaves me like Edward did? Then I have nowhere to go. At least if I keep my apartment, I haven't given anything up.

Jasper pulled me back toward him and positioned me so I was facing him. He put his hands on my waist and manoeuvred me up on his lap. He very calmly put his hands on either side of my face and looked me deep in the eyes and I could see that I had hurt him with my feelings. I felt ashamed that I immediately thought of the pain Edward had caused me. It wasn't fair to think Jasper would do the same when he had never given me any indication that he would ever do such a thing, but I couldn't help it. "I am not him. I am not going to leave you. Do not compare me to him. Don't doubt my feelings for you."

"I'm not comparing you to him. I would never do that." I said defensively since he misread my apprehension. "I am just worried about rushing into things. I dove headfirst last time and look where it got me. I am trying to learn from my mistakes. I couldn't live through something like that again. What if you decide I am not enough for you? That it is too hard to be with me all the time because of your thirst? What are going to do if it gets too hard and my scent covers every inch of this place? I don't want to do that to you." He lowered his head, but I saw the look in his eyes… it was utterly heartbreaking and I felt awful for bringing it up. Still, what I was feeling from him changed from sadness to overwhelming happiness in just a few seconds. When he looked up, his golden eyes were almost on fire.

"Bella, for as long as I can remember, I have been searching, searching for something that has been missing within me, something that I needed to complete me. I never knew what it was. When I was with Maria and fighting in the war, I was unhappy and empty inside, I knew I wasn't where I was supposed to be. When Alice found me and showed me a new way to live, yes, I was happy but still, I felt like there was more, something else that was out there that I needed to find that would finally complete me, seal the hole that I felt inside, allow me to finally be who I was supposed to be. It has been over a century that I've felt restless, unable to calm myself and be at peace. Then you came into my life. When we first met, I didn't open myself up to you. I wasn't ready, we weren't ready, it wasn't our time." He opened his mouth to continue, but I interrupted.

"Our time?"

"Yes, our time. I truly believe that we were meant to be together, we just weren't ready for it back then. I think we needed to go through what we did with Alice and with Edward in order for us to realize that we needed one another for completion, any other love we experienced wasn't enough. For the first time in my existence, I don't feel the beast of my thirst, I don't feel on the verge of constantly losing control, I don't feel like that monster I used to be, I feel calm, complete, whole. You have done that for me Bella. You have placed your heart in that empty spot in my soul and you have finally completed me. Your heart beats for both of us now. I love you so deeply. I already know that should something ever happen to you, I would be lost. Yesterday only confirmed that for me." He reached forward and gently kissed me.

I was speechless. My eyes burning from the tears that had now spilled over the edge and were streaming down my face. How could I be so lucky to deserve this perfect man sitting before me? After everything that I had been through, could I allow myself to feel true happiness?

"Jasper, I love you too, so much so that it scares me because it is so fast and so powerful. But it's not just you and me in this situation. I have to take into account Jacob, he is my family."

"But Bella, don't you see, it IS just you and I now, forget about everyone else. It will all fall into place, I promise. Jacob has Raven, he is going to start a family with her, he will be there for you, I know it. He won't give up on you. But you need to think of yourself, quit sacrificing your happiness in order to please everyone else. Just focus on us, here, now." He slowly lowered me back onto the bed, kissing my neck, delicately running his tongue along my jugular down to my shoulder, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. It was as if he were showing me his control, that he could resist such a delectable spot of my body and I never once felt afraid, it was extremely erotic.

My hands came around his back, feeling each muscle move as he shifted himself over me. He continued to kiss his way further down to meet his hands which were now skimming along the sides of my breasts. Each kiss, nibble and tweak sent my hormones into the atmosphere. We had just spent half the night making love, but my body was ready and eager for more. I couldn't get enough of him. He had loved every inch of me slowly and delicately and I wanted to return the favour. I pushed him back, ignoring the look on his face as I was sure he thought I was stopping him. Getting up on my knees, I placed my hands on his chest and pressed my weight against him until his back hit the mattress.

"It's my turn to do the pleasuring." I said as I began to kiss his jaw line following the same path that he had taken on me, running my tongue along his neck in the exact spot as he gasped.

"Is that okay?" I asked, worried he didn't like it. He was biting his lip as he looked at me through lowered eyes and he nodded. "Can I do it again?" I wondered, not sure if I should proceed.

"Please, yes."

I lowered my head and repeated the movement but this time, I lightly grazed his skin with my teeth, which sent his hips bucking and his erection pressing firmly against me.

"Oh god, Bella, I can't tell you how amazing that feels."

I continued my way along his collarbone, gently nipping and sucking as I travelled lower until I hit his very erect nipples. God, he tasted so sweet. I took one in my mouth and rolled my tongue around it. Jasper's knees came up as a reaction to my taking one of his nipples lightly between my teeth and pulling on it, which caused me to move forward slightly so I was now sitting completely on top of his very aroused member. I began to move myself back and forth over him, not allowing him to enter, but rubbing up and down his length. I continued to kiss and lick along his muscular chest as I rocked even harder down on him. I could feel my slickness, I was burning up and melting all at the same time and this slow grinding motion felt just as good to me as it did to him. I looked up at him and his head was back on his shoulders, his eyes closed and he moaned slightly. He was so sexy like this, I wanted to devour every inch of him. Inching lower, he moaned at the absence when I lifted myself off him. I flicked my tongue along his hipbones, nipping them gently while I cupped him in my hand, massaging him until he began to purr loudly.

"Bella, you have no idea what you are doing to me."

"Hmmm… I think I have some idea." I answered as my hands found their way to his throbbing erection, working it up and down. I gently kissed the tip, which caused him to bolt upright.

"No!" He gasped as he scrambled up the bed. "You can't do that. I don't know what the venom will do to you. It's not the same as the venom you taste when we kiss."

I slowly crawled up the bed, hoping that it looked seductive, so that he was once again within my reach. "What if I just do this?" I kept my eyes locked with his as I ran my tongue up the side and back down again. "Is that okay?"

His hands had clenched the sheets, he couldn't form the words. I took it from his body language and expression that it was, in fact, very okay. I continued to nip, lick, suck and flick my tongue along the entire surface of his penis until he couldn't take it any longer. As I lightly began to graze him with my teeth, he moved so fast that before I could blink, he had me flipped on my back and he was sliding inside me. I gasped at the amazing feeling, it was like nothing I had ever imagined. Each time we made love seemed to be better than the last. His desire for me washed over me, wrapping around me like another pair of arms, holding me tightly, promising never to let me go. The friction of his coldness moving inside my hot center quickly brought us to an earth shattering climax together.

We laid together panting for air, me out of necessity, Jasper as a result of having opened himself up to receive my feelings as well as project his. He slowly ran his hands down my body before he slipped out of me, my body immediately missing the presence of his, and rolled off to his side. I watched as he quickly removed the condom before turning back to me. I shook my head, _vampire speed_, I didn't even notice he put one on.

After a few more peaceful moments, I reluctantly tore myself away from him and headed to the shower. While I would have loved to lie in bed with him all day, well, perhaps do more than lie in bed, I had a number of things I needed to attend to today. I needed to figure out what to do about work, call Jacob when I was on my own and retrieve a number of items from my apartment.

Jasper made me a snack to eat to take with me while I drove. We walked hand and hand out to the garage in silence. I knew he didn't want me to go, he'd prefer if I waited until nightfall so he could come with me, but I really wanted some time to myself to think about things. I knew I loved Jasper and had no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be with him and take the next step, but no matter how reassuring Jasper was about Jacob, I needed to fix things with him before that relationship became permanently damaged.

Jasper opened the garage door and handed me the keys. I looked nervously at the Porsche and started to think that perhaps this wasn't a good idea. That was a pretty powerful car and I would hate to be the one responsible for anything happening to it. Jasper looked at me and smiled, placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me slightly to the right. A huge smile immediately crossed my face as I found myself looking at a brand new truck.

"I can't drive the car in the snow as it would never make it up the drive to the house. So, this is my winter vehicle, which I thought you would be more comfortable driving." He wrapped his arms around me and dropped a kiss on the top of my head.

"You thought correctly. I love it!" I jumped up into his arms and kissed him hard on the lips. He started to respond by pulling me closer, one hand sneaking its way into my hair while the other snaked around to my lower back pressing me into him, but I pulled back. "Oh no, if we start that up again, I won't be making it to class. Save that thought and those actions for later."

I jumped in the truck and pulled out of the garage passing Jasper as he stood at the door watching me leave. I slowly started to make my way down the drive when I looked in the rear view mirror to see a look of anguish on his face. Slamming on the breaks, I snapped off the seatbelt and opened the door. Before my feet hit the ground, Jasper had me in his arms and we melted into one another, passionately kissing, hands grasping at each other like there was no tomorrow.

"I'll be back before you know it. You won't even miss me." I whispered between kisses.

"I'm already missing you. I really don't like you going by yourself, I have an uneasy feeling." He said as he pulled me tighter into his chest.

"I'll be just fine. You are just feeling residual worries from yesterday. I'll just be gone for a few hours and we can pick this up the moment I'm back." I gave him one last long searing kiss before we let go of each other and I got back in the truck. I put the truck in drive and started on my way again, looking back to see him still standing there, rubbing his chest as if he were feeling some sort of pain. My heart wrenched at the expression on his face, but forced myself to keep driving. I was only going to class, nothing to worry about. He was just being overprotective because of what happened yesterday.

Amazingly with all the distractions and delays in getting out of Jasper's, I still made it back to town with time to spare before I had to get to class, so I decided to use the extra time to stop at my apartment first as opposed to doing it after. I had a list of things in my mind that I wanted to pick up. Parking in front of the building, I made my way up the stairs and was immediately hit with a sense of loneliness. Jasper was right, I didn't want to be here by myself, not when I knew that he was waiting for me back at his place. I wasn't even in my apartment and I couldn't wait to get out of here. I put my key in the lock and slowly opened the door as I bent over to pick up the weekend flyers and junk mail that had accumulated in my absence. I absently flipped through the papers as I slid into the apartment, turning back toward the door to slide the deadbolt when I felt a sense of uneasiness creep over my skin. The hair on the back of my neck stood at attention as I suddenly recognized the feeling washing over me.

_I am not alone_.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

I slowly started to turn around when I was forcefully pushed up against the door. My cheek slammed against the surface as I felt the coldness of the hand pressed against my head seep through my hair, chilling me to the bone.

"Well, well, well, I've waited a very long time for this reunion, Bella." A female voice whispered into my ear. _No, no, no, it couldn't be._ I closed my eyes and felt myself being turned around by the icy hand which had removed itself from the back of my head. Slowly, I opened them to find myself face to face with my ultimate nightmare.

_Victoria._

And she wasn't alone.

Two very menacing looking vampires stood directly behind her, their blood red eyes watching my every movement. One male was very big, like Jacob big, with an olive complexion, which I immediately found odd since he was also very pale. His hair was cropped short to his skull and there was an air of malevolence that surrounded him. I didn't need to have any special talents to be able to ascertain that he was one bad mother and I did not want to be crossing him. The second male also had the olive skin tone, but his hair fell in dark waves to his shoulders. He was just as evil looking as the other and I shivered as they continued to stare at me.

Reluctantly, I looked back at Victoria as she grinned like a Cheshire cat. Her hair was just as wild and unruly as I remembered it, her eyes just as red and her face just as fierce.

"You have no idea how very much I have missed this pretty little face." She drawled as she ran her finger along the side of my face, making my skin immediately crawl. "Bella, Bella, whatever have you been up to?" She asked as she took in my bruised face and the cut that remained from my Needy encounter. "I'm a little disappointed to find that my goods have been damaged." She drawled as she actually touched her nose to the cut in my eyebrow and inhaled deeply. "Well, well, well. It seems our little Bella is somewhat of a vampire groupie." She laughed as she inhaled deeply once again. "That scent definitely doesn't belong to Edward. I would certainly know, his is one that is ingrained in my senses, but it does seem vaguely familiar." She inhaled again. "Ah yes, the blond brother. What, did Eddie boy get tired of you and pass you along. Keeping the pet in the family?" She purred and before I could stop myself, I spit in her face, causing her to haul back and slap me, making it feel like my teeth actually rattled. Stars burst before my eyes, which began to immediately water. There was no way I was going to cry, not in front of her, I couldn't allow her that satisfaction.

"What do you want from me? Why are you here now?" I gasped as I held my hand to the cheek she hit. _Why after all this time?_

"It has taken me some time to find you, Bella. You did quite a good job hiding yourself from me. However, we have a debt to settle and it will be paid in full. You owe me for James and I intend to collect. Sure, I've been happy with the down payments, but it is time, Bella and I intend to see James and now, apparently because of you, you sneaky little slut, Laurent, avenged." She spat the words in my face causing me to back up against the door until I had absolutely nowhere to go. Not that I had a chance in hell of getting away, but my natural instinct was to try and put distance between us. She slowly turned around and started to walk away from me when..._wait a second_...

"Down payments? What are you talking about?" I asked confused by her statement, which finally registered.

She stopped short and turned back to me with a menacing grin on her face. "Bella dear, don't play stupid with me."

"No, really, what are you talking about?" I demanded.

"Your parents." She calmly replied.

"What? What about them?" I gasped.

The smile that lit up her face had my heart pounding. It was one of pure delight and pleasure as if her next words were going to be a very early Christmas present for her. "Please tell me you don't still believe that your father died from his gunshot wound. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I thought you were so much smarter than that." She wagged her finger at me and shook her head.

I felt very lightheaded all of a sudden. What was she saying? "I don't understand."

She slowly stalked toward me until her nose almost touched mine, she started to inhale deeply again as she lowered herself until her nose grazed along my neck. I held my breath. She did not have the sweet smell that I was accustomed to vampires having. She smelled like death to me, like something had been left out to rot. I clenched my eyes and bit my lip, hoping that she would make it quick and was surprised when she pulled back so we were again face to face.

"Ah, you smell so much better than he did. He really was a delectable treat. An appetizer to the main course, I guess you could say."

"No, no, please don't say it." The tears started to pour down my cheeks when the realization of what she was implying sank in. My knees felt like jello and if I wasn't already leaning against the door, I would have hit the floor.

"Oh yes, Bella, it's true. While your father did get shot by the robber, I just happened to be there to finish the job. It really was a wonderful meal. Why, my mouth is actually watering just remembering it." She licked her lips disgustingly and the action actually caused my knees to buckle, finally allowing me to slide to the floor.

"I...I don't believe you...that can't be." I sobbed into my hands. She was lying, she had to be lying. I was shaking my head back and forth. "No, no, no. You are lying." I cried.

"Dear, dear little Bella. Why would I lie? He really was scrumptious. And..." She cackled as she was obviously relishing in her delight of being able to retell this story. "He loved hearing how his little princess was cavorting with vampires. Oh, yes Bella, he knew all about you and your beloved Edward and his traitor family. I made sure of it. Of course, at first, he didn't believe me, but he obviously did in the end when he helplessly laid there, feeling the life drain out of his body, directly into mine. Did you know Bella, that when adrenaline courses through the blood stream, it makes the blood so much sweeter? Hm, he really was tasty thinking back on it now." She slowly walked back and forth in front of me as she recollected how she killed my father.

"I was just so upset that I didn't get to bite him. Oh, how I would have loved to hear that wonderful pop that happens when my teeth breaks the skin. And he was a leathery chap wasn't he? Lots of time out in the sun, the skin would have definitely popped for me. Yes, that's my only disappointment, I just used the bullet would. Ah, regrets, regrets." She laughed out loud before she continued.

Sitting in stunned silence on the floor, my mind raced as I tried to comprehend the words I was hearing. I wanted to believe she was making it up, but in my heart, I knew she wasn't. The pain in my chest was so excruciating, I started to hyperventilate.

"Now...how does that children's story go?" She paused in front of me as she tapped her long bony finger on her chin as if she were trying to recall a memory. "Ah yes. Think of me as Goldilocks. Pappa Bear didn't taste quite right. Yes, he was yummy, but not you, not the prize I have been waiting for, the one that I was looking for. So, since I couldn't find you, I moved on to try the next best thing."

I looked up at her confused, what was she talking about? _God, please, please not my mother._

"I moved on to Momma Bear." Her eyebrow arched so high that it was lost in her hairline. Her lips curled into a sneer as she bent down to my eye level. "Now _that_ was a treat. Very, very tasty indeed." She smacked her lips together with an audible pop.

I clasped my hands over my ears, rocking back and forth on my knees, trying to drown out her horrendous words as my body racked with deep sobs. She was cackling, clapping her hands together, loving what she was doing to me. Her comrades were just staring at me, stoically watching the show Victoria seemed intent on putting on for them. "This is just too wonderful for words. You really didn't know? What a treat for me to be the one to finally tell you. This day just gets better and better. Yes, Bella, it is because of you, all because of little ol' you that they are dead."

"But, I'm still not satisfied. I do think that I need to get my hands on baby bear." She ran her finger lightly down the side of my face and then pressed hard against my jugular. She inhaled deeply as the anxiety and adrenaline rushed through my veins at the feel of her cold touch. "Ah, yes. You will have been well worth the wait. Tell me Bella, where oh where have you been?" She sang as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me up so that she had me in a standing position in the blink of an eye.

"You were so well hidden for so long. It was infuriating actually. Of course, James was always the better tracker, but I just couldn't get a trace on you after a while. You disappeared. It was maddening to say the least. Finally, I had to give in, and enlist some help." She waived her hand toward the two men that remained completely still behind her.

"Of course, if only I had waited a few more weeks I would have found you myself since you finally came out of hiding and registered for school. Sloppy, sloppy." She made an annoying tsk'ing sound again as she came so close to me our noses almost touched. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

"I finally have you. You are mine at least. A fine wine that has aged perfectly, ready to be opened and drained of every last drop" She squeezed her eyes even tighter and did a little dance, like a little girl receiving a well deserved ice cream treat.

"You sick fuck. You sick, sick fuck." I cried and without thinking about my actions, my hand clenched into a fist and with every ounce of strength I had in me, I pulled back and punched her directly in the face. She was so enthralled in the pain that she had caused me by her revelations, I caught her off guard. However, it only took her a second to recover and before I could register her movements, she had her hands back on my shoulders and I was pinned against the wall. Her dirty teeth were slick with venom as she licked her lips and growled at me.

As if he were shooing a fly, the male with the skullcap hairdo put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her off me. I dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes. There was nothing left in my body to provide support. My head was swimming, this couldn't be reality, this couldn't be happening, I kept chanting to myself.

"Back off Victoria. You are not to harm her." His voice was deep and accented. Italian perhaps?

"What the hell, Felix?" She shrieked. "We had a deal." She shook his hand off her shoulder and started to approach me again.

"Our deal was to help you find her. Our deal has been completed. Now, Aro would like for us to bring her to him." The other male stepped in front of Victoria as Felix bent over and picked me up in his arms. I couldn't fight him. I couldn't find the strength to lift my head which rolled on my shoulders until it rested again his broad shoulder. Every part of my body was screaming at me to get away from this vampire with his frightening eyes, but I was paralyzed by fear, by guilt, by deep, gut wrenching sorrow, by the so many emotions that were running rampant through my body.

Victoria began to scream and pull at her hair. "She is MINE! No one else's! Why does Aro want her? He can have anyone in the world that he wants!" She ran toward me, but the second vampire stepped in front of her, his lips peeled back from his teeth, a menacing growl emanating from his throat. She looked up at him and snarled back "Demetri, she is _mine_. Why can't I just have her now?"

"We need not answer to you and you would be wise to step back from me." He growled at her.

She clenched her lips together and backed off immediately. "Fine, but I am coming with you." She said between tight lips.

"That is fine." Felix responded without looking at her. "But hear me now, any harm comes to the human before she has her audience before Aro and I will take it out of your hide. And it won't be quick." I shuddered as I saw her back down and nod her head slightly. Whoever these guys were, she was not going to go against them.

Felix made his way over to the door and started out into the hallway. I was able to pull myself together enough to be aware that we were moving and leaving my apartment. I started to frantically push away from the marble cage that held me, I couldn't leave this place. I couldn't go where they were taking me, where ever that was, as I knew that I would not come back. A terrible whimpering sound hit my ears and it took me a few seconds to realize that the sound was coming from me. Was I ever going to see Jasper again? I just found him, I finally felt complete and I was going to lose him. The feelings of panic that came over me at the thought of not seeing him, of not touching him or being with him ever again started to consume me.

"Let me go, please." I desperately begged as I made no progress with trying to get out of the cold grip that currently held me prisoner.

"It will do you no good to fight." Felix looked at me as I continued to thrash in his arms.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked.

"Volterra."

It was like the world stopped rotating and everything began to move in slow motion. I remembered Edward telling me about Carlisle's history and I remembered the name Aro. They were taking me to Italy, to see the ruling head of the vampire class and, without a doubt in my mind, I knew I was being taken to my death.

And then, everything went black.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

I watched reluctantly as Bella pulled out of the drive until she was no longer in sight. If I had a heart, it would be heavy and it would be aching. I rubbed my chest as the phantom pain appeared. I didn't want to see her go and I especially didn't like that she was going on her own. I felt uneasy that she was going to be so far away from me. It was irrational, I knew it, but I still wanted to demand that she wait until I was able to go with her. However, I also knew that she would not appreciate anything if worded as a demand and it would most likely push her away. If I was going to learn anything from her relationship with Edward, it would be that I knew she didn't like being told what to do. She was a strong, independent woman. I had to break down the walls she had built around her heart in the gentlest way possible and demanding that she do something she didn't want to do was definitely not the way to do it.

The first item on my agenda for the morning was to hunt. Then, I wanted to clean up the house, make room for Bella's clothes and personal items that she would hopefully be bringing home with her today. After that, I needed to run out and purchase food for her as my cupboards were obviously bare. I wanted the house to be as welcoming and as comfortable as possible for her. Not that I wanted to make it impossible for her to say no to moving in with me, but I certainly wanted to make the offer extremely enticing.

By the time I had returned from the hunt, cleaned myself and the house up, it was already approaching noon. I hadn't yet heard from Bella, but assumed she'd gone to class and was now probably at her apartment. I decided to try her cell phone only to discover that it was not on and my call went straight to voice mail. Frowning as I heard her voice on the line asking me to leave a message, I thought back to before she left this morning and specifically recalled that she checked her phone and it was definitely on. Perhaps she turned it off when she went into class and forgot to turn it back on. Again, that feeling of uneasiness crept over me.

Another half an hour passed by with no word from Bella. At this point, I was pacing throughout the house, working myself to a near panic. _What if Steven ignored my warning and was waiting for her at her apartment? What if she didn't even make it to class and she had an accident?_ I couldn't take it any longer. I was furious with myself for letting her go alone. I should have ignored her protests and at least went with her and I could have waited for her in the apartment. Cursing out loud, I walked toward the front door, grabbing the keys to the Porsche when my phone finally rang. I breathed an unnecessary sigh of relief and flipped open the phone without even checking the caller ID.

"Bella? You had me worried sick. Why didn't you have your phone on?" I asked without even giving her a chance to say anything, immediately feeling horrible for answering the phone in such a manner and was ready to apologize after I heard her explanation. After yesterday, any little interruption in normalcy was enough to cause my irrational behaviour, so I thought I was justified.

"She's not with you?" A male voice yelled loudly into the phone.

I immediately stopped in my tracks. The voice was definitely not the one I had expected. "Jacob?" I asked. Why the hell was he calling me?

"Please god, tell me you know where Bella is" He was absolutely frantic, I couldn't feel emotions over the telephone, but I certainly didn't need all my Masters degrees to determine what he was feeling.

"No, she left here this morning to go to class." My guard automatically going up at the state Jacob was in.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god." He cried as I heard a female in the background trying to calm him.

"Jacob, what is going on?" He was really starting to concern me with his behaviour.

"I killed her...I might as well have...I might as well have done it with my own fucking hands. I killed her." He was sobbing.

At this point, I was reaching the edge of hysteria myself, but rational thoughts kept coming into my head… _he is not here, he's in La Push, he couldn't have killed her, what the hell is he talking about? _

"Jacob, what is going on? Tell me now." I demanded trying to remain calm and not anger him as I wanted answers, but dammit, I was quickly running out of patience.

"Victoria." He barely got the name out between sobs.

"Come again?" I reached out and held onto the wall for balance, not sure that I heard him correctly. It felt like the entire room started to move on its own. He could not have said what I just heard.

I could hear him taking deep breaths trying to calm himself. "Victoria...Oh god...Victoria was in her apartment as recently as this morning and she was not alone. There were at least two others with her."

Before he even finished the sentence, I was in my car and was speeding down the drive. I was using every bit of control I had to focus on the road and also keep my head clear enough to continue the conversation with Jacob.

"Jacob, I need you to tell me exactly what has happened. How do you know this?"

"Seth, one of the younger wolves in the pack, has been watching Bella since she moved there." He responded.

"Wait, what? Why? Why were you having her watched?" This was probably the most terrifying and most confusing conversation I had ever had. Then it hit me, _that_ was who I sensed outside her apartment all those times, no wonder I felt such rage as he probably hated me as well. The fact that I should have investigated the scent further and determined its origin and then found out why she was being watched on my own, only amplified my terror as something was obviously terribly wrong and Jacob was hiding it. I kicked myself for ignoring the warning flags each time I encountered his scent outside of her apartment.

"Victoria never stopped looking for Bella! She never gave up on her revenge! The pack has been protecting Bella for years!"

_Fuck! I knew it. _I slammed my hand against the steering wheel. "And Bella knew this?" I was furious at the thought that Bella might have lied to me, but not believing it possible that she would.

"No, I've kept it and everything else from her."

Okay, so Bella wasn't lying. Good. Hold up...what did he say? "Everything else? Jacob, you need to give me the full picture of what the hell is going on."

"I was stupid. I made a stupid, stupid, decision and I can't take it back...I was so angry with Bella and her stubborn refusal to give you up that I called Seth off guard watch..." He sobbed and then quickly switched his emotion over to pure anger. "Why couldn't you just stay away from her? Why, why are you bloodsuckers so attracted to her? I told Seth to leave and he did! He listened to me and he did! It's my fault! I did this! I left her exposed!"

"Jacob! I need you to calm down, this isn't making sense. Tell me everything." Never in my life did I wish more than now that I could manipulate emotions over the phone or at least be able to reach through it and throttle someone.

An exasperated sigh came over the phone, which angered me beyond belief. As if telling me the background of his concerns was beneath him or something that didn't concern me. If he were here in person, I would not be able to contain the bubbling rise of fury that threatened to take over my control and I would be lashing out at him in a second. However, it would not do Bella any good if I lost it now and didn't get the story out of Jacob. Every bit of information that he would share with me was important. "Victoria never stopped looking for Bella. Charlie didn't actually die from his gunshot wound, Victoria bled him dry. Once we determined Victoria had killed him, we hid Bella on the reservation. I even enrolled her in school under another name, which she never knew as the principal of the school is a pack elder and fully aware of the situation. Once Victoria couldn't find her, she went after Renee, hoping that would draw her out. That's why we had her guarded when she finally left the reservation. We thought it was safe for her to come out of hiding since Victoria hadn't come around in years. Bella could register under her own name and we would just keep watch. I should not have let my emotions get the better of me. I came to my senses and sent Seth back, but it was too late. Seth caught Victoria's scent and followed it to Bella's. He went in her apartment and there were at least two other scents there as well as Bella's. They've got her Jasper." His last words echoed in my head. _They've got her._ I refused to believe that she was gone. I had to be able to do something, anything. I could not lose her now.

"How long ago?"

"What?"

"How.Long.Ago.Was.Seth.There?" My patience was completely gone. I was in full out anger mode, wanting to get my hands on anything and everything and squeeze the life out of it. I knew my eyes had darkened and venom was beginning to coat my mouth. How could Jacob keep this from her? If I had known about any of this, I could have protected her, could have saved her.

"He is still there now."

"What do you mean, he's still there? Why isn't he tracking them? Why didn't he follow the scent?" _Isn't that what a dog is for?_ I thought to myself, rudely.

"The scent ends at the sidewalk in front of her place. They got into a vehicle and they left. There was nothing he could do."

"Fuck. Tell him to wait for me there." I hung up the phone and pushed my car to its absolute limit. I needed to get there and get there now.

My thoughts went back to the amazing weekend I had with Bella. Even the episode with Steven, while being an absolutely horrible thing for Bella to have to go through, it still played its part in making the weekend special. It reinforced that our feelings for one another were very deep and also showed Bella that I would trust her judgement and she could trust me to maintain my control. I could not, I _would_ not lose her now. I refused to allow myself to think of what was happening to her at this moment. My mind could not go there, not even in the hypothetical. Perhaps she was at her apartment before class and was now in the library. Maybe she decided to do a little shopping before she went home and the scent of hers that Seth smelled was old. I knew these were huge stretches, but perhaps she didn't run into Victoria. Perhaps...anything else but what Jacob was suggesting, _anything else_.

I pulled up to her apartment and my stomach rolled as I saw my truck parked in front. It did not bode well for my hopes that she had already come and gone before Victoria had shown up. I ran into her apartment in broad daylight, moving so fast that I would have just been a cool breeze passing by anyone that might have noticed, but I was past the point of caring. I needed to get to Bella.

I entered her apartment to find Seth pacing back and forth in front of her couch. As soon as I barged through the door, he started to tremble. I immediately responded by crouching into an attack position waiting for him to either calm down or to change.

He was obviously a very smart kid as he slowly put his hands up realizing who I was. "Jasper, I'm Seth." Since he had been watching Bella for weeks, he had obviously seen me before.

I nodded at him, not wanting to waste a moment with idle chit chat. I quickly circled the small room, taking in all the different scents. It was Victoria and two males that had been here. My head started to swim as I didn't know what to do next. Where would they have taken her? _Why_ would they have taken her? Victoria was hell bent on revenge. She wanted Bella's death, why not just do it here and get it over with? Closing my eyes, I shuddered to think that perhaps she was taking Bella somewhere for torture. The thought that there were also two males involved immediately spiked my fury to unbelievable levels. Once I got my hands on whoever they were, they would quickly realize that they had picked the wrong team to play on. No one was taking Bella from me without a fight. I would not give up until I searched every corner of the earth if that is what it was going to take to have her back in my arms. As terrible as the thought was, I was glad that Bella was missing, it at least meant there was a small glimmer of hope that she was still alive. At least I didn't walk into her apartment and find blood, or even worse, a body. There was still hope, I had to believe there was still hope.

I turned back to look at Seth who was wearing an expression of extreme guilt. "I'm sorry. This would have never happened if I didn't leave."

I shook my head at him. "Seth, there were three vampires here. Perhaps even more were outside in the vehicle. Do you really think you would have been able to stop them?" He knew I was right, but he still carried the guilt of not protecting her.

"I could have followed the vehicle if I was still here, I would know where they took her."

I put my hand up to stop him from speaking any further. "There is no point in rehashing what could have or should have happened. It happened and I need to figure out how to get her back." I continued to pace around the small apartment as I frantically tried to think of what to do next as this was a dead end. I had no way of tracking a car, the scent of the passengers locked tightly within. While I continued to think about my next move, a very familiar scent hit my nose that stopped me dead in my tracks just as Seth started to growl. Running toward the door, I threw it open before the hand that was about to knock made contact with the wood.

Reaching out and grabbing the person standing in the hallway, I spoke as clearly as my rattled nerves would allow. "Save my life right here and now and tell me you know where she is."


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

I woke up to find myself lying in a puddle, a warm, clear, but wait… _expensive feeling leather puddle?_ Slowly pulling myself to a sitting position, I realized that the puddle was, in fact, my own saliva, which had pooled beneath my cheek as I lay, unconscious, on a beautiful tan leather seat. _Fantastic_. I looked around seeing that I was actually on a private plane, sitting across from two very large vampires dressed all in black and Victoria was pacing up and down the aisle of the plane. My heart dropped to the floor as reality came crashing down on me. _Crap, I was hoping all that had been a dream._

Slumping back into the chair, I stared at the two men across from me. If one didn't know better, you would swear they were statutes. They were not moving, not blinking, just doing a whole bunch of nothing. Wasting space. Victoria stopped her pacing once she noticed that I was up and decided to come over and sit down next to me. This action woke up Felix and Demetri as they shifted their blood-red eyes to her, watching her every movement as if they were ready to attack her at the slightest notion if she were to do something to antagonize them.

I sighed deeply as I turned to look at Victoria. Her red hair was its usual state of dishevelment, her clothes looked like she slept in the woods. It was hard to tell if she had actually been pretty at one time in her life. Most vampires that I had ever seen were stunningly beautiful. Even the two goons across from me were extremely handsome, if one could overlook the fact that they were most likely going to kill me. However, Victoria just didn't fit the beautiful vampire bill. Perhaps if she smiled, or stopping shifting restlessly or fidgeting, or even cleaned herself up, she might be okay looking. My eyes noticed that Victoria's mouth was moving, but I had blocked her out. I had no interest in what she was saying and, now that I knew Felix and Demetri were under orders to get me safely to Aro and they were ready to take her out at the slightest indication that she was going to attack me, I had developed a sense of security, however false it may have been. So, I turned away from her and let her drone on and on about getting my just desserts, finally receiving what was coming to me, slow and painful death, I'd rue the day….blah, blah, blah.

Finally, I'd had enough. "Victoria, are you about done yet? Perhaps you could find the chase and cut to it? I'm trying to enjoy some peaceful time and at the moment I am finding it extremely difficult with you yakking in my ear." Perhaps I was a glutton for punishment, but if I was going to die today, I might as well go out swinging. I noticed that Felix smirked a little at my comment. Victoria's nostrils flared wide as her eyes narrowed until they were evil little slits.

"Watch that pretty little mouth of yours, Buffy. You never know when these two might be done with you and then it will be my turn to play and trust me, you aren't going to like the games I have thought of." She stood up and moved to the other side of the plane, glaring at Felix and Demetri as she moved. I'd probably pay for that comment later, but at least it got her to move away from me and to be quiet. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard and I'd give my right hand to get her to shut up and move away. However, pissing her off and being rude worked just as well.

"So, are you guys body guards for Aro?" I asked the men across from me.

"You could say that." Felix answered. However, it was more of "You cuda say dat" in his Italian accent.

"Why does Aro want to meet with me?" I whispered.

"I don't know." He responded which sounded like, I dunno know. I giggled in my mind as I made fun of their accent. _No, I wasn't on verge of hysteria, not at all._

Why on earth did Aro want to see me? How did he even know about me? What a crazy life this is. My best friend is a werewolf, I'm in love with a vampire, for the second time in my life and I am now on a luxurious private plane on my way to Italy and, most certainly, a very painful death. It was hard to tell what time it was or how long I had been on the plane, but I knew that by now Jasper would know that I was missing. It broke my heart to think of him waiting for me to return. He'd probably think that I had run into Needy again. _Oh god, I hope that is not what he thinks. He__'__d probably hunt him down. God, and poor Jacob!_ He'd blame himself. I knew he would. Hopefully he wouldn't blame Jasper and start something, but who was I kidding. Jacob would so totally blame this entire thing on Jasper, which, of course, Jasper would more than likely, agree that my being with him put me in danger. _Well haven't I done this dance before?_

I groaned out loud and put my face in my hands, I wished there would be a time in my life when I didn't continually hurt the people around me. Danger magnet did suffice. No, that wasn't strong enough, I was just like a reactor in Chernobyl. Everyone that came within a certain radius of my being was immediately pulled into my toxic sphere, which was bound to infect them and, ultimately, kill them, slowly, painfully and gruesomely.

Victoria's haunting words came rushing back at me. She had killed my father. She had killed Phil and my mother. All of these deaths were on my hands. Their blood was on _my_ hands. How many other innocent people had she killed in her search for me? I might as well have been the person that did the actual killing, each death was directly linked to me and I was at fault. All those innocent people she would have fed off of while she looked for me were deaths that lay at my feet and my feet alone.

I rested my forehead against the window of the plane and closed my eyes. I could feel the tears soaking my face as they quietly ran down my cheeks. I was never going to see Jasper again. I'd never tell him again how much I love him or be able to thank him for making me whole. I shuddered to think about what this was going to do to him. He had finally opened up to someone and had finally conquered his thirst and now, this. I just hoped that he didn't go over the edge in trying to find me. Looking over at Victoria, I thought about how her need for revenge for the deaths of James and Laurent had obviously taken over her life. James was her mate, the same way that I was now Jasper's, and though that specific term had never been spoken between us, I knew that was what we were. Victoria apparently had thought of and had done nothing else but try to find me for the last few years. I didn't want that for Jasper, but I knew that in my heart of hearts, Jasper would not rest until he found me, until he discovered what had happened to me and then once he did... I didn't want to think about it. How could one person cause so many people so much pain? My parents, Jasper, Jacob, Billy, Raven, anyone that ever came to care about me paid the price, a price that was much too high.

The tears continued to flow as I realized I was already thinking of myself in the past tense. There was no future for me. No future for Jasper and I.

Jacob would blame himself for pushing me to move off the reservation and go to school. He'd say that he should have tried harder to keep me from Jasper, he'd do everything except acknowledge the fact that my destiny had been preordained. No matter what I did, or where I hid, Victoria was going to find me, she was going to continue to kill the people I loved until she found me. She had already proved that several times. We had just been prolonging the inevitable as she would never give up, never stop until she had her revenge.

My only hope was that Jasper and Jacob never found out where I had gone. I dreaded the thought that they might find out that I had been taken to Italy and then follow me. I knew from Edward that the Volturi were not to be messed with. They were the royalty of vampires, the ones that kept all other vampires in line, the rulers that all other vampires feared. The freaking vampire mafia. They took out vampires that became reckless or threatened to expose their existence. From what I could remember, the Volturi had been in existence for well over three thousand years. I cringed at the thought that they might discover that werewolves existed in La Push and that the Cullens knew about them. The repercussions of that would most likely be severe. That would be two strikes against the Cullens. First, they let a human live after becoming aware of their existence, which was the number one rule of being a vampire. _Keep.The.Secret_. Secondly, they not only knew about the werewolves, but bartered a treaty with them and existed peacefully side by side with them for years.

While Edward had explained to me that Aro held Carlisle in very high regard, I doubted that those two offenses would be overlooked. The Volturi would come down hard and swift on the Cullens, making them pay for breaking their laws. They would most likely send vampires to La Push to take out the werewolves who were now my family. No matter what happened in the next few hours, I had to do everything I could to protect both the family that once loved me as well as the one that always would. I would not betray either, no matter what happened today, I would not sacrifice those who had done so much to protect me. Though the Cullens left when Edward did, I never doubted Carlisle, Esme, Alice or Emmett's feelings for me. They would have accepted me in their family had Edward really loved me and wanted me to be with him forever, I knew they would have.

Thinking of Edward and our past actually made me feel guilty. I felt like such a fool for what loving him had done to me, done to my life and those that I loved. I had convinced myself all these years that Edward was the love of my life, that I would never feel for another the way that I felt for him. Never had I been more wrong. The feelings that Jasper evoked were so much stronger, so much more complete than what I ever felt for Edward. Being with Edward I was always worried I wasn't good enough, that he didn't love me as much as I did him, which, of course, I now knew was correct, but never once has Jasper made me feel that way. I was so positive that Jasper regarded me as his equal, not a frail human being that needed protecting. He allowed me to deal with things my way. He didn't dominate me or convince me to do things his way. His allowing me to make my own mistakes and to stand beside me while I made them, supporting those decisions, only proved that he truly loved me and everything about me. To Jasper I was a strong, sexy, confident woman who was his equal, a person he didn't want to change or mold into something else.

I sighed out loud and noticed Felix and Demetri looked my way. Not bothering to acknowledge them, I stared out the window, thinking of the last few days and how wonderful they had been. My only regret was I hadn't been able to explain to Jacob how happy Jasper made me and how in love I truly was, so he would understand that this was just not a fling, this was total and utter completion of the piece of me that had been missing for so long.

I had never experienced such happiness and knew that if I only had a few more hours left on this earth, I was going to spend every second thinking about the people that I loved.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

"Wha...What are you doing here?" The look on Alice's face and the emotion that she was feeling was one of absolute surprise. Alice doesn't get taken by surprise often, if ever.

I ignored her question and pulled her into a bone crushing hug. I had never in my life been so happy to see Alice as I was now. For the first time since I received the call from Jacob, I truly felt hope. Alice must have seen something otherwise, why would she be here?

"I didn't see you in here. How is that possible? I saw you arrive and then nothing." She looked up at me with her big golden eyes.

"Alice, please tell me you know where she is." I begged as I shook her slightly by the shoulders, trying to get her to focus on the matter at hand, forgetting that this was my former lover of several decades, my best friend for just as long. Manners were not going to be used at this particular moment, I needed to know everything she had seen and I needed to know it now.

"Yes, I do know, that's why I came. She has been taken by Victoria and two Volturi guards. They are taking her to Aro. They are taking her to Italy."

My knees just about gave out. In my wildest dreams, I would have never come up with that scenario. That one would have been on my list of places she would be right after her having been abducted by aliens.

"What do you mean? Why? Why would they be taking her to Italy? What would Aro want with her? Why are they working with Victoria?" I spit out every question that was racing through my brain, not bothering to wait for a response from Alice. "We need to leave here now and try and catch up with them." I started to pull her toward the door, completely forgetting about Seth who was still in the apartment.

"Um, Jasper, who is your smelly, shaky friend over there?" Alice asked as she pointed at Seth who was still trembling from being in our presence.

"Long story. I'll tell you in the car." I turned toward Seth. "Call Jacob and let him know what has happened and where I am going. Tell him I will call him the moment I have any news to report, but you must stress to him that he cannot be involved with getting her back. I cannot involve you or the pack..."

"The pack??" Alice interrupted.

I put my hand up to silence her and gave her a beseeching look. I'd have to bring her up to speed later. Turning back to Seth, I continued. "As I was saying, I cannot involve you or the pack any further. I do not believe that the Volturi are aware of the existence of werewolves in La Push and I know that they would love to do nothing more than exterminate you if they found out. Bella would never forgive herself if that happened, so you MUST stay behind and you must convince Jacob to do the same. Do you understand?" Seth nodded slightly as he continued to shift back and forth, trying to remain calm. I turned toward the door and pulled Alice with me. Every second spent in that apartment was a second that Bella was being taken further away from me. We ran down the stairs and hit the sidewalk in seconds, we moved with our vampire speed and were in my car before anyone would have detected us.

"We need to get to the airport as fast as possible." I said as I pulled out onto the road. "_Fuck._ It's too sunny for us to be out like this." I rubbed my forehead as I tried to think about what to do. The airport was full of windows. There was no way that Alice and I would be undetected if we went there now. I couldn't imagine letting an entire day get between Bella and I.

"Try and arrange a private plane. I don't care what it costs. We need to leave now." I ordered Alice, grimacing as I realized that I was being extremely rude. She immediately began dialing her phone without mentioning it.

"I'm sorry. I am not quite myself at the moment. I just need to get her back, Alice. I can't...I just don't know..." I took a deep breath to calm myself as my emotions were running amok.

Alice reached over and put her hand on my arm and nodded slightly in understanding as she began to speak to whoever was on the other end of the phone. I looked down at her tiny hand and then up to her face, which was giving me a small encouraging smile. "She is going to be fine, Jasper. We will make it there in time."

I couldn't help myself, but her comments struck a nerve. How could she say that? After everything that had happened, how could she be so sure?

I waited until she was off the phone and then the next thoughts raced out of my mouth without me thinking them through. "Really, Alice? Did you see that? Because you'll forgive me if I don't throw all my eggs in your basket. Have you any idea of what Bella has been through since we left her? Where you aware that she has been hunted by Victoria since the day we killed James? How about the fact that Laurent found her and was _seconds_ away from killing her before she was rescued. Or, how about the fact that Victoria killed her parents? Did you happen to sleep through that vision?"

When I heard her gasp at my words, I immediately felt terrible for laying into Alice like that. I was a shit and I knew it. I turned to look at her directly so I could apologize sincerely and was met with the back of her hand. Her slap definitely stung, but not as much as the look of hurt on her face I caused by my insensitive words.

"Fuck you, Jasper! Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think seeing the two of you together has been a walk in the park for me? No, it hasn't. So, get your head out of your ass and stop worrying about what I didn't see and start worrying about what I did." She looked away from me and crossed her arms over her chest. She was right, I never once considered how her visions might affect her and immediately felt even worse.

"I'm sorry Alice. I didn't mean to be so rude. I'm having a really hard time here and there are just so many unanswered questions and I'm beside myself with worry and…I just can't…it's so hard to think that I might not get her back. Please believe me, I am grateful that you are here."

"I know, Jasper." She reached over and squeezed my arm again, immediately forgiving me for being such an ass. "I really don't know why I didn't see any of those things. In the beginning, I made myself not look for Bella. I didn't want to see her because I missed her so much I was afraid that I would go back on my word to Edward and I would head back to Forks at the slightest indication that she missed me. I purposely blocked anything having to do with Bella from my mind thereby not allowing any visions of her to come to me. I should have looked, I should have and now I have to live with that. Then, as more time passed, I couldn't help myself and I tried to look, but I couldn't find her. It was like she disappeared. Then, when she showed up at Dartmouth, I'd see flashes here and there, but never a full vision. It was most disarming. I thought I was going crazy. Then, whenever she was with you, I had no trouble getting full and complete visions." She hung her head and I was immediately hit with how uncomfortable she became all of a sudden.

"Oh." I said as I realized exactly what she would have seen. _Okay, this was slightly awkward._

"It's okay Jasper, I had seen those visions long before we left Forks." She said as she understood that I just realized that she had seen exactly what Bella and I had been doing.

"What?" I don't think I could have been more shocked at anything else that might have come out of her mouth.

"I've always known that the two of you would end up together." She whispered as she looked out the window.

I was stunned. The shock of those words nearly caused me to drive off the road. "Exactly how long have you known?"

She sat quietly as she thought about my question. I didn't dare rush her. I wanted her to feel free to answer me honestly and completely. Not that I expected Alice to do anything else, but the fact that she knew something of this magnitude and had kept it from me for this long, did plant seeds of doubt in my mind as to exactly what else she had kept from me over the years.

As her uncomfortable silence continued and her emotions became harder to read, I couldn't help but prod her along. "How long Alice?"

She looked up at me with her big pleading eyes and I felt her remorse and stilled myself for her response. "Since the day of the baseball game when we first met James."

Anger shot through me immediately. "Why on earth did you keep this a secret? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just thought it was something that needed to occur naturally. If it was meant to be, it would be." She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

"If is was meant to be, it would _be_?" I spit out rhetorically. "God dammit Alice. All this time has passed, all these horrible things have happened to her and had I known that I was destined to end up with Bella, I might have been able to prevent them. You need to be completely honest with me and tell me exactly when you had your first vision and tell me exactly what is was."

Alice bit her bottom lip, regret flooding the car as she began to explain. "It is not what you think. I didn't realize it was anything more than a close friendship. There was never any indication that Edward and I were no longer in the picture. But…there is one thing I should tell you…about a vision I had…after that night, while we were in Phoenix at the airport and you left to take Bella to the washroom--"

"Is that the reason you started to pull away from me?" I knew Alice was still speaking, but so many little things that didn't make sense to me before, all of a sudden became clear and I stopped listening to what she was saying and rudely cut her off before she could continue her sentence about her other vision.

"Listen, we've been over this several times, Jasper. Yes, it was one of them, but the fact that I saw that you were going to end up with Bella didn't cause our break up, we were headed in that direction all along. It just solidified, for me, that we were right in splitting up. You and I worked for so long to try to get it right, but it was not meant to be. More and more visions of you and Bella together, as more than just friends, kept coming and I tried so many ways to change circumstances so that it wouldn't happen, but no matter what I did, the two of you always ended up together. I'm sorry. I know that I shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't help it. I think I was more afraid of losing my best friend than anything else. Then, I saw how happy she made you, I could see how content and peaceful you looked and I'd never seen you look that way with me." She paused as she looked out the window, waiting before continuing. "Then, I thought that after what happened on her birthday, things might change, but it seemed to have the complete opposite effect. The visions that I started to have of the two of you showed you in a much closer relationship and… uh…well…doing relationship type things."

How horrible it must have been for Alice to have seen these visions, especially when we were still together. No wonder she started to pull away from me.

"Did Edward know? Did you ever tell him about your visions? Is that why he left Bella?" I demanded, hoping that wasn't so. Not that I didn't want Edward to know that we were together. In fact, when I had Bella back it was one of the things that I needed to speak with her about. I wanted all of the Cullens to know about our relationship, I would not feel right if it were any other way. But, it would kill me to think that Edward left because of Alice's visions. That would mean that everything that Bella had gone through would be a direct result of her ending up with me. I could not stand that.

"No, I never told him. At the time, I still hoped that if they stayed together, obviously, then the two of you wouldn't be together. I thought that their love would triumph." She sighed as she slumped back in her seat. "But no matter how close they got, I still saw the two of you together, especially after her birthday, like I said, the one event that I thought would change the visions was the one incident that solidified their existence in reality. There was no doubting how things were going to turn out as that one event is what caused Edward to make his decision to leave her. Up until then, as you know, my visions always changed as the future was uncertain, Edward flopped back and forth between whether or not he should leave her. The moment Edward made his decision, he set in motion the events that have led us here today."

We drove the rest of the way to the airport in silence, but it did not escape my notice that I had interrupted her before she was able to tell me about that one further vision. As I pulled into the private hanger and parked off to the side, I made a mental note to be sure to ask Alice to continue with her vision once we were settled on the plane. We found the pilot that Alice had dealt with on the phone and with the help of some dazzling and a very hefty payment, we were in the air within 30 minutes.

After we boarded the plane, Alice immediately settled into her seat and curled her feet underneath her. Sitting across from her, I could feel she was deep in thought and didn't want to interrupt her in order to continue our earlier conversation. We continued to remain quiet for the majority of the flight as I didn't know what to say to Alice anymore. I felt like a stranger in her presence. I missed the feeling that I had when I was with Bella, that feeling of completeness, that total calm that enveloped me. I felt on edge, not only because of the circumstances, but because I didn't feel in control of my thirst. My mind was racing, automatically assuming the worst was going to happen and that I was going to be too late in saving Bella. I was restless and fidgety. What would I do if I failed? I pretty much knew the answer to that question. I had searched for decades to obtain the peace I had finally found with Bella, I knew that should she for some reason leave my life, I would never find that peace again. There was no going forward without her and I couldn't go back to the way I used to be. I was tired of the constant fight, the never ending battle of warding off the thirst, of always being on guard, the loneliness of not having a companion. I wanted to be the carefree, relaxed, happy person that Bella helped me be and I knew I would only achieve those feelings again once I knew that Bella was safe and sound and back in my arms.

"Jazz?" Alice looked up at me, calling me by the name that she always used for me.

"Yes."Again, I felt so guilty dragging her into this with me without so much as even asking her. She didn't have to help me, but she was here. I thought about what I would do had the tables been turned. Would I be so generous in helping her find her true love if he were in danger? Yes, I would, immediately disgraced at myself for even questioning whether or not I would. I looked down at the woman that I had once loved with all of my being and knew that no matter what, I would always be there for her just as she was here with me.

"I just wanted you to know that I am so sorry I didn't see things sooner. Please know, that I would have done anything to protect her. I love her like a sister and would never want to see anything happen to her. I've been thinking about all the gaps in my visions and I think that I know what the problem is."

"Really?"

"Yes, it seems that I lose sight of things whenever she is with her friends from La Push. And then, I saw you go to her apartment today, but as soon as you entered her building, I lost the vision. It was just fuzzy." Her face was scrunched as if she were irritated at the circumstances.

"And…?" I urged her to continue.

"Well, I think it has to do with the werewolves. It seems that whenever Bella is in their presence, I can't see her which means, obviously, I can't see werewolves."

"You are right! That must be it. Seth was no where near the apartment this morning when Victoria and the two other vampires were there. That's why you saw what happened and why you continued to see what was going to happen."

We sat in silence for a few more moments when I noticed that Alice had her eyes closed and she was concentrating very hard on something.

"What?" I asked, immediately sitting on the edge of my seat knowing that she had seen something.

"They just arrived in Italy and are taking Bella directly to Aro." She whispered.

"Are you able to determine why Aro is so interested in her?"

"Aro is very curious about her. It seems that once Victoria couldn't find Bella, she enlisted the help of the Volturi and made some sort of deal with Aro, but I obviously can't tell what the deal is since that happened in the past. All I can see is that Aro is very excited to meet her. However, from the visions that I have seen, things are not going quite the way that Victoria had planned and she is pretty upset with the fact that Bella is going to Italy. I guess she thought that once Bella was found, she was going to be all hers."

"Well, thank goodness for small favours. For whatever reason Aro wants to see her, it saved her life, so I'm not going to complain." I paused for a moment before I continued. "Did you see us there? Do we get her out?"

"Not yet. I haven't seen anything other than their arrival." She pulled her legs up into her chest and rested her head on her knees. She closed her eyes and began to rock back and forth in what I knew was a soothing motion for her.

As hard as it was to remain silent, I did not want to disturb her while she tried to pull out another vision. I leaned back into my seat and closed my eyes. I thought of the last few days with Bella and how happy I had been and realized that if the next few hours were to be Bella's last, then, without a doubt in my mind, they would also be mine.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Our plane touched down smoothly and I quietly walked down the center aisle in between Felix and Demetri. I figured there was not much I could do other than obey and keep quiet. At this point, I just had to wish for a quick death after Aro was done with his little show and tell.

The drive to Volterra was quick, much quicker than I had wanted. Keeping my eyes on the floor of the car, I thought about how I had always wished that at some point in my life I would get to travel Europe, especially Italy, but I had no urge to see it now. It was now the place of my execution. The beautiful landscapes that were passing by weren't interesting to me, the amazing architecture that had been in existence for centuries that still stood, withstanding the test of time, did nothing to will me to take in my surroundings. It was just a sad reminder of things that I would never get to experience, of places I would never get to see, a future that was being cut short.

My heart ached as I allowed my thoughts to drift once again to Jasper and how I would have loved to travel the world with him. How he would have loved showing me every place that he had been, explaining the history behind every town and quaint little village, every building, every painting. Seeing his eyes light up with every new place he would have taken me to, sharing his experiences with me. Jasper was such a history buff and I knew, though we never had a chance to speak about it, he would have wanted to take me around the world and share the rich history of it with me. Just as I knew, without a doubt, I would have gone with him.

Keeping my eyes firmly locked on my feet, I never once raised my head as we got out of the car. One of the males, which one, I didn't know, took my elbow to lead me into a building, which I never once looked up to see, as if my refusal to acknowledge my surroundings in any way made this situation less real, a little less scary. My feet dragged as he gently pulled me forward for what was sure to be my execution. Though, I was still confused as to why I merited an audience with Aro, one of the leaders of the Volturi, and though it seemed odd, I was just anxious to get this over with. It was funny how the last thing in the world that I wanted at this time in my life was to die, but now that I knew it was inevitable, I just wanted it over and done with.

The more time I had to think about leaving Jasper behind, the harder it was to maintain my sanity. Each passing moment was excruciating. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, I wanted to scratch out Victoria's eyes, kick Felix and Demetri in their bits and pieces and make a run for it, though I was sure that would hurt my foot more than anything, but it would make me happy nonetheless. I wished with everything that I had in me that I had the strength to fight back, but after my experience trying to fight back and escape from James, I knew it was futile. I was a meek, fragile human who was about to be taken into the lair of one of the oldest vampires in existence as if I was a happy meal being brought home as a reward for a good little child. Well, this was no treat of the week for me. I just hoped it was quick.

Thinking back to when I had my run in with James, he was intent on torturing and beating me for a period of time before he finally killed me and he was well on his way until the scent of my blood became too much for him to handle. I was battered and had so many broken bones by the time he finally succumbed to his bloodlust and bit me, I was actually thankful for it to happen. Hopefully, this time it would be over and done with before I even knew what happened. I didn't want to go through that pain again, especially when it wasn't like I was going to recover, no one was going to save me this time, I was going to die. No, it would be better if it were quick and painless. _A girl could dream, right?_

We entered an elevator and Felix hit one of the buttons to close the door. I had no idea what floor we were going to and, frankly, I really didn't care. We left the elevator, walked into a large open room and stopped. I finally lifted my head to take in my surroundings. We were standing in a large and oddly cheerfully and opulently decorated reception area. _Did the vampire royalty actually have offices?_ I noticed a beautiful woman sitting behind the reception desk. She was wearing a headset and was on the telephone, but as soon as we made our way over to her desk, she dismissed whoever was on the other line and stood up to greet us.

"Felix, Demetri. E 'meraviglioso vedere voi! Aro sarà lieto di apprendere che sono tornati!" She smiled genuinely at them and that's when I noticed her eyes, she was human, not a vampire, and she was certainly very comfortable in their presence. Hope she received some sort of hazard pay for this job. I could just imagine how tense things would get around here if one of the vamps forgot to bring their lunch to work. They just might want a little receptionist to tide themselves over. I had to stifle the crazy laughter that threatened to come out of my mouth. _God, I was so losing it._

"Would you please notify him that we are here? By the way, Miss Swan is our guest, please speak English in front of her. We have nothing to hide." Felix asked kindly as he looked down at me, noticing my change in demeanor as I fought to keep back the hysterical giggles.

"Oh! Si, si! Please forgive me, I am very rude." She smiled at me as if she actually cared whether I forgave her or not. "Unfortunately, there was an incident which has required Aro's immediate attention and he will be otherwise engaged this evening. He did mention that if you were to return that you should take Miss. Swan to one of the guestrooms in the tower." She reached into a drawer of her desk and pulled out a very old skeleton key, which she then placed in Felix's hand. I couldn't help but notice her hand lingered in his a little longer than necessary and she looked at him with what I am sure she thought was a come hither look, inexplicably making my stomach roll.

"Thank you, Gianna." He turned barely acknowledging her any further, looked down at me and placed his hand on my lower back as he led me back out toward a hallway. Demetri followed close behind with Victoria bringing up the rear.

"I'll take Bella to her room, take Victoria to the antechamber where I believe she will be quite comfortable." Felix instructed Demetri as he nodded in agreement.

"Wait! I am not leaving Bella's side. She is mine and I will not allow anything or anyone to take her out of my sight." She squealed as Felix continued to lead me in the opposite direction, ignoring the protesting shrieks coming from Victoria.

I looked back over my shoulder at Victoria as Demetri placed his arm on hers and began to drag her away as she continued to scream about how unfair this whole situation was. I looked up at Felix as he nudged me forward and could have sworn that I saw him roll his eyes and mutter something under his breath in his mother tongue, which I am sure was not complimentary.

"Not a big fan of hers, I take it." I said. He looked down at me with a small smirk on his face.

He shrugged his shoulders slightly. "I guess you could say that."

"Yeah, I can't imagine Victoria winning too many popularity contests." I muttered as we made our way to a very old winding stone staircase. Felix's brow creased together and he looked down at me as he helped me navigate the staircase by holding on to my elbow.

"Is there any particular reason that when you decided to take vampire slaying on as your hobby, you decided to leave her alive, but took out her companions? One would think that _she _would be first on your list." He questioned as he raised his eyebrows at me.

"Hobby?" I looked up at him confused. "What are you talking about?"

"It is because of you that two vampires are dead, no? It is unheard of that a human can best a vampire. You are a…how you say in English…a slayer? No?" He asked.

"Ah, no. I am not sure what would ever give you that idea. And, contrary to popular belief, I have never killed a vampire. I did not kill Victoria's mate or her friend. Other than the run in I had with Victoria and her coven, all my experiences with vampires have been more than pleasant, well, except for this one, of course. No offence." I grimaced, oddly worried that I had offended him. _Seriously loosing my grip on reality._

He smirked at me. "None taken." I saw his brow furrow again. He seemed to be thinking about something that he wanted to ask me. His thumb began to trace circles on my elbow and I looked down at his hand questioningly. Looking back up at Felix's face, he seemed to be deep in thought and had most likely not even noticed that he was doing it.

"What?" I asked him as we finally arrived at a very old wooden door. He stopped and looked down at me, at the same time realizing he still had his hand wrapped around my elbow which he immediately dropped.

Clearing his throat as if he were a bit flustered, he hesitated before speaking. "Are you telling me that you had nothing to do with the deaths of two vampires?" He asked.

I paused as I thought about my answer. "Well, I can't honestly say that I had _nothing _to do with their deaths because they both died as a result of trying to kill me, but did I actually kill them? No, I absolutely did not."

He frowned again as he inserted the key and pushed the door open.

"You did not kill them?" He repeated.

"No, do you actually think I could? I mean, seriously, take a good look at me." I exclaimed as I held my hands out to gesture at my small stature. Felix took the opportunity to indeed, look me over, very slowly, from head to toe, causing an immediate blush to heat my cheeks. Feeling slightly uncomfortable under his gaze and then suddenly thinking that I had invited it, I continued my rant to hopefully move his attention elsewhere. "I mean, hellooo, I'm at least a foot shorter than the two of them, regardless of how much time I spend at a gym or how many martial arts classes I take, I would have nowhere near the strength to take them out and oh yeah, what's that other thing, right…I'M HUMAN." I scoffed at him.

"Well, you do make a valid point." He looked me over again, almost appraisingly so, causing yet another blush to ignite on my cheeks. "However, none of that matters. Aro will know the truth within seconds after meeting you."

"How? How will he do that?" My imagination exploded due to my brain quickly creating all kinds of scenarios as to exactly how Aro would extract this information.

"He will use his talent of course." He said off handedly, as if just because I knew a few vampires, I should know them all.

"Which is?" _Does this man have to make this conversation any more like pulling teeth?_

His deep red eyes captured mine as he spoke, "With one touch of your skin he will be able to read through every memory you have ever had."

"Really?" Wow, that was quite the power. "Every single one?" I thought Edward's ability was amazing with his being able to read what was going through your mind at the moment, but to be able to see everything that you have, in your entire life? Well, it was no wonder he was considered one of the most powerful vampires of all.

"You seem… impressed. You have such odd reactions for a human." Felix again looked at me quizzically. "Are you not frightened of me?" He asked and before I could answer he added, "You seem to be handling all of this every well."

"Frightened of you? Um…I guess no?" I stated, more of a question than as a reply.

"Why not? You do not know me. I have forcibly taken you from your home. Why do you not think I mean you harm?" Though he was asking questions that should frighten me, I did not think he meant to. His curiosity seemed genuine and when I really stopped and thought about it for a moment, no, he did not frighten me.

"Well, I guess I just look at it logically. _You _may have physically removed me from my apartment but you did it because you were under orders to. Also, you have threatened Victoria with bodily harm should she touch me so that does win you huge points in my book. Huge." I stopped immediately after I said the last sentence, again embarrassed that my mouth got ahead of my brain.

"Wins me points? I do not understand" He again placed his hand on my lower back and gently pushed me forward as he opened the door to the room. We entered and I got my first glimpse of what my accommodations were going to be. The room was pretty bare, consisting of only a desk and a single bed. Hotel Volturi was seriously lacking in the hospitality department. The walls were curved, which immediately led me to think of the old fairy tales of a princess being stuck up in her tower. I sighed as I thought about my prince and how he would have no idea how to find me, there was no rescue in my future. I turned around to look at Felix who was still waiting for me to respond to his question.

"Felix, don't bother trying to understand my warped brain. I have my ways of dealing with matters when I am under an extreme amount of stress and this whole kidnapping thing certainly qualifies as an extremely stressful situation."

He nodded slightly and turned to leave the room but stopped abruptly to look back at me. His mouth opened as if he were about to say something but he closed it and his forehead crunched into a frown. His large hand reached up to rub his shaved head, his fingers working through the extremely short dark hair, which struck me as odd as it was such a normal human thing to do. Again, he looked at me as if he were about to say something but again, he stopped himself.

I waited patiently for him to ask me what was on his mind since he seemed to be seriously considering something and he looked genuinely confused. I raised my eyebrows as if to wordlessly urge him to speak.

"You are not at all what I expected, or was led to believe to expect." He nodded at me and started to back out of the door.

"Wait!" I ran after him before he could close the door, not wanting him to leave me alone, which again, pretty much confirmed the fact that I was losing my mind. "What is going to happen now? How long will I be here? When am I meeting Aro?" _Can I use the bathroom, get some food, preferably not from the same menu that you eat from? _

"All in due time, my dear." He smiled at me and started to close the door. He stopped midway and pointed to another door in the room. "Water closet is there."

My stomach growled loudly as he was about to close the door on me again. "Are you… hungry?" He asked hesitantly.

I nodded in agreement, not really wanting to accept food from them, but who knew how long I'd be here. "Yes. I am. I'd prefer something without clots or that comes in the colour red if you could manage it."_ Wait, I didn't just say that out loud did I?_

"I'll have Gianna bring you something to eat." His mouth raised slightly as he fought back a smile. "You are turning out to be quite a fascinating human Bella Swan." And with that, he turned and was gone.

I went over to the other door, which he referred to as the water closet, opened it to find the bathroom and was immensely relieved to be able to have my human moment. I sat there for a moment staring at the walls thinking, _"Thank God, it's clean!"_ Then the crazy laughter I had been holding in, finally burst out. What was I expecting? The walls to be splashed with blood? Tears threatened to come and I clenched my eyes down tightly. There was no way I was going to bawl my head off while sitting on the toilet! I got up and washed my face and hands then, went back out to the room. I sat on the bed then, slowly lay down and curled into the fetal position. It was taking everything I had in me to maintain control of my emotions and not just freak out. I had never been more scared in my life.

After some time had passed, I heard a slight knock on the door and then it slowly opened. I didn't bother turning around, but my nose was immediately hit with the mouth watering scent of something warm and delicious. I didn't want to roll over and give whoever had come in the satisfaction of seeing how hungry I was.

"Hi Bella." A female voice said as I heard the door creak open. "I'm Gianna."

Sitting up, I turned to look at her. She was standing in the doorway, smiling tentatively at me. I didn't move off the bed, I just watched her scoot the plate of food onto the desk, stand back and stare at me.

"Please, eat." She gestured at what she had brought.

"How can you be here with them? Don't you know what they are? How they feed?" I asked her.

"I am hoping that they will come to see me as valuable and loyal and then change me as well." She smiled almost shyly as she responded.

"You want to be one of them?" I gasped. "They are… monsters." The last and most descriptive word coming out in a shocked whisper. These vampires were definitely nothing like the vegetarian vampires that I had come to know and love.

"Yes. I want that more than anything. They are not the monsters that you think they are, Bella. You might come to see that in time." She closed the door and left the room.

_I might come to see that in time?_ Did I hear that correctly? What on earth did that mean? How would I come to see that if I was going to die in a few hours, unless…..I took at deep breath as I sat on the edge of the bed. I couldn't imagine what Aro had in store for me. My stomach growled loudly again as I looked over at the food on the desk. As much as I didn't want to eat anything that they prepared for me, I was starving. It had been hours since I had last eaten and I had no idea if or when I would ever eat again. I sat down at the desk and ate the delicious meal in front of me. _Wow, for a place that probably only had blood on the menu, they sure knew how to fix a plate._

I finished my meal, used the washroom again, and did my best at trying to make myself feel fresh. I made my way over the bed and lay down again. I didn't think that I had a chance in hell of falling asleep, but closed my eyes nonetheless. Thoughts of Jasper immediately ran through my head as exhaustion overtook me, as if he were here working his magic on me. Before I knew it, I had drifted off into a restless sleep.

I woke with a start as I heard the door to the room open. Scrambling, I sat up as quickly as I could, ready for whatever was coming my way. Felix and Demetri walked into the room.

"Aro is ready for you now." Felix stated as he motioned me to come toward him.

"Uh… May I use the washroom first?" I asked and he nodded slightly, seeming a bit detached unlike the 'Mr. Curious' vampire he was yesterday.

I entered the washroom and closed the door behind me, trying as hard as I could not to hyperventilate. No matter how hard I tried, I could not make myself use the facilities. My nerves were so raw and I was so tense, I couldn't relax enough even to pee. I stared at myself in the mirror trying to steady my breathing. This was it. My time had come. I was never going to see Jasper again, be held by him or kissed by him or share his bed again. I'd never laugh with Jacob or be teased by him again. _God, I'd never have another Starbucks again._ All of a sudden, that insane laughter tried to bubble up out of me, but I clamped it down. I wasn't going to crack now, not when I'd come this far with my sanity intact.

I washed my hands and went back out to the main room. Felix headed out without a word and I fell in behind him with Demetri following closely behind me. We headed down the winding staircase, which was very old and very hard to navigate. My hand held on to the railing in a death grip but I still managed to trip and stumble causing Demetri to reach out and grab my arms just as I was about to crash into the back of Felix. Demetri abruptly pulled me back with such force that I smashed into his chest, causing my breath to escape my lungs in a loud whoosh. Felix turned quickly to see what had happened just as I got my wits about me and tried to shake Demetri's icy hands off of me.

A low growl erupted from Felix as Demetri slowly removed his hands from my arms. I looked up at Felix who became silent the moment our eyes made contact. I was not sure who looked more confused, me at his growl when Demetri touched me, or, him at his own response. Not wanting to acknowledge Felix's bizarre behavior any further than I already did, I stepped forward to continue my way down the stairs and to also encourage Felix to turn around and do the same. Instead, he stepped up next to me and from the corner of my eye, I saw him give Demetri a nasty glare. Then his lips moved rapidly, an almost silent hiss of air coming from between them in words spoken so quickly I had no chance of deciphering them.

The areas on my arms where Demetri had touched me remained cold and my flesh wanted to leap right off my body. It didn't escape my notice that my skin recoiled when Demetri touched me, but I didn't get that feeling when Felix had held my elbow or touched my back when helping me earlier. Perhaps Felix really was a good vampire and I could somehow sense it? Of course, his touching me did not even remotely compare to the feelings Jasper emoted when he touched me. Jasper's touches set my skin on fire, causing the most intimate parts of me to sizzle upon contact, as if I might actually die if I were to go a long period of time without his skin touching mine in some way. I sighed inside as memories of Jasper and I together flooded my already overwrought brain. Thoughts of nothing between us, no clothes, no sheets, nothing, just skin on skin, his, velvety over hard as steel muscle and bone, and mine, soft and pliable, curving and forming easily around his body. A feeling that had never felt more right, more perfect.

As we continued down the stairs, I stumbled yet again but managed to catch myself before Demetri had to intervene. "Humans." I clearly heard Demetri mumble disgustedly as if he were speaking about a parasite. The closer we got to the bottom of the stairwell, the more scared I became. I was having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

We walked through what seemed to be a maze of hallways, nothing registering in my head other than we were in a very old building. Again, it reminded me more of a castle than anything else, nothing like the tasteful reception area I was in yesterday. We finally came to a large set of engraved solid double doors, which Felix pushed open to reveal a very large cavernous room. I stopped in my tracks as I could not propel my feet any further. Demetri came up behind me and gave me a little push to encourage me to go further which caused me to stumble. Again, Felix turned quickly and growled at Demetri who backed off immediately. Felix gazed down at me, his blood red eyes seemed to look at me with kindness. Either that, or it was just plain pity. He held out his hand as if he wanted me to place mine inside it, then, he smiled encouragingly as he lifted his fingers slightly to wave me forward. I felt my feet dig into the ground and starting shaking my head very quickly. I heard a strange whimpering noise, which I finally realized was coming from me.

"Don't be afraid child, come in." A soft voice from inside the room commanded to me. "Please do not be alarmed. No harm will come to you."


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

Not wanting to make Alice uncomfortable as I continually stared at her for any inclination of another vision, I tore my gaze away from her and focussed on the clouds outside the window of the plane, imagining that we were close enough to the heavens that my pleas for Bella's safety would easily be heard. Allowing my thoughts to wander back to how amazing things had been the past few days, I thought it ironic that I was on a private jet, flying to one of the many places I couldn't wait to show her, yet it was the last place I wanted to go, the last place on earth I wanted her to be. I'd give anything to have Bella anywhere else but in Italy with the Volturi.

After several hours of silence as our plane sped through the skies, Alice slowly raised her head and smiled at me, the sight of which allowed me to relax my clenched hands and tightened shoulders, this must mean good news. "Aro is not there at the moment and they are taking Bella to a room where she is going to spend the night. This is good. This is very good." She continued to smile at me as if she just delivered the best news ever.

"She must be terrified." I put my head in my hands as I thought about Bella being all alone while she waited to meet Aro. Did she even know where she was or what was going on? Had Edward ever explained to her who the Volturi were and what their purpose was? Why was _she_ being punished for our letting her live with the secret of our existence? My blood began to boil at the thought of her having to pay the price for our stupidity. Even though the thought had gone through my head a thousand times in the last few hours, I cursed myself for ever having left her in the first place. What were we thinking? She was left vulnerable and alone, all because of Edward's rash decision that she would be safer. It angered me that Carlisle went along with it, he was always the rationale one of us, the one that kept things in perspective, kept us together. He should have known that Victoria was still out there and remained a threat. Edward must have really pled his case and pled it well to convince them to leave. And where was I? Right, I was hiding in shame because of my weakness and my inability to control my thirst.

Alice watched as my face reflected the anguish of my internal struggle. "Jasper, it buys us time which is the only thing we have on our side at the moment. The longer it takes Aro to meet her, the closer we are to catching up to her before the meeting takes place." Alice said encouragingly.

"I don't even know what I am going to do when I get there. I can't break her out of there, I can only try to get in front of Aro and beg for her freedom, if that is even what is at stake here. I can't ask you to come in with me, Alice. I won't let you. Who knows what their plans are and I can't worry about you as well as Bella."

The thought of Bella not yet meeting Aro had given me a small ray of hope, but I knew that whatever plans Aro had for her, they would not be changed regardless of what I said or did. I couldn't fight the entire Volturi guard on my own. Even if my strength and fighting experience matched all of theirs, the Volturi guard were chosen for very specific reasons, which would be their special abilities. I was no match against those and there was no way I was going to allow Alice to come in with me. Her ability was too special to show Aro, he might want to keep her as part of the Volturi guard and I could never allow that to happen. Though Carlisle may have told him about it in their correspondence over the years, I could not allow Alice to actually meet Aro and for him to ascertain just how special her ability actually was. It was bad enough that Aro was holding the love of my life captive, I could not stand it if Alice were there as well.

"Jasper, no, I can help you. You will save her Jasper. We will save her together. I know we will. This will all turn out in the end." She said reassuringly.

"I wish I had your optimism Alice but I don't. While I am extremely grateful that you are here and for everything that you have done thus far, your visions have been wrong in the past and they might be again. Something might change in the next few hours that will alter something you have already seen." I reminded her.

I could feel extreme agitation roll off her as she turned to look at me. "Listen to me Jasper Whitlock." She whispered through her clenched teeth, "I am sick and tired of you doubting my ability. It never steered us wrong in the several decades we were together and it won't now. I already explained to you why I didn't see the other things with Bella. I'm sorry. I can't do anything to take it back or change it. I loved Charlie, like a father. Don't you think it kills me to know that I could have helped him had I seen it? You aren't the only one hurting here, so get over yourself." She sat back in a huff. "I love Bella too. I've loved her longer than you have so back off. I will do everything and anything I can to get her back. Do you think I want her there with those monsters? No, I want her here, with you, where she belongs."

I was shocked at her words. No matter how much Alice had accepted Bella and I being together, it still seemed so bizarre hearing it come from her mouth. I knew I was being an ass and that she was hurting as well, but I had to press the matter.

"But all those visions you had of Edward changing Bella and her being a vampire, they never came to fruition. How can you sit there and say that your visions are always accurate?"

She let out a deep sigh of exasperation and looked out the window and away from me. "I never once said it was Edward who changed her." She said very quietly.

Her words hung in the air like dead weight, playing over and over like an echo in my mind. She may as well have screamed them at the top of her lungs. I thought back to all the times that Alice had mentioned Bella being a vampire and she was right, she never once said it was Edward that changed her, I only assumed. We all did.

Was she saying that I changed her? God, I hope she didn't mean that Victoria or Aro or some other vampire did it in Italy.

"Earlier you were going to tell me about another vision and I interrupted. Something about when we were at the airport in Phoenix. Is it how she undergoes the change?" I pleaded for her to tell me.

"Yes. When you left to walk her to the ladies room, I watched you walk away with your hand on her back and I was immediately hit with a vision of the two of you and...well...it was very intimate and peaceful and you were about to bite her." She reluctantly answered me.

I thought back to that moment as it was forever etched into my memory. The moment my hand had touched Bella's back, calm had enveloped me, centering me in a way that I had never experienced before.

Alice turned from the window, her face brighter, her feelings suddenly calm and quiet for some strange reason I couldn't fathom until she spoke. "She wasn't frightened, Jasper… and neither were you."

Her words should have comforted me and did somewhat, but I also became greedy for any information she could provide about my future with my beloved Bella. "Have you had anymore of those visions? Have you seen me change her since then?" I demanded.

"Listen Jasper, your future is just that, _your future_. Live your life as it comes. I don't want my telling you exactly how things play out to affect your decisions as that might change what I have seen. Your decisions need to come from you, not from something that I told you would happen. Please, will you just trust me when I say that you will be with Bella again?"

"Would you, I mean, if it isn't too awkward...well, what could make this situation more awkward that it already is...I was wondering, would you tell me about the vision? Exactly what you saw?" I asked, pleading with my eyes for any information that she would be willing to share.

She sighed deeply and leaned back into her seat. She closed her eyes and was silent for a moment before opening them to look at me. "Only for you would I do this. I will give you some of the vision, but again, I don't want to give it all in case it ends up changing something that you might do later." She muttered as she turned to face me, sitting cross- legged on the chair. Reaching out to take my hands in hers, she again closed her eyes and a warm feeling poured over me.

"The room is one that I have never seen before and have definitely never been in before. It is almost like a turret, the walls are made from old stones and are rounded, as if you are in a castle. The scene reminds me of Sleeping Beauty, high up in the tower and the prince has come to kiss her awake. The room is pretty bare, a high window on one side, much too high for anyone to look out of and there is a large wooden door, which looks extremely old. The kind that you would need a skeleton key to open." She opened her eyes and looked directly into mine. "That's all I am going to share. I know you want more Jasper, but I don't want to risk changing anything."

I didn't press her any further. Perhaps she was right. Maybe my knowing exactly what was going to happen would cause something to change. Perhaps, I would spend too much time trying to do something exactly as she said it would happen and I'd miss something or screw it up. I didn't want to chance it. No, if she said I was going to be with Bella again, I would put my faith in that. I just hoped that we were together soon and she was still human when that happened and that the vision Alice had of me changing her was still one that might happen in the future.

I could not allow myself to think of someone else sinking their teeth into her beautiful flesh, allowing her delectable blood to run freely into their mouths, their venom coursing through her body. How their bodies would be touching at every point as they held her down to pump their venom into her veins. The mere thought of it had me ready to rip someone's head off. No, it _had_ to me to change her. I had to be the one there with her, to be the one to help her with the pain, to hold her hand, to calm her when it became too much. To be the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes. _God, what if they change her and leave her to go through it alone? They would do something like that, those animals._ I was going to drive myself crazy thinking of all the scenarios that may or may not happen.

The rest of the flight was spent in silence. I would have loved to try to get my mind off what Bella might be going through in order to retain some sense of saneness. Under other circumstances, I would have enjoyed hearing how Carlisle and Esme were doing, what Rose and Emmett were up to or whether anyone had heard from Edward or not. If I thought about it enough, I would be extremely curious to know if Alice had informed my former family about Bella and I, but I just couldn't bring myself to ask these questions. It didn't feel right having a conversation like that… as if I were catching up with an old friend over coffee. I was one hundred percent focused on Bella and getting her back. That was all I cared about and was all I wanted to think about until I actually had her back.

I closed my eyes and thought about having her in my arms again. The smell of her strawberry shampoo tickling my senses as her warm body pressed against mine. Her blushing over something clumsy she would no doubt do within minutes of us being reunited. No, she had to be okay, she just had to be. The alternative was absolutely unthinkable.

The plane landed and I willed myself to remain calm. Alice held my hand as she led me off the plane. She told me to stay put as she went to find us a car we could use to get us to Volterra.

I paced back and forth while I waited for her to return. It felt like she had been gone for hours while I knew that it had only been minutes. The feelings of anxiousness were rolling off me and I knew I was affecting the people around me but I couldn't help myself. I tried to remain calm and reign in my emotions, but found that it was close to impossible to do. I was absolutely rattled to the core and was having extreme difficulty keeping myself together. I needed to get moving and get to Bella now. Any further delay was unacceptable. I felt myself starting to get irritable just as the purr of a powerful engine came up behind me. My body relaxed slightly as I turned knowing that Alice would only find the best car to take us to our destination.

A sleek black Porsche screeched to a stop in front of me. I hopped in the passenger side and Alice was flooring it before I had the door closed.

"Nice ride. I should have known you would find the fastest car in the lot." I commented.

"You know me so well. I would go for no less. I think might just have to get me one of these babies." She smiled as she rubbed the wheel.

"I'll get you one for everything you have done for me." I promised.

She turned to me and smiled. "Yellow." She purred as she shifted and the car took off even faster.

Alice manoeuvred her way through the winding streets and hills like a pro-race car driver. We made excellent time and were in Volterra before I even thought out what my next actions would be. Alice pulled to a stop in front of the castle like building and grabbed my arm before I got out.

"Please, let me help you. Let me come in." She begged.

"No, I can't risk something happening to you. I would never forgive myself if something were to happen and I lost both you and Bella. I'd never survive that. How would I be able to face Carlisle and Esme to tell them they've lost a daughter because of me? No, I beg you, please do not follow me in." I leaned across the car and pulled her into a tight hug.

"I love you, Alice. I am so grateful that you helped me and brought me to Bella, I know this could not have been easy for you. You will never know how much I appreciate everything that you have done for me. Not just now, with this, but with everything we have been through together. I would not be the man I am now had you not waited for me in that diner so long ago."

She reached up and placed her hands on each side of my face. "Jasper, you have always been the man you are now. A man with integrity and morals, who is honest and loving and has a soul, deeper than anyone I have ever met. I just taught you another way to live, but you have always been you."

"I truly am so lucky to have met you. Thank you, again." I leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.

"Will you do one more favour for me?" I asked as she nodded immediately.

"Call Jacob and let him know we made it here and that I'll call him the moment I can." I rattled off his phone number knowing she would never forget it. Then, I kissed her forehead again, holding her for a moment, gently squeezing her hands as she lowered them from my face and started to get out of the car, when she grabbed my arm holding me for a few short seconds.

"You will see me again, Jasper. This is not good-bye, so don't you dare act like it is. This is just see you later. You go in there and grab your future and never let her go." She squeezed my arm and finally let me go. I smiled at her the best I could and got out of the car. I tapped my hand on the roof, then watched as the love of my past tore down the street, fishtailing slightly as the car quickly hit a very high speed in a matter of seconds. Turning to the face the building in front of me, I moved forward with only one goal, to save the love of my life, the love of my future.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

A figure in a long flowing robe drifted toward me with his arms extended. He was so graceful, it seemed like he was floating. I felt myself staring and I was sure that my mouth was hanging open and I couldn't keep myself from gasping as he came closer to me. I recognized him from one of the pictures in Carlisle's office, so I knew that this was Aro. He had the most perfect face, but I couldn't determine whether or not he would be considered beautiful. He was certainly otherworldly and extremely old. His skin looked so delicate that I thought it would rip by touch alone. His long black hair framed his extremely white face. I had never seen a vampire paler than him. Not that I had extensive experience with the skin tones of vampires, but he was so pale he was almost translucent. Had blood still pumped through his system, I would, without a doubt, have been able to see it coursing through his veins.

He smiled at me and beckoned with his long bony fingers to enter the room. Slowly, I put one foot in front of another and before I knew it, I had, in fact, made my way to the center of the round room. I cautiously looked around the room to see that there were many other vampires present, however they weren't paying much attention to us. Victoria was skulking off to one side of the room, clearly agitated as she paced rapidly back and forth, intently watching every movement I made. I resisted the urge to glare at her, stick out my tongue or even give her the finger. No matter how scared I was at the moment, my hatred for Victoria and everything that she had done to me rose to the surface and I wished with every inch of my being that I had the power to destroy her.

"Bella." The musical voice in front of me grabbed my attention and my head turned to meet his red gaze. "It is so wonderful to finally meet you. I have heard so much about you from Victoria that I just had to meet you myself." He reached out with his palms facing upward as if I should place my hands in his. I looked over at Felix, why I don't know, it's not like he was there for moral support or on Team Bella, but I somehow felt he might be an ally and saw that he nodded at me to go ahead. I took another tentative step forward and placed my hands in Aro's, surprised at the feel of his icy cold skin against mine. It wasn't anything like I had expected. While he looked so very fragile, he definitely felt exceptionally strong. He clasped his powerful hands around mine and I watched as his forehead creased slightly.

"Very interesting." He smiled up at me as he gently let go of my hands. "Tell me Bella, was your mind closed to Edward?"

I looked at him surprised at the fact he knew of Edward's gift. I was also confused as to why he would want to know whether or not Edward could read my mind. What did that have to do with anything?

"Don't look so surprised my dear. I am sure you know that Carlisle and I have remained close over the years. Of course, I am aware of the gift of his first child though I have never had the pleasure of meeting him or any of his family in person."

It was hard to believe that the Carlisle I knew and loved, the gentle, peace loving doctor who would no sooner hurt a fly, would be friends with these characters from a horror movie. Had I misunderstood exactly what the Volturi were all about? I mean, Carlisle did live here for many years, I could not imagine him staying in a place that went against everything he believed in unless…and Edward did mention that they were sort of like the police in that they enforced the law…but then again, they were siding with Victoria, the murdering lunatic, so they couldn't be good. So many thoughts were racing through my mind and before I could even finish them, Aro spoke again.

"Bella dear, Edward?" He asked as he noticed I had drifted off.

"Uh, yes. He was unable to read my thoughts, if that is what you mean." I answered honestly figuring that was probably the best policy.

"Interesting." He repeated. He walked over to a large chair and slowly lowered himself down. "Demetri, would you please be so kind and notify my brothers that I would like for them to join us." Demetri nodded and left the room without my being able to track his movements.

Everyone stood in silence as Aro continued to stare at me, his gaze drinking in every inch of me as if he were a scientist and I were a fascinating lab specimen he had never once come across. He had pressed his hands together and brought them up to his lips, looking like he was deep in thought. I noticed that two more vampires silently entered the room and made their way over to Aro taking the seats that were on either side of him. I immediately recognized them as the other two vampires from the picture in Carlisle's study. These were Marcus and Caius and neither looked very thrilled to be here.

"Jane dear, would you please step forward." Aro beckoned forward a young vampire who looked like a little cherub angel.

"Yes, master." She looked up at him adoringly.

He caressed her cheek like a father would a beloved daughter. "Would you humour me?" He turned her toward me without another word. I had no idea what he wanted her to do, but I immediately noticed Felix tense beside me and before the little girl next to Aro looked my way, I thought I heard Felix make a noise, not a growl really… more like a groan. I chanced a sideways look just to see him turn away from me, an almost sad look on his face. _Oh God! This is it? _I tried to prepare myself for the worst. My heart thundered in my ears, my breathing became ragged and shallow. _Oh God! Oh God!_

The girl turned to completely face me. Any thoughts that I had of her looking like a sweet angel from heaven, immediately disappeared. She was glaring at me with the most intense hatred on her face. I half expected that at any moment two little horns would pop out of her forehead and reveal her to actually be the devil in disguise. I stared back at her with wide eyes as she continued to bore down on me with her gaze, becoming increasingly frustrated as I continued to do nothing. At any moment, I expected her to stamp her feet and throw a temper tantrum as she was becoming more and more agitated as time passed without any reaction from me. Though I couldn't be sure, I thought Felix relaxed slightly as Jane continued her staring contest and still nothing seemed to be happening.

"Am I supposed to be doing something?" I squeaked out, not sure what to expect.

Aro laughed out loud, the sound of which actually sounded like wind chimes mixed with birds singing in the breeze. It was such a strange and unexpected noise to be coming out of him as I would have expected one of those evil laughs that the villains do in cheesy movies. Apparently, it was a sound that didn't happen often as it garnered the attention of most of the other vampires in the room who, up until that point, had been ignoring what was happening. I looked around to notice that Victoria was now actually chewing on her fingernails as she quickly paced near the back of the room. She had such strange habits for a vampire.

"So very interesting." Aro said as he motioned for yet another vampire to come forward. A tall skinny male stepped forward and without any further indication or instructions from Aro, he turned toward me and lifted his arms while closing his eyes. I again braced myself for the worst but again, nothing happened. The male opened his eyes and glared at me as he turned to Aro who was again, laughing out loud.

"You are truly the most fascinating human I have ever encountered. I can see why the Cullens were so taken with you." He turned to look at Victoria who stopped her pacing immediately and moved forward the moment Aro beckoned her with a slight tilt of his head. "Victoria, dear, I am sorry to have to disappoint you, but I think that I am going to keep her." He turned back toward me with a smile as Victoria began to scream.

"_WHAT?_ We made a deal. She is to be mine. No, no! I will not let her go. I was promised that I could have her. She shouldn't even have been brought here! What was the purpose? You said if I gave you my services, you would give me Bella. A deal is a deal." She moved with vampire speed, suddenly standing directly in front of me, causing me to gasp and fall backwards to the floor.

Just as that happened, there was a loud commotion coming from the hallway which allowed Victoria to use the distraction as an opportunity to get her hands on me. She pulled me off the ground and flipped me around so I was pressed up against her. She wrapped her hands around my neck and lifted me off the floor while she started walking backward toward the door. She applied enough pressure on my throat so that air was becoming increasingly difficult to obtain and black spots were beginning to form in my vision. I struggled in vain as I looked at Aro and his brothers standing in front of their chairs, their gazes moving from the scene taking place between Victoria and I and the commotion currently unseen, but taking place behind me. Their gazes where calm, as if they were watching a scene unfold before them that they had witnessed several times before. _Just another day at the office._

The back doors to the room finally burst open and all the attention was immediately moved from Victoria and I to see what was happening. Jane took the opportunity to focus her power on Victoria who immediately began to scream as if she had been lit on fire. She dropped me like a sack of potatoes and I hit the floor. Looking over at Victoria while she was writhing in pain, I was so very glad at that moment for whatever glitch in my brain that prevented Jane's ability from inflicting her power on me. I desperately gasped for air as I looked up to see what had happened to cause everyone to look at the open doors.

I was certain the serious lack of oxygen must have affected my brain. I had to be hallucinating while I lay on the ground, continuing to suck badly needed air into my lungs. I could have sworn that as I turned to look at the doors behind me, I was greeted with a vision that was straight out of a dream. But… it was real, _he_ was real.

_Jasper! Jasper was here!_

He had burst through the doors and my heart dropped as I felt his anguish when he saw me crumpled on the floor. Our eyes met and for a very brief second, time stood still, there was nothing but silence and I felt whole, I felt hope that this was not going to be the end. He immediately began to growl as he crouched into a fighting position, getting ready to attack, his eyes quickly scanning the room to determine the biggest threat and how to remove it.

Felix moved his gaze from Jasper down to Victoria who, due to Jane's continuing torture, was now flopping around his feet like a fish out of water. Jasper took the opportunity of Felix's distraction to run toward me, which Jane noticed and her focus immediately left Victoria and went straight to Jasper who dropped to the floor in agony.

"No!" I screamed as I scrambled to get to Jasper. Felix actually moved out of my way, kicking Victoria off to the side in order to clear my path. I screamed again as I watched Jasper shake and convulse on the floor, I could tell he was trying his hardest not to make any noise, not to cry out knowing it would only frighten me more.

Finally, I got close enough to reach out and touch him. He had curled himself into a fetal position, his arms wrapped around his torso as if to try to keep himself together. I could tell from the veins in his neck and by the way he clenched his jaw that the pain he was experiencing was excruciating. I grabbed one of his hands and he opened his eyes to look at me.

"Let them feel what you are feeling." I whispered.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

I inhaled deeply and calmed myself before entering the building that held the fate of my existence within its ancient walls. I knew it would not do neither Bella nor I any good to run into the place half cocked and angry. That would do nothing but ensure that I was taken out by the guard. No, I had to remain calm, cool and collected.

_Calm, cool and collected. That's me._

I walked into the building and saw that my only option was to enter an elevator. Crossing the foyer, I hit the button and waited for it to arrive. I tapped my foot impatiently until I heard the ping announcing its arrivals and the doors whooshed open. I hit the first button hoping that would get me where I wanted to go and leaned against the back wall while I waited for the doors to close, each passing second causing my tension to elevate exponentially. For a species that liked to move at almost the speed of light, this damn contraption was infuriating.

The doors slowly opened and I was looking into a very large reception area. At the back of the room was a large reception desk with a big "V" engraved in the front of it. _This must be it_. I was surprised to see there was a very pretty human girl sitting behind the desk staring at me as she waited for me to get off the elevator. She didn't appear to be afraid of me. Her emotions were only showing that she was curious as to who I was. I slowly stepped off the elevator and made my way to her desk.

"Posso aiutarvi?" She asked cheerfully.

"Yes, I hope you can help me. I am here to see Aro." I raised my eyebrows, assuming that I had the correct place but still unsure.

"Really?" She seemed shocked and looked down at her appointment book on the desk. "I don't see anything listed here. Your name?" She inquired.

"Jasper Whitlock."

She nodded and picked up the phone and hit a few buttons. She frowned as no one picked up on the other end. She tried a few other numbers with the same results. No one was picking up. She looked up at me and gave me a fake smile over her desk. "There is a very important meeting taking place right now that has required everyone's attendance. You may have a seat and wait here until it is over." She waved her hand at the reception area as if to indicate that the reception was "here".

_An important meeting._ Bella must be with them now.

I smiled at her, attempting to dazzle her and threw a few emotions her way that enabled me to sweet talk my way right by her. _Piece of cake._ I got by her very easily and made my way through a few hallways before I came to a very large double door. I inhaled deeply and could smell Bella's heavenly freesia scent in the air. However, I could also smell her adrenaline and feel her fear, which caused a growl to start forming.

The thunder of heavy boots hitting the ceramic tiling of the hallway caused me to turn and look behind me. The human receptionist came bounding around the corner with two men in long black cloaks. Obviously, my dazzling had worn off and she came to her senses and alerted the guards. I crouched into a fighting stance and beckoned the guards forward. The first came at me at full speed, punching the air long before he was close enough to hit me. Jumping high in the air, I swung my leg around making contact with the side of his face. His neck snapped back and he crumpled to the floor. The second vamp jumped and I dropped to the ground causing him to fly over top of me. Grabbing his feet while he was in midair, I slammed him into the ground. Jumping on his back, I wrapped my hands around his neck and twisted quickly. There was a loud snap as it broke. I hopped off him and looked back at the receptionist who was now pressing herself back against the wall, scared to death.

While I wanted to rip the heads off the guards that had attacked me, I knew that I could not do that. They would heal in a few days from the wounds I inflicted, however, if I actually removed their heads, there would be no turning back and that would be declaring war with Aro.

I busted through the large wooden double doors in front of me and was confronted by the horrific sight of my precious Bella, her dark brown eyes wide with fear due to a pale sparkling hand clenched tightly around her beautiful neck. Victoria's blazing eyes were shining with hunger over her shoulder. Several pairs of crimson eyes were on me as the doors slammed open against the rock walls. In all the confusion, Victoria suddenly let go of Bella and fell to the floor, screaming and convulsing. Bella crumpled to the floor like a rag doll gasping as she was finally able to get air back into her lungs.

_Bella!_

Our eyes met and for a brief moment, everything else disappeared. I heard no one else, I saw no one else, just Bella, my perfectly beautiful Bella. Her disbelief was thick, as if she didn't believe I was real, as if she couldn't trust what she was seeing, followed by a glimmer of hope that perhaps I was really here and then I was hit by her fear. A smile ran through my mind as it was typical Bella running through emotions one after the other, almost impossible for me to keep up with them.

One of the guards was eyeing Victoria who was now convulsing around his feet. I took the opportunity to race as fast as I could toward Bella. Without warning, I was hit with the most intense pain. Pain the likes of which I had never felt before. The pain of changing from human to vampire was the last intense painful sensation I could remember and whatever was happening to me now came damn close to that memory. Not even during my numerous fights, which had caused my many scars, did I ever feel like this. My body hit the floor and I began to convulse and spasm as I lay there helpless, unable to focus on anything but the searing pain that coursed through every inch of my body. The long dead organs in my body felt like they were being brought back to life only to then explode into a thousand pieces, mend and explode again, every joint was on fire and felt like it was being pulled apart. I could have sworn I heard my angel scream in the distance, the sound cutting through the pain like a knife. I pulled myself into a ball, trying not to give any indication to Bella as to the pain I was suffering, trying as hard as I could to keep the pain within in me and not let it out. I couldn't believe I had made it this far only to have it end like this. Just as I thought that everything was over, thought I had lost my chance to save Bella, I felt a tiny hand squeezing mine and a sense of calm enveloped me. I opened my eyes and my heart broke to see Bella's two deep brown eyes full of pain as she looked at me.

"Let them feel what you are feeling." She whispered.

"I can't." I managed to croak out. It was a brilliant thought, but my powers affected Bella and I knew if I did what she was suggesting, she would feel it too. If I could spare her the slightest bit of pain, I would. I could not imagine doing this to her.

"Jasper, don't worry about me. _Do it._ It will get Jane to stop. Please. Do it." She begged and squeezed my hand harder.

I closed my eyes knowing that if I watched Bella when I did this, I would not be able to go through with it. She held my hand tightly as my body continued to contort in response to the enormous amount of pain that whomever this Jane was inflicting on me. With every ounce of energy I had, I reached into the depths of my emotions and blasted what I was feeling into the room. I just hoped that once it hit Jane, she would stop her torture and I would be able to do the same, so that Bella wouldn't have to go through this any longer than necessary.

The moment I broadcasted the feelings into the room, the majority of the vampires hit the floor. Several were grasping on to furniture or were hanging on to one another, but everyone was in deep excruciating pain, I continued to soak up those feelings and brought them into myself in order to make the feelings I was sending all the stronger. The screams of pain echoed through the chamber providing me with more emotions to broadcast. It was like a buffet of pain, never ending and always replenished. I could continue this assault for eternity. Bella's hand had mine in a death grip as she also fought the pain she was feeling. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer. It was killing me to think of Bella in any amount of discomfort but being Bella, she weathered the pain in silence, never once allowing any sound of pain or show any indication that what I was doing was hurting her in any way. She assumed the same position that I was in, curled as tightly into herself as she could while she rode out the storm.

The assault on me suddenly and finally stopped, as if someone had turned off a tap, the pain immediately ended with no residue effects left behind. Having finally been given a reprieve from the assault, I immediately ceased mine. The sound of gasping and moaning filled the room as vampires tried to regain their composure. Jane was on the floor, still immobile from my having used her power against her. There was no doubt she had ever experienced what her power felt like on the receiving end and from the injured look on her face when she made eye contact with me, I had no doubt that she ever wanted to feel it again.

I took the opportunity of everyone's distraction while they recovered from my assault, stood and grabbed Bella, pulling her into my arms. I held her so tightly it was as if her bones were bending and I had to get control of myself before I actually hurt her from my embrace. Everything else fell away, the sounds of the other vampires in the room, the scents that came with them, the emotions that ran havoc due to the uncertainty of what was going to happen next. I buried my nose into Bella's hair, deeply inhaling until I could smell her strawberry shampoo, although it was faint, it immediately brought me home. I had Bella back and I was never letting her go. They would have to remove my arms before I'd let her out of my embrace again. I could feel Bella holding on to me just as tightly as she also took deep breaths, calming herself with my sweet scent that she loved so much.

The feeling of completeness, now that I had Bella back, nearly knocked to my knees. The terrible ache that had taken over my chest since I had discovered her missing, was gone. I felt whole. I knew now, more than I ever did before, that my search for completion was over. Bella was definitely the missing piece I had been searching over a century for and we were locked together, completing each other as if we were the same person. I could not exist without her and the feelings pouring out of her into me only validated that she was feeling exactly the same.

"I love you Bella. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so much." I whispered into her ear as I continued to hold her close to me. Before she could respond, I wrapped my hands around the side of her face and pulled her into me. I kissed her long, hard and passionately, not caring where we were or who might be watching. It was only a few short hours ago that I thought I would never be able to do this again and from the way Bella was responding, I knew that she felt that way too. We broke apart and I pulled her into my chest again.

"Oh god, I love you too, Jasper. I thought I was never going to see you again." She sobbed as she clung desperately to me.

I glanced over at Aro who had dropped to his knees from my assault. He waved off two of the guard who were by his side attempting to help him into a standing position. Aro might be old, but he was in no need of assistance. He rose to his full height and immediately looked at Bella and I still locked in our embrace.

I braced myself, fearing the worst, as his ancient blood red eyes raised and met mine.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

I clung to Jasper as if any give in my hold would allow someone to tear me from his arms. I was breathless and shaking from the events that had just occurred. It was almost too much for me to process. From the kiss that Jasper and I had just exchanged, from the pain that was caused by Jane's attack on Jasper and his retaliation, from the errant thoughts that continued to bombard my brain that perhaps there was hope I was not going to die today. My brain and my emotions were being attacked simultaneously by too many factors making it difficult to focus, like my head might just spontaneously combust right off my shoulders.

I was certain I was never going to see Jasper again and today was the day I was going to die. Now that I was back in his arms, the need to survive took over and I felt rage at the thought that someone tried to tear us apart. I was angry with myself for having given up so easily, for being willing to accept death without a fight. I was ashamed that the revelations from Victoria so battered my psyche that I was willing to just give up on Jasper. I had lost the will to try and survive for him, let go of that one small thread of hope that he would ever find me. The past few years and all the losses incurred had so damaged my self confidence that I convinced myself perhaps death would be better, perhaps he would be better off without me. _Well, no more!_ Never again would I allow myself to think that way.

With Jasper's love and strength surrounding me, my survival instinct kicked in full force and I wanted to hurt Victoria, no, I wanted to _destroy_ her. In order for me to live, to spend my life with Jasper, I knew she needed to die. There was no other way around it. Gone was the Bella that would self sacrifice, gone was the Bella that put everyone else's needs before hers. This Bella wanted Victoria dead and it needed to happen now. Victoria would never rest until I was dead and she had her final revenge and therefore, her head needed to be removed from her body and I would give anything to be the one to do it. In a sick bit of irony, I could actually relate to how Victoria felt, how her obsession with my death had taken over her entire existence as that is exactly how I felt at the moment and I knew, deep within my soul, that I now felt the same. I would not rest until justice was delivered. Until she no longer existed. I was never an eye for an eye type of person, but Victoria had gone well past the point where I could care whether or not she deserved any kind of second chance. No, she had done too much, had hurt me too deeply. It was well beyond a matter that involved just her and I now. She wanted revenge for James, she should have just come after me. Killing my parents and Phil, that was declaring war. A war I was more than willing to fight now that I had Jasper with me.

I looked up at Jasper and saw him staring directly behind me. I slowly followed his gaze and turned my head to see he had locked eyes with Aro. While I was expecting to see severe anger or furious wrath coming from Aro, he was actually looking at Jasper with a hint of amusement and seemed to be quite interested in what had just happened.

I watched as Marcus, who was also staring at Jasper and I without a flicker of any emotion or expression, make his way over to Aro. Without words or even a glance at one another, Aro maintained his eye contact with Jasper and lifted his hand, palm up, toward Marcus. Marcus slowly placed his finger in Aro's palm, all the while continuing to watch Jasper and I clutch one another as tightly as we possibly could. The scene played out in slow motion as I watched every moment, every expression, hoping for a sign, any indication, that there was a way Jasper and I were going to make it out of here alive.

Aro lowered his hand and his eyebrows raised significantly on his pale face. "Interesting. So very, very interesting." He chuckled as he slowly started to walk, or in his case, more like float, toward us. Jasper's grip tightened around me, which I would have thought impossible as our embrace was now boarding on painful as we held each other so securely.

"My dear brother, Marcus, has just provided me with his view on your relationship." He waved his hand toward Marcus who continued to stand a few paces back, his face still reflecting absolutely nothing, as if he were bored out of his mind and would rather be anywhere else than here.

"In the centuries my brothers and I have existed, you will understand that we have seen it all and therefore, not much surprises us. However, we are quite taken back by the intensity of your relationship. It is so evenly felt, on both sides. It really is quite remarkable and so very interesting."

I must have frowned while Aro was speaking as he turned directly to me and started to speak as if I were now the only person in the room.

"You see my dear child, most relationships are unbalanced. One partner usually feeling more than the other. But yours, no...not yours. It is so equal, so very intense on both sides. I have never witnessed such a thing. The fact alone that one is a vampire and the other human should throw the balance off as you truly are not one another's equals. But no, that is not how either of you feel." He was now directly in front of me. So close that I could swear I saw through his skin, to the veins that moved the venom throughout his body. His eyes slowly left my face and looked up at Jaspers.

"Now, son, you are also quite the surprise. You certainly are not Edward Cullen who I had been led to believe was the love of this young lady's life." Aro's gaze slid from Jasper to I and back again causing me to further tense, hoping that this was not going to cause a further snag in the proceedings. Was he hoping Edward would be here? Did it serve some higher purpose for him? Well, I hoped he was used to disappointment because there was no way Edward would be coming to my rescue. Not now. Not ever. He already proved that he could walk away and not look back, there would be no reason for that to change now.

"I am Jas..." Aro silenced Jasper by holding his hand up as if to say stop, which Jasper did immediately. I tensed thinking that there might be some repercussions for speaking when not asked, but Aro continued as if nothing happened. Jasper slowly rubbed the palm of his hand on my back in attempt to calm my nerves.

"I am well aware of who you are Jasper Whitlock. You have been in the memories and thoughts of many vampires that have crossed my path. I am very familiar with your exploits in the southern United States as many vampires made their way here after the war. I've watched you for some time as you are quite an impressive leader and have shown your worth time and time again in times of war. As well, as I am sure you know, Carlisle and I have always kept in touch and seeing that he considers you a son, he has always kept me abreast of his family." Aro started to slowly walk around us, eyeing us as if we were items up for sale and he wasn't quite sure how much he wanted to spend.

"Tell me Jasper, would you be willing to surrender yourself to our services in order to save your love?" Aro asked.

"No!" I shouted loudly, startling several vampires in the room. I looked up at Jasper, frantically shaking my head. "No." I repeated to him. "You cannot! You cannot sacrifice yourself for me. I won't allow it. You've fought too hard and too long with your thirst to go back to human blood. No. Don't do this for me." I pleaded with him.

"Bella, how could I not if it would save you. I am nothing without you, I need you to survive, you are what completes me." Jasper whispered down to me as he cupped my face in his hands trying to stop my head from its continuous shaking back and forth.

"No, you will die if you stay here. Though it won't be a physical death, your soul will die. You cannot go back to the way you used to be. I can't allow that, Jasper. I'd rather be dead than to know that you had to sacrifice the control you have worked decades to achieve in order to save me." I sobbed as his thumbs tried to push away the outpouring of tears cascading down my cheeks.

"Bella, my soul will be empty if I am not with you. How can you ask me not to sacrifice myself for you? How can you ask me to even consider any alternative that doesn't include you with me? Would you not do the same for me?" He asked, knowing full well that I would. I would do anything to save him. _Anything_. And that's when it hit me. I looked at Aro, trying to catch his crimson eyes as he paced around us.

"What if I allow myself to be changed? Will you let us go? Wouldn't that solve all the problems? I would no longer be a human that knows the secret, I'll be one of you."

"Bella, what are you doing?" Jasper gasped as he pulled my face back toward his.

"I am saving you, just as you would be willing to save me." I answered back, pulling my face from his grasp and turning myself toward Aro.

Aro stopped suddenly and turned toward Jasper, holding out his hand. Without a word, Jasper slowly let go of me with one hand all the while moving me to his side so that he was now directly between Aro and I. Jasper placed his free hand directly into Aro's palm without a word exchanged between them.

Aro held Jasper's hand for what felt like an eternity. I guess being alive for well over a hundred years meant it took a long time to go through your memories. I found it hard to keep my breathing even as Aro showed no emotion while he no doubt prodded through every memory Jasper had. _Oh god, was he seeing me naked?_ Why that concerned me at this moment, I wasn't sure, but_ ewwwww_. I realized that Aro was as old as Father Time and had probably seen thousands of naked women, but I certainly didn't need him checking out the goods while I stood directly in front of him. I saw Jasper's eyes flick down to me surely questioning what the heck was going on with my emotions. I just went from being terrified, to embarrassed, to grossed out in the span of 10 seconds. _Like I said, no one has ever accused me of being normal._

Aro finally let go of Jasper who immediately wrapped his arm around me again. Aro's eyes followed Jasper's movements with amusement as he pulled me closer to him now that both arms were free. "_Glorius la pura luce in lei ha già iniziato a guarire le tenebre hai nascosto per così tanto tempo. Non temere, Jasper, nel prendere la sua vita mortale, il tuo dono di eternità si sanerà entrambi."_

Jasper nodded slightly in response and I looked up at him quizzically wondering what Aro just said. Jasper met my gaze with another slight movement of his head, a faint smile curving his lips indicating that he would tell me later. I pursed my mouth, hating not knowing what just transpired, but figured it best to bite my tongue and hear about it later, thanking God that there would be a later. _Note to self: if I survive all this craziness, learn Italian._

We watched in silence as Aro motioned to Felix who appeared in front of him before I noticed that he had moved from his place behind us. Words were exchanged between the two of them, which, of course, my human hearing could not pick out, but I noticed Jasper immediately looked at Victoria.

All I saw was a blur of movement, then, within the blink of an eye, where Victoria had been standing on her own, she was suddenly flanked by Felix on one side and Demetri on the other only a few feet away, not really crouching, but stalking her just the same.

"What? What?" She shrieked as they came closer to her. In that blinding speed that was so like watching a film randomly shown in fast forward, Felix and Demetri each grabbed an arm and dragged her toward Aro who was now not looking very pleased.

"Victoria dear, it seems that you have led us astray. Did you or did you not lead my brothers to believe that this child killed your mate and his friend? Did you not tell them you needed the Volturi's help in finding a human that was successfully killing vampires?" He inquired of her. I found his wording peculiar. It seemed to indicate that he was not involved in the initial decision to have the Volturi assist Victoria in her search for me.

Victoria squirmed against Felix and Demetri's hold looking very much like a child that had just been caught shop-lifting. "She did! She is responsible for James being dead. If it weren't for her and her stupid Edward, he never would have tracked her. Edward denied him and that only made him want her more. She was nothing but a stupid pet to him. Look, he's not even with her anymore. She obviously didn't mean anything to him, why did he have to kill James because of her? She's nothing, just a pitiful human, worthless cattle. Good for a meal and nothing else. He didn't even care enough about her to stick around to protect her! I guess that's why he passed her on to his brother, gave him his sloppy seconds." She sneered at me. Her words were like a sharp knife that ripped at that very old wound. Not because of any residual feelings for Edward, but for the reminder of that horrible time in my life, how truly worthless I felt. How his leaving me ruined me for months and the effects of that on my father were something I could never change or never redo.

Jasper growled louder than I had ever heard him do before, he actually started to move toward Victoria as if he were about to attack. Aro silenced Jasper with one look and he stopped moving immediately, his arms tightening around me once again. His hands slowly rubbed my back as if to reassure me that nothing any one could say would change his feelings for me. I looked up at him and smiled. I knew that no matter what happened, I had unconditional love right here, right now, standing before me.

"James became obsessed with her and she was all he wanted." Victoria wailed.

Aro turned to Victoria. "So, you admit that Edward killed James when previously you told Marcus and Caius this human girl had done it. You also told them that she killed your other companion, Laurent."

"Yes, it was Edward who killed James, but he did it only because of her, so she might as well have done it herself." She whined.

"From what I have seen from Jasper's memories, you could not be more wrong." Aro responded.

"What? No, she is responsible, whether she dealt the final blow or not, she is one hundred percent responsible for both James' and Laurent's deaths and she needs to pay the price." Victoria screeched as she pointed at me.

Aro shook his head. "Do not argue with me child as you will never win." Though Aro seemed calm, his voice was deadly serious. "Laurent was at peace with the Cullen's. He wanted no part of the fight that was brewing between James and Edward. I have seen this myself through Jasper's memories. Why would he return to hunt Bella?" He inquired of her.

Victoria visibly became anxious as Aro awaited her response. "Answer me now child as you know I will take it from you via other methods." Aro demanded.

"I sent him to find her for me. He owed me." She whispered low enough that I just barely picked up what she had said.

"And therefore, do you not think that it is your actions that caused his death? He would not have looked for her otherwise, no?" Aro asked as if the answer was as simple as the nose on her face.

"How was I to know she would have him killed? She did it, I don't know how she did it but he never returned, he's dead, he would have never left his mate if..." She stopped speaking immediately as she realized she had revealed a bit more than she wanted to.

"His mate? Laurent had a mate?" Aro's emotions were actually beginning to show as this bit of news came out. "You ordered Laurent away from his mate while you sat in safety?" His words began to sound venomous as he tried to get the entire story out of Victoria.

"But I never imagined he was going to die! I mean, I thought her and Edward killing James was a fluke, not that they could do it again. I would have never sent him if I thought the errand was dangerous. I just didn't want to be spotted by the Cullen's and I knew Edward and Alice would be looking for me, but perhaps not Laurent. Never once did I think Laurent was going to die. I didn't mean for it to happen that way." Victoria pleaded.

Aro was silent for a few moments as he took in her words and then he continued. "Come here child." He beckoned her forward so that she was directly in front of him and he placed his hands out into which she hesitantly put hers. He closed his eyes as he sifted through her memories. Once he finished with her thoughts, I did not miss the look he shot his brothers as his lips disappeared into a pucker, as if he had tasted something sour. Jasper's arm clenched around me indicating that he caught it as well. I had never been as confused as I was at this particular moment.

Aro continued speaking directly to Victoria. "You told Marcus and Caius that Bella killed your mate, then changed your story to reflect that Edward Cullen killed your mate. Your story seems to change to reflect your needs. Just so we are crystal clear on the matter, Edward had nothing to do with your mates death. I have seen it in great detail. It was Jasper and another that killed him after he had tortured and broken Bella." He turned and looked at me again and I shrunk into Jasper's arms hoping to just disappear while the memories of that horrible day crashed into my mind. "My dear child, I know that you are scared, but please, rest assured, I do not tolerate the unnecessary suffering of humans."

I could not hold back the look of confusion that crossed my face. He fed off humans, had likely killed thousands over the years and he couldn't tolerate unnecessary suffering?

He smiled at me as if he were looking at a simple child. It was quite obvious that even though he couldn't read my mind, he could definitely read my expressions. The next words out of his mouth only led me deeper down the path of confusion and I didn't have any idea how to interpret them. And even though I wasn't positive, I could've sworn his eyes actually twinkled with amusement when he spoke. "You may be our life source, but I will not, and never will, condone torture. We are not barbarians. Besides child, it is incredibly rude to play with one's food."


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

_Was that a joke? _

Aro _was_ joking with us. Hope began to invade my emotions as I thought about what that could mean. Looking down at Bella, I could feel confusion pour out of her as she tried to figure out what was going on.

"You know Carlisle just as well as I, obviously even better. Do you really think that Carlisle would have lived with us, would remain friends with us even now, if we were total savages? If we tolerated cruelty and torture?" He looked down at Bella. "You are part of the Cullen family, you know the heart of Carlisle and know what I am saying is true."

I felt Bella tense at Aro's last statement and knew it was at his reference to our being part of the Cullen family. While it has been some time since Carlisle and Esme had seen either Bella or I, there was not a doubt in my mind that should we show up unannounced, we would be welcomed with open arms and embraced as if we were never parted. It tore at Esme's heart to leave Bella in the way we did. No good-bye's, no teary words exchanged, just a hasty departure due to the irrational decision of their first son.

Nevertheless, hope continued to leap into my silent heart. It did not appear that Aro was planning to harm Bella and his declaration to the room that we were part of the Cullen family was an unspoken warning to anyone who might think to challenge us, as we were not on our own. We came from a family that would protect us and avenge us if necessary. With Aro's declaration, our chances of making it out of this tight situation were increasing by the minute. Aro asked if I was willing to serve with the Volutri in order to save Bella and I would, without a moment's hesitation. But… I knew I would not be able to stay away from human blood if I did, the temptation would be far too great. However, Bella would be alive. She would still be the beautiful human woman I fell so madly and deeply in love with. I could survive knowing that she was still breathing even though we could never be together. What I couldn't endure would be to spend an eternity knowing I could have saved her and did nothing about it.

If only we could find some way for us to still be together without my having to change her right at this moment. We had so little time together before all this drama happened that we never once discussed it. I had remarked on her staying with me forever at one time, but she avoided the topic, so I didn't push. Did she really want it or was she being typical Bella and self-sacrificing her mortality to save me? That would be so her. Though my dead heart was ready to leap back into life at the thought of her willingly wanting to change, I could not trust her words knowing she would say anything to Aro in order to save me. I needed to discuss this with her, feel her emotions, be sure that this is what she really wants, that she wants it just as much as I do. _Forever with Bella._ A better gift could not be granted. Eternity with my soul mate. A hundred lifetimes or more being as happy as I had been since we declared ourselves to one another. It was almost too good to be true.

Nevertheless, I knew there was no way that I could allow myself to become part of the Volturi guard and still be with Bella. She would blame herself for my having to fight and to be a guard, to revert back to human blood, she'd never forgive herself and it would ruin our relationship as her guilt would shadow every moment of happiness that we would be able to carve out for ourselves. That would be like a death in and of itself. But would I really have to consume human blood again? More than likely, I would. Being part of the guard would mean being surrounded constantly by vampires who did not follow the same diet that I did. Having known the power and the rush of human blood, would I have the strength and self-control to stick to animals? If Bella were with me, I would like to think I could stay strong, for her, for us, but intense doubt lingered in my mind, especially if I were forced to watch our relationship deteriorate from the stress of the situation.

Bella interrupted my thoughts as she spoke again to Aro. "May I ask a question?"

Aro nodded his head, looking at Bella with delight as he waited for her to speak her mind. He seemed to be quite fascinated with her.

"How can I be sure that once I leave here, someone isn't going to come after me again? Instead of asking Jasper to sacrifice himself for me, please, would you accept my being changed in exchange for the deaths of James and Laurent? Would my human death suffice as payment?"

"NO!" Victoria screeched at my suggestion. "The deal is she dies! She is to die for her crimes against our kind! Not to be given the gift of immortality!" Aro spun around so quickly to face her that her face actually dropped and her eyes immediately hit the floor.

"Silence." He hissed. "You will not speak another word until given permission."

While the reaction to Aro's orders played out, I looked down at Bella. "Bella, no." I pulled her tight against my chest. I looked up at Aro, who turned his attention to me, pleading with my eyes. "No. Not like this." While I wanted her with me for eternity, I did not want her to become a vampire to pay a penalty for a death for which I was the culprit. My biggest fear was that she might hate me for it later if she wasn't completely sure she wanted to change.

I thought about what Aro had said to me in Italian after he had rifled through all of my memories. _"__The pure glorious light within her has already begun to heal the darkness you have hidden in for so long. Do not fear, Jasper, _**_should you take_**_ her mortal life, your gift of eternity will heal you both."_

He read the last thoughts that crossed my mind before I placed my hand in his, which were of my doubts of being able to change Bella without killing her, the fear that she would hate me forever if I did. However, his statement gave me hope. Though he could not see the future, he was one of the wisest immortals that had ever existed. His statement allowed me to believe that should I change her, we would make it through to the other side, meaning that she would live, we would be together for all of eternity. Nevertheless, I needed to know without a doubt that Bella wanted this no matter what, that even if it was being forced upon her, should she have been given the chance under any other circumstance, she would make this choice of her own free will.

Aro contemplated Bella's request for a millisecond before waving his hand in the air. "My dear children, as entertaining as this is, we have all the time in the world to contemplate what we will be doing with the two of you. At the moment, we have more pressing matters at hand." Aro turned away from us and his attention went back to Victoria who, if she could, would be sweating bullets. She was edgy and fidgeted uncontrollably. Her nervousness poured out of every orifice, like a toxin seeping out of her body.

"Victoria. You utilized valuable resources of the Volturi Guard. You lied to my brothers, leading them to believe that a human had the ability to slay our kind, which is the only reason they agreed to assist you in your search." Victoria opened her mouth to defend her case yet again, but Aro raised a hand to silence her and continued. "Whether you believed she was the person that killed them or not, you still withheld information and were not completely forthcoming with the entire story. But, most importantly, you led them to believe that our dear friend, someone who I personally consider a son, left behind a human who he knew held the secrets to destroying vampires, someone that was a threat to our race, to our entire way of life."

Victoria opened her mouth again to respond, but Aro shook his head and continued. "No words from you. There is nothing you can say to refute your actions. You are a disgrace to our kind. The Volutri were created to keep peace and order within our race and you and your small coven are the exact kind of vampires we aim to eradicate. It is actions such as the ones that you and your coven have taken that threaten our very existence. I've seen clearly in your memory the killings, the taunting of your victims and the careless disposable of them. You left a trail of evidence wherever you travelled. Your behaviour has been so reckless that it is a miracle that we have not been exposed to society as a whole."

"No, no, please, I beg you, give me another chance to prove my worth. I can be an asset to the guard." Victoria pleaded.

"An asset? You couldn't even find a mere human girl. You spent four years looking for her and it wasn't until you solicited our help, were you able to find her." Aro scoffed. I couldn't help but notice that both Felix and Demetri grinned at Aro's comments.

I watched the posturing in the room as I continued to hold Bella to me. It did not appear that we were in a significant amount of danger any longer, but I wasn't about to let my guard down for a moment. If Aro was true to his words and he thought of Carlisle as a son, that was going to be our saving grace. Could I dare to hope that both Bella and I were actually going to make it out of here? He certainly didn't turn down her request to be changed. That was promising.

Victoria opened her mouth to start an argument and Aro silenced her again. He made a waving motion with his hand as if to dismiss her. Felix and Demetri moved at the speed of light, each taking hold of one of Victoria's arms. One moment she was standing in front of Aro and the next, they had her almost to the door. Bella's entire body tensed. I knew her eyesight would not have picked up any of the movements until they reappeared at the door. She was startled by the swiftness of their actions, actions that obviously did not need words to be carried out. Felix and Demetri continued to wordlessly move Victoria out the door. Her terror slammed into me and was clearly evident in her fear stricken eyes, her gaze shooting from vampire to vampire in the room, hoping for some sort of ally.

"What's going on? Where are you taking me?" Victoria screamed as she fought to get free from their grasp.

Her words were met with silence as Felix and Demetri closed the large wooden doors behind them. Within seconds, her screams became muffled as they faded in the distance. Suddenly, a very familiar keening sound erupted through the building, causing all talking within the room to abruptly stop and then the screaming immediately ended. I remembered very clearly the last time that I had heard that sound, the sound of the death of a vampire, it was when I killed James in the dance studio. The first time I almost lost Bella. I cringed at the memories that flooded me as I thought about Bella's blood pooling around her, her body twisted in horrific directions as a result of the beating she received from James. A shudder ran through my body as I remember the rage that bloomed like a mushroom cloud from a nuclear bomb. I could not imagine the rage that would take over me if something were to happen to her now, now that my feelings were so much deeper and were returned by her in kind. It would be all consuming.

Bella's spine shivered and her hands became claws as they tried to grasp onto my skin, the marble texture of it providing no anchor for her fear. I had no doubt that even though she was almost unconscious and writhing in pain at the time of James' death, she would forever remember what that sound meant. Wordlessly, I calmed her with my touch, with emotions I was able to send to her and to her only.

Bella and I had watched the proceedings between Aro and Victoria without saying a word, but Bella's tension continued to rise considerably now that Aro had ordered the death of one of his own kind. No matter what intervention I tried to provide her with my ability, worry and anxiety pulsed through her body, radiating through her like electrical currents as if she were able to block me, not willing to accept my assistance to help her through this. I knew Bella well enough to know that she was now thinking 'is it our turn?' If he killed Victoria so mercilessly, would he easily turn his earlier jovial mood toward us into something more dark and sinister? I continued to hold her as tight as I could, just hoping that she would remain strong and keep it together.

I raised a hand to gently caress her cheek, which she immediately pressed her face into, looking up at me with her fear filled eyes. She leaned forward, her face buried into my chest. "Oh god! They killed her Jasper, they killed her! What if we're next? We're never going to get out of here alive. They are going to kill us too. I love you so much, Jasper." She whispered directly into my body as if it would prevent the others from hearing her.

Lowering my lips to her hair, I spoke into the top of her head as I gave her a gentle kiss. "I love you too, Bella." I looked back up to see Aro watching us intently.

"Now, decisions need to be made as to what to do with you. However, such details are, I think, best left for private discussion." Aro turned away from us and walked to the centre of the room, silently holding his arms slightly above shoulder level with his hands up, which inexplicitly caused everyone to focus on him immediately. Though no words crossed his lips, he had everyone's attention riveted to him and to him only.

"Thank you, my beloved children, for attending our gathering. I called you all here today as I felt it was most beneficial that you bear witness to the proceedings that have taken place before you. While the Volturi is here to protect you, to assist you in any way in order to ensure your safety, we do not and never will take deceit lightly. Victoria enlisted our aid in her search under false pretences. Some she may have believed, but others she clearly did not and for that she had to pay. Let this be a message to all, while we protect our own, we only do so under honourable circumstances. Lies, betrayal, revenge or vengeance are not methods by which we operate, we are not guns for hire. While I am sure today was most entertaining for you, there was a lesson to be learned. Betray the Volturi and justice will be delivered, swiftly and without hesitation. Now, you are all excused."

Aro turned and walked over to Marcus and Caius as everyone swiftly left the room. They waited before beginning their deliberations until the last vampire exited and closed the heavy wooden doors behind them. The thud echoing through the room signifying that we were now trapped inside a room with no exit available, with the three oldest vampires in existence, our fates held in their very hands.

Bella looked up at me in confusion, hoping that I could give her some reassurance, but I was just as unsure as to what was going to happen in the next few minutes as she was. Sure, I would have loved to provide her with false hope, tell her everything was going to be okay, that I would take care of her forever and never let anything hurt her, but I knew I couldn't make those promises. I had no control over Aro's decisions and would be a fool to suggest to Bella otherwise. It would be a disservice to Bella to sugar coat the circumstances in order to make her feel better. If these were our last moments together, I did not want the memory tarnished by a lie having cross my lips. If there were ever a time where I wished that I had Edward's gift for reading minds, this would be it.

We watched as the three head members of the Volturi conversed in near silence with one another, effectively deciding our fate while we stood silently with no input. It was more than frustrating, I felt like I was being cut off at the knees, powerless in a situation that I would have never imagined I would ever find myself in. I was finding it hard to read their emotions, it was if they were able to block me. Perhaps my own emotional state, which was in a constant state of flux due to the uncertainty of our situation and what the outcome was going to be, prevented me from getting a read on any of them.

I closed my eyes and focussed on the three vampires before me. Shutting out Bella's emotions which continued to escalate and flood every inch of my being, I reached out so I could finally sense the emotions of the three vampires before us. I had never in my life had to concentrate so hard in order to read someone, but once I locked onto their emotions, I would be able to hold on to them. Now that I was able to sense their feelings, I opened my eyes so that I could read their body language as well. Marcus and Caius did not agree with whatever Aro was suggesting as the conversation became a bit heated and hand gestures started, more than once pointing or gesturing in my direction, finally allowing me to feel some of their emotions without even trying, they flew across the room to me. I was not surprised that Caius especially, would want me as part of the guard, whether or not Bella lived as a human or vampire, he could care less.

While my show of throwing my ability back at them in order to have Jane stop her assault was a brilliant idea, I was now worried that I had exposed myself even further, made myself even more attractive to the guard now that they could envision a further use for me. Though they may have known about my ability before, by using it and showing them that I would be able to throw pain and agony at the enemy certainly made my skills a lot more valuable in times of conflict. I knew my skills as a fighter and as trainer of newborns would be considered an excellent addition to the already currently impenetrable and undefeatable Volturi guard, but now they had another reason to want me. But, being part of the guard meant I'd have to let Bella go and how could I go on without her? My only instinct was to protect Bella, to ensure her safety, no matter what the cost. But, I was also selfish. I wanted to ensure she remained with me for all eternity. A war continued to rage through my head as I unilaterally fought both sides of the argument.

As the conversation between the three of them became even more heated, I clearly heard Aro state that this entire situation could have been avoided had he been involved in the matter when Victoria first approached the Volturi for their assistance. Suddenly, everything made sense. I hadn't understood why Aro was asking Victoria so many questions about the so called crimes Bella had committed against her. At first, I had thought it was for the benefit of everyone in the room, so that the audience had the background information as to why Bella had been brought to Italy for punishment. However, as he continued questioning her, it had seemed like he was gathering information for himself and it wasn't until he held her hands to search her memories that I realized it was the first time he had done so. Now hearing the words cross his lips while speaking with his brothers I realized that he was not present when Victoria first approached the Volturi in order to gain their assistance.

Again, I placed my hand on Bella's cheek and raised her face so she was looking at me. I fell into her deep brown eyes, memorizing this moment, how beautiful she was, how she looked back at me with just as much love as I had for her. I slowly lowered myself so my lips caressed hers and she immediately brought her hand up to press my head closer. Neither one of us caring that we had an audience or whether it was inappropriate, it might be the last time I could do this and I was not going to let this moment slip by.

Aro cleared his throat and was suddenly standing not more than two feet from us. Bella jumped back in surprise at his close proximity.

"We have made our decision." He paused, probably for what he considered dramatic effect and it was working, it was excruciating. "We will allow you to leave and go back to your lives, but only under the conditions we set." He smiled down at Bella.

"First, Bella must be changed before we permit her to leave..."

"Deal!" Bella blurted out before Aro could get in another word.

I spun her toward me, my face creased with concern. "Are you absolutely sure? Are you sure this is what you want?"

Her face wavered as she took in my expression. "I thought..." She whispered as the tears started to form in her eyes, her doubt starting to crush me. A familiar pain stung my chest as her tears poured freely down her flushed cheeks and I immediately knew where her mind had gone. It was the same pain she felt when Edward left her. She had wanted him to change her and he refused and eventually left her and she automatically thought because I questioned her wanting this, I was in some way questioning whether I wanted it, which was something I would never do.

"Oh, Bella, I would love nothing more than to spend eternity with you. I've never brought it up because I wanted you to want that on your own, not because it is something that I want, which I do, more than anything."

She smiled up at me. "Really? You want to spend forever with me?"

"Forever." I repeated.

Her smile lit up the room. "How could I not want to spend eternity with the man that I love?"

"Then it is decided." Aro clapped his hands together. "You will be changed this evening, no delay."

"Wait!" Bella interrupted and I tensed as Aro's eyes actually narrowed at her outburst. She immediately understood that she overstepped her boundaries and apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. You said before you let _me_ leave, what about Jasper? He gets to leave with me, right?"

"You will be changed and will remain here until we determine you are ready to make the trip back to the U.S."

Several thoughts crossed my mind at the point. Was he saying "until we determine you are ready" meaning until she controlled her thirst? That could take years. I had more than enough money to charter a private plane so that wouldn't be a problem. I wasn't going to stay here any longer than necessary and knew that I needed to hammer out these details before any decisions were finalized. But, of course, before I could formulate how to get Aro to disclose all his conditions, Bella spoke again.

"Will you let Jasper leave to hunt before he changes me?" Bella asked Aro.

My stomach plummeted as the situation was becoming more and more real now that actual details were being hammered out. No matter how much I wanted Bella to be changed so I would never lose her, I was more than worried that I wouldn't be able to do it. Sure, I had control over my thirst in her presence. I proved that to myself when she was covered in blood after her altercation at work with Steven. I held her, spent time alone in the car surrounded by the intoxicating scent of her fresh blood. God, I even _kissed_ her and still managed to keep the beast at bay. Nevertheless, to actually allow my teeth to pierce that beautiful soft skin, to feel the pulsating blood rush toward my mouth from her vein, the warm, thick liquid filling my mouth and pouring down my throat. The venom started to flow freely in my mouth as I thought about it. I would feel her life drift from her as my venom pumped into her body. What if I couldn't stop? What if the taste of her was too overpowering and I lost control? I'd kill her, I knew it now, I'd kill her if I were the one to change her. The doubts were overtaking all rationality. Never had I wished more in my life than at this very moment that Carlisle was here. He could do it without a single worry, he'd changed Edward, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett without losing an ounce of control. However, the thought of someone else touching her, tasting her, changing her was as gut wrenching as the thought of doing it myself.

"Bella, I don't know if I am strong enough to do it. What if I can't stop?" I whispered so low I was surprised Bella could even hear me.

"Of course you can do it. I have no doubt about it and I don't want anyone else to touch me. I don't want it to be anyone else. I want it to be your venom that changes me, part of you coursing through my body for all of eternity just as a part of me will be coursing through your veins, forever linking us together. Please Jasper, I know you can do it." Her utter confidence in me was astounding and I was immediately ashamed that I did not hold the same level of confidence in myself.

I was contemplating how I was going to do this and remain in control when out of the corner of my eye I was surprised to see Felix walk over to Aro and place his hand in his. I had been concentrating so fiercely on reading the emotions of Aro and his brothers that I had not noticed his return since he left with Victoria, I turned and saw that Demetri had also entered the room behind us. They certainly made quick work of Victoria and Felix seemed anxious to come back, as if he was worried he would miss something.

For the first time since I entered the room, I paid close attention to Felix as he silently provided Aro with his memories and thoughts. Immediately, I was struck with an overwhelming sense of interest, a genuine feeling of concern and, _wait just a second_, was that longing? Tensing as I pulled Bella back into a tight embrace, a low possessive rumble started to form deep in my throat. Just what the hell had happened before I arrived? I had been so concerned about getting here and then finally having Bella back in my arms that whatever atrocities she may have been through in the last day never even crossed my mind.

Several images popped into my head as to just what this Felix had done or had seen in order to allow these feelings to form. Jealousy coursed through me at the thought that he might have tried something with Bella or forced her to do something against her will. My stomach wanted to heave at the mere suggestion that his skin might have in anyway touched hers. The territorial instincts that fired up within me actually had me moving toward him and it wasn't until Bella's shocked gasp at my movements did I come back down to earth and regain control of myself. This wasn't the time or place, but come hell or high water, I was going to determine exactly what this Felix had done to Bella and exactly what his current intentions were.

Aro's next words provided me with all the clarity that I needed.

"Jasper, if you feel that you are unable to perform the change or that there is any concern over Bella's safety, Felix has extensive expertise in this area and has graciously offered to perform the change in your place."


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

_Oh. Hell. No._ No way was Felix going to change me. I had no doubt Jasper felt the fear pour through me at the thought of Felix biting me, but I still looked up at him, sure my eyes were as large as saucers, hoping that they would convey, in a language all their own, that he had to be the one to do it. While Felix had been nothing but kind and civil toward me, that in no way meant I was comfortable with his razor sharp teeth anywhere near my human flesh. _No way, not gonna happen_.

Jasper looked down at me and acknowledged my silent plea with a slight nod of his head.

"Thank you for the offer, however, Bella has faith in me and I would never betray her trust. I'll do it. I'll change her." Jasper stated confidently.

I released the breath that I didn't realize I was holding and felt immediate relief flow through me. I couldn't imagine allowing Felix to get _that_ close to me. It wasn't that I didn't trust him _not_ to kill me, it was just that his body would have to come in full contact with mine as he bit my throat and pumped his venom into my body. I couldn't stand the intimacy of it, not to mention what that would do to poor Jasper. I shuddered just thinking about it. I knew if the tables were turned, if it were Jasper having to change someone else while I stood by and watched the scenario flashed through my mind at light speed, his hands resting on her neck as he lowered himself toward her artery, his body coming into contact with hers as he slowly placed his lips on her throat, venom flowing coating his mouth in anticipation, his teeth piercing her throat. _Ugh!_ Well, no, I just couldn't even stand to think about it. And no matter how irrational it was, I didn't want some stranger's venom to change me. I knew it didn't make a difference whose venom it was as the end result was going to be the same, but it just _had_ to be Jasper. In my mind it would be as if I would always belong to him. He changed me. He wanted me forever. His venom would be what stopped my heart, but it was his love that filled it. No, it just had to be Jasper.

"Very good. I had no doubt that would be your decision." Aro responded as he clapped his hands together. He looked at Felix and nodded his head very slightly in acknowledgement of what was most likely Felix's disappointment at not getting his wish.

"When?" I asked immediately hoping that I would have time to speak with Jasper alone before this took place.

"It shall be done tonight child." Aro moved toward me, reaching out, his pale icy hand touched my cheek. "You shall not see another sunrise in this fragile state." His words were a soft promise spoken through slightly curved lips. "Your human existence, while entertaining as it may be, has gone on long enough." Dropping his hand, he stepped back again.

"You had mentioned a few conditions would have to be met. I would like to discuss those now, if it is not inconvenient." Jasper spoke with great respect and I knew he was trying not to offend by asking Aro to clarify his intentions. He most likely felt he was walking a fine line and didn't want to upset Aro since our release was looking better and better every minute.

"Ah yes, of course, ever the strategist, wanting to negotiate all the details right away." Aro laughed slightly as he smiled in appreciation.

With that, he turned toward his brothers for a brief moment. Marcus and Caius both nodded to him in acknowledgement to some agreement they must have come to previously. Turning back to face us, Aro smiled at Jasper, a smile I didn't care for in the least. Try as I might, I couldn't stop the wave of panic that rose within me and caused goose bumps to break out over every inch of my body. Jasper held me tighter, sending soothing emotions through his fingertips. I didn't know what he was feeling from Aro or his ancient brothers, but I had to trust that whatever it was, the conditions were not as bad as I thought. When Aro spoke again, his eyes never left Jasper's and I realized then that whatever the conditions maybe, they were going to be a command, not a choice.

"While we do not require you to become part of the guard, we do require that you stay with us for a period of ten years to provide us with your extensive knowledge and expertise of training newborns in hand to hand combat."

_TEN YEARS?! _Shock from the demand nearly dropped me to my knees and I knew that my mouth was now hanging wide open. He couldn't expect Jasper to stay here for _ten years_? No, this couldn't be happening. _What happened to Jasper not having to sacrifice himself for me?_

I looked up at Jasper, desperation no doubt apparent as our eyes met. "No, Jasper, I can't let that happen."

While I was pleading with Jasper, a slight growl came from behind us and I turned to see that Demetri was clearly offended by this condition as well. Although, I was pretty confident it wasn't for the same reasons that I was. To Demetri, it must have been as if Aro was saying he required assistance or further knowledge in a position he most likely held for years.

Aro's eyebrow rose slightly, which silenced Demetri immediately. Then he continued speaking to Jasper, also ignoring my pleas that I continued to whisper. "Please do not take this the wrong way, we do not feel our guard inferior by any means, but any additional information or skills someone with your experience and knowledge is willing to share, will only make us stronger." His comment was obviously more for appeasing the anger in Demetri than for Jasper.

"Please, Aro, please don't ask Jasper to sacrifice himself for me like this. Isn't giving up my human life enough?" I begged.

"Bella, dear, my sweet, sweet child. Ten years is nothing to a vampire. You will come to understand that. It is like the blink of an eye in a limitless life span. I originally planned to have Jasper stay on permanently, but have since reconsidered after you offered to be changed. And, even though I cannot read your memories, I have seen through Jasper's that this change is something you had longed for in the past and, I believe, would have eventually made this decision of your own free will in the very near future. Therefore, Jasper pays the penalty for breaking our number one rule, which is that no human is to be aware of our existence. That is his punishment. An extremely lenient punishment, I might add. You, my dear, will sacrifice your human life for the deaths of James and Laurent, again, a very lenient punishment since I have no doubt that this would have occurred regardless."

"But..." I started to beg, but Aro interrupted me and made no indication that he was even aware that I had started to speak, as if anything else I had to add was of little or no consequence to his decision.

"We will, of course, permit Jasper to teach you his ways of feeding and control before we ask that he begin his work with the guard. However we do require that you do not leave Italy. Of course, should it make you more comfortable, during this period we will not require that you live with us, you are free to have your own dwelling, provided, as I mentioned, that you remain in Italy."

"But..." I started again, my mind stuck on that one word.

Jasper tugged me close to his chest to get my attention. "Bella,I accept this sentence, as you must. Aro is right. Ten years is nothing, we can do this. We will make it through this. Everything is going to be all right." He turned my face up to him and stroked my hair back then cupped my cheeks with his cool hands. "I'll find us a secluded villa, somewhere beautiful and peaceful and you will love it, I promise. We will be together and that is all that matters."

"But..." I tried again, amazed at my own mastering of the English language.

Jasper lightly pressed his thumb over my mouth, stopping any further flow of brilliance from escaping my lips.

"Shh, it is okay, there is nothing to worry about. We will work it out. As long as we are together, it will all work out." He reassured me and I knew he believed it. I could feel it

Aro took the opportunity to continue. "We also require that Bella be brought back to Volturi at the end of her first year as a newborn so that we may assess her condition and see whether any special ability has indeed developed."

Jasper stiffened at this condition and began to speak very carefully, as if he were rapidly thinking through several scenarios before he decided on his particular words. "This condition, regardless of whether or not Bella does develop any ability, her freedom is guaranteed?"

"Yes, of course."

"I have your word on that?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, you have my word." Aro replied.

"And, if you should not be in attendance or you should for any unforeseen reason, not be in the current position you are now, do I have the word of your brothers that Bella's freedom is forever guaranteed?"

Aro turned to look at his brothers who reluctantly nodded their agreement.

"I would also like to clarify that my penalty of serving the guard for ten years will suffice as a payment by all of my family members in connection with allowing Bella to be aware of their existence."

"Yes, of course." Aro agreed looking pleased as he most likely thought negotiations had concluded.

"I would like to add something." I tentatively spoke, worried that I might undo everything Jasper was trying to accomplish, but what I needed to say could not be ignored. He was so worried about covering every angle where I was concerned that I was worried that he was leaving himself out in the open.

Aro sighed as if these negotiations were beginning to wear on him. "Yes, child?"

"I was wondering about Jasper's safety during his training with the guard. Will he have to go out and fight or is he just here for training purposes only? Oh, and during the training period, does Jasper have to live here or can he remain with me wherever we decide to live and um...commute? Like he has a nine to five job? "

Aro's lips pursed even tighter together at my request, which made me very nervous. Were they intending on putting Jasper out to fight? There was no way I could allow that. The thought of any harm coming to him or that I might lose him now that I had him back was too much to think about, even in the hypothetical.

Aro looked me over shrewdly and finally agreed. "You make it sound as if we have ulterior motives child." He chuckled as his gaze swung back to his brothers with a slight smile on his face. "So it shall be sworn. Jasper's safety is guaranteed and he will not be put to fight. The Cullen's penalty for allowing your human life to continue while knowing of our existence will be considered paid in full. Jasper will not have to live in residence while servicing his penalty payment. Now did I miss anything?" Aro raised an eyebrow at me and I immediately realized that his question was rhetorical but he had finally agreed to everything so I relaxed into Jasper's embrace and shook my head regardless at his question.

"Now that the negotiations are over, why don't the two of you take your leave and return to the room in which Bella has been staying so that procedures may get underway. The change will begin tonight or we will take matters into our own hands to ensure this happens. Do you understand?" Aro advised as he turned to walk back toward his brothers, obviously indicating that he was done with us.

I nodded my head in response and looked back up at Jasper. I still had a thousand questions flying through my head, but didn't dare try to ask any more. Nevertheless… I had no idea when Jasper had last fed. Would he need to leave me long enough to find something to take the edge off? It was something very important, something Aro needed to know about before we were escorted out of this room. The trick was to ask the right person. "Jasper…" I tripped over the words, not knowing exactly what to say. "Do you need to hunt? I mean… before… you know, because it would help... for later." _Ah hell! At least it was better than…__Hey, why don't you go gorge yourself elsewhere so you don't get the urge to do so on me?_ That was not exactly a confidence boosting thought, nor would I ever be so disrespectful to Jasper as to even mutter the words. So, I drop kicked it out of my head and chastised myself for allowing it to even cross my mind. I had faith in Jasper and was ashamed that my mind went there even for a brief second. The stress of the whole situation was really getting to me in more ways than one. I knew he could do this, I was positive he could do it. It was the lack of faith he had in himself that had me worried.

"No, I am fine. If you think that I am leaving you alone for a second now that I have you back, you are mistaken. I can't stand the thought of leaving you here by yourself." His hand stroked lovingly through my hair.

"Jasper, you need to do this. When was the last time you hunted? Do this, please, for me. I will be okay. I promise." The last chance he would have had to hunt was when I left his house to go to class, but that was almost 48 hours ago and he was used to feeding on a daily basis to keep his thirst under control. With what he was about to do, we both knew he needed to have his thirst completely satiated.

"Yes, Jasper, please, take whatever time you need to feed." Aro broke in as I had hoped he would. "I will have Felix show you to the room where you will be staying with Bella before you leave and upon my honour, I swear she will be safe there until you return. You have my word." Aro placed his hand over his chest as he spoke the last few words.

Jasper tensed but reluctantly nodded in agreement and we stood awkwardly in silence as we waited for Felix who seemed to be struggling with the need to argue with Aro and the need follow orders. His hands were clenched tightly into fists at his sides and his jaw was clearly tensed so tightly that I thought at any moment I was going to hear his teeth shatter.

Aro's deep red eyes stared at Felix who still had not made any movement toward Jasper and I in order to lead us out of the room. "Felix, kindly accompany our guests back to the room Bella occupied last evening." Aro prodded him while smiling at me as he gestured toward the doors. "I will ensure that you have everything that you need for the change. I will also arrange for Gianna to bring you another meal, if you would like."

"Thank you." And with those words, my mind officially went numb. My situation had gone from what I thought was my death sentence by the vampire royalty to their now treating me as a guest and getting ready to make the change go as smoothly as possible. It was truly unbelievable_. A tale to be told only in fiction._

Felix walked in front of us and we turned to follow. Just as we were about to exit the room, Aro stopped us.

"Felix, it has just occurred to me that the room in which Bella slept last evening is not appropriate for undergoing the change. Kindly escort them to the red room." Aro waived us on and went back to his brothers who looked somewhat dismayed, clearly not agreeing with his recent change of mind.

Felix nodded his agreement and again turned toward the door where Demetri had now appeared. I didn't miss the smirk on Demetri's face as he watched Felix leave the room. _What the hell was going on with them?_ Jasper and I silently followed Felix through several hallways until it felt like we were at the complete other end of the building.

Jasper seemed tense and his eyes did not leave Felix's back for a second, watching his every movement. I knew without asking that he was reading Felix's emotions and was unhappy about what he was discovering for some reason. We finally stopped in front of a large wooden door, which Felix opened. Stepping back, he allowed me to enter the room, keeping his eyes diverted from the both of us. Jasper didn't take his eyes off Felix until he finally raised his gaze and met Jasper's evenly. I turned away from whatever was being exchanged between the two of them and took in my surroundings.

The room was absolutely beautiful. My breath was taken away as I slowly turned to absorb every detail of the rich fabrics that covered every inch of the room. The bed was king size and looked as soft as a cloud that had been plucked from the sky. Dozens of pillows were stacked against the headboard, screaming at me to throw myself into them and bury my body deep within. The frame was dark wood with four posters that reached the ceiling. Each one carved with intricate details, the likes of which would never be able to be duplicated. The duvet and blankets that covered every inch of the bed were a rich blood red and appeared to be made from the softest material that I had ever seen. I couldn't stop myself from walking directly to it just to caress the covers, satisfy my curiosity, and determine whether they were, in fact, as soft as they looked.

I turned and slowly sat on the edge of the bed, sinking several inches as the softness of the covers and mattress accommodated my weight. The walls were covered in a dark gold brocade wallpaper, providing one with the impression that they would be as soft to touch as the bed that I was currently sitting on. Each window was covered with the thick velvet curtains that draped dramatically, pooling against the hardwood floor. Each curtain was so thick that it would provide the room with eternal darkness should one wish it. The hardwood flooring was covered by the thickest rug I'd ever seen and I fought the urge to remove my shoes and bury my toes deep within it. Sitting on the edges of the rug were two of the most beautiful chairs I'd ever laid eyes on. They appeared to be made from the finest silk with ottomans that matched perfectly, calling out as a haven for a tired pair of feet at the end of a long day. I cringed to think of how much it would cost to replace anything in the room should I happen to destroy it during the change. The room was like nothing I'd ever seen before and seemed so out of place from every other room I'd seen so far in the building. Every object was ornate and looked like it would cost a fortune.

My gaze finally found its way to the far side of the room and I had to fight back the urge to laugh out loud. Two paintings hung side by side encased in heavy ornate gold frames. I knew the paintings very well as they were from Edvard Munch. One was the very popular, The Scream and the other was The Vampire. I laughed at the irony of the two paintings. Whoever chose them certainly had a very warped sense of humour.

I gave my head a shake in order to bring myself back to reality. I was acting as if I'd just walked into a five star hotel room while on vacation, instead of what was happening in reality, we were being held captive by the vampire mafia. Looking toward the door, I saw Felix finally backing out as he slowly closed the door, never looking away or breaking his eye contact with Jasper until the door actually blocked his vision. As far as I could tell, they hadn't exchanged words, but something had definitely transpired between the two of them. It was like at any given moment they were going to walk over to the table, expose themselves and measure each other to see who the bigger man was. A silent pissing contest of sorts had definitely taking place. I would have to ask Jasper later what that was all about. However, at that moment all I wanted was to feel his arms around me. I stood up, started walking toward him and, as he turned to me, all rational thought left my mind. I flung myself at him before he even had a chance to take another step into the room or take in his surroundings. No longer having to hold in my emotions, I threw my arms around his shoulders, buried my face in his neck and began to sob hysterically.

"Shh, Bella, it is okay. We don't have to do this. We have other options." Apparently, Jasper thought he needed to reassure me as he rubbed my back while holding to me just as tightly.

"Jasper, can't you feel my emotions? These aren't tears from being scared or sad, these are tears of absolute happiness." I pulled my head back so we were looking directly into one another's eyes. The moment our eyes connected, it was like a spark ignited. My need for him overcame me and I crashed my lips into his. Jasper responded immediately and one hand wrapped itself around the back of my head while the other picked me up off the floor. Quickly, I brought my legs up, wrapping them around his waist, grinding my core into his quickly growing erection.

A purr emanated from his chest, the vibrations tickling their way over my breasts. I broke from the kiss to gasp for air and Jasper took the opportunity to latch on to my neck, his lips sucking and his teeth nipping as he manoeuvred us against the far wall of the room, completely bypassing the big fluffy bed. My body fought against the logic screaming in my head that this wasn't the time or the place for this, but as my back hit the wall, I gave in and went for everything I could get. As Jasper held me up, I pressed my back against the wall for support, which freed my hands to lower over his chest and abdomen until my fingertips hit Jasper's zipper. My body and my needs won the argument and I couldn't care less. I thought I would never do this again, I'd never be able to touch Jasper or have him in my arms and nothing was going to stop me from ravishing every single inch of him. There was no longer any ability left for coherent thought, it was awkward and frantic and incredibly hot and sexy and we couldn't be moving fast enough. It was just as erotic as our first time together. Jasper's hands had already made fast work of my pants and he was attempting to pull them off my legs without allowing my feet to touch the ground.

"You do yours, I'll do mine." I gasped as I lowered my feet in order to strip my pants off. Jasper nodded in agreement, and from the corner of my eye, I saw a bright shiny foil packet flip between his long fingers and realized he had pulled a condom from his back pocket then, quickly dropped his jeans to the floor.

"Wha..?" I couldn't help but smile. "You're carrying them around with you now?" I asked, surprised that he had one with him, although extremely thankful as I think I would have thrown myself out the window if we had to stop now, but still surprised nonetheless.

If Jasper could blush, I knew he'd be ten shades of red at the moment. "Well, after your wanting to make love on the dock, I thought it best that I always be prepared. Besides, these are the same clothes I've had on since Monday morning, I wouldn't normally think about that in a situation like this...or well...had I of known... this certainly wasn't what I was..."

Good god, the poor man was dying of embarrassment and I immediately needed to rectify that situation.

"Well aren't you the little boy scout?" I teased as I grabbed on to his shirt and pulled him toward me. He smiled back at me as he lowered himself back to my mouth, exactly where he belonged. His cool hands made their way around my bare bottom and he lifted me back up against the wall. With absolute ease, he slowly entered me and my breath was stolen from the amazing feel of him filling me. My eyes closed as I arched even further, allowing him even more access. Using the wall behind me as his leverage, he began to move back and forth. His hands moved to my hips as he continued to pump in and out. I watched as the veins in his neck became thicker, his head tilting back as I grasped on to his shoulders for traction. God, he felt good. He released one hand from my hip and moved it across my stomach, lowering until he reached my clit. My self control shattered like glass as my orgasm immediately crashed down on me. Unable to hold out any longer, Jasper slipped one hand behind my back, holding me steady as he pumped faster, moving at an incredible speed. His head dipped down as he bit his lower lip, he was nearing his release and it was the sexiest sight I had ever seen.

His arms wrapped around my body as he pulled me into his chest just as he exploded, filling the condom with his cold essence. I could feel the drop in temperature as my body immediately warmed the fluid encased within it. The thought that we were soon going to be able to make love without condoms was extremely exciting. I hated what they represented. How they reminded me each time we were together that we were so different, that he could so easily harm me. Well, not any more. We were going to be equals.

As our tremors subsided, Jasper kept his arms around me and walked us still joined over to the bed, pulling the covers back and lowering us down until he was able to pull out, he then lay beside me.

"I thought I had lost you forever, that I would never see you again. Now, I am going to spend eternity with you. I will never have to feel that way again. No matter what, we will always be together. I will always have you to love. I honestly don't think I could be happier." I crushed myself against him again and buried my face into his neck, inhaling deeply, allowing his scent to once again ingrain itself into my system. I slowly removed his shirt, which still remained due to the haste of our lovemaking. I traced my fingers over each and every scar, reintroducing myself to them. It felt like it had been decades since my skin had touched his. Jasper returned the favour by removing my top as well, lightly skimming his fingers along my collarbone and down my arms. We were finally together, touching in ways that I thought we never would again. The feeling of his skin meeting mine in such gentle caresses brought tears to my eyes. It was nothing short of a miracle that we were back together and I would never take that for granted. The fact that Jasper was able to find me was...well, was actually astounding and unbelievable which, led to the next question out of my mouth.

"How on earth did you find me?"

Jasper paused for a moment, as if he wasn't sure of what my reaction was going to be to whatever he was about to tell me which, of course, only made me very nervous.

"It's nothing bad, don't worry." He said as he felt my emotions. "It was Alice."

"_Alice??"_ I couldn't help screeching as I sat upright on the bed. After all this time and after everything she missed, she steps up to the plate now?

"Wha...how...when...uh." Was my next brilliant statement.

He took a deep breath and exhaled directly in my face, not doing so on purpose, but he unintentionally dazzled me, the bugger. I was immediately calm and waited for him to explain.

"Let me start from the beginning. I tried calling you on Monday morning after I knew that you should have been out of class and I couldn't get you on your cell. I was worried that something might have happened. Perhaps you were in an accident or ran into Steven. I was just about to get in the car and to come and look for you when the phone rang and it was Jacob."

"Jacob?" I interrupted which caused him to sigh loudly, but smile at the same time. He was no stranger to my endless questioning or incessant interrupting.

"Please, you are going to have to let me tell the whole story before you ask questions because you will have tons of them as I go along, but let me get it all out and hopefully a lot of them will be answered along the way."

I nodded and pinched my lips together as if willing myself to be quiet.

"So, Jacob called me because he couldn't get a hold of you and didn't know where you were and he knew that vampires had been in your apartment and left with you."

My mouth immediately opened and he quickly placed two fingers over my lips to silence me before I could say anything. I clenched my jaw and stomped my foot against the bed, literally. Jasper looked down at the guilty foot and raised an eyebrow. In response, I shrugged my shoulders and waved him on to continue. He wrapped his legs around mine and smiled as he pulled me into his embrace, now effectively preventing me from moving my arms or my legs.

"This next part is going to be difficult for you to hear and for me to tell so I want you to promise to remain silent until I get through it." He pleaded with me. How could I not do whatever this man wanted me to? I was lost in his golden eyes as they also begged for my cooperation and I found myself immediately agreeing.

"It seems that since you moved out of Jacob's house, he's been having Seth watch over you."

I couldn't help myself but I interrupted. "What?! He had Seth watching me? Like he was following me? Spying on me? Why? Why would he do that?" I blurted out as my mind raced to figure out what was going on, not caring that Jasper was most likely going to tell me in the next few seconds and then it hit me like a slap in the face and I couldn't believe I didn't figure it out sooner. I ignored the sigh of exasperation that came from Jasper from my having interrupted again and continued on my rant.

"He knew about Victoria didn't he? He frigging knew what she had done and kept it from me! That's why he had me watched. That's why he always seemed to know what I was doing before I even told him. That bastard! How dare he keep something like this from me? Why would he do that? Why?" My mind was racing at all the things I wanted to say and do to Mr. Jacob Black. How could he keep something like this from me, all this time? I felt betrayed, hurt and furious that he would do something so low and deceitful.

"What? You knew about Victoria and your parents?" He asked stunned.

"Well I take it since you know about it, that my assumption about Jacob is correct. But to answer your question, yes, I had the pleasure of getting the first-hand account of what happened right from the murdering bitch's mouth." The anger pouring out of my system was actually making me feel physically hot even though I was practically encased in Jasper's cold body. And, due to my annoying genetic defect, my eyes started to water because I was so mad. Damn it. If I had known about Charlie maybe, I could have protected Renee and Phil in some manner.

"Do not start blaming yourself Bella. No matter what happened, Charlie would have been shot and Renee and Phil would still have been in that accident. We don't know and can never be sure they would have survived either." Jasper attempt to calm me failed miserably and I pushed myself away from him. He reluctantly released me, probably feeling that at that moment, I just needed the space.

"Don't do that! Don't you take his side and justify his keeping something like that from me. That's a deal breaker! How can I ever trust him again? What else has he hid from me? Did everyone on the reservation know what was going on? Fuck. I feel like an idiot. He just should have put me in a padded cell and be done with it." My anger had fully unleashed and the tears were streaming down my cheeks.

"I am not taking his side. Bella, I will always be on your side. But, those were feelings of guilt you were having and I don't want you blaming yourself for anything that happened. It was all Victoria. Yes, Jacob should have told you. Yes, you have every right to be mad, but I think you owe it to yourself and your friendship with Jacob to hear him out. I am sure he has his reasons, whether or not they are justified or right _or_ within reason, you need to hear him out. After everything the two of you have been through together, you need to listen to what he has to say." Jasper in his usual no-nonsense manner was able to bring my focus back to the matter at hand and get me off my rant. I am sure that any other vampire in Jasper's shoes would welcome the fact that I was so angry with Jacob and perhaps even encourage it since Jacob hated Jasper so much and was determined to see that we were not together. But, not Jasper, no. He had to be understanding and make sense and be right and...well, I loved him even more for it.

"Okay, rant over, for now. Please, continue."

Jasper proceeded to give me the run down on how Jacob called him frantic. How Seth had discovered the different scents and then Jasper was at my apartment when Alice showed up. I immediately felt nervous about the fact that Jasper had seen Alice again. I wasn't jealous per say, but I wondered how he felt seeing her again after being with me. Did he regret it? I didn't want to interrupt him as he was telling me about Alice's visions and why she couldn't see me because of her apparent inability to see werewolves, but I found it was the only thing that was sticking in my mind. Everything else he was saying was going in one ear and out the other. God, what if he was going to regret his decision? He was now stuck serving the guard for a decade. _A decade._ Even though he said it would be over quickly or equated it to the blink of an eye, it was still ten years. Our first decade together would be marred by his having to service a debt because of the relationship between Edward and I.

Jasper shouldn't have to do this, he just shouldn't. It was so unfair and he was too much of a gentleman to say anything to the contrary. Out of all of the Cullen's he was the one that had the least to do with me back then. Christ, if anything, he tried to kill me himself! That should have won him some leniency in Aro's eyes. My mind seethed as I thought about yet another casualty that I could place at Edward's feet. Jasper was doing this for me. How could I be so insecure as to think for a second that he was going to regret being with me? He had proved his love over and over and I still couldn't get it through my thick skull that it was _me_ that he wanted, that he would always want.

"Where did you just go?" Jasper took my face in his hands, which brought my attention back to him.

"I'm listening, sorry, continue."

"No, you are not. I know when you are paying attention, as you are the most avid listener. You drifted off into your own world just now and I want to understand the emotions related to whatever you were thinking about." Jasper's forehead had creased with worry. There was no doubt he knew what I was feeling.

"It's silly really and I feel stupid for even thinking about it." I mumbled, embarrassed that after everything we had been through and after what we just _did_, after the lengths that Jasper had gone to find me and was willing to go to save me, I still worried about his feelings for Alice. _Irrational much?_

"Nothing that worries you is ever silly and you should never feel stupid. Please Bella, don't close yourself off to me. What is bothering you?"

"It's just...well...seeing Alice...did you feel...or was there..." Ugh, I couldn't even bring myself to ask.

"Bella, I certainly hope you aren't doubting my feelings for you." Jasper's eyebrows had furrowed so deeply they became one.

"Well...no, no. I know you love me and you've proved that more than once by finding me, by being willing to sacrifice yourself for me. It's just that...I was wondering what it was like for you to see Alice again and that, you know, even though you love me, you might still love her and want to be with her." Once I got that out, I realized how ridiculous it sounded and now really felt like a fool, but I continued on. "Then, I was thinking how this is just so unfair to you. That you have to pay for Edward's decision. It makes me angry that he's off somewhere living his life without a care in the world as to what he left behind while others are left to clean up his messes."

Jasper's jaw visibly clenched at my last statement about Edward, which did not go unnoticed by me. "Bella, first, please don't ever doubt that you are my life. You are the only person I want to be with. Ever. Alice and I are over. We don't love each other in that way any longer. As for the penalty, really, it is not that big of a deal. Think of it as an adventure. I'll find us somewhere remote and romantic. You'll love it so much that you will never want to leave. And just think, you are going to live in Italy. Did you ever think you would? We can travel the entire country, every village and mountainside are ours for discovery. I'll show you every place I've ever been, we'll see every piece of architecture that you've ever read about. No stone will be left unturned in this country. You will love it, I promise you. Plus, no matter what, we are together, which is more than I could have ever hoped for just a few short hours ago. Please, let's look at the positive side of things and move forward with what we can, not with what we cannot." He reached over and ran his finger along the side of my jaw, placing a light kiss on my lips. I could see the trouble in his eyes as he opened his mouth and began to speak again. "As for your statement about Edward, there is still something I need to discuss with you..."

I stopped him immediately by pressing my lips against his. "No, I don't want to talk about him anymore. I'm tired of him. I'm sorry I let a flicker of doubt cross my mind about Alice, I really am."

"Bella, please believe me, I am exactly where I want to be. Well, let me clarify, I am with exactly who I want to be with, not so much _where_ I want to be." He leaned forward and lightly kissed my lips again as he finally looked around the room. I watched with rising alarm as he started to scan the room quickly, bolting upright and absorbing every rich detail, pouring over every corner as if he were looking for something, but not able to find it. He jumped out of bed and checked the double doors at the end of the room to discover that it was a closet. Quickly, he walked over to another door and wrenched it open, he reached around the wall and flicked on the light, which illuminated a beautiful bathroom.

"What is going on? What are you doing?" I asked nervously as he began to pace back and forth, running his long fingers through his hair. If I hadn't felt he was in such a panic, I would have fully enjoyed watching his naked body move so gracefully around the room.

"This isn't right, we shouldn't be here. This isn't what she saw." He muttered to himself.

"What? What did Alice see?" I demanded, snapping harder than I normally would have where Jasper was concerned, but he was lost in his own world at the moment and I needed to snap him back to the here and now because he was starting to scare me.

He stopped and looked at me, crossing the room to hold on to my hands as he dropped to his knees on the floor in front of me.

"She saw me change you but it wasn't here. The room looked nothing like this. I'm worried...I'm worried now that something else is going to happen."

"Jasper, we both know that Alice's visions aren't always correct. Remember, she saw Edward change me and, hello, that's not going to happen. She's been wrong before and she will be wrong again so let's not worry about it too much. Aro guaranteed our safety. We are okay here."

"No, Alice isn't wrong. She always saw you being changed, but… she never once said it was Edward that did it." He corrected me. His eyes seemed to search deep within mine, while he waited for what he had said to sink in.

"Of course, she said it was Edward. Who else would it have been?" The words came out of my mouth, but as I thought back to those long forgotten conversations, Jasper was right, it was never specifically said that it would be Edward that would change me.

"It was you?" I whispered as tears formed and blurred his beautiful face from my view. "It has always been you?"

"Yes, it was always me."


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

It was always him. _Always_.

We were meant to be. From the moment we met, destined to be together. No matter what might have happened, what would happen or was going to happen, it was always him and it would always be him. No matter how strong my feelings were for Edward those many years ago, no matter how long we may have stayed together, my destiny had been decided. It was always Jasper.

I didn't think it possible for my heart to feel fuller, for the love I had for Jasper to be stronger than it already was, but it grew every second we were together. With every glance, every touch, every kiss, the feelings grew and there was no end in sight. It was a force in and of itself. My soul cried out, wanting to leap from my body and fly to the heaven's to kiss whatever god or entity was responsible for placing this incredible man in my life. Whatever pain or torture I had endured in the past, brought me to this man, this incredible, loving, gorgeous, sexy, unbelievable man who was mine and would always be mine.

Because it was always him.

Tears silently flowed down my cheeks as I absorbed every detail in Jasper's face. He silently stared back at me, allowing me to adjust to the fact that no matter what, it was always him. Wrapping my arms tightly around him, I couldn't get close enough. If I could crawl under his skin, I would.

"I love you, too." He whispered as I clung to him, my feelings of complete and utter happiness no doubt drowning him as I sobbed deliriously into his shoulder.

"Shh...just breathe Bella. I know this has been a lot to take in all at once, but please, just relax." He stroked my hair back from my face as he smiled slightly, raising an eyebrow, silently asking if he could help me with my emotions. I was amazed that in so little time I was able to read his face so easily. As easily as he read my emotions, he displayed his so clearly on his face that it was almost like I could feel them.

"I'm sorry. My mind is just scattered and I've just had a lot of information thrown at me in the last two days. I'm just not sure what is real anymore." I explained.

"It's okay, you've been under a lot of pressure and stress and I am sure that being kidnapped by Victoria is sure to scramble some wires for a couple of days." He attempted to lighten the atmosphere with words as opposed to manipulating my emotions. Now that the threat of Victoria was over, it was much easier to look back on her and not have those feelings of absolute terror and rage take me over.

"But this is real, Bella. Our love for each other is real." Jasper whispered.

"Jasper, I just...I couldn't breathe thinking that I would never see you again, I'd never be able to hold you, be held by you. It killed me knowing you were out there, looking for me and would never be able to find me. I knew you would blame yourself. Jacob would blame you and again, it was all my fault. It was like a weight crushing me from within and I gave up. I gave up on us. I'm so sorry, can you ever forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive. Bella, you just went through one of the most terrifying situations that one can ever live through, it is only to be expected that your thoughts went were they did. But, just know that now nothing will ever keep me away from you. No matter where you go or what happens, I will always find you. I will always come for you. I can't exist without you and would stop at nothing to have you back at my side where you belong, where you have always belonged."

"How did I get so lucky?" I asked, not believing that after everything, I was getting the man of my dreams, I was going to live for eternity, have incredible strength, amazing health, travel the world. It was amazing that I won this lottery. However, no matter how lucky I was and how amazing my life would become or how incredible I felt at that moment, how could I allow myself to be truly happy when so many people had paid a price for that happiness? How could I let go of everything and be really soul deep happy when Jasper still had ten years of service to the Volturi?

"Bella, you have to come to terms with what happened. I know it will be hard and it is unreasonable to think that it will happen quickly, but you need to forgive yourself for what happened. I can say it until I'm blue in the face, you are not responsible for the death of your parents, but until you truly believe it, nothing I say or do will matter. Please. Please, don't let this blacken our future together." Jasper begged, placing his hands on either side of my face so I had no choice but to look directly at him.

"I know, I know. I know you're right but I can't help it. If I hadn't met Edward...if I didn't go to watch your family play ball...perhaps..." As the words tumbled from my mouth, it was never clearer than in that exact moment that he was so right. No matter what I said or did, nothing was going to change and I needed to accept it and move on or I would ruin everything. I would systematically pick apart every bit of happiness thinking that I didn't deserve it and my guilt would cast a shadow over everything. That wouldn't be fair to Jasper. He deserved to live a life being loved by someone who could love him completely without reservation and that person was me. He was sacrificing himself for me and I needed to be here for him, one hundred percent, no skeletons or ghosts lingering to haunt us. It would be me that loved him forever and we would be together no matter what I had to do to get over everything that I had learned and lived through.

I had picked myself up from being shattered by Edward and put myself together. I could do this, I would do this. Forgiving myself and moving forward would be exactly what I would do. I also needed to stop wishing Edward had never entered my life because if he hadn't, I would have never met Jasper. God, in some ways I should almost thank Edward because realistically, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here today, with Jasper's arms around me, his love pouring into my body and soul.

Jasper smiled as he felt me work through everything. "That's my girl." He pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Do you want to continue with how you found me?" I asked.

"Well, there's not really much else to tell. Once Alice showed up at your apartment, we chartered a jet and flew here immediately." He smiled and shook his head. "She is the only one I know who can find the fastest car in an airport parking lot in five minutes flat. Once we arrived here, I made her promise to call Jacob and tell him we found you and that I was in the process of trying to get you out. I also made her promise not to come in with me. No matter how fast she is or what she can see coming, I just couldn't worry about her as well."

I nodded my head as he spoke, listening to every word. He finished speaking and gently rubbed circles on my hand with his thumb, clearly not aware he was doing it. I could tell he was reading my emotions, waiting for me to bombard him with questions, but I found I was spent. There was nothing left to wonder about, nothing left to question. We were where we were. No turning back, only moving forward. I was going to change, become a vampire, live for eternity with Jasper. I looked down at our hands, entwined together, his thumb still doing its lazy circles. Those hands would be the hands that touched me forever, that cared for me, that loved me for the rest of time. My eyes watered and my vision blurred as I realized that our hands would never age another day, they would always remain youthful and vital.

"Now, do you want to tell me what happened?" He asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"You know what? We have an eternity to talk about this, can we do this later?" I asked as I didn't feel up to reliving what I had just gone through. Though I was still reeling from Jasper's revelation about Jacob and how he knew everything and kept it from me, I just didn't want to relive everything else right at the moment. For despite everything that I had just undergone and discovered, I was finally starting to feel happy and well… excited about what was to come, I didn't want to ruin it by giving Jasper a play by play of what had happened since I was kidnapped and flown halfway around the world.

Jasper's lips were pursed together and he nodded his head as I spoke, mirroring my exact actions of just a few minutes ago.

"Are you sure you want to change me?" I asked, worried that he might still have concerns over whether or not his control was strong enough.

"Are you kidding? Of course! I do wish it were under different circumstances, but I couldn't be happier that we are going to be able to be together forever." As Jasper spoke those last few words, he paused. "I mean, I guess I shouldn't assume, we've never discussed it, but I just thought...after everything you said to Aro...well, I am hoping that you want to spend eternity with me... and now...Aro's decision has decided certain things for us but...Christ, this is not how I wanted this to happen." He sat up, looking again around the room, his face showing his dismay. "I wanted romance and to make things perfect for you and ask you properly. It is a life commitment that I wanted you to make freely and it should never been have forced upon you. Nevertheless, my sweet Bella… there is absolutely no way I'd want spend a moment of my future anywhere else but in your presence."

"Jasper, I can't imagine a better way to spend eternity. I know we never spoke about changing me, but things were happening so quickly. I'd like to think it was because we didn't have time, not because neither of us hadn't considered it."I moved to sit behind him so that my legs wrapped around his front, my head resting on his back.

"What about the room? It's all wrong. Something is still going to happen, it must if Alice's vision is to come true." He muttered, more than to himself than to me.

Shifting myself around so that I was facing him, I placed my hands on his chest and looked up at him. "Tell me about it. What did she say?"

"She said that the room was round and made from old stones, like you were in a tower of a castle. The room was bare with a window on one side, which was too high for you to see out of. There was a large wooden door that was so old it would require a skeleton key to open. Nothing like this room, nothing at all." His despair was thick in the air, but each description he provided made my heart soar.

"Jasper, it will happen! That was the room I spent last night in. That was where we were going to be tonight until Aro changed his mind at the last second. Don't you remember? He asked Felix to take us to that room and then changed his mind. Alice wouldn't have seen that!" I exclaimed.

The smile that took over his face erased all concerns that he may have had. He was so beautiful. I truly was the luckiest girl in the world. Jaspers beauty was truly inside and out and he was all mine.

I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, pushing him back on the bed. His arms snaked around my waist as he wrapped himself around me.

He smiled as I pressed my hips firmly against his, giggling as I instantly felt the very reaction I was hoping for.

"Bella..." He moaned as he tilted my chin up so I was looking at him. "I may have been prepared, but I am not _that_ prepared. I do not travel with an endless supply of condoms in my back pocket and I seriously doubt anyone here would have one to spare. Besides, if we start that now, I'll never leave you and I have to hunt. For both of our safety, I have to go and satisfy my thirst. As much as I want to make love to you again and I _do_ want to make love again, I have to go. Do you understand?"

"Of course, I understand. I just wish we didn't have to be parted, not even for a second. I am sorry for bringing you into this mess." I looked up at him, while completely grateful that he was here with me, remorse flooded me yet again that he was going to have to do something that was going to be so hard for him.

"No need to apologize. You are my life and now you will be my eternity." He traced his finger along the side of my jaw and I found myself leaning into him and closing my eyes.

I lightly brushed against his mouth and he immediately wrapped his hands into my hair and brought me tighter against him. I moaned as our mouths opened in unison and our tongues danced together. I would never tire of kissing Jasper. I was so excited, albeit also nervous, for the first time when I would kiss him as an equal. To be able to throw all caution to the wind and to have him really let go and not be afraid to hurt me. Though he hid it so well, I knew he was cautious with every caress, every touch was so gentle and thought out. Even during our fast and frantic love making, I knew he always had his wits about him, there was never a moment where he wasn't in control and thinking out each action. I longed for the moment when he would abandon all caution and take me in a true fit of passion, the likes of which I had only dreamed about, I'd only read about. He'd never have to worry if he'd hunted enough, never have to think about his thirst before he made love to me. To be able to be with one another whenever we felt like it, not to have to plan it out or have to carry condoms. My insides trembled at the thought of Jasper with no inhibitions. His lovemaking now was better than anything I had ever dreamed of. I was sure that once I was changed, it will be even more amazing. I shivered at the thought.

He pulled away from me and placed his forehead against mine, his breath unnecessarily ragged. "You make me feel human, every time you touch me, you awaken a part of me that I long thought had died." He whispered.

"I wish you didn't have to go. I do understand, I do, but I want to be selfish and keep you here with me." I said as I buried my head into his chest, he rested his chin on the top of my head. We fit together perfectly. A two piece puzzle that would fit with no one else but each other. A lock and key that only worked with each other as our niches and grooves were designed to fit the other

"Soon, Bella, we will be together for all eternity. I won't be gone long, I promise." He kissed me again and reluctantly let me go. He crossed the room to grab his pants, which he had kicked off during our passionate interlude. My eyes drank in the his form as he gracefully bent down to retrieve them from the floor, his fluid movements masking what he pulled out of his pocket until he held it out in my direction.

"Besides, my love, I believe that you should make a telephone call before we do this." I looked down at his hand and saw that he had pulled out his cell phone, a scowl immediately shadowing my face as I looked up at him.

"Jacob." I muttered as I took the phone out of his hand and stared at it as if it were poison.

"Yes, Jacob. He does love you Bella, in his own way. He only thought he was doing what was best for you. He is beside himself with worry and is blaming himself for you being brought here. He needs to know that you are okay. You need to speak with him, if not for him, for yourself. He will never forgive himself if you don't allow him to clear the air if.." His voice trailed off.

Alarm ran through my body. "What are you saying?" I jumped off the bed and grabbed his arms and shook him, which he actually let me do. "Don't talk like that. Don't ever talk like that. I am going to make it through this. Nothing is going to happen to me. Please don't doubt yourself. _We _are going to help each other through this. There is no doubt that this is going to work and we will be together, forever." I spoke those words as forcefully as I could trying to reassure Jasper that everything was going to be okay. I believed it, I had to, the alternative was unacceptable.

"I know, I know. I'm just..." He started to say, but I interrupted him again.

"There is no room here for doubt or uncertainty. None. Together we can do anything. You will not kill me, I know it. You just need to believe it." I reached up and kissed him softly. "I love you, Jasper Whitlock."

"How did I ever resist you for so long?"

"Temporary insanity? Partial lobotomy?"

He laughed out loud. "Yes, definitely. I've been out of my mind and you brought me back to sanity." He sighed as he let go of me again and made his way to the door, gathering the rest of his clothes on the way.

"Do not let anyone in here until I come back. Promise me."

"I promise. Be safe." I whispered, wishing with every inch of my being that he didn't have to leave.

"You too." And with that, he was gone.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

Leaving the room was the hardest thing I had ever had to do in my entire existence. Though Aro had guaranteed her safety, I still did not like the idea of her being alone while I was hunting. My hand slowly pulled the door closed behind me as if it weighed a thousand pounds. Every inch of the door coming closer to the frame, which would close it behind me, was like an inch of myself being left behind. Leaning back against the solid surface, I closed my eyes and willed myself to get moving. The sooner I left, the sooner I'd return. But… I couldn't do it. I just promised myself I'd never part from her again and here, less than an hour from making that promise, I was leaving. Though the reasons for leaving were so I wouldn't kill her during the change, it was still hard to make myself see the logic in that statement.

Reaching up with my free hand, I rubbed at my eyes, which felt like they were full of sand when I heard a low chuckle from the other end of the hallway. Looking up, I saw Demetri leaning against the wall, apparently enjoying my obvious conflict as I stood outside of the room where Bella had promised to wait for me, one hand still tightly encased around the doorknob which was about to cave from the pressure and the other rubbing my eyes. Immediately angry with myself for not feeling his presence, I reached out to try to determine what his intentions were.

"Can I do something for you?" I inquired as I read his emotions. He was definitely up to no good.

"No." His simple answer actually infuriated me. It was as if his response was stating that I was to ask no further questions in order to determine why he was there and he was apparently not going to supply me with any additional information. Nothing but a big fat silent, screw you.

"Is there some reason you are lurking in this particular hallway?" I finally let go of the doorknob and turned so that my entire body was facing his.

"Oh, am I _lurking_? I wasn't aware." He pushed himself off the wall upon which he was leaning and slowly starting walking toward me. His fingers lightly trailed against the wall as he took his sweet time and finally stopped a few paces from me.

"Do you have business here?" I asked again, wanting to figure out just what his motives were as his emotions provided very little for me to go on. His emotions ran from curious, anger and intrigue to hunger, all of which meant I wasn't leaving this door anytime soon. My hands involuntarily clenched into fists at my side. If Demetri thought he was going to intimidate me or in any way get near Bella, he had another thing coming. I had faced, fought and brought down vampires older, stronger and wiser than him and would have no problem stopping Demetri from whatever his intentions were should they be in any way a danger to Bella's safety.

"Ah, I have business everywhere. This is my domain, not yours. You seem to forget where you are. You ain't in Texas anymore cowboy, you have no authority here." His nostrils flared as he attempted a southern accent, as if that would antagonize me. His eyes raked over me, taking in my clenched fists, my tense jaw and rigid posture, which seemed to please him immensely.

He was provoking me, wanting me to attack him, no doubt about it. Aro's decision to let Bella and I go without serious repercussions obviously did not sit well with him nor, I assumed, did Caius' interest in my working with and training the newborns. A job that Demetri was responsible for. He was the master tracker for the guard, the one that brought in the enemies, the one that trained the newborns for battle should it occur, the one that ran the military unit of the Volturi and, up until now, his position and abilities had never been put under the microscope or questioned. While Caius in no way had suggested that Demetri was doing an insufficient job, the suggestion that he might learn something from me was a severe insult and he no doubt felt that while it went unsaid, it was implied. Perception is key in maintaining your position, in creating the illusion that you are undefeatable. By suggesting that I work with him and _show_ him how I trained the newborns, Demetri felt that his status in front of the rest of the Volturi and all that had gathered in the chamber, was now in question and he no doubt felt that he needed to do something to rectify the situation.

"Well, is there any particular reason that I find you in this specific area of the building? Is your room nearby?" I questioned though I knew damn well he was here to goad me into starting a fight. Aro had guaranteed Bella's safety and I knew that Demetri would not be fool enough to try something with her. However, with me and my safety, no promises were made.

"Curiosity." He replied.

"Well, you know what curiosity did to the cat." I challenged not wanting this to escalate, but in no way was I prepared to back down.

"Ah, yes, I have heard that saying but, as you can see, I am no mere kitty cat." He stepped two paces closer so we were now within in arms reach of one another. He bent slightly toward me and inhaled deeply, no doubt inhaling Bella's scent, which still lingered strongly on me from our love-making. "Though I do have to say that, at the moment, I am quite curious about a certain pussy." He glanced to the door behind me.

That was it, that filthy bastard was not going to speak about Bella in that manner, or any manner if I had a say in it. The fact that he would make such a callous remark and blatantly stand before me, inhaling Bella's scent as if it were a bouquet of flowers just for him, caused me to quickly approach the edge of reason, I growled a warning at him, which he retaliated with his own deep rumble, crouching into attack position.

Just as my hand twitched to strike, I felt a presence strong and angry and it wasn't coming from Demetri. Suddenly, Felix appeared out of nowhere and slammed Demetri against the wall across from me cracking the plaster and drywall.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" He demanded in a low but very distinct hiss as Demetri continued to growl, never taking his eyes off me though he strained against Felix's body, which continued to hold him back.

"Do you think Aro would approve of this behaviour? He promised safety." Felix's words were tense as he continued to hold Demetri against the wall.

"You look to restrain me? Why not him? You choose to hold _me_ back but not a stranger. How quickly you change sides." Demetri broke his eye contact with me as he stared at Felix, a look of betrayal displayed prominently on his face.

"The side that I choose is that of the Volturi. Aro's word was given and it is our duty to uphold that word. Whether or not you were going to do anything to actually harm our guests, your mere presence outside this room is a threat and Aro will perceive it as such should this continue any further." Felix slowly let go of Demetri and pulled back. Felix's words had hit home as Demetri no doubt realized that Aro would not, in fact, be pleased with his antagonizing me.

"Tsk, tsk, Felix. Don't get yourself so worked up. Aro promised Bella's safety, I was not threatening her in any way, I was merely having some fun with our little cowboy. You act like I was looking for a snack." Demetri spoke to Felix, but again looked directly at me.

I bit my tongue trying to control myself. Felix seemed determined to take the matter into his hands and I was more than happy to let him as it appeared he was going to uphold Aro's decision no matter what and he was going to let that decision include me under the umbrella of no harm being done.

Felix sighed loudly. "If you are actually looking for your so called snack, go see Gianna. I'm sure she'd let you floss your teeth with her jugular. But this ends here, you are not to return to this hallway while our guests are with us."

"What is it with you?" Demetri demanded as he finally looked away from me and at Felix. "You have been acting strangely ever since we encountered this human." He paused for a moment and then a sneer took over his face. "Do not tell me you _want_ her?" He spat the words out as if they were poison.

Felix's posture became extremely rigid. "Don't be ridiculous. I am following Aro's orders that she not be harmed in any way. If you harm this gentleman, it will no doubt be detrimental to her, therefore, you would be indirectly harming her. Whether or not you can see the logic in what I am saying, you know that Aro would not be pleased should anything happen to his guests."

Demetri glared at Felix for a few moments before his posture slightly relaxed. Immediately, his demeanour changed as he smirked over Felix's shoulder at me as he began his departure from the hallway.

"I am thinking that perhaps you might be foolish to be so concerned about what my intentions are cowboy, your worries are best placed elsewhere." He nodded slightly toward Felix, turned his back to us and casually sauntered off down the hallway.

Taking an unnecessary deep breath, I turned to look at Felix who was still staring in the direction of Demetri's exit. Could I handle any more drama today? What exactly did this goon want and was I ever going to be able to leave Bella and hunt, yet still retain my sanity over her safety?

Felix's emotions were not what I expected as I waited for him to say something, thinking it was best to let him lead this particular conversation. He seemed remorseful.

As if he sensed my expectation, he leaned against the wall and rubbed his large hand over his short black hair. "I know this will be hard for you to believe, but I wish Bella no harm in any way. My sole purpose of coming to this particular area of the building was because I thought I'd offer you my services should they be required."

"And exactly what services might those happen to be?" After Demetri's crass pussy comment, if anything close to being vulgar crossed Felix's lips, I knew that I would not be able to contain myself any longer.

Felix's blood red gaze met mine directly, his emotions revealing nothing but honesty with his following words. "I wish to offer you my services, as a guard for Bella, while you leave to attend to your needs."

I don't think he could have said anything that would shock me more. "Why would you do that? It is quite obvious that Demetri is not pleased with our presence or with Aro's decisions where we are concerned and I know there are many others that feel the same way. Why are you so different?"

"It is hard for me to explain...my wish is...to see the two of you through this. To ensure that your love survives above all else. It is most important to me."

"Again, why?" I questioned. I could feel he was telling the truth. There was nothing about the emotions he was giving off to make me believe otherwise, but still…

"I have been with the Volturi for a long, long time. My existence has been to serve Aro and his brothers, to ensure their safety and the safety of our race. It is rare that I have time to leave and live for myself anymore and I have found myself...I've found myself somewhat missing an essential part of what makes living worthwhile."

"Which is?" I encouraged as the feelings of longing that I experienced while we were in the chamber earlier flooded the hallway.

"To love and to live. What is immortality if one spends it alone? It is time standing still, nothing changing, nothing moving. My feet are rooted in the same spot, the sun rises and I am the same, the sun sets and again, I remain the same. Day in and day out, life never changes. I've lived my entire immortal existence serving someone else and it has become so empty. I never knew that our kind could hold lasting relationships and apart from Aro and a few others, not many of the Volturi have mates. Aro has always fascinated me with his stories of his beloved Carlisle and his family. Each of you with a mate, living life to the fullest, experiencing new things, living in different places, intermingling with humans. It was almost as it if were too good to be true, like they were tales to be told to children." He leaned back against the wall, one foot coming up off the floor to press against the wall as well.

"It's not so hard to obtain, you could do it as well." I mirrored his posture and leaned against the wall as well, the image that the two of us acting like buddies hanging out in the hallway of a dorm not escaping my notice.

"Living off of animals, it's unheard of! The will power that it would take, I can't even fathom it or imagine what would make one want to put themselves through that torture, to feel the constant burn of thirst, the call for human blood. It is as essential to us as breathing is to a human. Why deny yourself? For what purpose? I never understood. It never registered why you would do this. Then, Victoria came and spun her tale of the love of Edward Cullen and his human and how they killed her mate. It peaked my interest. One of our kind, killing another of his own race, for a human? A human he had no intentions of making a meal of. Well, I didn't believe it. Then Victoria spoke of the death of Laurent and I knew I just had to meet this human and see what all the fuss was about. Once we captured her, and I had the opportunity to get to know her, I took it upon myself to protect her. I found myself not wanting any harm to come to her, inexplicably I found the urge to keep her from danger. To keep her from whatever Victoria had planned."

"Why do you think that is? Not that I am completely ungrateful that you felt that way and acted accordingly, but why?"

He was silent for a few moments as he worked through his response.

"For the most part, I wanted to see how this would play out. Would you come for her? Was it possible that love could conquer all or whatever that saying is. Of course, the 'you' I speak of, I mean Edward. We were not expecting that she was with you as we had been told differently." He shrugged his shoulders at me as if to apologize.

I shrugged back not saying anything, hoping he would continue with his revelations.

"Then I met her." He paused, bowed his head and shook it for a second then, without looking at me, went on. "With all due respect, while she is beautiful and intelligent and seems to be quite entertaining, she is so… so… fragile. I just didn't get it, but that is neither here nor there." His eyes stayed fixed on the plush carpet. "When you showed up here, against all odds, willing to sacrifice yourself for her, her willing to sacrifice herself for you, I finally got it. His crimson eyes flashed back to mine. "It didn't matter that you are vampire, she is human. You love her, _actually_ love her and she loves you just as much in return. Neither one of you put yourself first, not for one moment. So, that's when it became clear to me, that's what I want. A true, honest to goodness relationship with another. Someone to laugh with, to share things with. I cannot remember the last time I was truly happy and I find myself thinking about it more and more. The longing that comes with it is an ache that I am completely unfamiliar with." He rubbed at his chest, exactly where his dead heart lay.

His revelations to me showed me a soul that was indeed, very lonely. I had no words for him as he needed to make the decision himself to leave the Guard and strike out on his own. While I wished him all the best should he decide to do so, I was still concerned as to exactly what his intentions were and why I found him near our room.

"So, what was with the offer to change Bella yourself or the feelings I was getting from you?"

"Well, I found myself wanting to change her. Wanting to be the one that changed someone who so willingly wanted to become one of us, who so clearly loved our kind. Perhaps providing her with her wish, I'd know what it was like to actually bring joy to someone rather than be constantly feared. That is an experience I've never had."

My eyebrow raised on its own as I was sure that he could have his share of human lovers should he wish it, but he continued again. He clearly wanted to explore his feelings and obviously felt comfortable enough to do so with me. "Sure, I've brought pleasure to others in other ways but carnal pleasures, nothing that is as pure and innocent as what I have now witnessed here."

He cleared his throat and awkwardness began to take over his current mood as I suspected now that he was finished, he realized he had bared his soul to a complete stranger. "So, ah, that being said, the reason that I am here is to ease your worries. Please, go. Do what you need to in order to be prepared to change your beloved and I will stand guard at her door. You have my word that no one shall pass the threshold until you return."

While his emotions reflected nothing but honesty, I still found myself not wanting to leave Bella alone with him. What if Demetri was planning something else? There were others that did not appreciate our presence. I shook my head to clear it of those ridiculous thoughts. Aro ran a tight ship. There was no way anyone would defy an order from him when they could just as easily leave the building and obtain a meal another way. Demetri was just acting out, trying to provoke me. He wasn't stupid enough to go against Aro. No, Bella would be safe if Felix watched over her. She would be safe. She _will_ be safe.

As I stood mentally arguing with myself, I heard my cell phone ring in the room behind me. There was a pause before I heard Bella advise whoever called that it wasn't me, but her that answered. I listened for a few more moments and then realized it was Jacob, his patience had run out and he was calling for an update. His calling prompted me to get moving. Since my interactions with Demetri and Felix took place at vampire speed, I hadn't been away from Bella for very long, but I now wanted to move even faster so that I'd be back to no doubt comfort her after her call with Jacob.

Reluctantly, I pushed myself off the wall and readied myself to leave. "Thank you, Felix. I am in your debt for ensuring that Bella remains safe."

Felix nodded and crossed the hallway to stand against the door.

I started down the hallway as if my shoes were full of cement. Each step away from Bella causing anxiety to rise. Looking back to see that Felix was still watching me, he nodded again and gave me a wave of dismissal with his hand, urging me to get going. He was right, I had to get out of here. Procrastinating was only putting off the inevitable and if I took any longer, Aro might not be so gracious and just might take Felix up on his offer. While I was now comfortable with Felix's intentions, there was still no way in hell would I have permitted him to touch Bella in any way, shape or form.

As I exited the building and walked out into the crisp early evening air, I turned back to look at the building that I regarded so differently just a few short hours ago. I walked into the place thinking that I might not be able to save Bella and was perhaps walking toward my own certain death. And now, well now things could not be any different that any scenario I had thought of. Bella was going to be changed this evening, I was going to be the one to do it. The next decade of my life would be spent between working with the Guard and every other spare second would be with Bella. There was also one other pleasant surprise that had come out of today's events and that was the demeanour of Aro toward Bella and I. It seemed his extremely high regard for Carlisle extended to us and for that I was considerably grateful.

But, perhaps one of the biggest surprises was the new found ally in Felix. I had thought that the next ten years with the guard would be extremely difficult considering Demetri's attitude, but knowing that Felix was interested in seeing Bella and I succeed made it seem not so horrific. Would it be crazy enough to think that Felix might even become a friend? Only time would tell.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

I watched Jasper leave the room and immediately missed him the moment the door clicked, solidifying his absence. Yep, like I needed more than a visual confirmation. Walking around the room, I picked up my clothes which were hastily tossed throughout, I quickly got dressed and sat down on the bed, throwing myself backwards into the plush mattress. The little phone was like a damn lead weight in my hands, but I knew this call had to be made and there was no putting it off. I sighed deeply as I stared at the number pad of the phone, hoping the contraption would spontaneously combust in my hands if I thought about it long and hard enough.

I was so mad at Jake for hiding what Victoria had done. I was livid that he had Seth watching me from a distance. Good lord, who knows what he had seen, it wasn't like I'd worried about keeping myself covered when walking from the bathroom to my closet. But worst of all, I was crushed that Jacob lied to me about so many other things. Who was this Jake? He certainly wasn't who I thought he was. He was a stranger to me. Never once would I have believed there could be so many secrets between us. It was as if now a shadow hung over the one true light that held me together for so many years. Our friendship was tainted, dirty, dishonest. I couldn't believe any of it anymore. Who knew what was truth and what was a lie? His behaviour had sullied every good thing he had done for me and corrupted my feelings for him. Feelings that I would have never thought changeable, I would fight for him and stand by him no matter what… but now? Now, I just didn't know. My heart ached thinking of his actions and how hurt I was because of them. So many things I might have done differently had I been given the entire truth. Perhaps I might have even tried to contact the Cullen's to let them know that Victoria was after me. They might have come back and dealt with her, saving so many lives in the process. Not just my parents, but the victims that Victoria no doubt fed from while she enacted her revenge.

After a few moments of staring at the phone, convincing myself that this call had to be made, it actually rang, startling me and stopping my heart for a brief second. I looked at the caller display to see that it was in fact, my "best friend" calling. _No, let me correct that, my former best friend._ He must have been climbing the walls waiting for an update from Jasper and just couldn't control himself any longer.

I summoned up all the courage that I had in my body and pressed the answer button on the phone while bringing it up to my ear. I didn't even have a chance to say hello before his voice bellowed over the air waves.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting for an update since Alice called. Please tell me you have her?" His baritone voice was so loud it almost seemed like the phone vibrated because of it.

With a deep breath, I calmed my nerves before I said anything.

"Hello? Jasper? What the fuck is going on? Do you have her or not?" His voice was getting angrier with each word yet underneath the anger I could hear the absolute fear.

"Jacob, it's me." I squeaked. The tears coming freely as I realized how my recollection of the past four years of my life had been completely changed due to Victoria's revelations and Jake's secrets.

"Bella? Bells? Is it really you?" He gasped.

"It's me." I sobbed.

Then, the world stopped rotating on its axis as I heard a sound I never thought I would ever hear… Jacob crying. A deep, guttural sob that cut me to the bone.

"Bells, please tell me you are safe. Where are you? Is Jasper still with you?"

"Yes, Jasper is here with me. Yes, I am safe…in a way." I muttered, more to myself than to him.

"Oh Bells, I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I left you unprotected. This would have never…" He began to blurt, but I wasn't having it.

"No Jacob. You didn't leave just me unprotected. You left me clueless! You left me ignorant, unaware and defenceless! You didn't think I was sane enough to handle the truth and you treated me like a child! Did you think I would be okay with you not telling me what really happened with my parents? Did you think that would just be water under the bridge when I found out? Oh well, Bella's not sane enough to handle it so let's just lie to her. I'm humiliated at being treated like a mentally incompetent child." My anger was undeniable. It was all I could do to not scream into the phone with my entire body shaking uncontrollably. And I didn't care if he was upset or hurt or anything. He had done me wrong. Hugely wrong.

"Do you know how it makes me feel that you have had Seth watching over me?" I continued on my rant. "Was it just him or did the others take turns? How many of the pack knew about this? How many other people knew, Jake? Are you aware of how idiotic it makes me feel that everyone on the reservation knew what was really going on but me?"

"Bells, please, stop. Let me explain." Jacob interrupted and I let him. My body still shaking from the anger coursing through it. I opted to let Jacob tell his side of the story before I exploded into a thousand tiny pieces.

"Go on." I said through clenched teeth.

"The only thing I can say is that I am sorry. Desperately sorry. I know I was wrong in what I did, but truthfully, I would do it all over again. You have no idea what it was like to see you after Edward left. Part of you died and I wasn't sure you would ever be the same. After Charlie was shot and the pack discovered the truth about what really happened, I knew that if we told you, you would blame yourself and I was so afraid that would push you further over the edge, to a point where you would never recover. You would feel that Victoria being here was all your fault and then, after Renee and Phil, well, I swore you would never find out."

"But Victoria going after Charlie _was_ all my fault." I yelled.

"No! No it was not. God damn it Bella, you still don't see. Fuck, take off the god damn blinders, woman. It was Edward's fault! It was because of Edward that James wanted you, because of your involvement with him. If he had just left you alone, none of this would've ever happened. Don't you see? If not for Edward, James would never have attacked you. Jasper wouldn't have been forced to kill him. Laurent and Victoria wouldn't have come after you. All of this is because Edward didn't have the self-control to leave you alone. And for what? He left you! He didn't even have the balls to stick around and clean up his mess! He fucking left you, on the forest floor for Christ's sake! Hell, he wasn't even man enough to leave you properly, to at least make sure you made it home okay! No Bella, nothing that has happened is your fault. You can say it until your blue in the face, but you will never convince me or anyone else that it was your fault. This is all on Edward, all of it!"

I gasped at his words, whether he intended to or not, he was viciously ripping open that ugly scar in my chest. The pain of my past came rushing at me. Not because I still had feelings for Edward, but because of the hurt I caused my father when Edward left, because Charlie never saw me smile again, would never know that I was okay.

"I'm sorry, I know this hurts to hear, but _fuck_! He didn't love you enough to stay. He brought all of this on you and wasn't here to protect you." I heard him sigh and sniffle. "Think about it, Bells, what would you have done if I told you the truth about Charlie? You know what, don't even answer that. I know exactly what you would've done, you would've tried to take on Victoria yourself or sacrificed yourself to her. And don't even bother denying it. That is exactly what you did with James. Do you think I would ever let that happen? Do you think Charlie or Renee would ever want you to do that if they had an option to choose? I did what I thought was best for you. What would allow you to live a normal life. I did it because I love you and I will not apologize for that. Ever."

He was right. I would have surrendered to Victoria in less than a heartbeat, in order to prevent any further deaths. Jacob knew me better than anyone and I hated to admit it, he was right. Absolutely right. Jacob took my silence as an opportunity to continue.

"I had Seth watching you because it was the first time you were out of my sight. You were always protected here, but I knew I couldn't keep you here forever. I wanted you to experience life again, meet people, have a chance to live again. It had been so long since Victoria had attempted to find you that I thought you were safe, I thought she'd given up. Seth was only a precaution, more to help Billy and me cope with the idea that you weren't here with us, surrounded by the pack. I never meant for it to be humiliating for you, never. I just wanted it to be safe for you."

His voice was calm, but it still trembled. "Bells, I love you. You're my family, as much as Billy and Raven. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, even if you disagree with what I've done and the methods I chose. But, I will stop at nothing to keep you protected. I failed you and for that I'll never forgive myself. I'm so sorry."

I hated myself for feeling bad for him. Every word that he said was totally true, I would be dead if he didn't do what he did and then I wouldn't be with Jasper. Actually, the more I thought about it, the more I should thank Jake for saving me and allowing me to reconnect with Jasper. _And wouldn't__ that just chap his ass?_

"Jake, I understand why you did what you did. I really do. You know me better than anyone ever has and you are right on so many levels, but I can't forgive that there have been so many secrets. Seth lurking around in the bushes and spying on me, reporting back to you on what I've been doing. I used to joke to myself about how you must have a tracking device on me since you seemed to always know what I was doing and where I was going. I never once actually thought it was true, that someone was actually watching me. Have you any idea what an invasion of privacy that is? And what about Seth? The poor kid. What kind of life was he having. Jake, that was so wrong to make him do that."

"I know, I know, but Seth understands and, well… I just…I just wanted to be sure you were okay. It was only going to be short term. Then Jasper showed up and it really freaked me out. I thought that since he was there, Edward might show, which would lead Victoria back to you so my sensibility flew out the window and I went into full out protect mode." He sighed deeply. "Listen, I can't change what I have done. I can apologize and beg forgiveness, but I can't say I would do anything different and I'm sorry for that as well."

"Jake, what am I going to do with you?" I sighed, knowing I would never get through that hard head of his, just as he would never get through mine.

"Well, for starters, you can get your butt home and kick mine as much as you want. I just want to see you, to know you're okay. And, I promise, I won't say another word about Jasper. He stepped up to the plate and I know I misread the whole sleeping over situation since he didn't kill you… change you… whatever. I understand he is a good friend to you and after what he's done for you, I can cut him a little slack. So, when you get back home, you can tell me how Jasper rescued you in person." The words were forced, but he said them.

However, it now brought the conversation to the topic I wanted to hold off discussing with him, but knew I had to get it over with. Now.

"I can't come home, Jake. At least, not yet." I quietly responded.

"Why is that?" He asked cautiously.

Well, there was no easing into what needed to be said so I jumped off the deep end. "Because I am still with the Volturi and they won't let me leave until Jasper changes me."

A roar erupted over the telephone line so loudly that I actually dropped the phone. I scrambled to get off the bed and retrieve it from the floor.

"Jacob! Good god, calm yourself down! I don't need you phasing inside the house!" I yelled at him over the continuing howling.

"It doesn't matter what I do, they are always going to get you! What is it about you that they want so badly? Why can't they just leave you alone?" Jacob growled once he finally stopped howling.

I didn't have an answer for him so I didn't bother trying to come up with one. I knew if I were silent long enough, Jacob would start speaking again.

"You need to tell me exactly what happened. I thought Jasper was going there to save you, not to _kill_ you." He demanded.

"You listen here, Jake. I love you and I will always love you, but this crap between you and Jasper has to stop." If Jacob didn't have a clue, I was about to give him a full disclosure. "Jacob, I love Jasper and I am going to be with him and you need to get over yourself and deal with it. I am tired of feeling like I have to choose between two people that I love."

"You don't love _him_. How could you? You're just wrapped up in a memory of Edward and don't confuse yourself by thinking you have to choose between two people, Bella. He's not people, he's not human. He is a vampire, a monster, a killer." Jacob exclaimed.

"How does that make him any different than you?" I shot back.

"I have never, EVER, killed an innocent person. Every day I risk my life, my safety, to protect the people I love, the people on this reservation from bloodsuckers like him. My body bleeds, my heart beats, I have a soul, he can't say the same."

"Jasper didn't have a choice. Don't you see? As soon as he found another way to live, to not feed off humans, he changed. He is a good man, Jake, a decent, honest, loyal and giving man. If it weren't for the whole species thing, the two of you would probably really like each other."

A snort came through the phone. "I wouldn't bet on it, Bella. Now, quit trying to sell Jasper and tell me what the hell happened and we'll see how we're going to get you out of this mess."

"The Volturi gave us no choice. They wanted Jasper to permanently serve with their guard, become a warrior again. Obviously, I couldn't allow that to happen so, I volunteered to be changed. I volunteered, Jake. So now, I am to lose my human life as penalty for the deaths of James and Laurent and Jasper must work with the guard for ten years before we're allowed to leave." There was no need to give Jake the back and forth, short and to the point always worked best with him.

"Obviously? You couldn't allow…? What the fuck, Bella? No, not obviously. Why not let him be a guard? Then you could come home, live your life, get married, have children. _Live damn it!_ He talked you into this didn't he? What kind of powers do these bloodsuckers have over you?" His voice was full of anger and menace.

I sighed. "He doesn't have powers over me, none of them do, and he didn't have to talk me into any of this. I know in my heart that if I was not totally willing to change, Jasper would stay and be with the guard forever. Even if I didn't love him, which I do, Jake, I love him more than life itself, I could never allow him to sacrifice himself like that for me. I would be nothing without him. He has completely healed those last parts of my heart, of my soul, that no one has ever been able to mend... not even you. "

"Oh, Bells, how can you be so stupid? What you are doing is suicide." He whispered.

"No, Jake, it's not. It's a rebirth. I'm going to be with Jasper forever. I will see you live out your life and you know what? It is time for you to do just that, live _your_ life. You've spent the last few years worrying about me, taking care of me, mending me, what about you? For crying out loud, you've _imprinted_ and you spend more time worrying about me than you do about Raven. You haven't even asked her to marry you yet! It's time for you to let me go Jake and move forward with your life. Your life has been stuck in pause mode while you took care of me. The saga of Bella Swan is coming to a close, no more drama, no more need to babysit, you can finally let go and _you_ can be happy. I'll be happy, Jacob. Someday you'll see that." My heart was breaking as I spoke. I now knew that I was a fool to think we would stay in each other's lives after the change.

"What are you saying?" Jacob's voice trembled. "I love you., You are my best friend. I will be lost without you."

"No Jake, you will be just fine, Raven will see to it, you just have to let her. Allow her to be fully in your life." I spoke softly. I had never admitted to him before that I knew he had hoped that we would be together. That he had prayed he would never imprint because he loved me so much. "I know what your intentions toward me were before you imprinted."

"What do you mean?"

"I know you had hopes we would be together, that you loved me. I remember everything you used to whisper in my ear when you rocked me to sleep in those terrible days after my parents died. You told me your dreams for us, what our children would look like, the house you wanted to build, us sitting on the porch watching our grandchildren play out front. I remember all of it and it was those words that you spoke that kept me going even though you didn't think I could hear you, they were my lifeline that pulled me out of the darkness. You did that for me, Jake. You pulled me out and forced me to keep going. But, inside, I was still full of darkness and being with Jasper has allowed me get rid of those last shadows that lingered. Jasper _is_ my light, whether you want to see that or not. You fixed me as best you could, but pieces were still missing, and he found them, he completed me just as much as Raven completes you. Here's the thing Jake, and it has taken my finding Jasper to finally realize this, but by saving me, by bringing me back to life, _you_ stopped living. I love you, Jacob Black, I love you so much it breaks my heart that things have to be this way. But you need to let me go. You need to let me live my life and trust that you've done what you can. I am here because you saved me, but it's time to save yourself. Live your life, love Raven the way I know you can. Marry her. Have kids. Move forward and finally set me free, set _yourself_ free." The pain in my chest was unbearable. I wished that just one more time I could wrap my arms around Jacob, inhale his musky scent I loved so much and feel his warmth wrap around me. My best friend. My lifeline for so many years. My family.

"Please, don't do this. There must be another way." Jacob sobbed into the phone breaking my heart even further.

"Jacob, please understand, I want this. I want to be with Jasper for eternity, to be loved by him forever, to spend my endless nights with him only. No matter what happens, I will always be me, I will always be the Bella that you love. You have to trust that Jasper will keep me safe as I will him. Please know I will always love you and I will always watch over you, even if you hate what I've become. I will always love you and want you in my life, even if you don't feel the same way." My words came out in gasps as I fought to maintain any sort of control.

"Don't Bella, please don't say good bye. There must be a way around this. We can figure something else out. You don't have to do this." He begged.

"You're right Jake, I don't have to do this, there are other alternatives, but here's the thing Jake, I _want_ to do this, I've never wanted anything more in my life. I love him, Jake."

"No, no, no. You don't want this, you don't know what you want. You just found out the truth about everything and you need time to think this through. Please, Bella, I beg you, please, don't do this."

"Jake, please stop, you are making this harder than it already is. I don't want to say good bye, I want you in my life forever." I sighed, knowing that I had to say good bye and get it over with.

"Jake, promise me that you won't hate me once I've changed."

"I could never hate you, Bella, never. Is there anything I can say or do to make you change your mind? Anything?"

"No."

We sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I could hear Raven's soothing voice in the background as well as Jacob's ragged breathing. It tore at me to think of my big strong Jacob reduced to tears, his imprinted love having to sit on the sidelines, yet again, as he dealt with me.

"Bells, you are right. You have been my life for so many years, but I wouldn't change a moment of it. When I imprinted on Raven, I never stopped loving you and I never will. Raven has always understood how much you mean to me and I don't regret a single thing that I've done. You will always own a piece of me, Bells, always. No matter what you become, I will always love you too. I've only ever wanted your happiness and if this is what is going to get it for you, then so be it. I can't keep fighting this war on my own if you don't want to be on my side. Please, please take care of yourself and never forget that I love you, we all love you." His voice was shaking.

"I won't, Jake, I won't ever forget what you've done for me. What everyone has done for me. I won't ever forget _you_." I sobbed uncontrollably.

"I love you, Bells."

"I love you, too." And with that, he hung up the phone.

I lay down on the bed and buried my face into the pillow, my heart ripping in two as I said goodbye to my best friend, to the person I owed my very existence to. Jake was my lifeline for so long that I felt like I was cut adrift, no longer a vessel with an anchor. The tides were taking me over as I drifted deeper away into my own ocean of despair, sobbing deeply. The tears flowed freely and I curled into the fetal position wishing that the pain would stop. That my decision didn't have to hurt someone I loved so dearly, someone who had sacrificed his own life and happiness for me.

I stayed in the same position, crying until my throat was hoarse and my face swollen from the endless stream of tears. Finally, having spent all my tears, I laid on the bed, gasping and dry sobbing until I felt a cool hand press against my cheek.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

The time I spent away from Bella was agonizing and it felt like we were separated for days. Being unfamiliar with the area, it took some time to get out of the city and find myself in the countryside where I could hunt. My mind played horrible tricks on me as it continued to taunt me with ideas and speculations on what might be happening to Bella in my absence. Even though Felix was standing guard, I could not help myself and allowed my mind wonder over endless scenarios. How was the call with Jacob going? Did Demetri return to start something again?

Knowing that she was waiting for me and undoubtedly would need me after she finished with Jacob was the only thing that kept me sane and allowed me to focus on the matter at hand, which was to hunt and get back to her as quickly as possible.

After completion of my hunt, I ran back to the city walls as fast I could without being noticed. I slowed to a normal pace as I got closer and people were more likely to be out and about. It was a shame that Bella's first trip to Italy was under these circumstances. Once she gained control of her thirst, I would be sure to take her and show her every amazing piece of architecture that existed in this culturally rich area of the world. It was such a different world from the one that Bella was used to. Not to discount the U.S., having been born there and traveled from one end to the other, I knew it quite well. However, it could not hold a candle to Europe and the history held within the walls of the buildings of the old world. This place, and so many others, were among so many of the things I could not wait to share with Bella. Unfortunately, our future travels together would be put on hold for the minimum of a decade. Bella would have to gain complete control before I started with the Guard so I would feel comfortable leaving her for any amount of time. I knew that once she was ready, she would love every minute, every sight and every new adventure we would share together. My face pulled into an automatic smile as I thought of the thousands of questions she would bombard me with on every trip I took her on.

After I served my sentence with the Guard, I would take her anywhere her heart desired. Her every wish would be my command and I would do everything in my power to ensure that she was the happiest woman on earth. She was giving up everything to be with me and I would never allow her to have a moment's regret about any of it.

Just as I neared the building that held my future within it, I passed a local boutique and stopped dead in my tracks. Sitting within the window was the most beautiful item I had ever seen and knew it would be perfect for Bella. Without wasting another moment thinking about whether or not I should purchase it, I walked into the store, pulled it from the window and paid for it immediately. With my breath caught in my throat, I headed toward my destination, my hands wrapped firmly around my purchase as if I were to let go of it in the slightest, it and everything it represented would slip through my fingers.

I was permitted access back in the building where Bella awaited without so much as a second glance from any of the guards or civilian vampires that roamed through the hallways. It was if I had lived there for years and my presence was nothing out of the ordinary. Climbing the steps toward my love, I was overwhelmed by her feelings of grief as my hearing picked up the sounds of her sobbing into what most likely was a pillow. Though her sadness was extremely profound, I detected a small feeling of relief, which allowed me to think that she was sad at saying goodbye to her best friend and family, but was okay with having to do so. Never would I want her to regret changing, to resent me for taking her away from her life. And although I knew deep down it wasn't actually me forcing the change on her, I still felt responsible.

I turned the corner and entered the hallway which led to our room. Felix remained at his post outside her door, looking as if he had not moved a muscle since I departed. At his feet rested a tray of covered dishes, clearly, hot food recently left for Bella.

"Jasper." He acknowledged as he slowly turned to look at me.

"Felix, I cannot thank you enough for staying here with Bella while I was out. Did anything happen?" I asked, hoping that Demetri had kept his distance.

"Gianna dropped off a tray of food for Bella, but I didn't allow her into the room. Bella was still on the phone and I didn't wish to have her interrupted. Other than that, she has not been disturbed, though she seems to be quite distressed. She's been off the phone for some time, but still remains upset. I didn't feel it appropriate to enter and inquire whether she was in need of something."

My dead heart lurched at the thought of Bella being so upset and I wasn't here to comfort her. Again, another reminder of how my needing to feed in order to keep her safe would no longer be an issue in a few short days. "I suspected as much, thank you again, I'll take it from here." I held out my hand to shake and Felix looked at it questioningly. Obviously, Felix was from more of a bowing sort of culture and therefore not one for shaking hands. I dropped my arm back to my side and gave him a nod of the head instead, to which he immediately responded.

"I find myself wishing you the best of luck Jasper Whitlock and I do look forward to our working together." His genuine good wishes confirmed my earlier thoughts about Felix possibly becoming an ally for Bella and I while we were in Italy. I found myself very pleased that he had made the effort to wish us well.

"As do I, Felix, as do I."

Felix made his way down the hallway and out of sight. I turned toward the door, the only thing remaining between me and Bella and our eternity together. I found myself leaning toward the door, pressing my forehead against the hard surface. Though I didn't want to spend another second away from Bella, I could not help the crash of emotions and memories that bombarded me. So many things had happened to bring us to this point. Starting with her relationship with Edward, the killing of James, my attempting to kill her, to my jealousy of Logan forcing me to finally admit my feelings for her, which led to our amazing first kiss, the attack by Steven and last but not least Bella's kidnapping, which ended here. Almost every step along the way was full of roadblocks, pitfalls and unfortunate deaths, which would have been the end of so many other relationships, but not ours. We had already been through so much together in such a short timeI knew nothing would ever tear us apart. However, after seeing her reaction to Jacob's dishonestly, it only solidified my worries over the one subject I kept trying to broach with her and which she kept shutting me down.

Quietly opening the door to the room, my chest ached as I saw her curled into a fetal position, looking as though she had been in that same position for some time. I closed the door silently behind me and stood completely motionless. My future was about to begin in the next few moments.

I slipped over to the bed, knelt on the floor and reached out to cup her flushed face with my hand. Immediately she pressed into my touch, which opened a wave of relief from her and caused me to close my eyes just to absorb all her feelings. Her emotions had been drifting and the moment she registered my touch, she steadied, as if I were her anchor. She reached up and pulled me onto the bed with her and I wrapped myself around her, providing a cool blanket to ease her flushed temperature and to help her feel safe. She buried her face in my neck and inhaled deeply. Looking up at me, she smiled, almost causing my dead heart to start beating, a phenomenon that I had experienced so many times since she had become so much a part of my life. My future lay here in my arms, the very life that I had so desperately searched for, so achingly had missed for almost a century, here, with me. And she wanted _me. _

Every action, every reaction of my past had brought me to this moment. Knowing that Alice had been aware it was me who changed Bella and she allowed events to unfold naturally was still completely amazing. Had I of known this would be my future, perhaps I might have tried to do something different so it would have come sooner. Perhaps I would have had more control with Bella, never tried to bite her on her birthday, never left her alone in Forks leaving Victoria to cause such havoc in Bella's life, so many things I might have done differently. However, no matter what scenario _might _have been or _could _have been, any change would have a butterfly effect. The slightest ripple in time would change the end game and I might not have Bella with me now, with me for the future, and that was something I could not stand. Something that I would never allow to happen.

Bella's emotions finally became stable and somewhat calm, but I waited a few moments before speaking. I wanted to give her a chance to fully absorb her conversation with Jacob before she felt the need to share it with me, if she even wanted to share it with me. A deep sigh came from her as she looked up at me. "Well, it's done." She said quietly.

I tilted my head in acknowledgement as I caught her stray tears with my thumb, wiping them off her flushed cheek. While I was aching to know what was said between the two of them, I did not want her to relive the conversation if it were going to be too painful for her to share. Leaning forward, I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and held her as close as I possibly could and waited. Waited until she was ready to share what had happened with me.

"He doesn't understand but knows that there is nothing he can do to prevent it from happening. I just hope when it is over that I can convince him I'm still the same person. My heart might not beat any longer, but I am not the monster he is so convinced I will become." She paused as she wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled herself on top of me. "I had to forgive him in order to move on, to fully go into the future with you. So, I did what had to be done. I let him go and told him he needed to do the same."

Her eyes filled with shimmering tears that threatened to spill down her face. I reached up and placed my hands on her cheeks, pulling her forward while reaching down to kiss her. She met me halfway and kissed me back. It was slow and beautiful. Full of love and promise, nothing like the heated kisses we had shared earlier. This kiss was the marking of a new beginning. A beginning to a life that would just be about Bella and I. Once she had gained control of her thirst, she would be able to see Jacob if she wanted to, if he wanted to.

We broke from the kiss, but did not pull away from each other, our eyes met and she smiled at me as she rubbed her nose on mine.

"I heard you out in the hall, who were you talking to?" She sighed.

"Felix. He stood guard at the door while I left. Gianna dropped off some food for you if you are interested. I didn't bring it in, but I could go and get it now if you are hungry."

"I really don't think I could eat right now, but thank you. So, Felix stood guard? Did something happen that I would be better off not knowing about?"

I sighed, not wanting to get into the altercation I had with Demetri but I thought it better to for her to know that he might be trouble for us in the future. "Demetri showed up as I was about to leave."

"He did? What did he want?" She interrupted in her usual, but totally adorable manner.

I smiled down at her as I couldn't help but love her even more for her insatiable curiosity. "I think just to cause some trouble, more or less. He seems a bit put out that I will be working with him and the Guard and he felt he needed to make his feelings known." While I was not going to hide from Bella that Demetri seemed to be a trouble maker and had wanted to start something with me, I certainly was not going to repeat his rude comments where she was concerned.

"Oh. So you felt you needed Felix to watch over me? Did Demetri threaten you?" She asked, her worry apparent in her tone. Of course, she would be concerned that he threatened me as she never worried about herself.

"No. He just wanted to stir the pot and Felix was well aware I was anxious about leaving you in the first place, so he volunteered to guard the door in my absence. We actually had a very… enlightening conversation before I departed. Surprisingly, I think he might actually become a worthy friend and ally.."

"You know, I had a good feeling about him from the beginning." She smiled up at me and then just as quickly her smile faded a bit as she chuckled at her additional thought. "Well, that is if you overlook the whole taking me against my will and kidnapping thing." She joked, causing me to smile at her ability to always look on the bright side. "Even though he was bringing me halfway across the world to what he probably thought was an irrevocable death sentence, he was always nice. I mean… he never… scared me. Demetri… he's just… well, he made my skin crawl." She shuddered slightly in my arms and then raised her mouth to mine, teasing small kisses from my lips.

"I missed you while you were gone." She said as her lips tickled mine from being so close.

"As I did you, my love, as I did you." I tickled her lips back and closed the distance with another kiss. "From this moment on, I wish to never be separated from you, not for one single moment."

"Not one single moment, hmmm? Not even when I have to use the bathroom?" She joked. I know my facial expression became serious while I waited for her to realize what she had said.

"Oh...I guess I won't have _those kinds_ of human moments much longer, will I?" She said quietly. Her nerves began to kick in. Certainly, the number of things that were about to change in her life started racing through her brain.

"No. Does that bother you?" I asked hesitantly, wondering if thinking about some of the things she wouldn't need to do any longer would cast doubts on her decision. Of course, I knew that going to the bathroom would not be something she would miss, who would? But, it was things like, eating, drinking, sleeping, seeing friends or family, that might make her regret her choice.

"Not really. It'll just take some time for me to get used to the idea that I won't have to do those things anymore." She stroked my cheek as she drifted off into another thought. Reaching out to feel her emotions, she was full of curiosity and… excitement, which calmed my nerves immensely. "But, really, I guess I don't have much time to think about what I'll be missing since this is happening now." She mumbled more to herself than to me.

"Bella, if you want to wait. I am sure we can speak with Aro and try and see if he'll allow you to get used to the idea and have all your questions answered before the change."

"NO!" She barked and then blushed. "I mean, no. I have no doubts, please believe me. I want nothing more than to have this happen, for our future to begin here and now. Of course, this is not how I pictured it happening, but I don't care. I am going to be with you forever. I don't need flowers and candlelight. I never expected the change to be all rainbows and puppies. I just...well...now that it is here...there's just so many things that have all of a sudden occurred to me." She sat up and I knew the wheels were now turning ferociously in that head of hers and stress began to invade her emotions.

"Like what?" I asked as she continued to remain silent. "Tell me, let me help alleviate the stress you are feeling."

"Well, what am I going to do with my apartment? What about my stuff? Can I go and get it? What about school and my job? I can't just disappear and now we are going to be here for so long. People will ask questions. God, Jasper. The last time Steven saw us, you were furious. What if he thinks you did something to me and that's why I disappeared? What if..." She continued to blurt out each thought as they came to her and raised herself to her knees as she turned to face me.

"We need to make sure that doesn't happen Jasper. What if he tells the police that he thinks you kidnapped me! What are we going to do?" Her vivid and creative imagination was getting the best of her.

Sitting up so that we were face to face, I cupped her soft warm cheeks in my hands, capturing her complete attention. "Bella, love, please relax. You are working yourself up over situations with simple fixes. Call your boss, tell him that you have decided to take an extended trip throughout Europe with your boyfriend. Sorry for the short notice for quitting, or something along those lines. Don't worry about your apartment or your lease for the time being. I will contact the law firm Carlisle and the rest of the family has used for years and have them make all the arrangements to have the lease paid for the year. We can have your stuff moved to storage and retrieve it later. We can even have your insurance money cashed out so you have access to it. Even though I have more than enough money and assets to last us decades, I will completely understand if you wish to have a sense of financial independence." I threw the last sentence in for her benefit as that would most likely be the next thing on her mind.

Bella visibly started to relax as she, obviously trusting my judgement and accepting the arrangements I would make in her behalf.

"Now, is there anyone you might want to speak with or let know that you will be out of contact for a while? You had mentioned Angela a few times. Will she be expecting to see you home at Christmas? What about Logan, do you think you might want to call him and tell him that you are leaving school so he also doesn't get suspicious?"

"Christmas." Bella whispered softly and the tears started welling again. "I would have been spending Christmas with Jacob and Billy."

"It's okay." Pulling Bella on to my lap, I began to softly rub her back, calming her with the motion as opposed to manufacturing one for her. "I can only imagine how hard this is for you, Bella and while I can feel what you are going through, it has been so long since I left my human family that it is hard for me to remember the anguish of letting go of my loved ones. This will be your first Christmas after the change and we will have to spend it in seclusion. However, I know you, your strong will and determination. I can almost guarantee that next year, you will be strong enough that we can spend Christmas anywhere in Italy your heart desires. Who knows, perhaps we can even convince Aro to let us take a trip."

"Will I be so out of control that I won't be able to even email them? Won't I be able to concentrate on simple things like that or will the bloodlust rule my every thought?"

"No, not at all. It's not like that at all. You will be able to communicate just as easily as you do now. I just think that before we do this, that you might want to speak with some of your friends… in case..." I stopped myself before I allowed the unthinkable to cross my lips. "Just so you can explain that you will be gone for a while. You will need to think about distancing yourself from people that you know you will never be able to see again. No matter how much control you have, there are people that you will have to cut out of your life. Remember, from this day forward, you will never age."

"Okay. I'll do it now then." She grudgingly agreed.

"Perfect." I pressed my lips to her warm forehead and lifted her off my lap. "I'll give you some privacy while you make your calls, what's more, I really need to clean up."

"You don't have to leave, Jasper. I have nothing to say during these calls that I wouldn't want you to hear. Besides, it's not like you won't be able to hear me anyhow." She smiled up at me.

Running my finger along her jaw line, I smiled down at her, loving her for not wanting to keep anything from me. "Bella, while I will be able to hear everything you say, there is a difference between actively listening in on your calls and inadvertently overhearing them. I want you to have your privacy."

She stepped off the bed and wrapped her arms around my waist pulling me into a tight embrace. "I love you, Jasper. You are always thinking of ways to make me happy and comfortable."

"I love you, too. Now, get your butt in gear and start making those calls." I playfully smacked her behind causing her to gasp in surprise at my playfulness.

"Yes sir!" She mocked me with a salute and picked up my phone, which she had earlier placed on the bed.

Kissing her one more time, I turned toward the washroom in order to leave her to her calls, still I was reluctant to leave her for even a moment. I had just sworn to never leave her for a second, but hunting did dictate that cleaning was necessary. I entered the washroom and thought back to a conversation I had with Bella before all this madness had happened, a conversation that I never completed. In my heart of hearts I knew that before I changed Bella, I had to come completely clean with her, lay everything out in the open as I could not allow information that I withheld from her to possibly damage our future together. What if it destroyed her trust in me? What if she wanted to leave me because of it? Seeing her reaction to Jacob's betrayal only amplified the need for me to come completely clean. Giving my head a shake, I looked at myself in the mirror, seeing the man that looked back at me. Bella loved _me_. She had told me several times, she had _shown_ me several times, I had no doubt of her emotions as I felt how genuine they were, however, that still didn't provide me with any idea of how she was going to react when I opened Pandora's box.

As I stood at the mirror and continued to stare at the man reflected back at me, I knew I could not waste another second being apart from Bella. I quickly washed up and made my way back into the main room. Bella was still on a call and looked up at me smiling as I sat down in one of the large gold armchairs. My eyes followed her every movement, watched her every expression as she spoke to the person on the other end of the line. I had no idea what she was saying, I blocked out the words as I watched her lips move, her eyes dance as she continued the conversation. She looked up, noticing that I was staring at her and walked over to me, settling on my lap and placing her legs across mine.

A profound feeling of relief immediately enveloped me as she settled her body against mine, leaning into me as she rested her head on my shoulder, her hand coming to rest on top of mine, which I had placed over her legs. She radiated nothing but complete happiness. It was not bothering her at all to have to say goodbye to whomever she was speaking with, no hesitation whatsoever to embark on our new journey together. This was right, this was just _so _right. She was meant to be in my arms. She was meant to be so comfortable with me and with me only. Absentmindedly, she rubbed her fingers along mine, tracing the empty veins that were visible through my cold pale skin. I continued to watch her as she spoke, her voice nothing but a beautiful murmur in the background.

Dread began to invade my thoughts. I knew the moment she finished her call, I'd have to come clean. Everything was finally coming together. I was going to change her. We were going to be together forever. But, this had to be done. I could not put it off any longer. Had I had the opportunity to tell her sooner, I would have, but things had moved at lightning speed over the course of the past few weeks that I just never could.

I barely knew what our feelings were for each other, let alone worry about the implications of Edward's feelings plus it seemed like each time I broached the subject, Bella managed to deflect it. However, now that we were at a point where there was no turning back, she had to know the truth.

Without thinking, I sighed out loud catching her attention. Her hand stilled as she took in my expression, which I was sure, had turned pretty grim. She smiled tentatively at me and I found myself unable to respond. Her eyes darkened and her mood immediately changed as she quickly ended her call.

"I missed you while you were in there." She smiled at me as she nodded toward the washroom. Leaning forward, she began to lightly pepper kisses all over my face, no doubt in an attempt to alter my very apparent mood change .

I hung on to the angel in my arms as she turned toward me and wrapped her legs around my waist so that she was now facing me directly. Moving forward to accommodate her legs as they settled behind me, she leaned back so she was able to look at me face to face. Her eyes burned into mine, waiting for me to say something to explain the mood shift, until I could bare it no longer and dropped my gaze from hers. Lowering my head, I rested my forehead against her chin. Her pulse immediate began to race as she began to fill with anxiety.

"What is going on?" She whispered. "You can tell me. You can tell me anything."

How do I do this? What words do I use to soften this conversation? My mind raced as scenarios popped up left, right and center, but I discarded each and every one. I didn't want to mess this up. It was rare that I was at a loss for words. Every conversation I had was always carefully thought out. Every word I said was meant to be spoken. It was very rare for me to wish something had never crossed my lips.

"Bella....I need to tell you something...I...I just don't know how to say it."

"Don't say it. Please, don't say it. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter." Her eyes were as wide as saucers as she pleaded with me, panic screaming out of every pore in her body.

"I have to...I can't go on any longer like this....." A strange sort of nausea swept over me. I looked down at the floor, not able to meet her eyes any longer. I opened my mouth to continue, but she interrupted me.

"No, no, no." She pushed herself off me, backing slowly away as her eyes scanned every inch of my face. Adrenaline kicked in and she began to shake her head back and forth. "I know that face. I've seen it before. It was burned into my memory. Only it isn't your face, it was Edward's, right before he left me. What is it? What is it that is so horrible?" She gasped as her hands flew to her face. "Did you change your mind? You don't want to do this? Do you…" Her voice faded out to gut wrenching whisper. "Oh god, Jasper… don't you… want me?"

Reaching out, I pulled her back onto my lap before she got too far away. Her emotions were running completely out of control and I held on to her for dear life. "God, no, that's not it. I will never _not_ want you. Please never, ever doubt that. I will love you for the rest of my life." I fully understood why she jumped to that conclusion. She was like a bride who had been left at the alter. Burned deeply. Then, as any new doubt came to her mind, she would return to that same place, that same situation and no matter how confident she was in my love, doubt would open up the grief she was left with and drag her back to the rim of that dark pit she had fallen into. All I could do was grasp at her, hold her and not let her fall. Right that second, I was failing her. "God, Bella, this is so hard and I'm doing a piss poor job of getting out what I want to say."

"What is it then? Jasper, you're really scaring me."

"There is something we need to discuss… before I change you. I need you to know now so you can be sure this is what you want, that you want to be with me."

"How could you doubt that? Jasper, you're in my heart, in my soul." I could feel her rampant waves of emotion begin to settle as if no matter what I had to say, nothing would ever change between us. "I'll never _not_ want you, either. Please never, ever doubt that. I'll love you for the rest of my life. For the rest of eternity." She smiled up at me as she threw my words back at me. "Now, what could be so bad that you have to tell me now instead of later, hmm?" Her fingers brushed my cheek sending a calming sensation throughout my body. "Is this about the pain? Because I can handle it. I'm tougher than I look."

"It's Edward." I said as I took an unnecessary deep breath, Bella's scent soothing my nerves. However, the moment I said his name, I felt Bella tense, a feeling of apprehension crept through her.

"What about him?" She said through clenched teeth.

"I need to be completely honest and tell you that you have been totally wrong about his feelings for you and I haven't been truthful in letting you think that way."

"What are you talking about?"

_Here we go._, I steeled my nerves as I said the next sentence. "He still loves you Bella and he always will."


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50 **

"What are you doing?" She demanded as she clung to my arms, afraid that I might try to walk away from her. "Is this some sort of sick way to push me away?" Confusion ran through her as she looked up at me, begging me with her eyes to explain.

"No, never. Please believe me, I will never push you away. I just want you to go into this with your eyes wide open, absolutely nothing left unsaid between us that might come back and haunt us later. No secrets. You need to know this. I've been trying to tell you and you kept refusing to listen to me, but this has to come out. I can't go through with what needs to be done tonight without you knowing everything. My conscience needs to be clear so that I know you are with me because you know everything, and still have no doubts. Edward never stopped loving you. I don't know what he said to you in the forest to make you believe that he didn't love you anymore, but he was lying."

The horrendous pain that crashed through her felt, to me, like a dagger being rammed into my gut. Was the pain because she remembered what she went through or because she now knew he still loved her and she still had feelings for him? My mind raced over all the scenarios she might be thinking.

"I don't know what you are trying to do Jasper, but you can stop this nonsense right now. Edward doesn't love me, he didn't love me, he told me. Why would he lie? What purpose would it serve to hurt me in such a manner? What are you doing? Why are you doing this?" Feelings of anger at my revelation were quickly now taking over whatever pain she may have felt. Anger and… desperation.

"Bella, the last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you or cause you pain. Please take this as my solemn vow to you that I will spend the rest of eternity ensuring your happiness, but I need to be with you with a completely clear conscious. I have absolutely no doubt of your love for me, none whatsoever. But, I can't allow you to continue to think that Edward didn't love you, that he _still_ doesn't love you. I know that the love you feel for me is deeper than anything you ever felt for Edward. I can _feel_ that. But, you need to know the truth, the whole truth, as I understand it.

She looked up at me and nodded in understanding. "Go on then." She said hesitantly.

"As I've explained to you before, once a vampire falls in love and commits to someone, it is a bond that is unbreakable unless the two mates wish it to be broken. Edward was in great turmoil after what happened with James. He completely blamed himself for putting you in that danger and never forgave himself for it. He lived with that guilt every minute and it laid heavily on him."

"No." She interrupted as she shook her head. "You're wrong, he got over that. He did, he swore he did." She whispered.

Taking Bella by the hand, I led her to the bed and sat down, pulling her with me and settling her on my lap. "He lied."

"Shocking." Bella replied sarcastically.

"Bella..."I knew she was angry, but I didn't want this to now seem like I was trying to make him out to be a bad guy. "Edward never got over it. He debated for hours on end with Carlisle about how your safety was forever going to be at risk if he were to remain in your life. Alice had tried to talk him into forgiving himself and to not do anything stupid. However, like in most things, once a vampire makes a decision, it is set in stone. We do not make take matters such as these lightly and we stick to whatever decisions we make."

She nodded as she silently encouraged me to continue by stroking her fingers along the veins in my hands.

"After my horrendous lack of control at your birthday party, it only solidified Edward's belief that you were in constant danger if you remained in his life as a human. He never wanted you to change and lose your humanity. I'm so sorry Bella, but I truly believe it was my actions that led him to leave you. My behaviour finally convinced him that you would never be safe as a human in a vampire world. In _his_ world. He couldn't even keep you safe from members of his own family! He left you because he loved you, not because he didn't. He sacrificed his happiness to ensure that you would live a long and normal life, as a human." Stopping for a moment to judge her emotions, I felt it okay to continue when she remained quiet though biting her lower lip as if to hold back whatever she wanted to say. She looked at me expectantly encouraging me in her own way to go on clearly realizing I had more to say.

"I am so sorry for keeping this from you. I've wanted to tell you for so long, but we seemed to get off track every time I brought it up. I'll understand if you can't forgive me for not telling you sooner, but please know, I never had any intention of keeping this from you. I would never have allowed you to go through the change without knowing that I was the cause of all the hurt that you've been through. It is important to me that no matter what, you want to be with me because you are completely sure and have no doubts whatsoever. There is nothing that can ever come between us, now that you know everything. Just please, know that I love you, I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love another and will spend the rest of eternity making this up to you. "

The anger that ripped through her was so quick that I barely had time to brace myself before she exploded off my lap. "Make it up to me? Why on earth would you have to make anything up to me? Don't you dare put Edward's leaving me on yourself. I never want to hear you say those words again. He left me because he loved me? Bullshit! Is that what he told you? That is a joke if I've ever heard one. If he loved me he would have stayed with me, protected me, he would have wanted to change me and be with me forever. He never did any of those things! If that is his version of love, well, thank you very much, but I don't want it and I'm glad he left! Sacrificed his happiness? Oh, the poor baby. Screw him! What about my happiness? Maybe if he broke up with me like an adult and explained his side of things, told me he was leaving me because he loved me, but didn't want to change me or thought his world was too dangerous for me, I might have reacted differently. Instead, he ripped out my heart, destroyed every ounce of self confidence I had and left me completely confused and filled with self doubt."

Anger, I decided, was a very good emotion for Bella to have. It was an emotion she couldn't hold onto or keep up for any length of time. I knew from past experiences with her, she would burn herself out quickly as she ranted and would eventually talk herself down to a reasonable level. I just didn't know if we had the time it might take for her to come to grips with all that she was having to work through before Aro and his guard came to the door demanding her change. All I could hope for was her acceptance of the truth… because the last thing I wanted was an audience.

Bella's eyes never left mine as her heated words poured out, but I could feel the change in her emotions, see the anger dissolve into something else, something heart wrenching on her sweet face. Finally, I heard the strangled sigh in her breath.

"God, I doubted EVERYTHING after he left me. I couldn't believe anything anymore. I was so convinced that he loved me and wanted to be with me that when he broke up with me the way that he did, he smashed my reality into pieces. Why would he do that? Why couldn't he just be honest? What he did was the act of a coward. He took the easy way out for himself and obliterated my entire world. I thought I was incapable of being loved, that no one would love me. He made me feel like I was worth nothing to him, or anyone else. He had tired of me like I was some… toy. He...." She stopped speaking abruptly and swore under her breath as she clenched her fists at her sides. I knew that she had to work through these emotions as well, and every question that she was spitting out was rhetorical. She needed to discover her feelings and decide how she was going to move forward. Anticipation for her reaction toward me for keeping quiet about this for so long, was like a weight hanging in my empty chest. She would get to her feelings about that sooner or later, but the wait was agonizing. The only thing I could do was sit back and pray she would forgive me for not telling her sooner.

"And Charlie...." She stopped and brought her hands up to her face. "What I put him through all because...because of what Edward did, the things he said...I was nothing but a shell when Charlie died. My father never saw me happy again. For that, well...for that I will never forgive him."

She paced back and forth in front of me and I watched as she worked through her feelings, which in typical Bella fashion, were changing by the second. She stopped abruptly and whirled to face me. She opened her mouth twice as if she were about to say something but stopped herself and continued pacing. Quietly, I sat on the bed and let her emotions play out. When she was ready, she would speak.

She slowed her pacing until she came to a stop directly in front of me. Placing her hands on my knees, she spread my legs and walked between them until she pressed up against me. She then brought her hands up to my face, tilting my head slightly so we were eye to eye. "You listen to me Jasper Whitlock and you listen good." She said, attempting to use menace, but the effect was the exact opposite and I fought back a smile that threatened to curl my lips.

"This is a perfect example of what an amazing man you are. I have no doubt that _others_ would have kept this from me, decided that I was better off not knowing Edward still loved me or chance that I might not want to be with them anymore once I found out the truth. But you? No, not you. The fact that you took the leap of faith to tell me shows me just how much you love me." She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"I don't care if Edward still loves me. He made his decision and he must live with that. I've dealt with the consequences of it and now he must as well. I would never discount my feelings or insult him by saying that I never loved him or that I thought I did, but it was just puppy love. No, I did love him, deeply, and it gutted me beyond comprehension when he left me, but you're correct when you say what I feel for you goes far deeper than any feelings I ever had for him. You have taught me what real love is, what loving someone for themselves is truly like. For once in my life, I have someone who loves me for me, for who I am and all the crazy idiosyncrasies that come with me. You let me make my mistakes, you let me feel my wild emotions, you allow me to be me whether you agree with me or not and that shows me how much you love me. You don't treat me like a child or tell me I am being ridiculous when my emotions spin out of control. Never once have you ever tried to change anything about me. You love me just as I am and for that, I am eternally grateful and eternally yours."

Pressing my forehead between her breasts, I silently thanked my lucky stars for his heavenly woman. "Whatever did I do to deserve you? You have taken my soul, repaired the broken pieces of me and given me a whole new life, one I never thought possible. No matter what happens, I will always be yours."

"Jasper… I was just about to tell you the same thing." A sudden smile brightened her lovely face. "I'm the lucky one here. As far as I'm concerned, I'm getting the sweet end of the lollipop. And should, at some point, Edward come back into our lives, it won't matter. Will it be awkward? Hell yes, but will it in any way have an impact on my feelings for you? No, never." She pressed her lips to the top of my head as she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her tiny body, enveloping me with her love, making me feel like I was being hugged by someone three times my size.

"How about we agree that we are both extremely lucky to have found one another?" I whispered as my lips traced along the edge of her neckline, thankful that we had made it through the conversation that I had dreaded having for so long.

"Agreed." She said as she sat down on my lap and shifted herself until she was facing slightly toward me. At that angle, her backside pressed against the pocket of my jeans and the article that was inside. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me. "Why Jasper, is that something in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" She teased.

"Very funny." I laughed as I shifted her forward, allowing my hand to access my pants pocket and then, I pulled out the tiny dark blue velvet box that she had sat on. Placing the box in her hand, her heart rate immediately shot up and anxiety spiked through her system.

"This is for you." I whispered as I closed my hand around hers and the box that laid within it.

"What is it for?" She asked nervously.

"Just open it and see." I encouraged.

Slowly, she opened the box as if she were afraid it might explode when the item in encased was fully revealed. Her beautiful brown eyes widened and then immediately filled with tears and she gasped when the box was finally opened. Inside lay a ring with four rows of tiny diamonds. The top and bottom rows were slightly curved, wrapping around the entire ring. The middle two rows rose and fell in waves.

"Is this...this isn't a marriage proposal is it?"

I had to laugh out loud from the way she choked on her words. I knew very well her feelings toward marriage and even in the moment, she did not attempt to hide them, emotionally or verbally.

"No love, this isn't about marriage." I shifted her off my lap and placed her on the bed. Turning to face her, I got down on one knee and her hands immediately flew to my shoulders as if she were trying to stop me from going any further. Again, I could not help but chuckle at her reaction to what she thought was happening. Sure, she could chase down and face a psychopathic vampire out for revenge, fight off a crazy co-worker, be kidnapped and flown thousands of miles to face the head of the vampire royalty, endure an involuntary death… but no, she couldn't handle the thought of a marriage proposal.

"Bella, relax, it isn't what you think it is. I saw the ring in the window of a shop on my return and I had to buy it for you. It's an eternity ring."

"An eternity ring?" She repeated as her nerves relaxed somewhat.

"Yes. See how the four rows of diamonds go around the entire band?" I asked as she nodded in response. "There is no beginning and no end to the ring. I thought it was perfect as each row represents us and our future together. The outside rows reflect our love for each other, always steady and continuous. The two middles rows that curve reflect our life and how through all the ups and downs, we will remain together, side by side, for all eternity."

"Jasper." She gasped as tears began to roll down her face. "That is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard in my life. I am so sorry! I almost ruined the moment."

"You could never do such a thing… unless you told me you did not want to spend eternity with me."

"Those words will never cross my lips, _ever_. You have captured my entire soul Jasper Whitlock, and I am going to spend the rest of this life and the next ensuring that I do everything in my power to make you feel as loved and as cherished as you have made me feel. When Victoria brought me here, I was convinced that I was never going to see you again and I wished that I had more time with you, more time to be sure that you knew just how much I love you, just how much you have healed me and made me whole again. I'll never allow another day to pass me by without telling you how much I love you, how much I need you and how nothing means anything if I cannot share it with you. With everything that's happened, I know now that I can't live without you, I can't exist without you." She lowered her forehead, touching mine, tears still cascading down her flushed cheeks, spilling on to my face so it felt like I was crying with her. Her tears were the tears I could never shed, her words reflected everything I wanted to say.

"Bella, from this moment on, you will never go a day without knowing my feelings for you. I will never allow a moment to pass where you do not know how much I love you, how much I need you in my life. I am also nothing without you. Being without you and thinking that there may have been a possibility that I would never see you again gutted me in a way that I have never experienced before. I will spend the rest of eternity ensuring that neither one of us ever feels that way again. Nothing and no one will ever tear us apart as we are now one. There is no beginning and no ending to the depths of our feelings, to the joining of our souls. I am yours forever, Bella. Forever and always." Reaching up toward her so that my lips kissed each tear that continued to fall down her face, she opened her eyes to look at me and I was immediately lost in how much love was reflected in those gorgeous brown pools.

"Forever and always." She repeated.


	51. Author's Note

Hi everyone!

Sorry to get your hopes up by posting but this isn't Chapter 51!!

There have been so many comments about the ring that Jasper gave Bella in Chapter 50 that I thought I'd post a picture of it on my profile site.

I have no idea how to set it up as a link so I've just changed my profile picture. The ring is actually mine and it was my 10th wedding anniversary gift from my husband and I couldn't resist using it for the story. He picked it out himself and totally surprised me with it so thank you to everyone that has commented on it.

Also, I wanted to let those of you who haven't read my profile before (or since I changed it) know that my beta, Stupid Shiny Volvo Driver, makes the most amazing bookmarks that are character themed towards many of our favourite books (Twilight, Black Dagger Brotherhood, Midnight Breed, etc). So, please check them out by clicking on the link that I have provided on the profile site.

Thanks again to everyone that keeps reading and reviewing!!

Janna


	52. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

It was time. We were ready to take that final leap, that last move to solidify our eternity together. Taking a deep breath, I slowly shifted so I was on both knees, my hands moving slowly from her knees to her upper thighs. Looking into her gorgeous brown eyes, I knew there was nothing left to say. We had declared our love for one another, we knew that there would never be anyone else. We would to be together forever. We were meant to be. Nothing had gone unsaid. We had finally covered everything from our past that needed to be discussed and it was time to let it go and live for our future.

Our future. Together.

My hands made their way to her waist, my thumbs moving in their incessant slow circles, a habit I knew I had, but couldn't stop from doing. She slowly lifted her arms to place them on top of mine.

"Is it..."

"Yes, it's time." I answered before she finished her question. Reaching up to lightly brush my lips against hers, I let go of the breath I had been holding. Her body immediately relaxed as my breath washed over her like a lover's caress.

"You are dazzling me, Jasper Whitlock." She smiled as I again brushed my lips against hers.

"Ah, that's where you are wrong. You constantly dazzle me with every little thing that you do." I pushed her hair back off her face, then slowly ran my fingers down her arms until they met up with her delicate hands. Leaning forward again, I lightly teased her lips until she smiled slightly, allowing me to tempt her with a brief flick of my tongue. She immediately pressed forward and responded eagerly.

Slowly backing away from her mouth, I smiled as she immediately pouted in response. I snaked an arm underneath her legs while the other went around her back. With little effort, I picked her up off the edge of the bed and moved her to the middle. She laid back, her rich shiny hair spread out in a fan above her head, causing a wave of her beautiful freesia scent to wash over me. Stopping for a moment to inhale deeply, her heart rate accelerated. She knew she was moments away from her impending human death.

I placed one knee on each side of her body, effectively straddling her as I undid the button of her pants and then slowly lowered the zipper. Each tooth of the mechanism letting go seemed to be as loud as someone shouting in my ear as each click registered in my head. Bella voluntarily raised her hips as I tugged her pants off her legs and placed them on the floor. There was nothing hurried or frantic about any of my movements. I wanted to emit calmness and be as gentle as I possibly could even though I was dying inside. My nerves were as tight as they could possibly be and I thought that I would shatter into a million pieces at any given moment.

I continued to fill the room with gentle serene emotions and then proceeded to lightly touch Bella's bare feet, massaging them gently. She smiled at me and remained silent as I lightly moved my way up to her ankles. Her pale calves were next as I leaned forward and kissed each one individually. One leg automatically bent in response to my touch, which allowed me to kiss along her upper thigh until I reached the top of her leg and worked my way out to her hip.

The moment my lips touched her hipbone, she bucked in response and giggled as I nipped her lightly knowing how sensitive she was in that particular area. My hands walked their way to her waist and grabbed on to the edge of her top, slowly working it up, baring her flat stomach in the process. Now that my body was within reach of her hands, she responded in kind by taking a hold of my shirt and pulling it over my head. I pushed off of her and removed each arm from the confines of the material and dropped it on the growing pile of clothes on the floor. She slowly sat up so that I could then remove her top, leaving her in just her bra and panties.

My breath caught at the beauty before me, the sight of her so willingly giving herself to me, so confident in her decision that I found I was hardly having to manipulate her emotions at all. A lump formed in my throat as I realized, yet again, how lucky I was that she chose me. That she wanted to spend the rest of eternity with me. If it were at all possible for me to cry, I knew I would not be able to fight back the tears that so desperately wanted to form. Was I a fool for thinking I couldn't do this? I wanted nothing more than to have her by my side for the rest of time and the fact that she trusted me not to fail her provided me with all the confidence I needed.

The removal of her top had caused her hair to fall forward around her shoulders, hiding her breasts from my view. I reached around her back and found the clasp of her bra, easily undoing it with a quick gesture. My fingers made their way to her shoulders and took hold of the straps, slowly easing them down her arms until I had completely removed the article from her body. I brushed her hair back off her shoulders so that nothing was hiding her beautiful body from my view.

Without speaking, Bella raised her eyebrows at me and looked down at my pants, which I still wore. I moved off the bed and turned back toward her just as she was reaching over to me. Her hands met the waistband of my jeans as they leisurely undid the button and worked down the zipper in the exact manner as I had just done to hers. She looked up at me from beneath her long lashes, giving her a sultry kittenish appearance, which immediately had my body responding to her in several other ways. She had no idea how sexy she was, which only amplified the fact that she was the sexiest woman I had ever laid eyes on.

No longer being able to help myself, I leaned forward and gently kissed a breast while taking the other in the palm of my hand. I pushed forward causing Bella to lie back on the bed. Not wanting her breast that was encased in my hand to feel neglected, I made my way across her chest and placed several tender kisses on that side as well. Her hands made their way into my hair and pulled me up to her mouth.

We slowly kissed each other for what felt like hours, touching and caressing every inch of bare skin that we could. Each kiss deeper and longer than the next until Bella had to break away and gasp for air. Though I wanted her to become a vampire and be my physical equal more than anything I had ever wanted or desired in my entire existence, I did not want to rush this moment. Each caress, every kiss, sound and movement we made together was like a dance of synchronicity as if we had been lovers for years instead of just for such a short period of time. I burned it into my memory, never wanting to forget this moment, not wanting to rush through it in anxiety or for fear of the task that loomed before me.

Her hands came up and cupped my face as she looked deep into my eyes and I felt a slight tinge of apprehension.

"Will it hurt for..." She tentatively started to ask.

"Long? Yes, but I will do everything I can to help you through it. Will you let me do that? Let me help you?" I asked as I placed my hands over hers, the warmth of which had spread across my face and was now seeping into my hands. She nodded in response to my questions as I weaved my fingers through hers. She had no idea what I had planned in order to get her through the change, but the fact that she gave me permission to help her through it was good enough for now.

I lightly pushed her back on the bed, covering her skin with mine, relishing every inch of her body that touched mine, causing me to immediately warm at every point. I raised her arms and anchored them over her head, causing her back to arch toward me. With my free hand, I brushed my fingers along her arm and down her side to rest my hand on her hip. My head came down to kiss along her jaw line, my lips making their way along her flesh until they finally came to her throat.

"Will you miss..." She started to whisper.

"Your warmth?" I asked as she nodded slightly in response. "While I do love your temperature, I think you will be pleasantly surprised by the feeling of our skin touching one another once you are changed. Giving up your current body temperature is easy compared to what I will be getting in return."

She audibly swallowed in nervousness as I continued across her throat and lightly brushed my lips over her shoulder, releasing her hands and bringing one arm down so that I could continue my travels to her wrist.

"Promise me, you won't.."

"Leave you? Never. I will be here for every second while you go through this and for every second thereafter. You will never be alone again. As long as I exist, I will be by your side, loving you."

She smiled up at me, her free hand again coming to rest against my cheek.

"I want you to know… I'm not..."

"Afraid?" I finished for her as she smiled at how in tune we were. "I know. You are the most courageous woman I've ever met. It is one of the many reasons I love you so completely, so entirely."

I turned my head toward the wrist which was currently resting in front of my face and lowered my lips to her skin. I slowly licked the surface as my lips covered the vein and gently sucked to bring it to the surface. Using my vampire speed, I sunk my teeth into the soft flesh and pulled her blood into my mouth then, pumped venom back into the vein.

Without allowing myself to register the delectable taste of her blood as it coated my mouth and ran down my throat, I moved to the inside of her elbow and repeated the bite at the bend in her arm. Quickly moving across her body, I mirrored the bites on her other arm which I had lowered down from above her head.

"Oh!" She gasped as her mind registered what had just happened as her eyes would barely have been able to track it.

Moving up her body, I arrived at her neck, which she exposed to me by turning her head away from my face. The gesture proving her trust in me was limitless and her faith unwavering as she offered herself to me. Had I been standing, her belief in me would have brought me to my knees. Her willingness to undergo the torture of the next few days and remain at my side for all eternity provided me with every bit of confidence I would ever need. It felt like I could accomplish anything, nothing would ever hold me back from whatever I wanted to achieve. Bella would always have faith in me, she would always be with me to encourage, support and love me no matter what obstacles came our way. Though being a vampire meant that physically there were no limits to what we could achieve, the mental support she would provide, that we would provide one another, would obliterate any negative feelings or obstacles and I knew, _I just knew_, together, we would be undefeatable. Leaning my forehead against the column of her neck, I braced myself as I began to absorb the pain that had already started to pulse through her veins from my venom she had received from the first few bites.

"It doesn't hurt as much as it did before… with James." She whispered.

"No love, it won't." My jaw clenched as the pain took over every inch of my being. Before it became too much, I knew I had to deliver the final bite.

"Why? Wouldn't your venom be the same?" She murmured as I manipulated her emotional state so she was completely relaxed. I couldn't help smiling to myself as even moments before her human death, her curiosity was insatiable.

"Ssshh." I whispered into her ear. "I'll take care of you as best I can, just close your eyes and go to sleep." I promised as her eyes drifted closed and her breathing began to slow. "I love you, Bella. I will love you forever. When you wake, I will be here, waiting for you." I whispered as I rubbed my thumb along her jugular, bringing it to the surface. At the same time, I manipulated Bella's emotional state to one of complete exhaustion so that she would fall into a deep sleep.

"Mmmm, I love you, Jasper." She responded just as my teeth broke through the skin and the rush of blood filled my mouth. As I drank deeply from her neck, I continued to lull her into a deep sleep, replacing her pain with feelings of overwhelming drowsiness. As her breathing became laboured and deeper, I forced myself to stop drinking and pushed venom into her system. Once I had completed the exchange, I fell back onto the bed, unable to move from the pain I continued to absorb from her and exchange with feelings of contentment so she stayed in her slumber.

Now that the fatal bites had been delivered, I inspected each bite to make sure they had healed over. Only then, did I allow myself a moment to feel Bella's blood flowing through my system.

There are no words to describe how I was feeling at that exact moment. Sure, I'd been exposed to Bella's blood before. When we entered the dance studio in Phoenix, it was all that I could smell, but the rage at what James had done took over every instinct I had. Then, at her wretched birthday party, that life altering moment when she sliced her finger when opening her gifts. Just that one precious drop of blood hit the air and I lost all control. That's when it first really registered with me that I had to have it. Then Edward made the catastrophic mistake of pushing her out of my way, causing her to cut herself badly, and the scent was my undoing. Thinking back at how my family had to restrain me from killing her had me feeling so ashamed. It still hung in the back of my mind… knowing how Bella's touch affected me, would I have killed her then? How ironic was it that now, here I lay beside Bella, whose very blood I had desired so intensely at that particular moment in our past, was now coursing through my system and I didn't feel the slightest bit out of control.

What I felt was pure power, the power of knowing that no matter what, she was going to make it through this. The worst was over, I stopped drawing her blood and I didn't kill her. Now I just had to wait out the change. I felt euphoric. Her blood was coursing through my system as if it were on fire. Closing my eyes, a kaleidoscope of colours burst behind my eyelids as if I were watching my own personal fireworks. Every inch of me felt like the fourth of July. Never before had I ever had such a reaction to someone's blood. I couldn't count the number of humans I had turned during the war and never did anyone's blood make me feel this way. I was high, there was no other way to explain it, a rush of emotions ran through me as the warmth made me feel human again.

I couldn't help but think about Edward and what a fool he was for not wanting to change her, for not wanting to spend the rest of eternity with someone as precious as her. Her love and devotion was a gift, a gift that was to be treasured and worshipped and he threw it away. He was an utter and complete fool. While Bella's blood was like nothing that I had ever encountered before, it did not sing to me in the way that it did to Edward. Now knowing what it was like to taste her, to have her essence completely taking over my body, I could not imagine what it would have been like for Edward. However, those thoughts about Edward were fleeting because it no longer mattered, it was never supposed to be him and it would never be him.

Before I lost myself completely in the amazing feeling of Bella's blood running through my body, I again concentrated on her pain and pulled it into myself. Her blood helped ease the torture and cushion the excruciating torment I was now experiencing. With every bit of willpower I had left in me, I moved my aching body to stretch out behind Bella, pulling her against me so we were touching at every possible point, spooning one another so that I could wrap my arms around her body and hold her close to me.

The constant touch was a reminder to not let go of my control of our emotions, to continue to take on her pain and replace it so she was as comfortable as I could make her during this horrendous process. The warmth of her blood working its way through my system was a continuous reminder that she had my cold poisonous venom coursing through hers and providing me with all the incentive I needed to stay focused and ensure that she made it through the change with as little pain as possible.

She did not know that I was going to do this as I knew her, she would never allow it. I was sure there would be hell to pay once she woke up, but until then, I would lay here, in agony for her and count every second until that moment arrived. I would gladly accept whatever punishment she would dish out as it meant she was through the change, I had kept her from feeling it and she was now with me, forever, as a vampire. Hmmm, perhaps that punishment could be kinky now that we had no boundaries. _Focus, Jasper, focus!_

I would spend the rest of my days never having to worry about hurting her, never having to fight my urge to do exactly what I just did, bite into her luscious throat and feel her blood warm my entire body. The pain aside, I would never forget the feeling or the taste of Bella and while it was the most amazing thing to have ever touched my taste buds, it was nothing compared to the gift waiting for me at the end of the three days of torture. Bella would wake up and we would begin our eternity together. It didn't matter to me that it wasn't as I had hoped, that we were stuck here for over a decade, serving the Volutri. We would be together and nothing and no one else mattered because finally we had found each other and had healed one another completely.

For a brief moment, panic crept into my thoughts. What if she didn't love me as much once she was turned? I immediately shook that thought from my head. It was ridiculous for me to have any self doubt where Bella was concerned. She agreed to be changed _for me_, she was going to stay in Italy, while I served my sentence, _for me_, we were going to leave here and spend the rest of time together. She was now armed with the knowledge that Edward loved her and would always love her and yet she chose me. _Me_.

We had bared ourselves to each other in every possible way and declared our love for one another. Though my giving her the eternity ring was not a marriage proposal, the words we spoke to one another were as good as vows and that was enough for me. It wouldn't bother me if we never actually married. A piece of paper would not make us married, the words we spoke to one another solidified everything I ever needed to hear and stood for everything a marriage represented. Our souls were forged together as one. Each soul healing the other so intensely and thoroughly that it was hard to determine where wounds previously existed. No paper would ever reflect the deepness of emotion that we felt for one another or would bind us any stronger than how our actions would. Doubting and second guessing had no room here, ever.

Time slowed to a crawl as each shudder that ripped through her body as the venom slowly killed her caused me to push the calming emotions into her and take the pain within myself. My jaw was clenched as tight as I could possibly manage it, each burst of pain causing me to grind my teeth in order to handle the pain without hurting her. By the time her transition was complete, there would be nothing left of my teeth other than nubs due to the friction they were undergoing.

Pulling her even closer, I wrapped one arm under her head while the other snaked around her waist, pulling her back until not even air would have managed to get between us. My hand splayed across her warm stomach and she responded by curling tighter into a ball and held on to me. Knowing that she was somewhat comfortable made the pain I was experiencing almost disappear. I would endure anything for her, anything at all. These next three days would be nothing, not even a blip in the amount of time that we now had to spend together.

A sharp intake of breath from Bella and her hand grasping tighter onto mine let me know that while she was experiencing some discomfort, it was nowhere near what she would have been going through had I not been able to absorb most it for her. I easily substituted her pain with more pleasant feelings. Never had I been more grateful for my powers than in this exact moment.

Her long silky hair had become tangled around my arms, against my chest and over my neck. I leaned forward, closing my eyes and inhaled deeply. Allowing myself to get lost in her scent, which had become even stronger as my venom quickly began to change the chemical balance within her. There was nothing in this world that I loved more than Bella's scent. Closing my senses to everything other than the woman I held tightly in my arms, I remained buried in her hair, continually supplying Bella with comfort while I remained absolutely still, pulling her pain from her and taking it within myself.

As the time slowly passed, each hour crawling as night turned to day and then to night again and again, her pain finally began to dissipate. We had not been disturbed by any of the Volturi and I had no doubt they knew quite well that Bella's quiet and uneventful change had quite a bit to do with my powers. I had spent every moment thinking of how I would cherish every second with her. How I would take her everywhere her heart desired and never have her want for anything. Sure, she'd fight me on most of it as she would never want me to be the sole financial provider in our relationship, but the art of negotiation was one that I'd be glad to teach her and I am sure we would work out some sort of compromise. The thought of some of the deals I'd be able to broker with Bella in exchange for her allowing me to treat her the way I wanted had a smile curling my lips through the minimal amount of pain that still resided.

The moment was nearing where she would wake, we had remained spooned together in the same position throughout the entire change and I managed to keep her from feeling most of it. For the first time since I became a vampire, I actually felt exhausted. Every part of my body felt sore and abused, but it was well worth it. I would go through pain a thousand times more excruciating than what I just experienced if it meant that I would have Bella at the end of it.

I could feel the changes in her body as the venom completed its hostile takeover of her system. The moment was nearing where no longer would I have to be careful with her, I could love her with abandon, make love to her without a moment's worry that I'd hurt her or cause her any pain. God, just thinking about it caused my lower region to stand up and nudge her to see if she had finished the change and was ready to wake up.

Bella was a sensual and sexual being as a human, a characteristic that I know she was surprised to have discovered and I was more than thrilled to be the sole explorer of that uncharted territory. As a vampire, she would no doubt be just as insatiable and, more than likely, more adventurous since we no longer had any physical boundaries to limit us. The anticipation for further discoveries started to erase the remaining soreness I was experiencing and exhilaration began to creep through my body.

Her eyelids began to flutter and the anticipation was almost unbearable as I waited for her to come to full awareness. The calm that spread throughout the room as the pain completely disappeared from both of us was like dawn breaking over the horizon. It was calm, beautiful and serene. Though it was unnecessary, I sucked in a breath and held it as I waited for her to fully awaken and take in her surroundings for the first time as a vampire.

She started to stretch her new body, the changes in which I had not bothered to register as my eyes were locked on her face, waiting for the moment when she would turn around and see me for the first time. Her eyes remained closed as her hand found its way to mine, which still laid across her stomach as it had for the past three days. She weaved her fingers through mine and squeezed, almost painfully. Something I had failed to remember through all the pain… she would be stronger than me for at least a year. The change in her body temperature did not go unnoticed either, however my focus remained on her face. I wanted her eyes to open and to meet mine. Then, and only then, would I be able to relax.

As if I had willed it, she slowly turned in my arms, her free hand feeling its way up to my face where it rested on my cheek, which she cupped before finally opening her eyes. Her red gaze steadily meeting mine and she immediately smiled, melting away all my anxiety while the warmth from her gaze spread throughout my entire body.

"Jasper… My love." She whispered as she reached up and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"My love." I replied as I kissed her back. The feeling of our first kiss created an explosion of emotions through me. There was no need to be careful. I would not break her and, as if she, heard my thought, she pressed herself to me and pushing me back, rolling on top of me, kissing me with an intensity that I had never experienced from her.

She broke the kiss and pulled back from me, her hands framing both sides of my face as she continued to stare into my eyes. No words needed to be said. I knew from looking into her eyes that never again would darkness be a part of our lives. From here on, it would be nothing but pure and glorious light that our mended souls and our deep love would provide to one another, for all of eternity.


End file.
